Desperate Reflections
by Dracoqueen22
Summary: A note to readers! AxelRoxas, RikuSora. Death is not the end the heart is intangible, its existence perpetual. A Nobody finds new life. Fleeting glimpses of a past he should not remember haunt him as he yearns for what once was. Lime, Character De
1. Winged Repentance

Axel/Roxas, Riku/Sora. Death is not the end. The heart is intangible, its existence perpetual. A Nobody finds new life. Fleeting glimpses of a past he should not remember haunt him as he yearns for what once was, refusing to allow what may be. AU, Xover, Yaoi, Lemon, Angst

A/N: This is not AU. It takes place in a new world within the Kingdom Hearts universe. Obviously, there were more than Sora and co. discovered. With the addition of the character Vincent, it is somewhat a crossover except that the Vincent presented here is not the same as the Final Fantasy VII universe, just as those in KH have a different story than their prospective universes. Expect some OOC as this is only my second attempt at a KH2 fanfiction. I've done a lot of research to make this as accurate as possible within the plot line, but any pointers would be appreciated. Also, this was a request fic from one of my readers.

**Chapter 1: Winged Repentance**

Everything hurt. His bones, his muscles. His skin felt raw and blistered, eyes refusing to open and agony ripping through him. He was lying down, face to the ground, feeling as if he had fallen from a great distance, only to collide nose first with the rocky soil beneath him. Oh, and the grass, mustn't forget that.

To make matters worse, it was raining as well.

He blinked, trying to lift an arm and push himself up. But his vision was blurry, and his body shook, trembling violently. He hurt. By Kami, he hurt. And for everything in the world, no matter how much he searched, he couldn't remember why or where he was. A brief flash of insight, and suddenly, he knew his person.

Axel… the name whispered across his subconscious, echoing in his ears, pounding through his skull. And a memory… something fleeting, slipping easily through his fingers as if he grasped at spilling sand.

After another moment of the rain beating upon his back, sucking what little warmth remained in his battered form, he struggled to turn over. Axel fought his way through a haze of pain to do so, wincing with each fractured movement. He attempted to push his beaten body off the increasingly muddy ground and somehow executed a half-sitting position, managing to peer about.

The place was unfamiliar. An open field of thick grass with glimpses of a city or town in the distance, stone and glass gleaming faintly. The sky above was grey, almost formless as the rain fell; there was no sun, or so it appeared. He looked down at himself, mud and pieces of vegetation stuck to his clothing… but no blood. He wore leather, all dark black. Almost cultish.

Why the hell did he hurt so badly? And why couldn't he remember anything?

His head ached, a stab of pain striking across his eyes, and he winced, one hand coming to his head where he briefly registered black fabric, thick and leathery, completely covering the entire appendage. Even his hands were gloved.

Flashes… brief flashes of memory, too quick to tell. Metal warmed from his touch twice over, grown leaden in his hand. A smell, acrid, bitter yet welcome, familiar. Words floating on a sea of obscurity… 'I'd miss you'. But nothing tangible, nothing he could grasp a hold of or cling to, nothing to grant him comfort in the sudden loneliness that assaulted him.

Axel groaned, another shooting pain striking through him, this time through his gut, and he realized somewhat belatedly that he was starving, as if he hadn't eaten in years. With a sigh, he gathered what little energy he had and pushed himself to his feet, wobbling on unsteady legs. The city didn't appear to be far away; perhaps he could find someone willing to take pity on him. A brief pat down of his form assured him that he was without wallet or munny.

Slumping against the weariness in his back and swaying slightly from a dizzy spell that assailed him, Axel stumbled forward, determined to discover something, anything about his location or his reason. His steps felt heavy, leaden, and he looked down, finding he wore thick, black leather boots that were already coated in the dark mud. The rain was still falling, steady and silent, the only music in the calm and still unnamed world around him. He hadn't yet decided if he was soothed by it, or annoyed. Presently, with it dripping down his face and obscuring his vision, it irritated him. Yet, for the aching in his muscles, it was a pleasant distraction.

He stumbled forward for several minutes, each step a struggle. He literally had no energy, and though he hadn't done much, his breath came in ragged pants, lungs straining. He vaguely noted that the air had little feeling to it. Despite the rain, it was neither cold nor hot, merely there. It was unsettling.

As he walked, Axel tried to recall his last memory… what he was sure he could remember, but he drew a blank. It was nothing, grey and formless… very much like the clouds above him. He managed a step or two more before his knees buckled, one booted foot overturning on a rock and offsetting his already precarious balance.

Axel uttered a brief cry of surprise as he tumbled forward, just managing to catch his aching body with hands thrust forward. He winced at the jarring pain that reverberated through his arms as he fell to his knees and narrowly missed going headfirst into a silvery puddle of water. He found himself blinking owlishly at his own reflection.

Bright green eyes accented by diamond-shaped tattoos on his cheekbones stared right back at him. Fiery red hair hung in bedraggled, limp strands around his pale face. He supposed he should have had a flash of familiarity in looking at himself but found he still drew a blank. It appeared merely knowing his name was a miracle.

A strange sensation crept down his spine, a chill shiver though he was not cold. His senses snapped, flaring to life. In the same moment that he raised his head in alertness, the sound of deep-throated growling echoed in his ears. It sent a foreboding feeling right through him as he looked up into the lupine eyes of an albino wolf.

He was surrounded completely by four… perhaps five of the carnivorous creatures. The extremely large wolves were about five feet away from him with him in the center of their circle. They snarled as they regarded him as their next meal, almost appearing as apparitions with their ghostly paleness and luminous, golden eyes. And were it not for the spine-tingling feeling that raced through him, he would have thought this nothing more than a hallucination. Still, why would he fear a mirage? And since when did he know fear?

He was powerless as he looked into his certain death, barely managing to stay upright with some dignity attached. The wolf in front of him, the largest and most voracious of all, took a step forward, seemingly laughing as the frightened human cowered before it.

Emerald eyes fluttered with weariness, fatigue nearly overcoming him, and in that one moment of weakness, the wolf pounced, a fierce growl accentuating its movement. Time seemed to slow, crawl, and then stop as Axel's eyelids slid closed, and he seemed resigned to his fate. The rain still fell, but everything else paused. He could smell the fetid breath of the beast, rank with its latest kill and so fresh he could almost see the blood-stained fangs through his lidded eyes.

But then, something flared inside of him, a burning, all-consuming fire that roared to life with the declaration of an army. His eyes snapped open, green immersed in golden flames, and the creature howled as it flew far from him, time returning its course. His breath came out in even pants as he looked down at himself, right arm weary and faltering.

He had something in each of his hands, some kind of weapon. The name floated to him as if called: the chakram. Yes, these were his weapons; these were his means to defend, to fight. The smell of scorched fur and flesh reached his nostrils, and his gaze centered on the wolf, lying on its side a good fifteen feet from where the lone human knelt.

The albino creature was bleeding, nearly torn in half as warm, fresh blood stained the ground beneath it. The wolf's chest did not move, its body lying still. Gone, just like that, in an instant, in a flash. He had moved so quickly, that his own body had barely registered the motion, the weapon emerging instinctually, his own desire to live calling it to his hands.

Yet, it drained what little energy he had, and he slumped further, relying entirely on one hand to keep him from falling face first into the muddy plain. And there were still four more beasts, and they were still hungry in spite of the fate of their companion.

He breathed heavy, each breath feeling as if it were torn from his lungs and rattling within his rib cage, and then, they pounced seemingly all as one, not taking any chances on their own. An inferno raged around him, directing itself in a spout of blazing flame and slamming into one unfortunate beast. It yelped loudly and collapsed the ground, a smoldering death amongst the rain. However, this used the last of Axel's power, and he slumped completely, graying edges on his vision and dizziness taking over his mental capacity.

His hand slid out from in front of him, and he collapsed forward, face into the mud, even as the strange sound of flapping wings reached his ears. Then loud, resounding pops like that of a gun accompanied the rushing wind, and out of the corner of his eye, he caught crimson fluttering just as the darkness overwhelmed him and he descended into nothingness.

----

_It was raining in his dreams also it seemed. Around him was darkness, the streets literally flooded with it. Few streetlamps were on, illuminating how very empty it was around him. Some lights shone from windows, but still, it was all around him. For a moment, he noted how very fitting the darkness was. Yet, now was not the time to remark on his fortune, or was it misfortune? No, now definitely was not the time, not when he was threatening to leave, not when he was trying to walk away. _

_He caught the back of a blond head disappearing around an alleyway. Axel skidded to a stop, changing his direction and darted after his departing friend. Honestly, he was the only friend Axel had. _

"_Roxas!" he called out, hating the edge of desperation that was in his voice. He didn't care… shouldn't care. Did he?_

_Axel came around the corner of the building, finding that Roxas was still determinedly plodding away, seemingly ignoring him completely. He struggled to draw a breath, calling the young boy's name again. _

"_Roxas! You can't leave!" he argued loudly. _

_The blond boy paused, half-turning as he shook his head. "I can and will." There was a vision of sun-kissed skin, sky-blue eyes bright and full of something. Not emotion, they didn't have those… but definitely something. His cute, boyish features had his usual pout. Something that always made Axel cave. Always. _

"_You get on their bad side – on Xemnas' bad side, and they'll destroy you!" His words sounded pathetic even to him. How had he come to begging? How had this boy completely taken over him? He understood Roxas' need to understand, his desire to learn things that no one would explain… but to leave? To leave him and them, to leave Axel alone like he was before?_

_However, the sigh that issued from Roxas' mouth as he turned away from Axel only served to hurt him more. It was resigned, regretful… full of emotion that the emerald-eyed man was nearly certain they weren't supposed to have. Yet, then what was the raw rending inside of him? _

"_No one would miss me," Roxas muttered quietly, picking up the pace and melding into the shadows, calling the darkness portals in order to escape, to flee. _

_Axel reached out to stop him but paused, knowing that in effect it would be futile. "That's not true," he said, almost helplessly, shoulders sagging. Normally bright eyes dimmed. "I would," he continued, though now he was speaking to empty air, staring at a spot where the blond once stood. _

_Roxas was stubborn, always had been as long as he had known the younger boy. Even if Axel could drag him back, it wouldn't have been the same, but that didn't mean he couldn't try. Perhaps if he just gave him some space, let him answer the questions that plagued his dreams at night, then Roxas would return on his own accord. _

_Maybe._

_The sudden clearing of someone's throat behind him had Axel's eyes narrowing as he stood up straight, hands twitching at his side. He didn't turn around, however, knowing full well who stood behind him. The man sent chills up his spine, his very aura one of treachery and deceit, and by the emotions that Axel most assuredly did not have, he hated him. _

"_I see he has left. That is most unfortunate." _

_Axel snarled but managed to actually keep his tone somewhat servile. "Are you going to let him go?" _

_Xemnas laughed, cruel and taunting and not at all full of amusement. "Of course. If it wasn't part of my plans, he wouldn't have left to begin with." He knew without looking, just by closing his eyes, what their 'leader' looked like. It was an impression that would never fade. _

_There were cold, seemingly unfeeling, golden eyes against amber skin and grey almost platinum hair with a perpetual and taunting sneer. Xemnas held very little regard for those beneath him, and the bastard was manipulative, not caring whom he had to use to fulfill his desires. Roxas just had been his newest conquest in a long string of them. _

_The scarlet-haired man longed to take his chakram and shove it through Xemnas' throat. Were it not for the fact that the older male was much stronger and more powerful, he would have done so already. Still, the fact was, faulty though it may have been, Axel rather enjoyed living. If living was what he could call his state of non-existence. _

_Rather than respond to Xemnas, he attempted to relax his curled fists and storm away, planning on vanishing into the shadows of the alleyway. However, the leader of the Organization's voice followed after him, mocking. _

"_If you had meant anything to him… he would have stayed – I should think. Your manipulations are pointless, Number Eight." _

_Axel growled without thinking, and summoned his chakram, whirling to turn on the man, but as suspected, there was no one there. The redhead snarled irritably and allowed his weapons to disperse, idly flicking rain-dampened locks out of his face. He didn't even want to consider if there were any points of validity to the bastard's words. _

_----_

He awoke from the strange dream… flashback… whatever the hell it was rather slowly. His eyes opened, barely registering that he was now within a home, no longer on the rainy plains, though he could still hear the continuous pattering of rain. It was a storm that seemed never-ending. Or perhaps that was just the fate of this world: to never see the light of day.

He stared at a blank white ceiling, even as he laid in an unfamiliar bed. It was a distinctly warm and comfortable bed, though a quick check discovered that he was indeed unclothed. Someone had undressed him. More than that… someone had saved him. If his memory served correctly, he last faced a most horrible death at the claws of hungry wolves. Yet, he now laid comfortably and completely devoid of his earlier pain in a bed with a thick comforter, which was in an appropriate black color.

He frowned in thought, images from his sleep still fresh in his mind. Roxas… Xemnas… names that meant nothing to him, faces that flashed in and out of his mind. He didn't even recognize them, despite the fact that they were obviously of his past. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to recall it with such clarity. Every detail was fresh, the smell and feel of the rain, the encroaching darkness… the burning anger.

What had he been before suddenly arriving in this world? What did that strange flashback mean?

A slight noise and brief rustle alerted Axel to the fact that he wasn't alone in the room. He turned his head, taking in a rather small space. A bookshelf lined the wall at his feet, filled to capacity. A blank wall with a door was on another side, and to his distinct left, beneath a window covered in pale gauzy curtains, there was a man. He was sitting, reading a book that, from his odd angle, Axel could not see the title.

The man was a strange one, to say the least. His long black hair fell around his face, nearly obscuring all features, and his bright, crimson eyes strangely complemented his inherently pale complexion. As the unnamed male read, he occasionally pulled his lower lip between his teeth, revealing fanged canines similar to a vampire, and he was dressed in all black except for the frayed scarlet cloak that was wrapped around his frame. Nevertheless, what was perhaps the most surprising was the pair of tattered, black wings that sprouted from the man's back, currently folded against his sides.

All in all, this stranger presented an instinctually frightening appearance. Were it not for the fact that Axel did not feel threatened and the man was reading a book, he may have felt a little wary. Yet, as it were, the stranger sparked curiosity rather than fear in him. If the man had intended to consume him, he did resemble a vampire after all, he would have done so already.

"You've awoken," the man said before Axel had even had a chance to speak. It was almost as if he had been waiting for the green-eyed male to finish his perusal before talking. Still though he spoke, his eyes never left the book in front of him, slowly taking in each and every word of what had to be a fascinating subject.

Bah. Axel hated studying.

"Yeah," he responded simply, finding that his strength had returned to his voice. Axel moved into a sitting position, not caring about his nudity in the slightest as his chest was bared to the warm air. He idly wondered how the obviously heavily dressed man could stand the heat in the room.

The other male nodded faintly, the movement barely imperceptible. He was silent for all of a moment before suddenly snapping his book shut, raising his gaze to lock onto his guest. "How do you feel?" he questioned in a surprisingly a pleasant voice, low but essentially devoid of emotion.

Axel winced. That was a loaded question. "Hungry. Tired. Confused." He paused, a devilish grin appearing on his face. "Hungry." That one seemed most prevalent, judging by the growling in his belly and the empty feeling accompanying it.

The man appeared bemused. "You said that already," he commented.

He shrugged. "I know. It's the one that's loudest right now." His gaze left that of the pale man and traveled around the room once more, taking in the plain furnishings. "Where am I?"

There was a moment of silence as the chair creaked, the winged stranger slowly rising and moving to stand directly in front of the window, pushing aside the curtains with a clawed hand. It was mostly human, but the fingernails seemed unnaturally sharp. His webbed wings twitched and stretched lightly as he stood before settling back into place. Axel found them fascinating, his eyes invariably drawn to the leathery and tattered appendages. Smoldering red eyes stared out through the slightly fogged glass at the rain sluicing down the exterior.

"My home," the man replied simply.

Axel rolled his eyes as he had figured that much out. "And you are?"

The stranger emitted a bitter laugh, faintly reminiscent to the man in Axel's dream, the one called Xemnas. But it was still different, more mocking of himself than others. "I could answer that in many ways, but for now, Vincent will suffice."

He cocked his head to the side, confused by Vincent's circuitous answers. "Huh," Axel replied simply, still gazing intently at the winged man. "Well, Vincent," he put emphasis on his name. "I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?" The scarlet-haired man paused, furrowing his brow. That phrase seemed to come out of nowhere; yet, it seemed vaguely familiar, proper… as if it was something belonging to him alone.

Vincent raised a brow, a somewhat elegant gesture. "You know your name," he commented as he turned, fixating that intent glare on the other male. "Interesting. Tell me, Axel, did you leave something – someone – important behind?"

"Behind? I don't--"

There was a flash, something similar to his memory but too quick to catch anything of importance: vague details, colors, distinct scents that flooded by in a myriad of scenes. Dark streets, ever present rain, much like his dream. Was it another memory? And there was a feeling there, something so strong it nearly ached in his chest, and he had to stifle a gasp. The last of his words emerged, the entire episode having taken less than a second.

"--know. Huh." He paused, considering what had just happened before looking up, locking stares with Vincent. "Why do you ask? Where is this? And why did you help me? And why can't I remember anything?" All of the questions he wanted to know tumbled from his lips before he could stop them, an irritation developing inside him though he knew very well that Vincent wasn't to blame for it. Or perhaps the man was, but Axel didn't really know enough to make that decision.

Vincent again seemed bemused by him, lips curling up into a strange half-smile which only accentuated his impassive expression. "You are in a world known as Gaia's Grotto, existing in the realm of nothingness located between those of darkness and light; what is known as an in-between world. As such, there is no light or dark here. It perpetually rains, and the sky is grey, formless. Only certain – well, I suppose people will work for now – people come here, and it is for that reason that your memories are escaping." He narrowed his gaze on Axel, one of curiosity almost. "You must have a strong heart, Axel, or a strong desire to even be able to remember your own name."

The other male growled, beginning to grow annoyed by the way that Vincent seemed to answer his questions without really answering them. For every thing that he received an answer for, more cropped up. It seemed an endless circle of confusion. And that irritated him.

"Quit speaking in riddles, man!" he demanded.

Vincent seemed unbothered by his rising aggravation, merely returning the fiery glare with his usual blank gaze. "You are rude to someone who has just saved your life and quite possibly your very self," he commented. "But I will look past that only since I understand your pain and confusion right now." He gestured towards the end of the bed, pointing to a pile of folded clothes. "I have laid out some dry clothing for you. Dress yourself and come into the kitchen. I will explain what I can while you eat."

Instantly, Axel's irritation and anger fizzled under the other man's calm demeanor, leaving him strangely speechless. Although he wasn't certain of his true personality, the scarlet-haired man had a feeling that he wasn't usually at a loss for words. Vincent said nothing more, turning from him with a slight twitch of his wings and heading for the closed door, turning the handle and pulling open the wooden aperture.

Just then, Axel found his voice, hoping to make amends for his earlier rudeness. "Thanks," he called out, words easily carrying across the short distance.

Vincent paused in his movements, nodding his head once before continuing out the door, pulling it efficiently shut behind him. Axel couldn't help but think that he was an odd man, a little cool and impassive, but otherwise kind.

He sighed as he threw back the covers, reaching immediately for the folded clothing at the end of the bed. It was clean; that much he could tell, and after unfurling the fabric, he found it would fit him. Vincent did appear to be close to his height, though the all black clothing was a little dreary, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

As he dressed, his thoughts turned towards the strange dream he had witnessed and the blond boy he tried to keep from leaving. His mind roved over the taunting man that had been so powerful to inspire fear. Not to mention the fact that they all wore the same outfit, the one he had first been wearing when he showed up on "Gaia's Grotto." What connection did they all have?

And what was it about the boy, whose name had already escaped him, that was so important? Then, there were his weapons, the twin circular metal items… chakram was the name that came to him. Plus, there was his sudden affinity to fire. Not that he didn't mind the heat so much or the strange ability to burn things, like those white wolves. He could remember how it felt to call the flame, the rushing sensation of magic, the feeling of being consumed by fire yet not being burnt.

It was a heady notion, and he found he rather liked the feeling of power.

Axel shook his head as he slipped the dark fabric of the shirt over his head and strode towards the door. There was a lot he didn't understand right now, and the best place for him to get his answers was to ask Vincent. He was certain that the man knew more than he had explained, even if he was evading direct answers and only cryptically replying to certain questions. He was certainly confusing… a worthy challenge for the deviousness of Axel, and the newcomer looked forward to their next verbal spar.

With that in mind, he lazily rolled his shoulders and stretched his lanky arms before heading towards the door and the kitchen, his grumbling stomach agreeing with his movements. He opened the door and found himself in a small hallway. It was rather unadorned with four other entryways, one doorway obviously the exit judging by the locking mechanisms. The one without a door he decided was the kitchen and immediately headed in that direction.

Inside, Vincent was moving around the kitchen, boiling something on the stove and moving with an agility and grace that Axel had not noticed before. The man's wings twitched occasionally, as if they had a mind of their own, rising and fluttering only to settle back against his back. The small table was already set for one person with a plate with a sandwich on it and some napkins that Axel could only assume was meant for him.

All in all, as he took a seat he was surprised by the almost homey feel to the kitchen. Warm and appealing in pleasant shades of cream with honey-colored cabinets and gauzy drapes over the window, it was perhaps the most inviting room in the house. It really didn't fit Vincent's character.

Nor did he say anything as he set a cup in front of Axel, full of a steaming liquid, and took a seat in one of the chairs, twitching his shoulders to adjust the placement of his webbed wings, a movement that Axel found fascinating. He watched with patient crimson eyes as the redhead peered into his cup, frowning at the liquid. He certainly didn't know what it was and sniffed at it tentatively. Then, the smell hit him. It was tea.

He raised a brow and regarded Vincent with a slight smirk. "Tea?" he questioned, almost teasingly.

"Sometimes the little things are needed to remind me of the memories that this world tries to take from me," the other man responded quietly as he idly watched Axel eat.

The emerald-eyed male nodded. "Okay, so explain," he said succinctly, waving a hand for emphasis. "This world takes memories, right? Why? And all memories? Or just certain ones? And how did I get here?"

Vincent sighed but spoke anyways. "It is quite complicated, but I shall explain to the best of my knowledge what I know for the short amount of time that I have been here," he began. "Gaia's Grotto is the path of new life for those who weren't given a choice in the one that led prior. Yet, in order to accept this new life, the old must be completely cast away, memories included. In the very process of coming here, usually the mind is wiped clean, but those with strong hearts or deep regrets can sometimes cling to the things that are most important to them, and they do not instantly forget."

"Those who weren't given a choice?"

Vincent's eyes shifted, moving to gaze about the window, even as he curled a clawed finger around his own steaming cup. "The Heartless not freed by the keyblade and the Nobodies who faded into darkness." He paused before continuing, though his voice was much quieter than before. "I was a Heartless, one of those used in an experiment and locked away in the deepest part of a castle until my body evolved into that of the shadow creatures. This form you see here is a remnant of that form. My heart was strong enough to keep something relatively human, but I allowed other emotions to interfere, and it twisted my own perception of myself." A bitter smile curled up at the edge of Vincent's mouth. "In a way, it is fitting."

Axel eyed him, curiously taking another sip of the warm tea, surprised that it was actually quite good. "Fitting?" His mind spun. Heartless? Nobodies? Which was he? A murkiness had settled in his mind, muddling what little information he had, and even the faces from his dream were already beginning to fade. He knew his own name with clarity and the feel of the chakram and the flames, as well as the emotions that twisted inside of him, the feeling of looking for something. Nonetheless, what had remained with him when he arrived was fading away, like wisps of smoke in the wind.

The dark-haired man shook his head. "My past is not important. Suffice it to say, I was killed but not released and found myself here." He turned his gaze back to Axel, using a hand for emphasis. "Think of Gaia's Grotto as an almost purgatory, a place to have another chance for life. Thus, the reason it exists on the Plains of Nothingness. Anywhere else, our dead forms would have not existed. We would have been remnants, ghosts if you will."

"So then, I died, right?"

"Yes," the other man responded evenly. "Whoever or whatever you were before was killed in some fashion. Eventually your heart and soul found its way here… where you were given a new body similar to your old one, so similar that it feels to be exact the same. As with most newcomers, your arrival was on the Forgotten Plains."

Axel furrowed his brow in thought. "And the wolves?"

Vincent nodded in understanding. "Ah, the memory-eaters. They are those of a more sinister nature, consuming not only memories but flesh as well. It is their brethren that are not quite so vicious, the black shadow beasts. They only devour memories, more specifically memories of the past."

"Why is it so important that we don't remember?"

"It is a casting off the old to make room for the new. The weak always forget when they arrive. Always. Though they may have lost their human forms as a Heartless or Nobody, here they have returned to those bodies that are most familiar to them." He shrugged offhandedly, still somehow managing to maintain his enigmatic aura. "They don't want us trying to return to our old lives."

Axel eyed the crimson-eyed man critically, a sudden revelation striking him as he bit into the sandwich that Vincent had prepared. "You want your old life, don't you?" he inquired. "You remember something that you can't give up."

It seemed easier for Vincent to avoid answering a direct question so long as he didn't look anyone in the eye. Axel recognized this when the other man suddenly stood up, turning away to dump his untouched tea into the sink and casting an eye towards the clock on the wall. Thankfully, the redhead man could understand that, realizing that despite the somewhat brightness streaming in from the window, according to the wall clock it was nearly midnight. Strange.

"You're not going to answer me?" Axel asked again, feeling that Vincent needed a little push. He realized that the dark-haired male was an intensely private man, but if he was going to accept Axel into his home and even bother with saving him, then the younger man wanted some answers.

Vincent was silent for another moment as the teacup clinked quietly in the sink, the sound of running water as he rinsed it out filling the silence. He rested both hands on the sink and gazed out the window, his wings twitching irritably.

"I made a promise," he finally responded softly, fingers curling on the sides in a moment of emotion that Axel did not fail to miss.

"A promise, huh?" Axel questioned, something about the word striking an aura of familiarity to him. Had he promised someone something as well? He frowned in thought. Would his memories continue to fade until he forgot he was Axel as well… or would his somewhat clarity enable him to remember more and more each day?

He opened his mouth to question Vincent, but the man spoke up before he could so with another quick glance to the clock. "Just leave your dishes in the sink," stated Vincent, gesturing towards said device as he turned around. "I have to go to work, but I will return early in the morning. Feel free to get more rest; I know that the journey here leaves those weary."

Axel raised a brow. "Work? There's work here?" He snorted. "And here I was imagining sunny beaches and relaxing for the rest of my 'new life.'"

Vincent shook his head. "It's a new life, not a vacation," he replied simply, already heading for the door. "If I were you, I wouldn't leave. I'll explain more tomorrow, and give you the choice as well."

Emerald eyes regarded him thoughtfully. "Choice?"

The winged man waved a hand of dismissal, disappearing out the doorway, his last response floating back to Axel even as he heard the locks being opened. "I will explain tomorrow, Axel. Get some rest."

It was odd how when he was giving a command, Vincent seemed to use his name more. Truthfully, the dark-haired male had an odd way of saying it, as if he was unused to calling people their names or if he were making a statement by merely deigning to speak to him. Hmph.

Still, now that Vincent had mentioned it, Axel did feel a bit fatigued. The pain that he had initially felt had all but faded, but the exhaustion was still a large factor. With a slight yawn, he stood up from his chair, depositing the empty plate and teacup in the sink as he did so. He found the trash can and tossed in his used napkin before strolling out into the hall. He idly decided to explore the other two doors before heading off to sleep.

The one on the same side as the kitchen revealed a bathroom. That was good to know but essentially boring since it was completely white. Everything was precisely placed, it and held little more than a toilet and a shower stall, so he couldn't even relax in the bath. Overall, it was strangely economical, and it soon became more than obvious that Vincent sure didn't strive for decadence.

The door on the same side as the room he had been in opened easily to his inquisitive touch and revealed another bedroom, this one obviously Vincent's own. It was clean, almost obsessively so, and not really decorated either. There were a bed, a desk, a chair, and more bookcases. The bed was covered in the same dark fabric as the one Axel had awoken in.

The scarlet-haired man was about to turn and leave, when something caught his eye, glinting atop the desk against the wall. His curiosity was greater than his respect for Vincent's privacy, and it had him entering the room, intent on investigating. The desktop was otherwise empty, save for the item that had caught his interest. He picked up the glinting, metallic object, links running through his fingers as his eyes roamed over it. The thing was a necklace of sorts, a silver chain with two rectangular flattened objects dangling on the end of it. He held one between his fingers, finding that there was writing on it in a language he could actually read, so he tilted the disc to the side to better see it.

_Highwind_

_Cidrick R._

_345-767-1239_

"_The Captain"_

_B_

Cidrick Highwind? The name was very unfamiliar to him, and judging by the words, they were military identification tags. Why would Vincent have those? Perhaps this Cidrick was the one whom Vincent had made his promise to.

Intriguing.

Eyeing the necklace once more, Axel gently set it back down on the desktop, trying to put it back in its original position. The metal had been worn, as if held many times with fingers constantly run over the upraised markings. It appeared that Vincent had many secrets.

Stifling a yawn, Axel decided that he had spent enough time snooping and headed back to the room he had first awoken in. His mind was whirling, overwhelmed by all the information he had absorbed in the past hour or so.

Who was he? Why was he? What had happened to him so that he arrived on Gaia's Grotto? And what had Vincent meant by "choice?" And why did he feel like he was looking for something he couldn't find? Who were the people in his dreams, and why did he have a hollow place in his chest?

These questions and more plagued him as he laid down to sleep, despite the comfort offered by the bed. He kept having visions of ocean-colored eyes and mocking laughter. These apparitions haunted him still, even as he drifted into an uneasy and fitful sleep.

---

All reviews and comments are appreciated.

And if Axel seems very OOC, you have to remember that he's just awoken in a strange world with little to no memory. Expect some changes in characterization.


	2. Interlude 1: A Distant Memory

**A/N:** All interlude's are side stories, so to speak, from the main fic, and not quite as long as chapters. Anything not spoken from Axel's POV is considered an Interlude. Expect them to be collections of short scenes that are snapshots into other characters in the fiction. They may not make much sense but they are important. Some you may even have to read carefully to understand. They won't necessarily be after every chapter.

**To my readers and reviewers:**

sorrows requiem: I'm glad you enjoyed it. I doubt I'll clear up anything soon. I have a bad habit of making everything mysterious and revealing it piece by piece. Still, I hope you continue to like it. Thanks!

Ionai: It's nice to hear Axel doesn't sound completely OOC. Out of everyone, it was his characterization I was struggling with the most. Well, he and Riku. I'm happy to entice and I hope I don't disapoint. Thanks!

Thanks to all those who read and haven't reviewed yet. I appreciate you giving my story a try! I hope I can encourage you to leave a comment next time!

**Desperate Reflections**

**Interlude 1: A Distant Memory**

As always in Destiny Islands, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly but not too warmly. The sea was clear and azure, twinkling in the light with each cresting wave. Even though day was rapidly fading, replaced by the orange and pink streaks of sunset, it was still pleasant, a fact that Sora appreciated.

He breathed in the fresh air as he sat propped up on the limb of the paopu tree, legs dangling over the side and kicking idly. He was just enjoying the peace that saving the universe brought. The King and friends, i.e. Donald and Goofy, had returned to Disney Castle.

It was amazing how everything came to pass. His mother and father had acted as if he had only been gone for the duration, visiting with some obscure family members. Riku's parents had nearly completely forgotten about him while they were gone. They acted as if nothing had happened at all... So when the others all left, he and Riku, whom their friends had finally remembered again, found themselves having to return to school.

Horror of horrors.

He really didn't see the point. He fought his way through hordes of heartless, through the darkness and into the light, and had made his way home after more than a year of being gone. What use were geometry and calculus now? It certainly didn't help in the fight against Xemnas. All that mattered then was the strength in his body and heart. Screw History.

Sora scowled unintentionally as he idly kicked at the log. He hated Math. Never was any good at it. That subject was more Riku's forte than his. Sora was more of an artistic person, English and such.

Anyways, back to peace. Yes, Sora was certainly enjoying this respite from traveling across the universe to save people with his keyblade in the pursuit of justice. It was boring in some ways, but it was also nice. He felt a restlessness every once in a while, only quieted by the presence of Riku. Then again, he wasn't sure if that feeling was one of his own or from the still present though often barely there presence of Roxas.

Roxas… the Nobody that was a mirror to his own self after he became a heartless. Sora often wondered what it would be like knowing that your entire existence was based off of someone else, that you were never supposed to exist to begin with. Yet, you had a mind and personality of your own. Sora didn't believe all that nonsense about Nobodies not having hearts. It didn't make much sense to him.

Just because they could remember what it felt to have a heart didn't automatically mean that everything else emotional was just a remnant. Everyone in the Organization desired to have their own hearts because they wanted to feel again. Want implied sentiment. Desire implied sensibility. At least, that was how Sora had it figured. In many ways, he felt pity for the members of the Organization. They were able to remember how things once were but unable to grasp onto it. And in many ways, he pitied Roxas as well, the boy that was a part of him but also apart from him.

"Thinking again? You shouldn't hurt yourself like that."

A body slid beside him, one hand ruffling through his brown spikes. Sora turned his playful scowl onto the boy beside him, knowing by feel and sound that it was Riku. The connection he felt with the silver-haired male was one that he couldn't really explain, something infinite and boundless that crossed all boundaries. Perhaps it was the swelling in his heart every time he was around Riku or the way that the older boy made him feel when they kissed. It wasn't something that he could easily describe to others… except perhaps to say that he loved Riku. He knew this wholeheartedly, although he didn't feel that love was a strong enough word. It implied something too meaningless and over-used. Their connection was far deeper than that.

Gah. He was turning into such a sap. Riku would definitely tease him if he said all that aloud.

"I thought you were with Kairi," Sora returned, taking a playful swipe at his best friend and boyfriend both.

Riku shrugged, easily fending off the halfhearted blow and turning his aqua eyes onto the setting sun out over the water. "She and Selphie started giggling about some random nonsense, and it irritated me."

Sora gave him a look. "So you decided to come annoy me instead."

"Something like that." Riku smirked. "What are you thinking about?"

Not intending on telling him exactly what was on his mind, Sora settled for bantering with him as usual. "I'm trying to decide if I should leave you for Tidus," he replied in a serious tone.

Riku scoffed, nudging the cinnamon-haired boy with his shoulder, even as he scowled. "I don't believe you," he uttered. "For Tidus? Try again, Sora. I know you." He eyed his partner with a fierce aqua expression. "What's really up, eh?" One hand reached out, unconsciously tangling fingers with the younger boy's.

Knowing he was trapped, Sora shrugged and settled for staring back out over the ocean. He really did love the sea. Growing up around it was something he treasured. It both calmed him and reminded him that he was home. He was very grateful for that. It had been a rough time there for a while. For everyone.

"You miss fighting that much?" Riku questioned, momentarily disturbing his inner thought.

Sora frowned, furrowing his brow before shaking his head. "Not really. While traveling the worlds was fun, I didn't really like the whole 'fighting for your life' thing. Sometimes it was hard… and I almost lost all the things that were important to me." He squeezed the paler boy's hand for emphasis, wincing when he realized he was being sappy again.

"You're such a sap," Riku teased softly, giving a gentle yank on Sora's arm so that the younger boy tumbled against him and into his arms. The brunet male gasped lightly at the unexpected motion but relaxed against his lover's hold after a second. For all his teasing, Riku was the bigger sap of the two of them. It had much to do with his fear of being all alone… not that he had anything to worry about. The both of them needed each other far too much.

With his cheek pressed to the warmth of the other boy's chest, Sora wasn't about to disagree; he simply accepted the touch for what it was. Truthfully, he didn't know why he was being so thoughtful lately or why a touch of loneliness and longing had assailed him. He idly wondered if it had something to do with that other part of himself, one that he had only recently realized existed.

"You're still thinking about that?" Riku asked, his voice rumbling in his chest from where Sora's ear was pressed to him. It was a comforting sound. "It's kinda rare for you to do this, you know?" Honestly, it was unusual for someone like Sora to dwell on deep and brooding thoughts. He was normally more carefree, living for the simple things and enjoying life as it was. Perhaps the recent battles had changed him like they had changed Riku.

Sora's ocean-blue gaze dropped as he wrapped a lax arm around Riku's waist. He loved these moments the most, when the silver-haired boy dropped his guard and let him "cuddle".

"I can still feel him inside of me sometimes… memories that don't belong to me… emotions that aren't mine."

"Like the sudden broodiness and melancholy?" Riku inquired, slightly teasing.

Sora nodded. "Yes. I feel kinda sorry for him."

Riku raised a brow. "Pity?" he asked in response, frowning. "But you know… there really wasn't any other choice. Either that… or nothing. He was never supposed to exist."

"Maybe." Sora frowned, a cute little pout that Riku found quite endearing. It seemed no matter how battle-hardened the younger boy got or how much he aged, he always managed to keep that adorable air. "I know they weren't supposed to have feelings… but I can sense it. Regret… he misses him."

"Who?"

Sora shook his head. "Someone… I don't know. It's getting harder to understand and recall some things. Like a distant memory." He raised a hand to his chest, over where his heart laid. "It's a familiar feeling for me… like when I was searching for you all that time."

The other boy shook his head, planting a chaste kiss on the top of Sora's head as he rubbed a soothing hand down the younger boy's back, aqua gaze on the far off horizon of the sea. "Sometimes you are too kind for your own good," he said quietly.

Sora bit back the sigh that threatened to emerge and changed his response. He didn't need to be any more melancholy. It was time to find some of his more natural actions, pushing aside the strange feelings that kept bubbling up within him. He wiggled playfully against Riku.

"Maybe so," he said with a hint of playfulness. "But I'm still the one who saved the worlds."

"Hey! I helped!"

Sora laughed lightly, wriggling his way about in Riku's hold until he could finally see him face to face. "After I did all the hard work. Lazy."

As expected, Riku's free hand came up and grabbed his chin, bringing them together for a kiss that effectively silenced the more carefree of the two. The silver-haired boy worked his mouth gently against his younger lover's, nibbling softly on his pouty lips before slowly sliding his tongue between the parted flesh. Sora moaned as Riku's tongue dueled with his own inside his mouth and a hand rubbed along his back. He gave himself up to the taste of Riku, something he would never tire of and that would always be familiar. In many ways, it was one of the few memories that kept him going, even when despair threatened to consume him during the long battles.

It wasn't until the need for air became too great did they finally separate, a grin on the brown-haired boy's face. "You're being awfully sappy today," Sora commented, a husky undertone to his voice. "Is it mating season again?"

Riku mock-growled at the same moment that he flushed with slight embarrassment. "Shut up, Sora," he responded, shifting his gaze. "Maybe it's better when you're broody," he murmured out of the corner of his mouth.

"Hey! I resent that!" protested Sora loudly before giving a low growl and pouncing. The two went tumbling to the ground, laughing as they began to mock-wrestle, a pastime that they would probably never grow out. The ground beneath them rose up a light dust cloud that coated their clothes, but neither boy cared.

Riku ended up on the bottom to begin with, the smaller boy landing directly on top of him with a light "oof." Well experienced in all matters physical, Riku immediately grabbed Sora's shoulders with the intention of reversing their positions, but after having transversed the worlds, fighting evil and its ilk, Sora was well versed in strange manners of dueling as well. He would not go down as easily as he did before.

As Riku heaved up with the intention of flipping them, Sora shifted his weight so that they went tumbling over to the side, limbs intertwining. He easily broke the slack hold on his arms as he reached for one of his boyfriend's flailing arms, managing to grab it and pin it above the other male's head. Riku was not impressed, thrusting up with his hips and causing Sora to pitch forward in surprise, nearly tumbling over Riku's head.

A wicked grin crossed the brunet's face as he grabbed Riku's other arm, even as he tumbled forward, yanking on both arms in the same moment and jerking the older boy into an awkward position. They kicked and flipped, wrestling around for a few moments more. Breaths came in rapid pants, sweat beginning to build due to the lingering heat of the day. A fine dust kicked up around them until, with a definitive grunt, Sora's back hit the ground hard. Riku straddled him easily with both of his wrists firmly in Riku's grip and pressed to the ground.

The silver-haired boy smirked as he looked down at his prey, Sora's tanned face flush with exertion. "Well, what have I here?" Riku questioned with a raised brow, unable to resist running his aqua gaze down Sora's body. The younger boy gave a token wriggle in an attempt to break free before giving up, but Riku shook his head. "Tsk, tsk. Always starting things you can never finish," he teased. "Ne, So-ra?"

Sora arched beneath him, giving another token tug to his restrained wrists before looking up at Riku, an almost sultry gaze. "You always win." He pouted.

"That's because I'm stronger than you." Riku smirked before leaning forward, breathing a gust of hot air over Sora's exposed neck. "As well as faster and more skilled," he added, punctuating the words with a lick to the tanned flesh, tasting the slight saltiness of Sora's sweat. Beneath him, the other male shivered.

Sora's hands curled into fists, but he couldn't do anything, Riku's greater strength keeping them pinned down. He settled for tilting his head back, allowing the silver-haired male to continue laving his tongue over his flesh. Riku dragged his teeth gently down the exposed throat before latching onto the hollow and producing a dark, red mark that would surely last for a few days.

"Riku." Sora sulked in response. He both hated and liked it when Riku did that. For one, Selphie latched onto every mark like that, cooing and making annoying noises. Plus, Kairi always had something to say. Other than that, he rather liked what Riku was doing to his neck, making his skin heat and his flesh shiver.

Riku smirked as he lifted his head, aqua eyes shining at his lover. "What?" he questioned impishly, idly tossing his head to shift some silvery strands out of his eyes. Sora was adorable when he pouted like that, trying to seem serious with his lower lip stuck out further than the upper. He couldn't resist kissing him… so he didn't, not even bothering to allow the younger boy to reply.

He could already feel Sora responding beneath him, purring noises deep in the boy's throat and a slight wriggling of his body. Not to mention that Sora kept gently tugging on his arms and curling his fingers about, as if wanting to touch Riku.

Riku ravaged Sora's mouth, a need to claim the boy suddenly building up within him. He didn't plan on taking things too far, not when they were out in the open but kissing Sora senseless ensured that later in private… things could run their course. He was just beginning to enjoy both the taste of Sora and the cute little noises he was making when a sudden sound had him groaning in irritation and pulling back from the younger boy, releasing his hold on Sora's hands.

The noise of a girlish squeal accompanied by high-pitched giggling had alerted him to the arrival of Selphie, who was dragging Kairi by her arm as the two came almost running up to the male couple. Selphie was cooing in glee, a camera in her free hand as she snapped another picture. Riku scowled and moved back, releasing Sora.

However, before he could say anything, the two boys were tackled by the females, Selphie babbling on and on about how cute they were. Sora felt nearly choked by the girl's squealing grip, idly waving his arms about, even as he caught the look on Riku's face. Priceless.

Beneath the attentions of his boyfriend and his two female friends, Sora felt the depression that had assailed him drifting away. The presence inside of him quieted for the moment, the general gaiety of the moment seeping through and calming even his turmoil.

At least… for the moment anyways.

----

Review please. It's much appreciated.


	3. Chapter 2: Resonant Dreams

Thanks to readers and reviewers! I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Warning: SPOILERS to Kingdom Hearts II. Truthfully, this whole fic is gonna have spoilers.

**Chapter Two: Resonant Dreams**

This time the dream was different than before. Rather than experiencing it firsthand, it was more like he was watching from afar, though he could still feel every emotion that coursed through his past self and every physical pain and movement. It was strange and yet interesting as well. He watched with curious eyes as more of his past unfolded in front of him. But the more he observed, the more it felt like he was melding with the scene, though it didn't help his comprehension in the slightest.

_Before him was the same blond-haired boy from the previous dream, slowly lowering his weapon as the last of his enemies faded away into nothingness. Axel himself strode into the room, arms crossed over his chest and a perpetual almost-sneer on his face. He tried to ignore the way his heart leapt at the sight of the younger boy, settling for nonchalant anger instead. _

"_Simply amazing, Roxas," he commented snidely. He felt the words come from his mouth, watched them take form, even as the blond boy's name returned to his memory. As quickly as it had been forgotten, it flared to life in his mind, beating to the same rhythm as his heart. _

_Roxas frowned, turning completely to regard him with a slightly annoyed expression. "Axel," he said simply, merely acknowledging the other male's presence. _

_Axel bit back a mocking laugh as he gestured with his arms, slightly surprised. "You really do remember me this time? I'm so FLATTERED!" The last came out on an angry shout, the depth of his emotional pain shocking even himself. It almost felt like it was torn from his soul, and his magic reflected that. _

_Immediately, the room burst into flames, completely surrounding the two young men with flames of scarlet and orange that towered well over them, bathing the basement lab in a blazing heat. Roxas jumped in shock at the sudden bout of searing fire but managed to compose himself even as emerald eyes blazing with fury turned their anger towards him. _

"_But you're too late!" Axel snapped as he threw his arms to the side, the flames flaring brighter with the force of his anger. _

_Roxas narrowed his eyes, immediately dropping into his attack position. It wouldn't have been the first time that the scarlet-haired man had started a battle. In the same moment that he did so, his weapons came to his hands, materializing by intuition rather than some choice. Yet, the Axel that looked through the eyes of his angry counterpart could not recognize the strange blades. The more the strange dream progressed, the more he felt drawn into the events, almost compulsively, like he had no choice. _

"_Two?" Axel questioned, not really surprised. He smirked at Roxas, ignoring the flaring emotions inside of him and settling for the most familiar ones: anger and chaos. After all that time… all that searching, the only Roxas he could find did not remember him or their friendship. It was painful, hurting in places that weren't supposed to even exist. _

_  
Axel summoned his weapons, the twin chakram, as another flurry of flame burst to life. "Come here," he almost taunted, locking his gaze on the much shorter boy. "I'll make it all stop." _

_Roxas frowned and narrowed his eyes, gripping the hilt of his weapons tightly in his hands. He wasted no time in attacking, rushing at the taller male with a battle cry. _

_They attacked each other in a flurry of movement, each blade easily meeting with Axel's twin chakram with fierce and resounding clangs. The fire roared around them, rising to higher pinnacles of heat as the metal flashed and breaths echoed in heavy pants. Roxas lunged at him, one hand thrust forward with blade aiming for a delicate position, but Axel quickly blocked, twisting away in a whirl as he aimed a fireball attack at the smaller boy. _

_Roxas easily dodged, thrusting his feet against the ground so that he propelled himself into the air, attempting an attack from above. Weapon met weapon again as Axel slid backwards across the floor, neither of them yielding to the other's strength. Roxas executed a flip and landed on his feet before growling again, coming at Axel in a flurry of quick and sharp swipes of his oddly shaped blades._

_Even though his anger nearly consumed him, Axel still didn't have the heart to actually try to harm Roxas. He hoped that this duel would draw out the deeply-seeded memories, but he found it difficult to draw the line between fighting with skill and fighting not to harm the blond. _

_He easily dodged a particularly intricate move, sudden inner thoughts momentarily distracting him. But in that one step backwards, he realized he had fallen for the young blond's trap. A blade came up, flashing before he could defend it as one chakram scurried out of his grip, his entire arm reverberating from the strike. Roxas echoed an angry snarl, ocean eyes bright with fury as he violently swung both weapons, Axel only having enough time to block them both with his one remaining blade. _

_The taller male was thrown backwards, barely registering that somewhere during the fight and his distraction, he had been injured across his arm, blood leaking from the tear in the black fabric. Pain and disappointment quickly replaced his emotions when he winced. _

_As Axel slumped to one knee, breath coming in harsh gasps around him, the flames borne from his anger disappeared, the floor beneath it not charred. For a moment, the two males stared at each other in silent recognition, the last time they had met with Roxas' memory intact passing between them in the blink of an eye. Recognition dawned on the blond, and he lowered both his gaze and his blades, staring sadly at the beaten scarlet-haired boy. _

"_Axel…" Roxas murmured, this time seeming to truly remember. His ocean-colored eyes watched as Axel seemed to fade, his form wavering._

_The emerald-eyed boy smirked, shaking his head. "Let's meet again in the next life," he suggested more on a whim than anything. The older boy didn't really believe he had one. _

_Roxas nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. "I'll be waiting." For a moment, it seemed to Axel that standing before him was the very same boy who had walked away all that time ago… the one who had been his close friend, his dear companion in an organization of back-stabbers and manipulators. A connection that seemed unable to be severed almost coursed between them… until Axel chuckled lowly, a sad emotion glinting in his eyes. _

"_Silly. Just because you have a next life…" Axel commented, even as the darkness encroached about him, his body dissolving into a greyish-black mist until there was nothing left._

----

Axel awoke and found himself staring straight into inquisitive crimson eyes. Were it not for the fact that the lingering emotions from the dream/memory were still coursing through him, he might have been shocked. As it was, he was mostly confused. Vincent was poised over him, body hovering as he was straddling Axel on all fours, face unnaturally close. Axel blinked, not saying anything and belatedly realizing that the dark-haired man also had a firm grip on his arms, as if to hold him down.

"You were having a nightmare… or something similar," Vincent explained succinctly, their faces so close that Axel could smell the older man's faintly minty breath. "The thrashing about was audible, even in the outer rooms."

Axel nodded but didn't speak. Truthfully, he didn't know what to say. He shifted under the man's touch, uncomfortable with his nearness.

Vincent searched his face before nodding to himself and releasing the restraining hold, carefully climbing off the younger male. He seated himself in the chair as Axel sat up, not taking his gaze off the tattooed male.

"Who is Roxas?" Vincent questioned as Axel yawned and tried to bring himself to alertness.

His body felt unnaturally fatigued… as if his dreams had really occurred and he had been fighting all night. And perhaps he had been. Vincent had said that he was thrashing about in his sleep. Remnants from reliving the fight most likely.

Axel shifted where he sat on the bed, lips pursed in thought as he considered the winged male's question. Who was Roxas? As if he knew. He could describe Roxas… explain some of his personality, but in terms of relation to himself, Axel couldn't say.

"Someone… something… I dunno, one of those memories," he answered with an aggravated sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, attempting to tame the wild locks. "I don't know his exact meaning to me, but he's always in my dreams. My memories seem to be wound about him."

Vincent nodded in understanding. "Then, it is likely that he is important."

The younger male snorted. "I could have told you that one," he commented before peering at the dark-haired man. "What is your job?" he questioned, changing the subject. That had been something not answered in their discussion in the day previous, and Axel felt now was the perfect moment to bring it up.

"I'm what is known as a Gatherer," Vincent explained. "I patrol the Forgotten Plains, rescuing those about to be devoured by the Memory-eaters and then taking them to the Center of New Life to be given a name and place."

Axel frowned. That had not happened to him.

"And me?" he questioned.

Vincent sighed. "I was supposed to take you directly to the Center, and indeed, I was going to. But after I saved your life, when I went to lift you from the ground, in your delirious state you grabbed my arm and mumbled something about 'Roxas, don't go.' In that moment, I knew that you still retained some of your memories, even if only in the slightest, like me. I decided to give you a choice before they took it from you. Not to mention, I saw you call forth both your weapon and magic, something that most here cannot do, even instinctually."

"Choice?"

Crimson eyes turned away from him, focusing their attention out the window, still displaying a dim and grey formless sky. What the dark-haired male found so interesting outside, Axel couldn't quite figure. Or perhaps it was a way of distancing himself. Regardless, Vincent nodded his head in response to the question as his wings twitched faintly.

"Yes. You are not given that here. When you arrive, all traces of your former life and memories are forever taken from your body, torn without permission, and you are forced into a new existence… whether you want it or not." A sardonic smile took over his face, a truly bitter expression. "That is, if you even remember enough to know that you will be losing something."

Axel was confused. "Wait… so then this is not a good place? These are the bad guys?"

There was a shrug. "Good… bad… it's all a matter of perspective. Personally, I prefer to believe that there is no such thing as good or evil, only different sides to the same story."

"Che," the redhead remarked, frowning as he leaned back against the headboard and crossed his arms over his chest. Only a stranger, he had already learned what to expect from Vincent. A clear and decisive answer was not one of those things. "Alright then." He gestured towards Vincent before tapping his own head. "Then, why are my memories taking a hike if I'm still able to remember who I am?"

Again with the bitter smile, only a brief tugging at the corner of the stoic man's mouth as the claws of one hand made a light tapping sound on the arm of the chair. "There is something in this world – its air, its soil – as if it had the magic properties to pull everything of what you once were, until you become someone else. As if somehow it could sense what you are not allowed to have." That almost blood-like gaze returned to Axel. "If you want to keep them, you must cling to what you own, guard it. Find little ways to remind yourself of anything that may be important and always be wary of the shadow beasts… those that creep through the town consuming the memories of the deepest hidden part of your heart."

"But I don't have a heart," Axel pointed out bluntly, the words falling from his lips before he even registered them. He furrowed his brow. What? He didn't have a heart? Where the hell had that come from?

Vincent seemed faintly amused. "Oh? Then, you are a heartless?"

Axel scowled. "Don't patronize me. You know I don't remember what the hell I am."

"My apologies." The dark-haired man didn't seem the least bit apologetic, the smug bastard. "It seemed you were so sure of yourself, just now."

A scarlet eyebrow twitched, a hint of annoyance registering in his features. "You're making fun of me," he said shortly, glaring at the older man.

The corner of Vincent's mouth twitched, but he returned his gaze to the window. "Perhaps… but still, it is rather refreshing."

Axel cocked his head to the side. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The smile fell as the dark-haired man rose to his feet, tilting his head downwards to look at the people milling about in the streets below his third-story apartment. "You will understand when you see those that live here." His voice had a solemn tone to it, almost as if he pitied all the residents of Gaia's Grotto.

Out of pure curiosity, the redhead threw back the covers of the bed and moved to stand beside Vincent at the window, pushing away the curtains so that he could look down as well. He was not able to see faces very well, but no one seemed to be moving about in any sort of hurry. There was a steady stream of traffic going in both directions, and everything was a dismal bleak color. There were only shades of grey or black, nothing bright or vibrant. He self-consciously patted his own scarlet hair, wondering if it would fade in color as time went by. He had the feeling that if he was to go downstairs and walk among those nameless faces, he would find something that he did not like in their expressions. It made him shiver before he even realized he was doing so.

When Vincent looked at him out of the corner of his eye, Axel shook his head. "I can't explain it. I don't even know why. But just looking from here, it's almost like everyone is… mechanical."

Crimson eyes returned to their gaze at the general populace. "In many ways, they are. When everything that you are is removed, and you are expected to become something new, follow strict guidelines. It becomes difficult to stand out."

Axel felt horrified, his fingers clenching against the fabric of the curtain. "How?" he demanded, hating how his voice came out strained. "How can they stand it? Why don't they protest? Riot? Something dammit?"

The look on the dark-haired man's face was sympathetic, almost pitying. "Because they don't remember that there is something better," he replied simply. "They don't even remember enough to wish for it. In a way, this place is a prison, a hell of its own making. Without bars or walls, they are captive here by their own lack of self."

Axel turned towards the other male accusingly. "You told me this was a place for renewal! Repentance! For people who didn't get a chance to live!" He didn't realize he had raised his voice until the words came… nor that his hands were fisted and almost threateningly shaking at Vincent.

Vincent sighed. "It is. Just because you can remember, doesn't mean that they did." His eyes traced the outline of the window, seemingly unable to look at Axel. "And for some forgetting is the kindest thing someone can offer them."

"It's still not right!" the redhead insisted, gritting his teeth. "I may not recall fully who I miss… or why I have these feelings! But I can't just forget! I can't just let go of that!" He waved his hand in wild declaration. "I want to remember! I want to find him again!" His gaze fell to the floor as he looked down, hands shaking in fists at his sides. His voice came out unnaturally soft. "I just don't see how someone can give it up."

The dark-haired man was not one to miss that slip, and he grinned faintly, turning his eyes onto his expressive companion. "You really want to keep them then? Your memories?" he questioned quietly.

The younger man nodded but didn't reply.

Vincent smiled softly. "Very well then. I can help you with that. It is, after all, why I felt so inclined to rescue you to begin with." His wings twitched faintly, a slight stretching motion before settling down against his back, acting almost as if they had a life of their own.

"What do you mean?" Axel questioned, making a conscious effort to calm the sudden anger that had risen in him. The true depth of his feelings had nearly overwhelmed him, surprising him with its intensity and voracity. It was strange and yet satisfying… that righteous fury. His fingers cramped as he sought to unfurl them, but he still gave Vincent his full attention.

The crimson-eyed man nodded, moving to sat back down in the chair. His body adjusted itself accordingly, wings flexing before shifting into a comfortable place. He leaned his chin on one hand and laid the other on the arm of his chair, idly tapping it. Axel copied his movements to an extent, flopping down on the bed and sitting upright.

"Here on Gaia's Grotto, those that reject their new lives aren't accepted. They are cast immediately from the world, not even given a choice."

Axel furrowed his brow. "Isn't that a good thing? For those that don't want to be here?"

Vincent shook his head. "No. Remember, this is for second chances. It's straight into nothingness, into that all-consuming blankness for those that reject it."

The other male couldn't help but shudder at the thought. Though he wondered which was worst, living having forgotten who you are… or dying and remaining yourself. Not all prisons were made of steel and stone, not all walls as infinite and infallible.

"I still have to take you to the Center," Vincent continued. "You are nearly overdue for it. Any longer, and they will get suspicious."

"But they'll erase my memories there!" Axel protested. "That's what you said!"

The fingers tapped impatiently. "I did. However, you did not let me finish." He leveled his gaze on the younger male. "There is one way to dilute the effect of the Cleansing so that it only appears to have an effect on you. You know your name already, but surely, there is something strong and resonant inside of you that you cling to… someone, something precious that will keep your sanity and yourself. All you would have to do then is to pretend to accept the new name and life they give you afterwards."

"Like you did?"

Vincent nodded. "Hai. In public, I am Ceran, but I work in secret to find a way from this planet, helping those with the same desires." His gaze lowered to the floor, something akin to regret and sorrow reflecting in his eyes. "Very few make it through the cleansing, however. I wouldn't want you to build up false hope."

The scarlet-haired male shrugged, stretching casually. "Not as if I have a lot of real hope to begin with. I don't have much of a choice, either way."

He smiled faintly, eyeing Axel with a slightly bemused look. "I do see something in you though, and I think that perhaps you can."

Axel snorted. "Of course, I can!" he boasted, completely sure of himself. "These are my damn memories, and I'm keeping them!"

A real smile, something that Axel was seeing for the first time, finally appeared on the other man's face… as if he had found either a kindred spirit or someone who would not go down as easy as the others. He nodded his head at Axel's exuberance. "You have a few hours to find that special memory. At the end of my shift, I shall return and take you to the Center. After that, it's up to you," he explained, gracefully sliding to his feet so that his cloak resettled about his form comfortably.

Special memory, hmm? Well, that was easy enough for Axel to understand. It was obviously that blond boy, Roxas, but he didn't know what exactly that young man meant to him or why every one of his dreams involved him. Regardless, he was certain that within him was the key to his memories, not to mention that strange feeling that assaulted his emotions every time he thought of the ocean-eyed male. There was something there that he just couldn't quite put a finger on. Axel frowned, inwardly waving away his thoughts and returning his attention to Vincent.

"You still have to work? I thought you were off."

Vincent waved a slightly clawed hand, dismissing the comment. "This is my rest break for my wings," he added. "Nightmares aren't uncommon when your memories are fighting to resurface. I made it a point to check into your welfare."

The other male smirked. "My welfare, hmm?" He leaned forward, peering into crimson eyes. "You were worried about me!" he crowed, laughing when a flustered look appeared briefly on his rescuer's face.

An eyebrow twitched before Vincent turned away hastily. "I was concerned for your mental well-being," he insisted. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must return to work." He nodded slightly, dismissing himself.

Axel laughed at the older man's discomfiture, rising up off the bed. "I'm teasing, man," he said. "Though you are cute when you're embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed," Vincent retorted shortly, already heading for the door. His wings seemed to sense his mood, twitching almost continuously. "I'm going to be late."

"Hmph," Axel muttered, following the older male as he moved down the hall. "And what am I supposed to do? Until you come back, that is?"

Vincent shrugged. "I think that you can amuse yourself for a few hours." The winged man smirked as he reached for something hanging on a peg near the exit, buckling it around his thigh with practiced ease.

Curiosity ate at Axel, especially since Vincent seemed like such a private man. Almost like a mystery box with one of those damned riddles that although it was aggravating, the prize was in the solving.

"What's that?" he questioned, moving forward and pushing Vincent's cloak aside to reveal the mysterious item. He didn't fail to notice the other male subtly recoiling from the almost intimate touch. Axel's fingers brushed over what appeared to be a holster as his eyes widened in surprise.

"That's some serious firepower there, Vince," he commented, slightly awed. Too busy admiring the weapon, however, he did not notice when the already pale man seemed to whiten further, stiffening at something he had said. "What's it called?"

Before Axel could even say anything more, he was roughly shoved away, nearly tripping over his own heels as he fell against the wall. Vincent tugged his cloak over himself almost violently as he hissed, "Don't call me that!" before yanking the door open. "I'll be back in a few hours!" Somehow, the door managed to shut without being slammed as he disappeared.

For a moment, Axel stood there, pushed against the wall, hardly blinking. That was the first time he had ever seen Vincent react so outwardly. He wasn't frightened… but confused… and perhaps a bit guilty. Somehow, he had upset the other man without realizing it. It sure was a shitty way to repay him for his help. He stared at the door for a few seconds before realizing that standing there like an idiot was accomplishing nothing.

Then with a sigh, Axel ran a hand through his hair as he ambled into the kitchen, a grumbling stomach quickly becoming a distraction. He made a vow to himself as he rummaged about in the nearly empty refrigerator that he would be more careful in the future around Vincent. Not that he was afraid of the winged man… okay, perhaps he was just a little, but it was only polite.

It was more because he could tell that whatever he had said had hurt the man, and he wasn't out to harm someone that had probably saved him from being erased forever. Despite his strength, in many ways the dark-haired man seemed fragile, a startling contrast. It only furthered Axel's resolve to help Vincent find a way off Gaia's Grotto, for the other man's sake if not his own.

---

They were greeted as they walked into the Center for New Life. Actually, it was Vincent who was greeted, Axel mostly received smiles and stares, some of appreciation but most of wariness, like they feared him. He couldn't help but wonder why. Then again, compared to how the rest of the world looked: drab, conformed, quiet… he might have seemed extravagant and exotic. He didn't think he could ever get over what Gaia's Grotto appeared like outside of Vincent's home.

Even though he saw it from above, being carried by the winged male was an interesting experience to say the least, it would be forever impressed upon his mind. He agreed with Vincent. This place was no Heaven. It was Hell thinly disguised with the ideas of "freedom" and "renewal." He would surely go mad if he didn't find a way to escape. He didn't see any forms of entertainment other than the rather huge library.

He remembered that Vincent didn't own a television, nor did he see any evidence of a game field or a theater… or anything else for that matter. As if life's little pleasures weren't allowed. It made him ill. He couldn't see any bars or chains, but it surely felt like a prison. It wasn't until Vincent had kindly asked him to settle that Axel even realized he was squirming uncomfortably in the unnaturally strong arms of the other man.

When Vincent had come home from work, he had acted like nothing had happened, as if he had never gotten angry with Axel. The redhead was content to let be that way for the time being, unwilling to push him further. Still, he vowed to find out more about it later, perhaps when he could catch Vincent off guard or make sure that the man wasn't going to leave on him. The dark-haired male was intriguing, an enigma, and he fascinated Axel, especially since it was obvious there was a story, if Vincent truly wanted to escape from Gaia's Grotto that badly.

The older man didn't respond to anyone as they walked, merely nodding his head at them or sometimes completely ignoring them altogether. Axel did notice that a faint twitching of his eyebrows and slight grimace had taken over the man's features. Apparently, Vincent was not altogether fond of crowds. He kept a firm clawed grip on Axel's shoulders, while the jade-eyed man tried his best to look around in confused amusement. He had a front to keep up after all.

As they walked through the decidedly boring and unadorned hall that was made of glass and stone like the rest of the building, Axel was surprised by how many others he saw with wings. They were of all different sizes and designs, some feathered like a bird or angel, some scaly like a dragon. He had believed, for some unknown reason, that Vincent was the only one with wings, but he had obviously been mistaken.

"I will take you first to the council room. From there, I will declare where and in what state I found you before they quickly take you off to be cleansed," said Vincent, softly explaining what as to be happen. He spoke lowly, keeping his eyes locked on the path ahead as his boots were nearly soundless on the tiled floor below. "If you make it through the cleansing, I will offer to introduce you to your new home and job that way you don't have to act for too long."

Axel nodded in understanding. "Right." He paused, frowning for a moment. "So… should I pretend to be scared… or just confused and awed when I go in there?"

The dark-haired man shrugged nearly imperceptibly. "Reactions are varied. Some of the more brave are excited. The more fearful frightened. And still others were so lost they could do nothing but stare ahead blankly. It is up to you." He smirked faintly. "However, please refrain from making any statements referring to your true name or your memories… else they will try to use a much stronger cleansing method to remove them. Even more importantly, remember that afterwards when they give you a name."

Axel logged that away for future reference, unable to suppress the small shiver of nervousness that shot through him. Even though he knew which memory to cling to, as Vincent had instructed, he couldn't help but wonder if it was enough. All he knew was a name, and that wasn't much to go on. He feared losing himself as well, even though he knew he wouldn't even remember it afterwards.

It pissed him off that they would make their decision for him. That this council thought it could decide what it wanted like everyone else were merely slaves under its command. He vowed that if they ever found a way off Gaia's Grotto, then they would also find a way to rescue those bound there. It was just plain wrong.

A small tightening of the hand on his shoulder caused Axel to look up. Vincent was directing him towards a door… an elevator to be more precise. The doors had already slid open, awaiting their entrance. Once inside the surprisingly cramped space, Vincent pressed the key for the seventh floor and up they went, not as smoothly as Axel would have liked. He was only glad that there was no music playing.

They didn't speak any further, the dark-haired man's face pulled into an almost broody expression as he stared blankly at the floor. As it was, Axel was too nervous and thoughtful to consider conversation as well. He had in his mind what the council would be like: a table full of old people all staring at him with judging eyes and penetrating glares. He shivered unconsciously at that.

But when the doors to the elevator slid open, admitting them to the seventh floor of the Center with a mild chime, he had to resist the urge to drop his jaw in stock. The doors slid aside to reveal a mid-sized room devoid of all furniture save a row of what appeared to be televisions lining the far wall, which wasn't really that much of a distance away. There was nothing else to indicate importance within the room. Axel snuck a glance at Vincent, but the dark-haired didn't seem perturbed. He had thought for sure that they were in the wrong room.

As they stepped across the threshold into the room, one by one the televisions popped on, shadowed faces filling their screens, eight in all. Yet, he couldn't distinguish anything about the person behind the silhouette. Vincent moved to the center of the room, standing somewhere between the fourth and fifth television, saluting rigidly as he presented Axel to them. It wasn't that difficult for the redhead to feign his awe, he was confused.

"State your findings, Gatherer," spoke one of the screens, but Axel couldn't discern which, only assuming it was one of the last three judging by the direction it had come from. The voice was female, but that was all he recognized.

Vincent inclined his head slightly. "On my last sweep, I came across this young man nearly beset by the memory beasts. He has no memory, as to be expected, councilor." His voice was almost mechanical, strangely robotic, as if reciting from a pre-planned speech. Axel immediately didn't like the sound of it but refrained from making a comment.

All of the sudden, he knew without a doubt that eight pairs of eyes had turned on him. He felt distinctly uncomfortable, squirming where he stood as they appraised him and resisting the urge to bare his teeth and clench his fists. These were the so-called rulers of Gaia, the ones that made all the decisions, the men and women that wouldn't let him keep his memories. Despite his discomfiture, his righteous anger was beginning to return in full force. He fought it down, if only to protect what was rightfully his.

"Welcome to Gaia's Grotto," said a female voice pleasantly, one vaguely off to the right. He swiveled his head in her direction but was distracted by a male tenor to the left.

This one was not quite so pleasant, so rude he could almost feel the sneer directed at him. "You will enjoy your stay here, we assure you," that one assumed. "It is after all, a privilege that you have been allowed on this world to begin a new life."

"A new life?" Axel questioned, putting as much awe and confusion into his voice as much as he was able.

Another male snorted, the silhouette on the screen directly in front of Axel wavering slightly as if its occupant had moved. "He is a rather poor specimen." The man sniffed. "But I suppose he will do. Give him to the twins."

A door to Axel's left clicked open audibly at the man's words, a child emerging and drawing the redhead's attention. She was tiny, frail, and expressively dark-skinned with large brown eyes. She couldn't have been more than seven or eight, but there was a definite aura of strength about her, despite the lithe frame. She stood there complacently, quietly, seemingly awaiting further instructions. Vincent, Axel noticed, had gone completely silent, almost blending into the shadows.

"Arisawa," came the same cold and somewhat frightening tone, much like the saccharine sweet sneer of a sadistic child molester. "This man is to be given to the twins. Take him to the proper capsule."

She nodded, bowing deeply as she closed her almost unnaturally dark eyes. "Hai, sensei," she said softly before looking up and eyeing Axel appraisingly, almost as if trying to discern whether or not he was beneath her notice. Despite her pixyish features, she sent a trill of dread through the tattooed man's body. He was twice her size, dammit; he shouldn't fear her!

Nevertheless, he went along with the child, unwilling to appear contrary to the council and have them change their decision. As she led him away, Axel could hear the distinct and familiar sound of Vincent's voice speaking softly to the council, though he couldn't make out the words.

They walked through the door, and Axel found himself in a wide open, brightly lit space that was devoid of any decoration or furniture except for the mysteriously shaped contraption in the direct center of the room. It was vaguely shaped like an egg, an off-white color, sitting on a three-pronged stand. The capsule-like object was large enough to fit a grown man, even one of his lanky height and had many tubes, wires, and protrusions extruding from its otherwise smooth and metallic surface.

He paused to gape at it, wondering what the hell it was, when Arisawa grabbed one of his hands, gently tugging it forward. Axel looked down to find her quietly watching him, those strangely dark eyes completely expressionless. Again that vaguely unsettling feeling washed over him, and he swallowed thickly, letting her drag him to where she liked without argument, which just happened to be directly towards the faintly gleaming egg-shaped device.

He watched in a deranged sort of fascination as the object seemed to almost bloom, the closer they approached, making a slit large enough for someone of his side to slide through and enter. Axel had the feeling that he was supposed to go into that thing, and he swallowed nervously once more.

"This is called the Cleanser," she explained quietly as they stood outside the parted metal, gesturing to it off-handedly. "It should help you remember."

He resisted the urge to scream "Lies!" at her, only nodding dumbly. She watched him with those eyes before coaxing him inside. He put one hand on the cold slim metal a bit apprehensively, staring into the darkened aperture. A slight pressure on his back had him swallowing thickly and going inside.

As he suspected, it was ovate, the bottom and top both coming to a vague sort of point. He turned to look behind him at Arisawa, but she was already taking a step backwards, allowing the sides of the egg-shaped Cleanser to come together, effectively sealing him within, although the cap remained open. He looked up, bright streams of light glinting down on him, nearly startling when she poked her head over the top. As the last latch clicked into place, there was a sudden thunking sound before a rushing noise filled the ovate space.

Before he knew what was going on, the Cleanser began to fill with some sort of liquid. He had to fight down the rising panic, unwilling to look up helplessly at Arisawa. He could still feel her penetrating gaze on him, and that only unnerved him further. Despite the fact that it sounded like water, he didn't really believe it was so, not with the way the liquid seemed to conform to his body, lifting him up effortlessly. It gradually slowed as it filled to the top, and he found the nervousness fading away. He wouldn't drown.

"Lie back and relax. Just let go," Arisawa suggested, a big smile on her face that was not the least bit encouraging as he looked up at her. He nodded in understanding, and she stepped back, pressing something outside the capsule to activate it.

The lid closed as he attempted to settle back into the liquid, immediately disliking the sensation. The bright florescent lights above were blocked out by the cap, and he was suddenly, completely, and silently alone. He could hear nothing of what was beyond the egg-like device, even as he laid back and attempted to float, just as the young girl had explained to him. Several long minutes passed, or perhaps it was only seconds, time seemed to pass by differently. He lost all sense of it.

It was distinctly unsettling, the feeling of being weightless within the warm water. It made him feel almost as if he wasn't there. Combined with the complete lack of sound and sight, he started to feel like his existence was fleeting, fading away like sakura blossoms on the wind. He could breathe, but the pressure of the water on his chest was like a heavy blanket, and as much as he wanted to move, he didn't think it would be possible. He lacked both the strength and will.

Just when Axel thought he couldn't stand it anymore and was beginning to panic, something happened, his perception of everything changed. He couldn't really explain how he knew it was coming, just that he sensed something about the situation had altered. A faint humming rippled through the water and through his body in undulating waves, and he opened his eyes, not even knowing that he had closed them.

He nearly gasped at what he saw. What before had been complete darkness, now seemed to be a burst of rainbow sunlight across and along the shell of the device they had put him in. The very walls seemed to move, rippling and twirling along with the multi-colored glow that writhed and danced. It captivated his attention, his gaze riveted on the undulating blue and purple, wrapped around a green forest of golden sparkles. He longed to reach and touch, but his hands seemed useless, devoid of all movement.

He couldn't even speak or gasp in awe, mesmerized by the dancing color. His world view faded, dropped away until there was nothing but him and the color… him and the metal capsule. Axel was no longer even aware of the water, and for a moment, he forgot why he was even there to begin with, too captivated by the colors. Then, a voice echoed across his subconscious, more like a subtle whisper, but it was enough to shake him momentarily from the entrancing spell of the lights.

His memory! His reason! Of course. He had nearly fallen for their trap. Forcefully closing his eyes, Axel sucked in as deep a breath as he was able and sought to push away the thrumming of the capsule, ignoring the lights that still seemed to push at his closed eyelids.

"Roxas…" he mouthed to himself, though he couldn't hear the words. He felt the tremor of his voice, however, and centered on that, locking his attention. He filled his thoughts with ocean blue eyes, an angry glare, raging fire… anything and everything that he could remember he played through his mind over and over, like something stuck on repeat.

"Axel… Roxas…" His name. The blond's name. Clear truths that he clung to like a spider to its web.

He murmured them like a mantra, a chant… but it seemed like the pulsing around him was getting stronger, faster, as if it knew he was resisting. The lights pushed and pulled at his eyelids, like they were not enough of a shutter. He found solace and relief in the darkness, trying to cling to the shadows until what felt like sultry fingers brushed across his mind. He knew they were intangible, knew that they couldn't have existed being as he was all alone. But the shock, the touch was chilling, was enough for his eyes to snap open and a gasp to echo from his lips. Immediately, his eyes locked on the mesmerizing light show, and he fell into their spiraling spell, lips paused halfway between chanting that name… a name?

Did it even matter? He was in an embrace… a warm comforting embrace. Unlike anything he had ever felt before. He was sinking into softness, flying among the clouds, and he was free. Free from everything before, from what had been. He could start anew, find his own way. He wouldn't be bound by anything. He wouldn't…

"Axel!"

No more pain. No more sadness. Tears were a thing of the past. What was the past? A brilliant light, shining and dancing that eased his heart and aching soul.

"Dammit, you bastard! You promised!"

Promise? He was a child, born and eager to greet the world. He knew nothing, nobody. He didn't make promises.

"Axel!" But that voice, it was piercing. It reverberated through him like some fierce instrument, and it was vaguely familiar as well. He knew that voice. He would… miss him? Metal, fire-warmed metal with a grip, spinning and flames.

What?"

"Axel! I know you can hear us!" Two voices now, but they were like echoes, one merely milliseconds after the other. And who was Axel? "If you give in now… I'll never forgive you, Axel!"

That's right. He made a promise. To someone… to ocean-blue eyes… and Axel, that was him. He was Axel!

His eyes shot open, and he gasped, his entire body managing to heave upwards, moving past the numbness that the warm water had infected him with. Hands scrabbled at the metal along the side, fingernails scraping and finding no purchase as his memories returned and the voices became recognizable.

Roxas! And someone else, much like the blond, nearly a shadow of him, but the name escaped him. He couldn't forget! He couldn't start over! He wasn't through with the first life. Axel gritted his teeth, firmly closing his eyes against the lights, which seemed to quail in fear at his determination. His hands closed into fists, and he sought to even his breathing as he chanted over and over in his head the only words that meant anything to him.

He didn't know exactly who Roxas was. He didn't know their relationship, but he would be damned if he let someone take any opportunity away from him!

The vibrating of the water seemed to slow, pulling back from his body. The chilly grip on his mind recoiled in shock, like he had suddenly lit himself with a fierce flame. He knew nothing but his memories, nothing but that fierce resonant dream to which he clung. It was all he had left.

Suddenly, everything stopped. The lights abruptly vanished, leaving him in the darkness, water gone chill with time. Somewhere during the cleansing, when he had momentarily lost himself, enough time had passed that the warm water had cooled. The humming ceased as well, leaving the water completely still. Yet, feeling returned to his body, that unusual numbness faded so that he mildly thrashed about, annoyed and wanting to be let free of the egg-like chamber.

The water bubbled up beneath him before the level suddenly dropped, leaving Axel flailing about to right himself as the icy water drained away with audible gurgles. His ears and arms now above the seemingly numbing water, he grasped at the side of the smooth metal, struggling to right himself. A faint latching sound could be heard before tiny seams appeared in the cap of the capsule.

A loud pop, and they broke apart, admitting the brilliant light of the Cleansing room. His pupils shrunk so quickly it hurt his head, and he groaned, closing his eyes and holding a hand to his head, tangling among the strands… the very dry strands. Urgh, the whole situation was becoming more and more confusing. Axel looked down as the capsule continued to open with a loud grinding noise, as well as the not-water gurgling away only to realize that he was not wet at all.

He could hear voices murmuring outside the capsule but couldn't understand what they were saying over the draining liquid. He felt dizzy as well and unnaturally weak, as if he had spent the last week trying to swim over an ocean or something. His mind felt strained, used, pulled through a grinder, and spat back out again to be reformed into something new. But he smiled against all that. Axel still had his memories. He was still Axel.

When the last of the liquid gurgled away, another seam appeared vertically in the entire capsule, splitting it completely down the side. It popped and groaned before swinging outwards like a door, causing him to stumble out of it with an audible cry of surprise. He fell to the floor gracelessly, slamming down quite painfully. Before he could utter anything cognizant or even try to push himself up, hands grasped either of his arms and hauled him to his feet. He blinked owlishly in the bright light, wincing at the pain of it.

"How do you feel?" someone questioned, a female he believed. The words sounded sluggish, as if he were hearing them through a film of water or something. He turned towards the speaker, indeed finding a brunette female with big, coke-bottle lenses.

He opened his mouth to speak before shutting it again, answering by way of shaking his head. He didn't trust his voice at the moment, not with the weakness still assailing his body.

"Do you know who you are?" someone else asked, a male, this time to his other side.

Ah, the test, to see if he kept his memories. Axel made a great show of furrowing his brow, opening and closing his mouth several times before sighing and shaking his head.

"No," he responded, heaving another depressive sigh. "Sorry."

Out of the corner of his eye he caught the two, the man and woman, exchanging pleased glances. The lady smiled brightly.

"It's alright," she said, directing him away from the capsule and supporting his weakened body. "We're here to help."

He resisted the urge to snort aloud at her words. Here to help his ass. He plastered a thankful grin on his face.

"I appreciate it," Axel said softly. "But I'm so confused…"

As the male laughed brightly, they led him towards what appeared to be a table in the otherwise empty room, excluding the capsule of course. Axel didn't remember it being there before; then again, the egg-like contraption had captivated all of his attention… and his fear at the time. The table itself was not unusual. Square, flat, with four legs and a small stack of random items atop it.

"We'll try to explain as best as we are able," the sandy-haired male expressed with a nod of his head. He gestured broadly to the laboratory around them. "Presently, you are in the Center for New Life on the world of Gaia's Grotto. It is a paradise of renewal, a place to be free in your brand new being." It all came off as a lame travel channel pitch, but Axel fought down the urge to groan aloud. He didn't want to make them suspicious.

Instead, he ooh'ed and aah'ed. "A paradise? Amazing. Why am I here?"

This time, the female responded, giggling almost childishly. "Ah, Ramsus, he likes to wax on so. You, my dear boy," she said with a tap to his nose, "have been specially chosen for this grand opportunity. You should be very proud of yourself." She released his arm, forcing him to lean his still surprisingly weary body completely on the taller male that he now knew to be Ramsus.

"Miang, you tease me," the sandy-haired scientist pouted, shaking his head. "Poor Abarai isn't going to know what to do about it all." He tapped his fingers over his chin, and Axel couldn't help but notice how pale the man was. He was practically translucent.

Suddenly, hands were on Axel's shoulders, spinning him around until he was looking into the strange sea-green eyes of Ramsus, nearly mesmerized by their intensity. "You, my dear Abarai, are very lucky indeed. After leaving this room, you will have not only a job, but a home as well and a ga-brother."

"A ga-brother?" he questioned, furrowing his brow. That was one part where he did not have to fake. Vincent had mentioned nothing about a ga-brother.

Ramsus smiled broadly before whirling about the slightly disoriented redhead again. Before he could regain his bearings, an armful of what appeared to be meaningless junk was thrust into Axel's arms, and he struggled to hold it all. He vaguely recognized cloth and the jingling of metal before Miang gathered his attention with a chortling, throaty laugh.

"You're new here, right?" she questioned with a wink and a point of her finger directly at him. "So your ga-brother will help you get acquainted. Kind of like a guide or something, I guess you could say. He'll explain everything to you, so you we don't have to waste our time. Not that I mind, per se," she finished with a long and lingering look over his body, her dark skin flushing as she did.

It irritated him.

Ramsus clapped his hands on Axel's shoulders, nearly squealing in delight. "You're so lucky," the male gushed, suspiciously sounding like a fan-girl in that respect. "Ceran's offered to take you home and introduce you to your ga-brother."

"Ceran?" he questioned, trying to sound oblivious as he stared in confusion at the pile of pamphlets, clothes, and other assorted items in his hand. He blinked owlishly at the woman, their erratic behavior rankling on his nerves. He had the urge to shove both his chakram down their overly eager throats and had to clench his teeth to keep from doing so.

A wide grin appeared on her face, the perfect image of a mad scientist. "Oh, that's right!" she chortled with a grating laugh. "You don't remember. He's the one that brought you here." Her brown eyes seemed to sparkle with glee at that thought, as if removing his memories had been the biggest thrill of her life.

Ramsus beamed broadly as well, vigorously nodding his head. "He was the one who suggested both your job and your ga-brother." Sea green eyes flooded with glitter as he sighed. "He so rarely takes a personal interest in newbies, though I can see the attraction." This time, it was Ramsus' eyes that raked over Axel's form making the scarlet-haired man feel like they thought him their own personal toy.

"Job?" he questioned, hoping to end this little session as quickly possible.

"Oh! That's right!" Miang exclaimed, pointing a finger in the air before thumbing her chin in thought. "It's about time you were on your way." Ramsus began to push Axel towards the door of the council room, enthusiastically guiding. "You know, more people to send onto their new life and everything," continued the brunette scientist as they neared the door, darting ahead of the two men to open it with a tiny dancing twirl.

"Good luck!" they chirped together in abnormally happy voices before shoving his weary body out the door, it clicking shut with finality behind him. He couldn't help but stumble over the threshold, unable to catch his balance thanks to the stack of random items in his hand. But a clawed hand shot out and gripped his shoulder, steadying him.

Axel looked up into gratefully familiar crimson eyes, exhaling in relief. A quick scan of the room confirmed his suspicions that the council had departed as well. Once he regained his balance, Vincent stepped back, releasing his shoulders and looking down at him impassively, almost peering as if trying to see if he made it through the cleansing or not.

"What is your most precious memory?" Vincent questioned, getting straight to the point. It was a test, in a way.

The redhead opened his mouth to speak, when the weariness that he had been holding back suddenly attacked him all at once. He faltered, then pitched forward, directly into the comforting and deceptively strong arms of the winged man. When Vincent effortlessly scooped him up, Axel's head lolled almost bonelessly on his neck, though he clutched at the dark-haired man's black shirt, trying to force his languid gaze to lock eyes with Vincent.

"Roxas," he whispered, trying to fight off the sleep that was attacking him relentlessly. "Roxas is… no, he is more than just my precious memory. He is the one that I want to see most." His hand on Vincent's shirt tightened further, words from the strange vision that had called him back from the cleansing reverberating in his mind. The last of his statement managed to fall from his lips, even as he sank into the exhaustive oblivion.

"He is… my heart."

---

Ooh, I thought that was a good place to end it.

Please, please, review... feed my review whore of a muse and she'll work double-time to get the next chapter out.

Oh, and I'm curious if anyone can recognize where I got the names Ramsus, Miang, Arisawa, Abarai and Ceran (spelled Seiran in the anime I took it from). They're from three different anime/games.

Thanks everyone for reading. And i'd appreciate any feedback on OOCness, if I have any


	4. Interlude 2: Subtle Calls

**Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! I appreciate you all so very much!**

A/N: You all tried valiantly, but no one could guess them all. Abarai and Arisawa were from Bleach. Miang and Ramsus were from Xenogears. Ceran (Seiran) was from an anime called Saiunkoku Monogatari.

I promise, Chapter 3, is LONG, so this interlude should only whet your appetite. Thanks!

**Interlude 2: Subtle Calls**

Part 2.1

Riku had always been a light sleeper, even before the events that had unfolded six months previous. Every little noise or jostle to his bed, a flash of light or a clap of thunder, would rouse him from his sleep, and he would awaken fully alert. When he started sharing his bed with Sora again, much like when they were younger, he still hadn't lost that annoying habit. Being as the other boy tended to move about in his sleep, Riku had learned to fall back into slumber quite easily.

Yet, tonight it wasn't that simple. He woke up first when an elbow pitched into the tender flesh of his belly and came fully alert when the sound of mumbling and barely restrained whimpers floated to his ears. This particular evening Sora had snuck into his house for the night, planning on leaving early in the morning. The younger male was always the first one to wake up, despite his propensity for deep, almost dead-to-the-world sleep.

Tired aqua eyes turned towards his bedmate where one arm lay curled near his stomach. Sora had wrestled himself around to his back, though he was twitching, tossing and turning back and forth. His lips perpetually moved, sometimes vocalizing a mumble, but otherwise, there were no words. He was covered in a thick sheen of sweat, as if he had been fighting some unnamed enemy, and one hand clutched continuously at the covers. Beneath his lids, Riku could see Sora's eyes moving restlessly.

The silver-eyed male frowned, sitting up fully and shifting to wake up Sora, who was obviously caught in some sort of nightmare. But as his hand hovered over his lover's shoulder, a strange pulse of magic, unlike anything he had ever felt before, tingled across his fingers. He recoiled instantly from the unfamiliar sensation, unable to tell if it was of good or evil intent. It certainly didn't give the same aura as Sora when he was working his own magic.

A small tendril of fear curled in his belly, and Riku pushed through the uncomfortable pulse of magic to lay his hand on his mate's shoulders. His skin was warm, almost feverish, even as Riku could feel the muscles flexing beneath his touch. He opened his mouth, intent on calling Sora's name as he squeezed the younger male's shoulder, but before the words could even escape his mouth, Sora gave one final jerk before coming to a complete still, his eyes shuttering open.

"Sora!"

An ocean blue eye opened and centered directly upon him. "R… Riku?" questioned the other boy in a confused tone, panting slightly. His gaze darted about him, seemingly taking in his surroundings as he frowned with that continuously cute pout, flexing the fingers of his hand.

Riku brushed a hand across his lover's forehead, wiping away the sweat and pushing back drenched spikes. "What the hell was that?" he asked, lowering his tone on instinct.

The brunet drew in a shuddery breath, one mildly shaking hand reaching out and grasping Riku's. "I…" He paused, taking another breath as he blinked slowly. "It was so strange."

The older male furrowed his brow in confusion and concern, shifting a little to pull the trembling boy into his arms. "Tell me," he commanded gently, tucking Sora's head beneath his chin.

He could feel Sora nod under him. "There was someone struggling, fighting against an enemy he couldn't see or touch. And he was losing the battle, blood staining the ground, jade green flashing. Lots of indistinguishable colors, and they mostly blurred all together. Then, I was running towards him, screaming and calling his name, though I couldn't hear anything. It was deadly silent, like someone had muted everything."

Riku pursed his lips in thought, casually stroking one hand down Sora's back to calm him. He didn't even want to think for one moment that danger was again coming to the universe. They had just saved the damn thing six months ago. Weren't they allowed some sort of rest? Especially Sora. The younger boy had been unusually quiet lately and oddly broody and contemplative. That coupled with his worries over things they couldn't change left Riku feeling powerless, and above all things, he hated that feeling.

"Do you remember what this man looked like?" Riku questioned, fighting down his own inner aggravation and worry. There were times that Sora, despite his strength, could be unexpectedly frail, and this appeared to be one of them. Although Riku was certain that it wouldn't be long before Sora would have to comfort him.

Sora shrugged against him. "No. It was blurry. And even if I did, I couldn't recognize him. I kept calling, saying things like, 'don't give up.' And then, it was like there was two of me suddenly running except the other me was blond… and he was even more frantic than me. Like something inside of me was calling out to the struggling guy. It really looked like he was going to… die."

"Die?" asked Riku, prompting the brunet to shake his head.

"No, not die. Somehow, that's the wrong word." He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. "I can't explain it," he finally claimed with a sigh. "It was just a feeling."

The silver-haired male bit back the urge to laugh. At least Sora had finally stopped trembling, and really, the pouting was too cute to be taken seriously. Instead, he snuggled closer to the younger boy, fighting down all urges that his body had at being near to his mate and attempted to return to sleep. Although they didn't have school the next day, they did have a mock dueling session with Tidus and Wakka, not that those two could take them down anymore.

"Just go back to sleep," he murmured against Sora's hair, inhaling the scent of it. He always smelled good.

The younger male didn't appear to hear him, fidgeting about in his arms before finally heaving his body and turning over on his side so that he was face to face with his lover. "You still don't take me serious," Sora complained.

"I take you serious… enough," he amended. "But right now, I'm tired. Besides, you're warm, and certain parts of me are threatening to make this a long night. So sleep." He closed his eyes and attempted to quell his lust, determined to go back to the land of dreams.

Sora sighed but snuggled closer to him anyways. "G'night, Riku."

The silver-haired boy smiled when he heard his lover's voice even as he headed off into a sleep. That way he could worry on his own without Sora being concerned. Something was occurring, something strange. He could feel it. He didn't have an explanation, but he was determined to find out.

Part 2.2

It was yet another one of those times when he was slightly grateful for the extra strength his mutated body gave him. Axel wasn't exactly the smallest of people, even though he still managed to be taller than the new resident of Gaia's Grotto. The younger male wasn't heavy, but there was a lot of limb, and he was more than glad when he finally managed to get home and lay the redhead down on the bed. His wings twitched and stretched happily afterwards, not liking the extra dead weight.

The crimson-eyed man wasn't entirely sure what it was about Axel that made him different from the other few that he had managed to… well, he supposed rescue was the right term. But for some reason, he had the feeling that there was something in Axel that might give him the hope to get off Gaia's Grotto. He couldn't explain it, but there were a lot of things he didn't understand. As long as he had been on this accursed world, he had come to learn that there were some things he just had to accept, his wings being one of them.

There was much determination in those green eyes, despite the fact that Axel still knew very little about life on Gaia's Grotto. He wasn't aware that surviving the cleansing was only the beginning. From there on out, it would only get more difficult, harder to suppress the memory loss, hiding what was remembered… pretending to be someone. It didn't get easier with time, and every time, he felt a little of himself die the longer he remained in damned "paradise."

Humph. Some heaven.

As he sat back comfortably into a chair in the room he had deemed for Axel's use, he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever escape from this deceptive hell. It had already been fifteen years by his count, though whether or not that meant anything in the outside, he couldn't say. He certainly didn't feel fifteen years older. And even if he did escape, there was no proof that he could survive beyond the world of Gaia's Grotto. He might very well be leaving to his own death.

Even so, he considered that better than the life he lived now. He never realized how much free will he had until it was taken away from him. Gaia's Grotto was little more than a colony of brain-washed people that lived under the pretense of a second chance. He supposed that at one time or another it may have been the paradise it was proclaimed to be, but now, it had degenerated into a prison without walls or fences, one that no one even realized was a cage.

Feh.

As it was, very few people actually died on Gaia, though some occasionally disappeared. The Guardians and those newly arrived usually perished at the claws of the memory beasts. There was the occasional accident, but murder and suicide… such things did not exist. They couldn't when one's mind was retrained to suppress such thoughts. And with the suppression of anger and jealousies, of sadness and despair, came the repression of happiness and joy as well. Those existing had merely shadows of true "life."

He still remembered, surprisingly enough, the day he had been "rescued" by his guru, Kuja. The white-winged, almost angelic Gatherer had found him much the same way that he had found Axel, fighting off the memory beasts and calling out for his special someone. It had been Kuja who had taught him how to suppress the cleansing and how to survive.

Of course, Kuja had been looking to escape as well. He had wanted to return to his brother, to find his kin. The tailed male had been a heartless, originally killed by those who couldn't recognize him anymore. Ironically, they had been the friends of his dear brother.

Still, by the time he had met Kuja, the older male had been on Gaia's Grotto for eighteen years, though Kuja didn't appear to be any older than thirty-five. Regardless, by the twentieth year, Kuja, his dearest guru, had mysteriously vanished. He could only come to two conclusions. Either the man had simply disappeared like many others, or he had found a way free of Gaia's Grotto. Were it not for the fact he was certain Kuja would have found a way for him to be free as well, he might have believed the latter. As it was, he suspected something had happened. He just didn't know what.

After being on Gaia's Grotto himself for fifteen years, he was partially afraid that at twenty years, he might disappear also, even before he had a chance to find his freedom. Once Kuja had vanished, he had taken it upon himself to save those who might have a chance to keep their memories. He had rescued many, but there were few who made it through the cleansing. The council was rather thorough and swift.

And it took a strong heart, a strong mind, and a strong desire. Lacking even one of the three, a person was left a mindless drone, living out their "second" life in "paradise." Ironically, this supposed Garden of Elysium was nothing more than a land of stone and rain, monotony and endless grief, and his only consolation for those lost was that they would never know what they were missing.

Truthfully, he didn't know whether to pity or envy them, and he longed every day to be free from his grey existence.

And of course, to return to him.

He often wondered during the long days and even longer nights if Cid would have even remembered him. Did his memories fade with time like his wanted to do? Had he moved on? Was there anything left for him to return to? Did it even matter?

That was the one truth that kept him going. It kept him searching, poring over old dusty tomes in the one library on Gaia's Grotto, asking for new information and seeking to save as many as he could, hoping one of them would arrive with the thing he needed to escape. He lived to return to Cid; it was the only meaningful thing in his worthless existence.

The strange memento he kept was the only physical object that reminded him of the gummy ship builder's existence. His memory was fleeting, often leaving him some days so that he could scarcely remember his own name, much less the name of his beloved. It was an unending battle against, so much so that he slept every night with the chain of military identification tags clutched tightly in his claws… so that when he awoke every morning it would be a reminder. He had nothing left in him but his few and precious memories.

Rough voice, easy laughter, proud words, and hopeful sky blue eyes, brighter even than the heavens above them. Even though this memento should have remained with his body when he died in his prior existence, somehow the object had survived. It was on his person when he had been rescued by Kuja, and it had been returned once he managed to come through the cleansing intact. Oddly enough, he had much the same for Axel. A small trinket he had found in the redhead's pocket. He would return it once Axel awoke, only keeping it safe for the moment. It was strange how such physical things could transfer to this in-between world.

But even then, he could feel them… the shadow beasts. They were watching and skulking from the darkness, black forms blending into the gloom with their glowing yellow eyes and licking their chops hungry for his most important possessions.

His fingers unconsciously tightened around the objects in his pocket, one a silver length of military tags, the other a strange metallic object with a chain dangling from one end. He didn't recognize the memento he had found on Axel, though he knew it was important. Either way, the solidness of both in his pocket helped ground him against the imposing glares of the shadow beasts.

They were hungry, but he refused to give up what was precious. He refused to lose his memories of blue eyes or the scent of cigarette smoke, choking though it may be. He refused, even when they sought to steal his very self, his purpose… his name.

His name…

He was…

"Vincent?" There was shifting sound, a rustling of covers perhaps. "Vincent?"

That's right.

His name was Vincent.

Part 2.3

It was a strange feeling, looking out through someone else's eyes, eyes that were the same as his own. Once, they had been his own, but that existence was a lie, a sham. Still, he had felt then, despite the fact that he wasn't supposed to have feelings.

Fuck that. He knew what was inside him. The yearning, the desire, the rage, the jealousy, and all of it coiled inside his heart because… yes, dammit, he had a heart. Otherwise, it wouldn't have hurt so badly; he wouldn't have craved so deeply.

But back to the eyes. He felt slightly guilty about forcing his emotions on Sora. Technically, he didn't even share his body with the boy, only able to force himself through the layers of unconsciousness to see the light after long moments of struggling and fighting. He was bonded, wholly and completely to that half he had been separated from for so long. He was a part of Sora and nothing could change that.

Still, he wished for something more. He missed… him. There was no other way to explain it. The stubborn bastard… he couldn't wait, could he? He had to make his own choices, his own manipulative plans. Like the "Flurry of Dancing Flames" he was named for, Axel had blazed his way against both the Organization and Ansem the Wise. And only when it was too late did he realize his own folly.

Not that he could blame the Nobody. He would have done the very same thing, though perhaps he would have been a bit more discreet.

So yes, he did feel somewhat blameworthy for the rush of sadness and longing that coursed through Sora at times, but he couldn't help it. Sometimes, they raged so strongly through his own non-being that it flowed into Sora… the one who actually deserved the life, the one who truly existed. Every time he saw the love when Riku looked at Sora, he always thought how unfair it all really was.

What kind of deity would make that possible? A person with his own consciousness, his own will and desire… yet not belonging to his own body, to his own self. It was cruel. There was no better word for it. Cruel… torturous… painful.

Was it too much to ask to want to see him again? Though the more rational part of him knew that Axel was dead, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe some part of him still lived. He had given his all in the kamikaze attack on the Nobodies. It wasn't fair. They didn't have a chance; they never got to say a proper goodbye. He didn't get to apologize for leaving. He didn't get to ask him to stay.

They never asked to exist; they never wanted to become Nobodies. It was an existence that had been forced upon them, and then, when the time came, it was brutally taken away, like they were nothing more than tools or toys for bored gods needing entertainment.

It was sickening.

Yet, he still desired that time, that life. When he was his own person and he could pick and choose what he wanted or needed. Like a certain redheaded and tattooed man, for instance.

Now, it was getting harder and harder to maintain his own self, keep what made him the thirteenth member of the Organization and the friend to the virtual Olette, Hayner, and Pence. The very essence of Roxas was fading away, fully bonding and merging with the Sora-consciousness. Soon, even the brunet would completely forget about the blond Nobody that had been his other half. Soon, Roxas himself would forget he ever existed… if there was even anything left of him to remember that fact.

It wasn't dying; it was living on. At least, that was what Namine had claimed. Yet, what point was there in living on, trapped within someone else's body, some other person's emotions and desires? Roxas didn't want Riku; he wanted Axel! He desired to have his own body, fulfill his own needs and wants. He wanted to choose where to live and eat his favorite foods, to pick the one he desired to be with on his own and not influenced by his other half.

For all he had suffered, was that too much to ask?

Honestly, maybe it was.

---

Thanks for reading! Please review! I'm still new to KH so I enjoy all critique and comments.


	5. Chapter 3: Nameless Faces

A/N: Funny, Axel seems to be spending a lot of time waking up. Also, I have never played Chains of Memories, but I have read a plot summary of it. So my knowledge is limited. Any OOCness on the part of those Nobodies only met in Chains of Memories stems from that fact. Thanks.

Beta'ed by the lovely and sarcastic Azar Darkstar.

Terribly sorry for the long wait! I'll try not to let it happen again!

**Chapter 3: Nameless Faces**

He dreamed, but it made very little sense, just scattered images, people speaking with their voices all blurred together in an endless litany of nonsense, fading colors and swirling backgrounds. There were verdant islands, sunny skies, darkened chasms and perpetual deserts all blending into a collage of things he didn't recognize. He felt the burning blaze of heat and fire, possibly his own inner magic. He relived the feeling of the power that flared inside of him, and all of it echoed within a sea of ocean blue.

Strange… so very strange.

And then, he awoke. He started suddenly, as if he was a drowning man finally able to get his head above water. Axel coughed and sputtered, drawing in heaving breaths of air and clutching at his heavy and pained chest. His entire body seemed to heave up as his head throbbed in sympathy, and his spasms lasted for several minutes until he was finally able to relax back against the now familiar bed, his head turning to the side.

He caught sight of Vincent then, who was staring out the window. He looked very deep in thought, which explained why he hadn't noticed Axel's earlier reaction. Crimson eyes simply continued to stare sightlessly out the window, rain steadily streaming outside.

The younger man frowned slightly, irritated at the lingering ache in his chest as he shifted about on the bed. "Vincent?" he questioned softly.

There was much he still didn't understand or know. He remembered the cause for his unconsciousness, struggling through the cleansing, hearing someone call to him about a promise he couldn't remember, and he shifted, pushing back some of the covers that had been carelessly thrown over him.

"Vincent?" Axel tried again. This time, he appeared to jump though the motion was barely visible, and he blinked once, perhaps twice before shifting his eyes to his companion.

"You're awake," the dark-hair man commented needlessly.

He couldn't resist the urge to smirk. "Obviously. But you looked pretty out of it."

Vincent brushed the comment aside. "How do you feel?" he asked.

Axel groaned as he completely threw back the covers and pulled his surprisingly aching body into a sitting position, and he swung his legs over the side of the bed, not minding his half-dressed state, wearing little more than a pair of darkly colored boxers.

"Like I took a dive off of a huge cliff." His stomach growled. "And hungry, too," he added with a slightly hopeful glance.

"Is that what you call a subtle way of asking me to feed you?" Vincent questioned almost amusedly as he rose with a twitch of his wings. Axel grinned up at him, forced himself to stand on wobbly legs, and followed the other male into the kitchen. Somehow, it still managed to surprise him every time he entered the homey environment.

As Axel flopped himself down into a chair at the table, he smirked, watching Vincent move around with that seemingly effortless grace. It was so damn… /domestic/ of him to be doing so, filling the teapot with water, poking around in the fridge for something to cook, and Axel couldn't help himself when he shook his head and tapped a few fingers on the table. He never really thought of the other man as anything but intimidating before, but now… really, Vincent was just /cute/.

"What do you want?" he asked, never missing a beat as he peered into his sadly stocked refrigerator. He ate rarely himself, usually ordering some kind of take away. But perhaps he could find /something/ edible.

Axel hmm'ed, leaning back to prop one leg up on a chair. "Something breakfast-y," he commented, choking back a laugh when the winged man nodded and began pulling things out of the fridge with effortless motion. It was strange that after such a short time he was already so comfortable in his presence.

"So… what do I do now?" Axel asked, disrupting the small moment of comfortable silence. The sound of clacking dishes, running water, and the gas stove hissing to life echoed around him.

Damn. He just couldn't get over how freaking /domestic/ Vincent was. It cracked him up every time.

The dark-haired man raised a brow. "Do?" he returned, peering over his shoulder from where he was dropping butter into a pan.

Axel nodded. "Yes, do." He twirled a hand in the air. "Like do I have a job? Now that I'm 'Abarai' what special little gifts does that give me?"

Vincent snorted. "You have an apartment, similar to mine down to the last square inch set in a building the same size and shape as this one. Conformity is the rule here. You have a job. I will take you to it later and introduce you to your ga-brother as well."

The redhead's ears perked up at this. "Oh, yeah. Those damn twits mentioned something about a ga-brother. What is it?"

"The twits?" His brow twitched. "You must be talking about the twins. They are number four's favorite… creations."

Vincent seemed to hesitate on the last word, something in his tone instantly making the younger male curious. There was a story there, he was certain of it, but he didn't want to spoil the strangely genial mood that Vincent was in. He filed it away for later, however. On top of the identity of Cidrick Highwind, and why Vincent didn't want to be called "Vince."

"Uh huh," replied Axel, watching him critically. However, he changed the subject. "Anyways, so this ga-brother?"

Vincent nodded to himself. "I recommended Reno – or Daunte as he is supposed to be known. He is a Guardian, like yourself, and one of the few that I managed to save. As a ga-brother, he is supposed to teach you about life on Gaia's Grotto and educate you on your job and your function."

Axel snorted. "You make it sound like we're supposed to be robots."

"In a way, we are," the other man responded quietly. "After all, what is a creature without choice or memory but nothing more than a toy?"

A silence fell as Axel took in Vincent's words, the only sound crackling of the oil in the pan. He was right, of course, judging by what Axel had seen for himself and what else Vincent had explained.

"This place is hell," he muttered under his breath, slumping down in his seat.

"Yes," Vincent agreed. "Though I've seen my share of hell before, I suppose you could say it is." He paused, reaching forward to turn off the stove at the same moment that he reached for a plate in the cabinet. The smell of fried eggs and bacon permeated the air, accompanying the distinct grumble in Axel's belly. Fighting against the Cleanser had taken more out of him than he had expected.

As Vincent dished out the food, a plate and tea for Axel and only a cup of tea for himself, the redhead watched him. He wondered how long Vincent had been on Gaia's Grotto and just what secrets the man held in his heart. It was obvious he was trying to escape, most likely for the same reason that Axel was, and the younger male wondered, just what type of person could earn the heart of Vincent.

"Tell me more about this Reno, Daunte, whatever the hell I am supposed to call him," Axel suggested once the plate of food was set before him. He wasted no time, quickly digging in with great gusto. Unsurprisingly, Vincent was a decent cook, far better than Axel would have done on his own at least.

The winged man sat in a chair across the table from him with grace, wrapping a clawed hand around his teacup. He didn't watch Axel as he ate, preferring to stare at some undetermined spot on the wall.

"Outside with public ears and eyes, you will call him Daunte. If it is just he or I, you can call him Reno. I trust him, and you should be able to do so as well." A slight smile graced Vincent's lips as he locked eyes with the redhead. "I have a feeling that you two will get along fine. In many ways, you are a lot alike."

Axel scoffed around a mouthful of scrambled eggs. "Doubt it," he mumbled. "I'm an original. Got it memorized?"

Vincent merely gave him that knowing look, shifting slightly in his chair as his wings twitched and returned to his gazing of the not-so interesting wall. "A Guardian's job is to… well, guard the gates of the city from the memory eaters. They are allowed to prey on those outside the city but are not allowed to come within. I was able to persuade the council that your intuition with your weapon was something you should keep, and due to this, you were lucky. They only used the basic Cleansing method."

The scarlet-haired man frowned at Vincent's use of the word "allowed." It didn't sit well in his belly, the same way that being on Gaia's Grotto left him feeling ill.

"Allowed?" he questioned. "If this place is some damn paradise, then why the hell do the memory beasts exist to begin with?"

Vincent's face took on such a range of emotions at his question that Axel's mood darkened as well. Grim anger spiked with despair fluttered across his crimson eyes as a clawed hand unconsciously tightened around his teacup.

"From my understanding, it is the council who first created and set free the memory beasts."

"What?!" His fork dropped from his hands with a clang, and Axel was on his feet before he knew it, palms slamming down against the table in outrage, causing the dinnerware to clatter loudly. Pure and fiery anger raced through him, burning like a fire, and flame licked in his green eyes. "They /created/ those things?" he demanded.

The winged man was unperturbed. "Gaia's Grotto is a small world, no?" he explained calmly. "It is a way to… thin the herd, to judge the unworthy, not that the general populace even know of this." The impassive expression returned to Vincent's face, furthering Axel's rage. How could the man sit there and just /say/ that without feeling the same anger?

"That's wrong!"

-_You can't do this!-_

"These are living beings!"

-_Roxas is not your toy, Xemnas!- _

Axel blinked even as the anger coursed through him, minor flashes of /something/ echoing through his mind. Words from his own rapidly fading past echoed in his ears even as he directed his ire at the man who could do nothing about it.

"Why don't you feel something, dammit!?" He gestured wildly with one hand, slamming down the other once more on the table to emphasize his point.

Crimson eyes watched him with only the slightest flinch. "Axel," said Vincent with that same eerily calm voice, almost as if he were speaking to a child. "Calm yourself. You're burning my table."

Eyelids shuttered over emerald eyes before the redhead looked down, barely registering that thin, grey smoke and the acrid smell of burning wood emanated from the wood beneath his palm, fire licking at the edges of his fingers. Slightly ashamed at his behavior, he took a deep, steadying breath before slowly removing his hand from the table, wincing at the mark left behind. Axel ran a hand through his hair before shooting the dark-haired man an apologetic glance.

"Go get dressed," Vincent ordered, filling the silence. He took a sip of his tea before continuing though his gaze seemed fixated on the table. "Perhaps after you see what life is like here in Firdos you will better understand why I choose to react the way I do."

Axel quickly deflated, nodded, and started for the bedroom before a thought struck him. "Firdos?" He half-turned back towards Vincent.

A sardonic and grim smile tugged at the corner of Vincent's mouth. "The name of this particular city," he explained succinctly. Crimson eyes burrowed into his own. "Once long ago, it meant Paradise."

Axel snorted. "Paradise. Right." Hands reflexively clenched at his side; it appeared that his rapidly changing emotions hadn't faded as much as he had believed. Was it because he was unused to having them…

Wait! Where had that thought come from?

With a pensive glance towards his own self, brow furrowed in thought, Axel turned back towards the guest room in search of his clothing. He had the feeling that Firdos would be lucky if he didn't set anything ablaze while "touring."

- - -

The material was scratchy against his skin, the clothes heavy and suffocating. He felt as if insects were crawling over him, and the collar rose up too high on his neck. Axel kept tugging on it long after they had left Vincent's home, trying to relieve the choking feeling. And the boots that he was given… they were hideous. Dark brown numbers with gold buckles that didn't match the completely black ensemble he was given. And worse, the dark clothing made him seem paler than normal, his vibrant red hair even brighter.

On top of all that, he had been given an elastic band for his hair. It now stuck up in an unattractive spiky ponytail. He scowled at that.

The weather certainly didn't help his discomfort either, not that it was unpleasant. It was just… there, tepid like a hot drink left sitting on the counter for too long. For once, rather than the usual downpour that Axel had grown accustomed to, the rain had slowed to a lazy trickle that slid down his skin and barely wetted his hair. Needless to say, he was doing a fine job of whining to Vincent, who was doing an even better job of ignoring him. Axel got the feeling that he had some sort of training in such a thing.

Occasionally the winged man would point out buildings, but otherwise, he was silent, unless answering one of Axel's actual questions, and that suited the redhead just fine. He was really only grumbling for the sake of it. The boredom in Firdos was only exceeded by the sheer /grayness/ of it all.

Gaia's Grotto just plain unnerved him. It was far too quiet, and still, the dead buildings were imposing statues against the cloudy sky. There was very little color, as if the world slowly bled all vibrancy from its residents. The concrete of the sidewalk beneath him was smooth, unmarred, squeaky clean even. He had the urge to litter just to disrupt the damn continuity of it. These people didn't even have enough individual thought to throw their trash on the ground like the rest of the normal universe. It was highly unsettling.

And looking at the faces around them only increased his agitation. Gazing down from above, he could see their robotic movements, their almost hive-like motions. But on the ground, walking face to face or along with the path with them, he could see their expressions clearly… or in some cases the lack there of.

It wasn't that they looked like walking puppets or that their eyes carried a blank stare, though in some cases that was true, it was just that they didn't appear particularly enthused about anything. No one seemed deep in thought. No one was aggravated, worried, angry, happy. They were just there, and something gripped him inside as he looked at the faces of these random strangers. They were miserable and didn't even know it.

Their smiles of greeting were false and without real emotion behind them. Laughter sounded hollow and cold, just echoing. Even the sound of the crowd's footsteps was more a rhythm than the cacophony of off beat steps, and Axel felt vastly out of place, almost like there was a sign over his head that said, "He has his memories!" in big neon, flashing lights. Fortunately, he was consoled by Vincent's presence at his side, the other man's impassive air perfectly mimicking those around them. However, the redhead didn't know if he could school his own into such expressions.

It was enough for him to understand why Vincent's anger was not as fiery as perhaps when he had first arrived. There was nothing his fury could accomplish; nothing his rage would suffice. These people had no idea of their situation. How could one be suffering without knowing they were under sufferance? And his irritation with Vincent quickly deflated, though he didn't say so aloud.

His gaze roamed over the nameless faces, registering men, women, even children… young ones that were turned into the Heartless or the Nobodies. It was a sad thing. Or perhaps they had been born here; he couldn't really say. Yet, he still managed to catch a glimpse of color here and there, but it was muted, dimmed. But then, there was a flash of something, and his attention was diverted.

Rose pink.

He thought he saw it, and he swiveled his head to the side, only to see a girl, or more precisely a woman, tending to what appeared to be a garden of dull and listless flowers, the first of its kind. The stranger straightened, half-turned towards Axel. She wore all black like most other residents, conforming nicely to a well-built chest, and he shook his head at that, changing his original opinion. This definitely was not a woman. It was a man with pink hair feathered about his face and piercingly cold, blue eyes that…

…_always seemed to stare right through him. He resisted the urge to fidget, however, completely unintimidated by the Nobody of the Flower element, despite his skill. Above all things, Marluxia was rather new, and Axel had been around longer than him. He didn't care if the castle belonged to the pink man. He still had seniority, or would have if he hadn't decided to somewhat join Marluxia and Larxene's attempts to overthrow the Organization. _

_Axel himself was leaning up against the wall, calmly regarding Marluxia with an even stare as the other male related his plans. "Vexen will more than likely fail. Kill him when he does. And quickly," he casually ordered. One black-gloved hand settled over the leaves of one of his many plants, almost caressing the vegetation. _

_The redhead had his arms crossed over his chest as he relaxed against the wall, one booted foot draped over the other. "You've got an evil streak in you, Mar," he commented with a lazy drawl before slowly pushing his body up off the wall. _

_Cold eyes flickered to him again as a sneer marred Marluxia's lips. "Do your job, Axel. I don't need the witless comments." _

_Axel's smirk turned into a lazy grin, one that he prided himself on as he gestured with one hand. "Okay, okay, keep your skirt on, oh Graceful Assassin," he mocked. "I'll kill the sniveling bastard, no problem." _

"_Your flippancy is irritating." Marluxia scowled, tossing his head before returning his attention to the plants, which seemed to occupy nearly every available inch of space within his rather spacious living quarters. Compared to Axel's own, Marluxia might as well have been king of the castle. Or was that Queen? _

_He resisted the urge to chuckle aloud. _

"_If you wanted a mindless minion, you shouldn't have chosen someone who doesn't give a damn," he replied dismissively, just to further annoy the somewhat stuffy Nobody. He flipped his wrist at him in a vague sort of goodbye. "I do what I do for me and me alone. Got it memorized?" His booted feet quickly carried him to the door, already feeling the thrill of the chase in hunting down Vexen. Sometimes, it was more fun that way rather than using the darkness corridors. _

_That was until something barreled into him from the side, throwing him against the wall. The breath flew from his lungs, his back forced against the wall. A solid coalescence of flower petals pushed against him, neatly restraining his body, as if they were shackles and bands of iron or steel. He could scarcely breathe, feeling the petals' sharp edges trying to cut through the black leather of his Organization- issued uniform._

_Now, Marluxia smirked, taking in Axel's predicament with an amused air. The firestarter could easily burn away the flowers and the petals with just a tiny burst of his magic, but he was half-curious… and Marluxia had yet to finish serving his purpose. So Axel remained quiet, watching the other male with a wary glare as he lazily stalked towards him, a flower pinched between two leather-gloved fingers. _

"_Whatever little manipulations you have planned in that pea-sized brain of yours won't work, little boy," Marluxia informed him snottily, sidling so close that Axel could smell that usual flowery/pansy/ smell that the man always emanated. "You can't save him so just do your damn job," he whispered icily before turning abruptly away and summoning a portal of darkness with a wave of his hand. _

_The moment Marluxia exited through the clinging tendrils of darkness, the petals Axel disappeared in a rosy twinkle of light that…_

…seemed to flicker in recognition, but only for a moment before they turned back to their work in the garden, digging up weeds with smooth and effortless motions. Axel blinked, a strange sort of vertigo assailing him at both the clarity of the memory and the speed with which he witnessed it. He hadn't even finished taking a step by the time it flashed through his mind.

Or was it even a memory?

He and Vincent passed by the odd man, and he took another glance, but those blue eyes did not look up again. That shiver of acknowledgment faded from his senses, and he was left with a vague feeling of unease, the memory already seeming to weaken in his thoughts.

He frowned. That had been strange.

"Something wrong?" The smooth tenor of Vincent's voice broke through the haze of non-comprehension. He looked up as crimson eyes gazed at him worriedly. Yet, there was nothing to say.

He shook his head. "No. I was just…" The redhead paused, a sudden thought striking him. He changed subjects. "Do you think when we leave that all our memories will return?" He pushed all thoughts of Marluxia, rose hair, and sudden daydreams from his mind. It was probably only a fluke. He hadn't really recognized that person. It was a strange sort of coincidence.

Vincent frowned, his concern deflected momentarily. "I really can't say. No one knows because if anyone has been able to escape, they haven't bothered to return for the rest of us." His wings twitched as his gaze fell to the sidewalk, a hand curling unconsciously at his side. "We might even have to start all over again, searching for what we were once more."

That thought was depressing, but no more so than the next question that he hadn't considered up until that moment. "We died, and that's how we came to be here," Axel began slowly. "Then… will we not exist outside of Gaia's Grotto?"

"Again, that is something I cannot predict," Vincent responded slowly, brief flashes of bright fangs glinting in Axel's keen eye. "But I do believe it is worth the risk."

The other male grinned as he shrugged lazily. "Anything is better than this hellhole," he commented, tilting his head back to gaze up at the sky. He didn't care that the raindrops were falling on his face or in his eyes. He stared up at a perpetually grey sky, the clouds nothing more than a smooth cap that did nothing for the imagination.

Vincent did not respond, but Axel wasn't surprised. He contented himself with allowing his mind to wander, turning about the recent flashback he had had. As he did, the low, almost mournful notes of an unfamiliar tune began to float through the air.

Music? In Gaia's Grotto? Was there even such a thing?

His brow furrowed in confusion as he leveled his eyes to search around, ears straining for the next refrain. He was disappointed. It sounded like a guitar, accompanied by a voice that caused a vague flutter of recognition.

"What is it?" Vincent questioned, noticing the look on Axel's face.

Green eyes searched the pedestrians with their blank stares that milled about him. "They allow music here?" he asked in return.

"Among other things," Vincent answered. "But you'll find it's not like you remember." He gestured ahead of them to a small park. "It is likely that the music you hear is being played there."

The redhead nodded in understanding, now immensely curious. Gaia's Grotto didn't strike him as the type to allow something as frivolous as music. He had even wondered if they were allowed to have relationships with one another. And for some reason, the closer they drew to the small park, the more his heart beat faster in his chest in anticipation. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was because the tune seemed vaguely familiar to him. Almost like an echo of a memory.

They approached the park where a small crowd of people had already gathered. The two of them made their way through the onlookers until they were in the front row, in clear sight of the musician. There wasn't much to be said about the man with a guitar, though he did have a companion with him. Both were obviously male. But it was the one with the musical instrument and voice that attracted Axel the most. He had blond hair in a bizarre style with soft, azure eyes that should have held a familiar warmth and a smile that…

…_for once was strangely absent. His shoulders slumped, his eyes having lost their usual exuberant charm. Axel was instantly on alert, wondering why fear was reflected in Demyx's eyes. _

_Wait, that was silly. Nobodies didn't have feelings. _

_Nevertheless, he knew at first glance that all was not well with his musical friend. It was dark around them, just as it always was in the World That Never Was, rain dripping somberly from the skies and causing a light, engulfing mist to spread about them._

"_I've got my new orders." Demyx was the first to speak, his voice carrying something that could have been fear and anxiety. He shook his head, blond locks swaying. "They so got the wrong guy for this." _

_Axel managed a smirk as he reached forward and ruffled the hair of his friend. "What?" he teased. "You gotta work with Xigbar again?" _

_Instead of a slight smile, Demyx irritably shoved his hand away. "I'm being serious," the older Nobody snapped. "Xemnas wants me to kill Roxas." _

_Green eyes stared at him, unbelieving. "You mean Sora." _

"_Whatever," the blond dismissively expressed. He flipped his wrist at Axel, fixing him with a serious look, all anger draining from his face. "I'm scared, Axel." He ignored the other Nobody's scoff. "I don't know how that's possible since I don't have emotions, but I am." Something bothered Axel about the look in Demyx's eyes, as if he could actually see the boy's fear and anxiety, and a strange feeling curled in his stomach. He didn't like it at all, and to chase it away, he tried teasing the blond again, acting flippant. _

"_What did you do to piss Xemnas off?" he questioned lazily. _

_Demyx squared his jaw, half turning from Axel to glare off into the misty gloom. "Dammit! This isn't funny!" he snapped. He paused, obviously trying to get a hold on himself as he breathed heavily. "You don't get it, do you?" he continued lowly. "You still deny it." _

_Axel's brow furrowed in confusion, running a hand through his hair. "What are you talking about, Dem?" _

"_We're Nobodies, Axel!" the musician exclaimed, waving his hands about to enunciate his point. "Don't you understand? When we die, we're nothing." An odd expression took over Demyx's normally cheery face as a laughter that could only be described as bitter erupted from his lips. "If we're even something to begin with." _

_The redhead Nobody frowned, daring to step closer to his friend. He put a hand on each of Demyx's shoulders, staring deep into his eyes. "What are you saying?" he asked, not sure if he liked the gleam he saw emanating from the depths. _

"_Have you even /seen/ the power in that kid?" Demyx responded. At Axel's expression he waved a hand of dismissal. "Nevermind. Yeah, you have. I can't stand up to that. I'm going to die. There's no other conclusion." His voice dropped as his gaze did as well, his head tilting to the side. "I don't want to become nothing," he added in a peculiar sort of mumble, hands clenching at his side. _

_Green eyes softened. "You could leave, you know." He couldn't help but think of Roxas, even as the words tumbled from his lips. "No one's making you stay." _

_The form beneath his hand tensed as Demyx shot him a hard look. "You're in this Organization… and you can /still/ say that?" he retorted, giving an entire body shudder. "Xemnas would hunt me down and kill me." The blond shook his head. "No, he would torture me before allowing death. I'd prefer Sora's method. At least, I know I won't suffer." _

_But once he started, it was as if he could not stop. His body continued to shake with fear and worry, anxiety over what he had been ordered to do, despite knowing his limitations. As a Nobody, it wasn't odd that he should not look forward to death. No one really knew what happened when a Nobody died. They just assumed they would fade into nothingness, which was perhaps the reason they had crafted the plan to regain their hearts. _

"_Dem…" _

_The musician shook his head, taking a step backwards and disengaging himself from Axel's touch. "I'll try not to hurt Roxas too much," he said softly, unable to look his friend in the eye. "Goodbye, Axel." And with that, he turned and walked off into the gloomy mists. _

_Axel couldn't stop him. He wouldn't stop him because he knew that Demyx was right. It hurt, even though he didn't have feelings, that strange twisting in his gut, painful like a knife. His only friend outside of Roxas was walking away from him as well. Were all the ones he cared for destined to leave him alone? _

_He sighed, anger and bitter, as he ran an anxious hand through his hair before turning on his heels and heading in the opposite direction from Demyx. However, even as he stalked away, he couldn't help but remember what once…_

…was reserved only for the greyish-blue haired man next to him. They were obviously a couple, judging by the way the other man was touching the musician and running hands through his hair. Yet, their eyes were lacking in any real emotion, more mechanical than anything. Axel blinked as yet another strange flash seemed to attack him, he couldn't seem to stop staring at the man who looked so much like the Demyx from his memories. He blinked again, jerking slightly when something warm slid down his cheek.

He reached up to press a finger to it, coming away with a moistened fingertip. It had been a tear. He stared at the drop of moisture in surprise, jaw gaping as he returned his gaze to the musician.

"What's wrong?" Vincent's voice came from his side, and Axel turned towards him. Crimson eyes were narrowed in concern.

He shook his head. "I'm not sure," the redhead replied softly, gaze shifting towards the musician, who was smiling his dead grin and beginning another tune. Axel's hand was still held before him, the single tear slowly drying on the tip of a finger. "For a minute there…"

"You thought you saw someone you recognized," Vincent finished for him, understanding taking over his features.

Axel sucked in a breath, tearing his eyes away from the musician. He was surprised at the depth of emotion he found in Vincent's eyes. It was something he had very rarely seen in the other man, who usually kept such things tightly restrained within. It left the firestarter very curious, and he ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"I got flashes of /something/," he explained, wincing ever-so-slightly. "Made my damn head hurt."

Vincent nodded in understanding before turning away, leading them out of the crowd gathered to hear the music. "You are likely not the only one who has ended up here," he began quietly, a faint twinge of some emotion to his voice, one that Axel had yet to identify. "I've recognized several, but I was not able to save them." Vincent's tone dropped then to barely more than a whisper as sadness reverberated around them, echoing with nearly the volume of a gunshot.

"They won't remember me then," Axel stated flatly, eyes narrowing as he ran another hand through his hair.

The winged man shook his head, his gaze falling to the ground as they headed further from the crowd and back into the anonymity of the sidewalk, heading towards their yet unnamed destination. "Most likely not. Perhaps for them, it may even be better that way."

Silence fell between them as Axel absorbed his words. Like everything else on Gaia's Grotto, they both depressed and angered him. It was infuriating how a world could seem like the perfect paradise but be only a thin cover-up for a beautified hell. Smiles were false, music hollow, relationships mechanical, and it sickened him. Literally. He felt ill every time he had to look into the faces or eyes of the general populace. It pissed him off more than anything, however. He felt the strongest urge to storm to the council and raze it all to the ground, laughing as the damned scientists went up in flames. His fingers twitched at his side at the thought.

The redhead cleared his throat as he shook his head, deciding to change the subject of their conversation before he chose to go through with that mental image. "You said that they would give me a home?" he inquired, turning his head to look at the other male.

Vincent nodded. "Yes. After I introduce you to Daunte, I will take you there."

"Oh, joy," Axel drawled in response. "I can hardly contain my excitement."

Vincent shook his head. "Your enthusiasm is duly noted," he deadpanned.

The firestarter sighed as he folded his arms behind his head, tilting his gaze back to regard the sky once more. The emotionless, nameless faces around them unnerved him, and he preferred not to look at them.

"You haven't a comedic bone in your entire body," he muttered under his breath.

"On the contrary," Vincent pointed out, "I've been known to crack many a joke in my time." He paused, pursing his lips in thought. "It's a shame that the memory beasts have consumed so many of them. I can't even remember one."

Axel glared at him from the corner of his eye as he huffed quietly. "Are we there yet?" he asked, waving one hand to vaguely gesture to the area around them.

"Oddly enough, yes," Vincent replied. Without missing a beat, he turned right along the sidewalk onto a much smaller pathway. He gestured ahead of them, pointing directly at a towering wall of grey stone with a set of incredibly massive gates, and Axel could do nothing but stare in surprise for several moments as he took in what he was to be guarding the following day. The wall itself was beyond climbing height. He doubted anything could scale the smooth and seamless stone. They were wide enough for guards to patrol the top, though there were few within sight.

The gates themselves were large structures, built entirely of wood with thick, iron bandings across them. For the moment, they were open, swung inwards to admit those that managed to make it through the plains alive. Above, there was a small rampart where one guard patrolled, managing to both look bored and completely impassive, even with his robotic movements.

Axel's gaze centered on the gate and the one man standing there, leaning nearby an open door, almost appearing asleep. His arms were crossed over his belly, head drooping down with his eyes closed. Beyond him, Axel could glimpse the plains outside of Firdos. The flat, foamy green stared back at him unassumingly, as if they did not contain bloodthirsty beasts and a person's last chance for freedom. He shivered unintentionally, returning his attentions to the strawberry-haired man that was still paying them no mind. He knew without saying that this was Reno.

Interesting enough, the man was very similar to himself in appearance, or so Axel noted. He was tall with long legs encased in black slacks and a lithe build, and his bright, red hair was spiked about his face, while the rest of it was pulled into a low ponytail. Two scars… or tattoos, Axel couldn't be sure, arced across the man's sharp cheekbones, and the white dress shirt he wore had the top two buttons undone, revealing the pale flesh of his thin collarbone.

Next to Axel, Vincent cleared his throat loudly as they approached the nonchalant man. "Daunte," he said reprovingly, "you don't appear to be protecting anything."

A smirk curved on the corner of the pale man's lips, but he didn't open his eyes, instead tilting his head slightly to the side. "I took down three of the damned beasts today, yo. It only makes sense that I deserve a rest." He spoke in a lazy drawl, his voice carrying an edge of steel and danger but also teasing as well, and Axel knew in that moment that Reno was one who hadn't forgotten himself.

Vincent frowned. "Three," he echoed. "That is more than the usual."

Reno shrugged, shifting position to cross one leg over the other. His smirk turned into a full-blown grin. "I heard you acquired a new squeeze toy," he commented before popping open one eye, revealing the brightest blue iris that Axel had ever seen, and looking directly at Vincent. "It's about time, yo."

The winged man sighed as he reached upwards and rubbed a clawed finger over his forehead. "You're going to get caught," he commented, looking at the younger man.

But Reno seemed to ignore him because in that moment, his gaze fell on Axel. Both eyes opened as he grinned and pushed himself off the wall, stalking towards them with his uniquely bright eyes centered on Axel. His movements were panther-like, a feline grace along with its hunger, his confidence apparent in every step. It was plainly obvious that he feared little.

"Cer', you sly dog," the newcomer continued. "Is this him?" Reno queried as he stood before Axel, though he shifted his eyes towards the dark-haired man, head tilted to the side. "He's hot, yo… and a bit like me. Is this your subtle way of saying you're finally going to sleep with me?"

Axel crossed his arms over his chest in amusement as Vincent sighed, fully prepared to say something. The winged man's slight smile betrayed any attempts at true aggravation, however, proving his true feelings.

"Don't be ridiculous," he chastised. "Abarai is--"

He was cut off by Reno once more. "Oh?" the other man questioned, swiveling his bright gaze back towards Axel. "Abarai, hmm?" He leaned close enough that Axel caught his crisp scent and his warm breath ghosted over the flesh of his ear and neck. "If you know dear Ceran here, then it stands to say that you have a real name. Right?"

Axel smirked. "It's Axel," he claimed, keeping his tone as low as Reno's. "A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"

The newcomer chuckled as he pulled back, shooting Vincent an amused look, and he slung an arm around Axel's shoulders, halfway leaning his weight on the taller boy. "Yeah, man, carved in stone." He grinned broadly. "I like him, Ceran. Is he a new companion to our worthy cause?"

Axel found the slight twitching of Vincent's eyebrow amusing. He could see that the man was not truly annoyed, which it made it so very endearing. Vincent eyed his red-headed companions, wings fluttering faintly behind him, and he crossed his arms over his chest as he fixed Reno with his most disproving glare. That coupled with the blood-red of his eyes might have been frightening to anyone else.

"You're reckless, Daunte," he finally admonished. "Acting like this. Someone's bound to notice." He gestured a clawed hands towards Axel. "Abarai is your ga-brother, not my lover." At the widening of Reno's smirk, Vincent sighed and amended his statement. "Neither are you to be." The last was directed plainly at Reno.

The older redhead chuckled. "A pity," he commented under his breath, directing his statement at Axel before giving an exaggerated sigh and attempting a pout at Vincent as he spoke to him straightforwardly. "Ne, Ceran, get off your soapbox, yo. Don't worry so damn much." He adjusted the dark sunglasses, pushing his hair further up his forehead with one finger.

"With one as reckless as you, concern is a given," Vincent returned stoically.

Reno laughed, unperturbed by the winged man's behavior. "So… Abarai," he started, changing the subject. "You're my ga-brother so you're going to work the gates. What can you do?"

Axel raised a brow but smirked at the same time. He held up one hand, palm upwards as his lips curled further. As Reno watched with interest, emerald eyes flashed twice before a flame began to lick on the edges of Axel's palm, orange and deadly. With a flip of the wrist, the small orb of fire leapt and exploded. When the flash faded, Axel was twirling a chakram on one finger, clearly pleased with himself. It was the first time he had attempted to call his weapon and magic purposefully.

Reno whistled. "Impressive," he noted.

Before Axel could comment further, a loud clap of thunder rose through the air, causing him to jump several feet in the air as lightning flashed just to his right, searing the concrete and blackening the sidewalk. Reno's weight abruptly disappeared from his shoulders, and as Axel turned to investigate, he found his throat was faced with a weapon very unfamiliar to him though judging by the currents racing along the tip of it, dangerously close to his skin, it was easily recognized as a threat.

He conceded to Reno's skill. "Lightning," he commented with a slight tilt of his head, noticeably away from the strange rod-like weapon. He dispersed his chakram as he continued speaking. "Shocking." Reno smirked as he retracted his weapon. He spun it around his fingers before it disappeared into thin air.

"If you two are finished showing off, perhaps it is time for Abarai and I to be on our way," Vincent inserted smoothly. Both redheads turned to regard the older man with amusement.

Reno chuckled as he shook his head. "Ne, Ceran, before you do that, how about grabbing me something to eat?" he questioned, rubbing his stomach for emphasis. "It's a long time before the end of my day, and my partner hasn't come to work yet."

Vincent sighed. "If you wanted to speak to Abarai alone you would have merely needed to ask," he responded as he stretched out his wings with a slight rustle. "But I will find you a lunch. I can't have my favorite Guardian dying on me just yet." With that, he rose into the air with a smooth wave of his wings.

After Vincent's departure, Axel turned his full attention on his new ga-brother. Reno intrigued him, and he wondered what the story behind him was as well.

"It's strange," Reno said, speaking before Axel could even ask him a question. The blue-eyed man was watching Vincent fly away, an odd look on his face.

"Strange?" Axel echoed.

Reno nodded, tilting his head to sweep his gaze once more over Axel's form. The newcomer to Gaia had the distinct feeling that he was being appraised, judged, in a far different manner than he had before. It irritated him, and he scowled, uncertain what Reno thought he was looking for. A moment passed before the man blinked and strode his direction, moving to stand directly in front of Axel.

"He acts different around you."

Axel raised a brow. "You mean he's normally more friendly and comical?"

Reno laughed, shaking his head. "Not to my knowledge. But I've known Ceran for the better part of five years. He sees something in you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered introducing you to me."

A sudden thought, one which never occurred to him considering the way the older man had spoken, crossed Axel's mind. "Are you and he…" Axel trailed off, uncertain how to voice the rest of his question. Although Vincent had originally denied it, he also knew how intensely private the man was. It wouldn't surprise him if Vincent had flippantly referred to it in order to dissuade Axel from the truth. It wasn't outright lying but not exactly truthful either.

"No," Reno responded succinctly, as if to ensure that Axel understood nothing else from his words. "There's nothing but friendship between us. He saved me, after all."

Axel eyed him. "You want there to be more."

Again, the older man shook his head, gaze shifting to some far off distance as one hand came up towards his head. He tapped the sunglasses on his forehead, holding back the shaggy crimson locks.

"I've got someone waiting for me, yo," he responded by way of answer. "Even if he never said another word, I know that he's waiting. Sinfully sexy though Vincent may be, I've more a thing for taller, darker men."

"Then you think he and I have something."

Reno shrugged, returning his distant gaze back to Axel. "I can't even begin to guess. You're here in front of me, so I can deduce that you have someone waiting for you, too. I won't ask. This place has the uncanny ability of taking every fucking memory you have and leaving you with nothing."

Axel didn't respond, unsure what he could say to such a statement. However, that didn't bother Reno in the slightest. He continued speaking, his tone taking a serious note different from the playful tune of earlier.

"This is a city of secrets, lots of 'em. You hoard them like they are precious because here your memories are as vaulable as gold or silver. And Ceran is like a pillar, strong, unyielding. Never once has he relinquished his hold on his memories and never once have I seen him crack or falter." Reno shook his head. "He's a much stronger man than me, yo. Even I don't know how long he's been here."

The younger redhead cocked his head to the side. "Why are you telling me this?" he inquired, slightly confused. "You didn't have to send him away for that."

Reno eyed Axel, his uniquely blue gaze disconcerting the way it pierced through him. "I want you to take care of him."

Axel's brows rose nearly to his hairline in surprise. "Ceran's not a child. He's been doing fine without me before."

"He's more fragile than you think," Reno countered softly, his voice taking on an almost affectionate tone. "He's just too damn stubborn to admit it, yo."

Axel had to admit that he was confused. "Why me?" he responded. "Why not you?" He had known Vincent for less than three days, and while he liked the older man, he wasn't certain what Reno wanted from him. It wasn't as if Vincent was dying to spill all his secrets.

It was Reno's turn to give Axel a questioning look. "You won't do it?" And just the way he asked that question had the Chakram-wielder riddled with guilt, as if he were the lowest of the low for refusing to help someone who saved his life. And Reno knew it, the bastard. Axel couldn't just say no, especially not when he remembered that look in Vincent's eye when he called him "Vince."

The firestarter exhaled loudly, running a hand through his hair. "You're not making much sense. I'm not sure what you want me to do," he replied, his words in themselves a concession. Vincent certainly didn't appear to need Axel's presence.

"Ceran thinks that you hold the key to our prison," Reno stated bluntly.

His jaw dropped as emerald eyes widened in surprise. "He told you that?"

Reno waved a hand of dismissal, pausing to adjust his glasses once more as he tilted his head back. "Among other things, yes." He hesitated, as if considering his next words. One hand fiddled with the shirttail of his dress shirt. "Ceran believes you know something that will be the answer."

Axel was speechless. Vincent had indicated nothing to him like that, but before he could voice any further questions, the sound of approaching wings interrupted him. That lazy smirk returned to Reno's face as Vincent landed near to them, boots barely making a sound as they touched ground. In one clawed hand, he carried a paper sack that rustled with his movements, Axel's belly rumbling at the aroma coming from it. Yet, not even the slight hunger could dissuade the other emotions churning inside of him, especially considering Reno's last revelation, one that he had not been expecting.

Though Vincent was speaking to the other redhead, Axel didn't hear a word of what he was saying, nor did he care that he was going to interrupt them. Fiery irritation and anger, both of which always seemed to build up so quickly within him, burned their way through his senses, leaving him rude and without care.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, instantly garnering the attention of both men. He fixed them with a glare, though his eyes were trained solely on the dark-haired man.

Vincent half-turned towards him, glancing over a shoulder and the crest of one webbed wing. "Tell you what?" His face was impassive, his voice eerily calm as always.

Emerald eyes narrowed as Axel's hands waved about in no coherent fashion, displaying his inner turmoil. "I dunno," he spat sarcastically. "That you think I'm going to be some hero. Like I have all the answers!"

The winged man sighed, turning his back on Reno as he faced Axel. The other redhead dug into his lunch, eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Does you knowing I believe this change the fact that you do or don't have the capability?"

Axel growled as he squared his jaw. "Don't play your mind games with me."

Vincent shook his head. "I am not. I am merely saying that it served no purpose to let you know what I believed. Truthfully, I didn't want you to feel that pressure, especially after seeing and knowing all that you do now."

"Then you really do care," he replied sarcastically. He sneered. "I'm touched." His aggravation stemmed much from the feelings of being used that coursed through him. As if Vincent had only helped him to help himself that he had suffered through the Cleansing for someone else was something that enraged him. He wanted to find Roxas! That was his choice. Or was it? He couldn't even be sure of that anymore.

"Don't be ungracious," Vincent snapped sharply. "I apologize for not telling you before, but I did not think it relevant."

Axel crossed his arms over his chest as he glared, another stare regarding him evenly in return. He didn't fail to notice that Reno was smirking and chuckling to himself in the background either. He did not know what the other man found so amusing. However, he was finding it difficult to keep his anger with Vincent when the man was refusing to argue with him. It left him feeling the immature one, which he was sure Vincent intended, the smug bastard.

Or maybe it wasn't that he was angry with the other male… more like irritated and fed up from everything he had learned: about Firdos, the Council, Gaia's Grotto… the nameless faces that didn't even know of their plight. He had nowhere to direct his fury at, and Vincent was the closest, easiest target.

Axel let out an aggravated and weary sigh as he rolled his eyes, looking anywhere but at the winged man. "I'm not a pawn," he insisted, the words escaping from his mouth before he realized it. They echoed faintly within him, as if somehow, he had once thought them before. He frowned in thought. It was just another vague memory.

Vincent shook his head. "I didn't say you were. It's entirely up to you whether or not you help us."

The Chakram-wielder couldn't help but scoff. "So /now/ it's my choice."

"It's always been your choice," the dark-haired man argued back in return, a bit of annoyance beginning to register in his tone. His eyes flashed tiredly.

The rustling of a paper bag suddenly intruded on their argument as Reno moved to intervene. He slung an arm across Axel's shoulder, managing the feat easily as they were about the same height, before pulling the younger boy towards him.

"Now, now," he tutted. "No fighting boys. We can't have that in Paradise." The hand around Axel came up and ruffled his hair, messing up his ponytail. "No need to get angry, Abarai. And, Ceran, quit being so damn enigmatic, yo. Explain something for once, ya tight lipped bastard. We're all friends here."

Axel snorted, but he found that his anger was melting away. "I'm not angry," he denied. "I'd just prefer to know certain important details from time to time."

"Right," Reno responded with a disbelieving smirk. He pulled away from Axel, shrugging as he threw up both hands in a gesture of defeat. "See? This is why I say that you stubborn bastards are perfect for each other," Reno continued, seemingly speaking to no one. Both Axel and Vincent ignored the ranting redhead as they returned their attentions to each other.

"Now, that you've met Daunte, I believe I promised to show you your apartment, correct?" Vincent questioned, smoothly changing the subject. The tension had not dissipated between them, Axel still struggling with his ire, but it was lessened.

The firestarter nodded affirmatively, arms still crossed over his chest.

"Very well then," Vincent responded. He broke off their unofficial staring contest and half turned to regard his friend. "Daunte, I'm taking Abarai to his home now. Am I correct in assuming you will be making sure he gets to work in a timely fashion?"

The older redhead paused in his contemplation of his empty lunch bag. "Unless, of course, my assistance won't be needed," he answered, shooting Vincent a cheeky grin and Axel a meaningful look.

The crimson-eyed man sighed, one clawed finger lightly rubbing his temple. "Get back to work. You're lucky the beasts haven't attacked," he ordered, shooting Reno a slight glare before heading towards the main sidewalk, cloak swishing about him dismissively.

He just laughed, flipping his wrist in goodbye. "Always a pleasure, yo," he called after the departing man. "See ya tomorrow, Abarai!"

With only the slightest of sighs and a playful fake salute to Reno, Axel followed. It was back into the crowd for him, heading towards the building that was to be his home. Beside him, Vincent was silent, seemingly locked deeply within broody thought, perhaps brought upon by their recent, albeit brief, argument. Reno's words rang clear in his mind, his request echoing like some vague mantra. He had but one question to ask himself now. Did Vincent really need him?

Glancing up at the man, Axel was beginning to think that it just might be possible. Besides, he couldn't cook worth a shit, and he'd be damned if he'd starve to death on Gaia's Grotto before seeing Roxas again.

Fair was fair, after all.

- - -

A/N: I know that there is not much Roxas in this chapter. But this story /is/ Axel-centric, after all.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!! The support I am getting for this is phenomenal. I didn't think anyone would actually like it. It just seems difficult to break into the Kingdom Hearts genre. Anyways, I hope you keep enjoying. Leave a review before you go and I'll be most appreciative. Thanks!!


	6. Portals and Shadows

Flashback 

- - - - Scene change

Thanks everyone for reveiwing! I appreciate it greatly!

**Chapter 4: Portals and Shadows**

Standing and staring at the huge building that housed his apartment, Axel found he was not impressed. Plainly put, it was a concrete square with perfectly spaced windows, like every room was the same size down to the last cubic inch. And though tall, it didn't pass the other buildings around it in height, just managing to stay below the tallest to its right.

Axel could literally feel his individuality seeping away as he looked at it.

"Ready?" Vincent questioned, standing right beside Axel and nearly mimicking his stance. His wings stretched and folded again at his back, as if tired of walking and seeking to fly.

The red-haired male raised an eyebrow. "Sure," he responded sarcastically. "Let's give up all freedom and conform. It'll be fun."

Vincent eyed him, expression unreadable. "You remind me of someone," he commented softly. "He used to cover up his insecurities with sarcasm, too." And with that enigmatic statement, he stepped forward and entered the apartment complex.

Axel allowed himself a moment to gape before darting forward and hurrying to catch up. He slid through the swinging glass doors with ease, scanning the lobby of the apartment complex only to find his companion waiting patiently at an elevator. Shaking his head, he strode towards the usually silent man.

"Who?"

Vincent raised a brow. "Who?" he repeated.

Emerald eyes rolled. "Man, you're slow," he replied contemptuously, ignoring Vincent's glare. "The one you're comparing me to. You know, the guy that 'covers up his insecurities with sarcasm'?" he questioned, mocking his companion.

The other male shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't remember."

Axel exhaled noisily as the elevator in front of them dinged with a cheery tone that rankled on his nerves. "Yeah, first you hide things from me then you lie to me. I'm so flattered." His tone was sharp, and Vincent didn't fail to recognize it.

They stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the fifth floor. Luckily, no one else climbed into the lift, and the door slid shut, entrapping the two men within. It was strangely quiet inside, only the hum of the mechanism enough to break the silence. The lift shuddered and rumbled as it climbed in a non-assuring fashion.

"I wasn't lying," Vincent responded. "I know that you're aware of how difficult it is to have any clarity in our memories." He paused, one claw brushing off imaginary lint from his pants as he studied Axel from the corner of his eye. "You're still upset by what Reno said."

Emerald eyes narrowed into slits, and Axel crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to respond to that. Okay, so maybe he was reacting out of anger, but he felt justified. Something akin to betrayal had blossomed up within him, enough so that he was also reeling from the realization that he considered Vincent his _friend_, and judging by his scattered memories of his past, such things were few and far between.

Still, somewhere between the gates and the Lego structure that they liked to call an apartment complex, Axel found he had already forgiven Vincent. That irked him, his own forgiveness. It made his anger seem more like the petulant acts of a child. Truthfully, however, he was still young; at least, he thought he was.

He remembered distinctly what Reno had asked of him. At first, he believed himself to be the victim of some huge joke, but the more time he spent with Vincent, the more he realized how incredibly lonely the man was and just how lonely he himself felt. He missed Roxas, couldn't be sure that he would ever see the blond again, and was alone in a world that sought to drive from him everything that made him Axel.

A little friendship never killed anyone.

"Are you planning on remaining in the elevator all day?" Vincent's slightly annoyed tone interrupted his thoughts, and Axel looked up in surprise, finding the other man standing just beyond the elevator doors with one hand held in front of the sensor to prevent them from closing. He seemed amused, however, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Axel had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't even realized that they had arrived.

Resisting the urge to flush with embarrassment, the redhead scowled and unwound his arms, stepping from the elevator and onto the thin and ugly carpeting of the hall. "As exciting as that sounds, I'm more interested in seeing what other luxuries paradise has to offer me," he drawled lazily. His eyes darted around him, finding that the hall was as boring as the rest of the building, devoid of decoration and utterly lifeless.

When Vincent didn't respond, Axel sighed and followed him down the hallway to room 508. The silence was unnerving to the redhead, and there weren't even the jangle of keys to soothe him. Axel was one who preferred chaos to order, noise to quiet. It was easy to hide then. On his own, in a structured and contemplative world, he was edgy and uneasy.

As Vincent unlocked the door, Axel crossed his arms over his chest. "Damn. I need a cigarette," he muttered, more to himself.

The other male froze, one clawed hand still on the doorknob. "You smoke?" he questioned, a strange note to his voice.

Axel looked at him curiously, even as he gave a dismissing wave with his hand. "Actually, no. It was a passing thought. I hear they're bad for you." His words were nonchalant, but he was closely watching his companion for further reactions. He man was so secretive, and it was natural for Axel to be so damn curious.

"So they are," Vincent murmured in response, finally turning the knob, allowing them inside the apartment.

"Don't you think it strange?" Axel inquired as he followed Vincent inside. A switch was flipped, flooding the interior with cold and sterile light. "How we can remember some things but forget others. I know I don't smoke and what a cigarette is but…" he trailed off, the words dying on his lips at first sight of his new home. "Fuck."

He hated it on sight. The carpet was a dim grey, the walls white and bare, the furniture thin and wobbly. He had only what was necessary for the barest minimum of life, and the entire apartment gave off the aura of conformity and emptiness.

Axel explored the remaining rooms, his heart sinking with each revelation. It was not warm or cheery. There was no consolation or a lived-in feeling like Vincent's home. It left him feeling hollow, empty, and incredibly lonely all in the same time. And he still shivered with imagined cold. He didn't like it, not one fucking bit.

Even if Reno had not asked him to continue living with Vincent, Axel might have decided to do it on his own. Living here would send him faster into his grave than merely coping with the truth behind "paradise", and as he strode into the living room, Axel was already forming a plan in his mind.

"I hate it," he announced as he came into the room. Vincent was, unsurprisingly, standing at the open window, staring down at the strangers below. He turned, raising an eyebrow at the redhead's proclamation.

"It's empty and cold," the redhead continued, gesturing around him. "There's no color, and the fridge is empty. I can't cook worth a damn. I'm gonna starve to death."

A faint smile tugged at the corner of the other man's mouth. "I highly doubt that. There are plenty of delivery places around."

Axel waved his hand. "It's too quiet and bare. Not at all homey like your kitchen," he continued, moving to stand by the window and by proxy, Vincent. He glanced out the window, surreptitiously eyeing Vincent to gauge his reaction. "And the view fucking sucks."

"Every home is the same as is every view. Grey and robotic minions. Were you expecting a rosy splash of color?" Vincent questioned sarcastically.

The younger man shook his head as he scowled. "No," he claimed, dragging out the word as he appeared to think deeply. "But I think it would be better if we didn't split up… for escape purposes, of course." He wagged a finger, half turning his body to give Vincent his most serious expression. "Don't want you disappearing without me." He laughed at his own joke, all the while waiting for a reaction.

"You want to live with me?" Vincent inquired disbelieving.

Axel beamed as he slung an arm over the winged man's shoulders, his hands brushing across them. "It'll be fun, don't cha think? Hot cocoa in front of a fire in the winter, pillow fights at the crack of dawn, sharing breakfast before work…" His smile morphed into a smirk. "You know you'll miss me if I don't."

Vincent titled his head to look at him skeptically. "What happened to all the furious hatred of a few moments of ago?"

"Oh that," Axel responded easily. "So I have mood swings. Doesn't everybody? Besides, you can hardly blame me. That was an awful big secret for someone to keep."

"I had my reasons."

The redhead rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know that. All I'm saying is: what can it hurt?" Axel waited patiently for the other male to make up his mind, inwardly hoping he would say yes. He didn't look forward to remaining in his sterile and empty apartment, nor did his quietly protesting stomach.

Vincent exhaled slowly, folding his arms over his chest as he turned his head to the side. As he thought, he unconsciously pulled his bottom lip between his fangs, chewing absentmindedly, and just when Axel was about to shake him, he heaved another sigh.

"I suppose if you are really that lonely," he acquiesced with a faint hint of reluctance. "Grab your clothes, and we'll leave. I'm no more enamored of this place than you."

Axel's face nearly cracked with the force of his grin. "Good choice." He patted Vincent on the back with enough force to make the older man to huff and pull away. The red-haired male headed for the bedroom before pausing in thought, half-turning back towards Vincent. "Wait? Clothes? They already knew my size?"

Vincent paused, seemingly considering his statement. "How long did you think you were in the cleanser?" he asked cautiously, crimson eyes searching Axel's face.

Axel shrugged. "A few hours," he answered, leaning against the doorframe that separated the living area from the hall. A frown appeared on his features. He had the feeling he was about to hear something he would not like. Although there was a moment when he had almost lost himself, that time had seemed very brief to him, certainly no longer than a few hours at the most.

"You were there for three days, Axel," Vincent stated.

His jaw dropped in surprise. "What?" he asked, unable to help his astonishment. It was impossible.

"When did you think I had the time to speak with Reno?" Vincent questioned as he turned to snap the blinds closed. His clawed fingers worked nimbly at the strings.

Axel shook his head. "I didn't--" A slight nervous laughter escaped his mouth as he brought one hand up to his forehead. "I can't --" Words escaped him completely, and he rubbed at his forehead furiously with two fingers, trying to force some comprehension into his brain. He raked his fingers through his hair, very disturbed by the thought of losing three days. He wasn't sure how to feel. Surprised? Angry?

The sound of booted feet on the thin carpet alerted him to Vincent's approach, and he looked up, somewhat surprised by the concern he found. "Do not be so surprised," the other male explained in a soothing tone, though it came off rather condescending. "In fact, I have known others to stay within for a much longer time. It is a testament to the strength of your heart that three days was the least of times."

Axel shook his head, turning away from as he rubbed at his temples. "I'll, uh… I'm going to grab my clothes," he said, dismissing himself. He didn't wait for Vincent's response, instead hurrying away in a frantic need to suddenly be alone. The words, the truth, reverberated in his mind as he shut the bedroom door behind him, leaning against the wood.

He didn't know why the thought of lost time shook him up so badly, but it did. Perhaps it was because it didn't feel longer than a few hours. It was obvious, that somewhere in there, he had lost himself for a long period of time. He had very nearly succumbed. For close to three days, he had given in to the mind training, and only Roxas' voice had pulled him free.

Anything could have seeped into his mind at the time, any number of thoughts that weren't his own, any number of beliefs. What if, dear Kami… what if he hadn't come out as unscathed as he had believed? What if some of his memories truly were false? A way to lead him astray?

The questions pounded around in his skull, echoing until a full-blown migraine began to take form. Axel cursed, the heel of his hand rubbing furiously at his head as he stumbled further into the room, slumping down onto the bed as his legs threatened to give out beneath him.

What if he had only imagined that he was fighting for something important? What if it was some programming that the council had input in him recognizing the desire in him to escape? If there was even one to begin with!

Argh!

It was all so confusing. He didn't know what to believe anymore. He had lost himself for three days! For such a short period, it felt like a lifetime to him, and gear began to coil in his belly as the memories flashed by in his mind. Blond hair, ocean blue eyes swirled until they blended into a conflagration of scenes that made little if any sense to him. What was he if it was fake? What was he at all?

A sudden knock at the door had Axel flicker wary eyes towards it. He was reluctant to answer, knowing that Vincent was just beyond. However, he didn't need to, the handle turning of its own accord as the winged male stepped inside. He stayed within the doorway, thankfully.

"Your memories are not false," he said simply. "I know that is what you fear at this moment, but believe me, all that you recall – Roxas – is not a lie."

"How do you know that!" raged Axel, one hand slicing through the air. "They could have implanted that in you as well! You can't tell me that it isn't a possibility!" His body hurtled off the bed of its own accord, and he discovered with much surprise that he was trembling.

Red eyes blinked. "You're right; I cannot. Save that I know _my_ own memories aren't false. They can't be. I was once a Heartless, but I am one no longer." A clawed hand unconsciously went to Vincent's chest, touching some unknown object beneath the dark fabric. "The longing I feel is real. That cannot be faked. They can employ emptiness, they can take away personal thought, but they cannot create emotion. So instead, they remove it."

Vincent's calm words were like a balm for his raging spirit, but Axel still felt incensed and confused. He faltered under the all-knowing gaze ,although he was still in turmoil. Of all that he feared, he was afraid of losing himself the most and his memories of Roxas. If those were taken away, then Axel himself was as well.

"You can't be sure!" he responded, shaking his head. "Not in this place," he continued, voice faltering. "Here you can't believe in anything." His hands clenched at his sides, fingernails digging into his palm.

"Then don't. Quit looking around you and look inside. Ask your heart if Roxas is real, and see what it says. Once you know that, it becomes easier to accept." Vincent's voice softened. "They can't completely erase you who are, Axel. That's why they attempt to bury it beneath layers of conformity. There is nothing, no machine that can take away your true self."

Axel slumped, eyes closing. Why was it that Vincent always knew the right words to say? Always calm in the face of everything? Had he been on Gaia so long that he could no longer react? Was he losing his humanity? Would that happen to him as well?

So many questions, every answer only piling more and more until he felt he was drowning in uncertainty, but he pushed those fears aside, attempting to concentrate on the one thing he begged to believe was real. He filled his mind with thoughts only of deep blue eyes and the fluttery feeling he knew went with them. He focused wholly on that, feeling the telltale quickening of his heart. A sensation of relief rushed through him, unlocking his tense muscles, and for a moment, he could have sworn that he heard someone other than Vincent whisper his name.

Axel exhaled all in a rush, anger draining from him nearly as quickly as it had arrived. He had always been too tempestuous for his own good. His body calmed. and he opened his eyes, feeling suddenly weary. Vincent still stood there, unmoving as he watched Axel with a calm expression.

"I was wondering when the aftershocks would hit you," the older man explained after a moment.

"Aftershocks?" Axel asked, slightly embarrassed at his loss of control. He raked a glove through his hair, now searching the room for something to place his clothes in. He walked over to the closet, flinging open the door.

"The last reverberations of the Cleansing. A failsafe device you could say. It was the last component of the process. I'm not saying that there is not something to worry over from here on, but at least your doubts of your memories will go away. Now, you only have to hold on to them."

Axel spotted a box in the floor, probably that one his now hanging clothes, had originally come in. "You knew this was going to happen?" he questioned. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Behind him, Vincent shifted, but Axel couldn't see what he was doing. He started throwing the things into the box in a careless fashion, not caring that they were going to get wrinkled. They were ugly and tasteless anyways, more of the same of what he was already wearing. He idly wondered if there was a clothing shop on Gaia's Grotto… or if he even earned money.

"It wouldn't have made a difference," Vincent responded. "The doubts that it flares up inside can't be prevented, only fought against."

"Heh." Axel scowled. "Out of the frying pan and into the fire," he remarked dryly. "I tell you, these council members are a piece. What I wouldn't give to set their crazy asses on fire."

"And they would be much the better for it." There was an almost amused tone to Vincent's words.

A pair of boots joined the last of the stack of clothes in the box before Axel folded the flaps over, sealing everything inside. The top bulged, one shirt-sleeve dangling out of the small gap in the flaps, but he didn't care. He hefted up the box, the vague echoes of their voices in the room really beginning to bother him. He was more than ready to get out of there, not to mention his stomach was growling quite loudly. He turned back towards the door, bypassing Vincent on his way out.

He still felt slightly embarrassed from his reaction to the aftershocks and refrained from looking the older male directly in the eye. Instead, he concentrated on finding the door to the apartment, eager to leave as quickly as possible. He could hear the sound of his companion behind him.

A thought occurred to Axel as he headed for the door, hesitating long enough to allow Vincent to open it for him. "Has anyone ever actually seen the council? I mean their faces, not just shadows on the screen."

Vincent shook his head as they went into the hallway, shutting the door behind them and locking it. He wasn't sure why he bothered. There wasn't a theft problem in Gaia's Grotto nor was there anything worth stealing inside the empty apartment.

"Not to my knowledge," he finally replied as the two made their way to the elevator, the hall just as empty and silent as before. It was unnerving, as if there were no other residents on the floor. Come to think of it, the elevator hadn't even been playing any music.

"And they've always been here, ruling this place? The same eight people?" Axel questioned, increasingly curious.

The winged man frowned, pressing the button to call the elevator. "Not always," he stated. "There was a time before I arrived, when there was not a council, when there was only a king."

"King?"

The elevator dinged quietly, a low throbbing sound that was scarcely an announcement for its arrival. The doors opened to reveal an empty compartment, which both were grateful for. Vincent waited until they were inside, speaking if only to fill the empty silence.

"I don't know much, but once this place might have actually lived up to its name," he explained. "The king is gone now… or so I've heard. He disappeared one day, and no one knows how or why. A short time later, the council showed up and for some reason, no one sought to argue against their leadership." Vincent's lips pulled into a distinctive frown. "I was always told that Gaia's Grotto was a true paradise… up until the moment that the monarchy faded."

"Interesting," Axel murmured. The elevator lurched, coming to a stop and nearly wrenching his stomach from his gut as it did so. Stepping out, he continued to ponder on the other man's words, recalling the brief time he spent with the council.

One of the members in particular stuck out in his mind, the one with the saccharine but condescendingly rude voice. He hadn't been able to see that man's eyes, but he couldn't shake the eerie feelings that the man had invoked in him. He had been left feeling very uneasy and afraid for his welfare. The way that unnamed man spoke left Axel feeling tainted, as if the man had wanted nothing more to do than strap him to a table and take him apart piece by piece.

The redhead shuddered at the thought, shifting his train of thought to something much more pleasant. The lobby was still deserted, something he found odd. He had seen residents in the streets but not in the buildings.

The redhead male bit back a sigh, stepping up the pace towards the swinging glass doors. Something about this place made him feel edgier than normal. Vincent followed behind him, silent and probably lost in his own thoughts as well.

Axel turned, shifting his weight to push open the exit door with his right hip. However, at the same time, someone was trying to enter by the same way, yanking it open and making him lose his balance. His hands flew out to catch himself, dropping the box of clothing with a thud. Embarrassingly, he tripped over his own feet, his body twisting only around to collide into the stranger.

They both fell to the ground in a mixture of limbs and groans of pain, Axel landing directly on top of the poor man, nearly kneeing him in the groin. Inwardly, he cursed himself for his distinct lack of grace. Wincing as he attempted to move a now bruised knee, Axel used one hand to push himself up off the ground, emerald eyes moving up to take in the identity of his assailant.

A pair of hands settled on his shoulders as the form shifted beneath him. Axel looked up and found himself staring into…

…_echoes of the past, twisting and turning inside of him. His head sagged against the brick wall behind him, limp spikes drooping down across his forehead, as he tried to grasp understanding of his surroundings. His entire body felt heavy, filled with lead, so much so that he couldn't even lift an arm. _

_It was dark in the alleyway where he had awoken behind a stack of old boxes and trash, and to make matters worse, it was raining. Thick, fat, and cold drops matted his hair down and trickled through his thin clothing. Lae shivered, a chill wracking his entire body, a purely physical response. _

_But inside, he felt numb, dead… empty. There was a gaping sense of loss, as if somewhere along the way he had forgotten something important to him. It was a clawing sort of void, and he was lost, confused. Lae didn't even have the will to move, and he couldn't understand why. _

_He last remembered being surrounded by vaguely human-shaped creatures of with glowing, golden eyes. They stared hungrily at him, if emotion could even be reflected in such cold stares. The monsters had overrun his entire world, and he could only run as they chased after him, watching in terror as the things attacked his family and friends, covering them with their inky bodies. And then, he was entrapped by them. They pounced, and he felt their brief weight. There was a sensation of something being torn from him and then… nothing. Darkness. _

_He awoke to the darkness also, cold and lifeless. His head spun, and his limbs feeling weak and helpless. But most of all, he felt empty. Devoid of all emotion and thought. He couldn't even grieve for his fallen world, that feeling was completely gone to him. He didn't even think he could hope that there were survivors or that a savior had come. _

"_It hurts… doesn't it?" Low laughter rose up out of the night. "Or it would, if we truly felt inner turmoil." The voice was smooth, deep and sensual, sending shivers down his spine. _

_He started in surprise. "Wha?" Lae opened his eyes, not even realizing that he had closed them, and looked around. He peered into the gloom, wrinkling his nose at the mildewy odor that surrounded him._

_Then he felt it, a strange ripple of power that pulsed and throbbed, reaching out for him with icy tendrils. His eyes caught on a dark shape to his right that rippled like no shadow he had ever seen. The air wavered before it seemed to split, surrounded by tentacles of darkness, writhing and twisting like a mass of serpents. Another chill raced down his spine. _

_Green eyes widened in surprise as a man stepped from what was obviously a portal. His amber skin and white hair gleaming, a black cloak draping around him. His golden eyes were piercing, almost frightening, and they completely captivated Lae's attention. _

"_It is a heart which you lack," he continued, moving to stand just before Lae. "That which the Heartless has stolen." Behind the stranger, the portal dissolved into nothingness. _

_Lae frowned in confusion, something about the man unnerving him. "A heart?" He unconsciously pushed closer to the wall. _

_The stranger inclined his head. "The emptiness, no? The feeling of loss?" _

_How did he know? "Who are you?" Lae demanded, one of his hands managing to curl into a fist. "Why do you know this?" _

_Lacking a heart? He lived and breathed! Lae did not lack a heart! That would make him less than human… a monster. He was human!_

_A smirk pulled up on the corner of his mouth. "I've been waiting for you." _

_He growled. "What the hell are you talking about?" _

_Anger began to flow through him, in him, igniting something dormant… or perhaps it had only just begun to exist. Whatever it was curled in his veins, rooting itself within his body. His fingers expanded and contracted unconsciously, as if missing the touch of something important. _

_The stranger chuckled, low and echoing. "That's it," he commented. "Show me." One hand came up, freeing itself from the cloak as he made a coaxing gesture. _

_A pulse of something, power perhaps, emanated from Lae's body as he growled again. "Stop talking nonsense! Tell me what the hell is going on!" The last came out as a scream as fire erupted around him, setting the trash at his side ablaze. _

_Wide-eyed, Lae threw his body to the side and away from the fire before it jumped to he and his clothing. He scrabbled on his hands and knees, pressing his body against the brick wall as his gaze darted from the flames back to the stranger. _

"_Wha… What's happening to me?" he asked, body trembling and suddenly weak. His fingers tingled, and his anger drained. Somehow, he knew without really knowing that he had caused the fire. _

_The stranger clucked his tongue. "I can show you how to harness that power," he intoned. "How to use it to your advantage, to take revenge on those who stole your most precious heart."_

_The fire burned on beside him, the orange flickering oddly on his eyes as smoke filled the small alleyway. "Power?" His gaze shifted to the flames. He unconsciously licked his lips. _

"_Yes," the stranger answered, his voice resembling a purr. "That and more." _

_Lae was teetering. The idea of power was enticing, but he also did not trust the bizarre, almost purposefully seductive stranger. He groaned as he pushed himself up the brick wall, attempting to stand with his weary body. He sagged forward but managed to remain upright, noting that not once did the nameless man offer his aid. He wasn't sure if he was glad or irritated. Then again, he wasn't really anything, was he? Not when there was an emotional void within him, lacking in everything, happiness, sadness… everything but anger perhaps. _

_He shook his head, returning his attentions to the odd man. "Who are you?" Lae questioned, breathing heavy. _

_Golden eyes bore into his own. "I am Xemnas. The leader of an organization of individuals, just like yourself." He gestured towards Lae at his answer. _

_Lae was intrigued. "Like me?" _

"_You are a Nobody… a nothing, never having meant to exist," Xemnas answered simply, stepping closer to Lae. "A mere shadow of your former self, you exist in neither the light nor the dark." He smirked. "I'm working to change that. I'm trying to regain the lost pieces of ourselves."_

_His eyebrow rose. "How?" _

"_Kingdom Hearts awaits us," Xemnas intoned. "There, we can do anything, _be_ anything." _

_His non-existent heart thudded painfully in his chest. "Anything…" he whispered in response, head tilted to the side to watch the dancing flames. He knew, in that moment, that he had already acquiesced. He would join this Xemnas; he would regain his heart. _

_He missed the pleased smirk on the other male's face. "Then… what is your name, lost one?" _

"_Lae," he responded, slightly distracted. At his side, one hand curled in and out of a fist as if anticipating future power. _

"_It is Lae no longer. From this day on, you are Axel, Number Eight… the Flurry of Dancing Flames." Xemnas raised a hand, attracting Axel's attention. To his right, the portal reappeared, shifting darkness leading into a great unknown. _

_His eyes widened slightly. It didn't look all that inviting, but Xemnas reached out and took hold of his shoulder, moving him towards the portal. He stood directly behind him, as if he was going to push Axel through it. _

"_You have no emotions; you do not fear," Xemnas whispered directly in his ear, warm breath ghosting across Axel's lobe. "And soon, the powers of darkness will be under your command as well." With that, he gave only the smallest of pushes on Axel's shoulders, encouraging him to step forward. _

_Axel, never again to take up the name of Lae, moved towards the shifting darkness, Xemnas right on his heels. As he stepped into the portal, the tendrils wrapped around him, engulfing him completely. The world behind him disappeared as he was surrounded by what would soon become…_

…an oddly familiar fear, enunciated by expressionless golden eyes. Axel blinked in surprise, mouth agape at yet another ghost from his memories. Xemnas, the man who started all this! He stared for another moment longer, seemingly unable to move as he searched those hauntingly familiar eyes.

Beneath him, the stranger shifted uncomfortably, brow furrowing as his eyes took in the face of his assailant. There was something about that man… something… He shook his head.

"Well," the newcomer commented, pushing up on Axel's shoulders with a slightly embarrassed chuckle. "That was quite a tackle."

Axel flushed, scrambling off of the stranger, though he continued to eye him warily. "Apologies," he mumbled as he rose to his feet, offering the man a hand to help him out.

He shrugged. "No harm done. It was an accident." Golden eyes flickered to Vincent, who was standing just behind Axel with the dropped box in his hands. "You live here?" he questioned.

The red-haired man nodded. "Yeah. Or I did."

"Did?".

Axel nodded again as he took a step backwards, taking the box. He knew there was no way this was that exact Xemnas, or even if he was, he probably didn't remember. Still, the resemblance was uncanny.

"I'm moving in with my friend," he answered succinctly with a tilt of his head. "Have a good day." Axel sidestepped beyond the newcomer, assuming Vincent would follow after him, eager to get away from something that had him feeling slightly shaken. For a moment there…

"And you as well," the stranger responded. He watched their departure with an odd look on his face before disappearing inside the building.

The redhead exhaled noisily, relief flooding his body the further they got away from the complex.

"What was that about?" Vincent asked, having to step up his pace to keep up with his companion.

Axel shook his head, tightening his grip on the box. "For a moment there… I could have sworn that he recognized me."

"You knew him?"

"Or just someone similar to him," Axel responded. He shivered unintentionally. "That unfortunate accident served one good purpose. I remember now what I was before."

"Heartless?"

. "No," he denied. "A Nobody actually." He chuckled faintly. "Nothing, never meant to exist… neither of light or dark… that was me. And what is my reward after that? To come to this hellhole." Beside him, Vincent had fallen silent. "Vincent?"

"Impossible," the winged male breathed with a shake of his head. "I have only ever known of Heartless to keep their memories. Never a Nobody. Never." He enunciated the last. "Perhaps you really are the one to save us." He regarded him with a vague hint of expectation that unnerved the younger male completely.

Axel snorted, uncomfortable with the thought of him being any sort of savior or hero. "Don't get your hopes up," he responded, shuffling the box in his grasp since his clothes were actually quite heavy. "I'm no hero." He knew this much.

Axel had only fought for one reason and one reason alone: to regain his lost heart and to be with Roxas again. It was purely selfish, not for the betterment of others or to save the lost, but for his own gain. And he was fine knowing that. He had no illusions. He didn't want to be a hero; he didn't want to save the universe. He lacked the simplest requirements for such a duty.

Altruism and the desire to do good without expecting reward. Pssh. Axel wasn't one of the good guys, but he wasn't evil either. He was simply a man trying to regain his lost heart, in more ways than one. Nothing more and nothing less.

"And just what do you think it means to be one?" Vincent questioned, completely serious.

The redhead shrugged. "Everything I'm not," he replied with a sniff. "Now as much fun as it is discussing the finer aspects of heroism, this box is damn heavy." He tried his best to both avoid and pretend he could not see the strangers around him, still uneasy every time he looked into their vacant expressions. Thankfully, the older male fell silent, and the two were able to continue on their way rather quickly.

---

They entered Vincent's apartment very quietly, going their own directions without a word. The older man disappeared into his bedroom, the door closing behind him in. Axel just shook his head and went to his room, more than eager to drop the weighty box on his bed. It bounced and tilted on his side, making him to turn it over in irritation before ripping open the pathetic flaps.

Axel frowned as he began to unpack, staring at a pile of yet more of the scratchy and heavy fabric he was already dressed in. Hooray for conformity. He was practically jumping for joy. At least, they gave him an extra pair of the boots, and black this time. He could throw out the brown ones now.

With a barely restrained sigh and sincerely hoping he would not be on Gaia for too long, Axel began to fold them into the dresser, his mind wandering. How were they to find their way off of the planet? Vincent had been here for quite some time, though he didn't know the exact number of years, and was intelligent. Yet, he hadn't found a method. What hope did Axel have? Next to none, truthfully.

The sound of someone clearing their throat disturbed the redhead from his thoughts. He paused in his folding, emerald gaze lifting to the doorway where Vincent stood, a strange expression on his face.

"Settling in, I see," Vincent commented. However, the older man seemed distracted, as if he had something to say but didn't quite know how to say it. His wings twitched restlessly.

The younger male raised a brow, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah," he responded. "Your powers of observation are astounding."

Vincent inclined his head as he invited himself into the room, one hand suspiciously hovering near his pants pocket. "I believe your sarcasm is getting worse," he replied, moving until he stood right next to Axel.

"Can I help you?" the younger male inquired, wondering at the winged man's sudden nearness. He half turned so that he was facing Vincent.

He nodded. "This belongs to you," Vincent responded, pulling a strange metallic object out of his pocket. But rather than hand it to Axel, he laid it on the dresser top, the chain clinking as it struck the smooth wood. He then proceeded to watch Axel with a curious expression.

"I found it on your person when I rescued you," he continued as Axel's full attention turned to the curious object. "I didn't want to return it to you until I was sure you would last through the Cleansing. Otherwise, it would have destroyed when I took you to the council, which would have been pointless."

Axel vaguely listened to him, more entranced by the gleaming metal. It was a curious thing, a length of darkened and nearly black links connected to a three-pronged crown of the same ebony shade. He didn't recognize it at first glance.

"I had it?" he asked in surprise, one hand reaching out to reclaim his missing property.

Vincent nodded. "I don't know why or how, but sometimes when new residents arrive, they have mementos from their past lives with them, something they strongly desired to keep… a link to what they were leaving behind. I'm not entirely sure why this occurs."

Axel's fingers brushed across the item, the metal feeling warm from being in Vincent's pocket and incredibly…

…_smooth, like polished onyx or something. It was beautiful, sleek and deadly, always cleaving effortlessly through the air, as if it was made of something lighter than metal. Axel couldn't help the smallest stab of jealousy, though he knew his own chakram were something to be proud of. _

"_What is it?" he queried, looking up into the deep blue eyes of his friend. "I mean, what's it called?" A gloved finger rubbed over the crown-shaped keychain, fascinated by it. _

_Roxas winked as he took the keychain from Axel's hand, effortlessly calling forth the Keyblade to reattach it. "This one's Oblivion; the keychain is what makes them different, you know." He held out his other hand, his second Keyblade, Oathkeeper, quickly materializing. _

_Axel made a face. "I prefer Oblivion. It's more… manly," he finished, for lack of a better word. "It seems way more dangerous." He gestured towards the Oathkeeper with a faint scowl. "That one's dainty." _

_Though he would never think of Roxas as dainty, the blond was pure spitfire and stubbornness. Even for the short time that he had known the boy, Axel had come to understand this, not to mention there was something alluring in his eyes and seemingly innocent features. There was nothing childlike about him. _

_Axel had seen him in action, had seen Roxas facing down the Heartless as Xemnas had first commanded. The blond moved fluidly, rarely a move wasted. He literally flew through the air, weapons twirling and slicing about him. Even though he hadn't known their name at the time, Axel could tell that they were powerful, not to mention that he found it fascinating. He had two chakram; Roxas had two sword-things… Keyblades he now knew. It was a match made in heaven. _

_He had quickly latched onto Roxas as a future friend, finding the boy's smart mouth and biting remarks more to his liking than most of the other Organization members. Demyx was alright, if a bit whiny, but the others were merely arrogant assholes that gave him the desire to set everything on fire, not that he would. Xemnas would have destroyed him if he ever did such a thing. But how he wished. Maybe. Someday. _

_Roxas smirked, performing an intricate twirl of Oathkeeper with one hand, while he held Oblivion steady. "Wanna test it out?" he asked, a slight edge of taunting to his voice. "I guarantee my girly Oathkeeper can take down both your lame chakram." _

_This time, Axel scowled fully, pushing himself up off the wall as he thrust his arms to the side, his weapons appearing in a flurry of flame. He twirled each of them around a finger, scowl turning to a smirk as they danced in his hands. This was quickly becoming his favorite entertainment, sparring with the shorter Nobody. Then again, any time he spent with Roxas became something to look forward to… if he had such emotions. _

"_Wanna bet?" he questioned, body quickly dropping into his battle position. He thrummed with the prospect of battle, tense with anticipation. Roxas already had his respect, and he was one of the few that Axel couldn't manipulate. Perhaps in his own way, the blond boy was just as devious. Only time would tell. _

_Roxas smiled, something sly and dangerous, as he wove the Oathkeeper one last time around his hand, body slipping easily into his battle stance. "You sure you can handle it?"_

_The redhead scoffed, already feeling the tendrils of flame flickering in the back of his mind. "You're the newcomer, so you tell me."_

"_There will be no fight today," a voice asserted, interrupting both their banter and intended duel. Axel and Roxas exchanged glances, irritation appearing on the older male's features as he dropped from his battle stance into a nonchalant position, the chakram disappearing._

_To the right, a portal of darkness rippled into existence, their ever illustrious leader stepping from it with his gaze locked on Roxas. He waved a hand at the younger boy, encouraging the blond to put away his Keyblades. Axel scowled, more to himself than directly at Xemnas as he returned to his position on the wall, half able to guess what their leader desired. _

"_Xemnas," he drawled. "Don't you have lackeys for this sort of thing?" _

_Golden eyes shot him a firm glare. "I believe you have duties to be attending," he replied crisply, returning his attention to Roxas. "Number Thirteen, I have your first assignment," he explained. "Come with me." No explanation, no request, he simply demanded and expected obedience. Behind him, the portal continued to ripple and writhe, awaiting its summoner. _

_Roxas inclined his head. His gaze flickered to Axel in farewell before he moved to follow Xemnas, not appearing too thrilled by the prospect of his assignment. After all, the blond had only been a part of the Organization for a few weeks, the "key of Destiny" or so Xemnas had called him. According to their leader, the boy was the key to expanding Kingdom Hearts. Axel just took it all in stride, more interested in the fascinating Roxas himself than his usefulness. _

"_As for you," intoned Xemnas, turning his cold stare onto Axel. "Get back to work." He said nothing more as he gestured for Roxas to enter the portal ahead of him before both disappeared, leaving Axel alone in the small courtyard of Castle Oblivion. _

_The redhead scowled irritably. He chewed his bottom lip in aggravation, eyes narrowed before he pushed himself off the wall once more, angrily calling the chakram to his hands. _

_He stalked away determined to destroy as many Heartless as it took until the fury was gone…_

…smooth to the touch. His fingers wrapped around as his flashes of memory faded, locking the name of the object deep within his heart. It was Oblivion, one of the Keyblades that Roxas wielded. It was yet another component of his past… so precious and yet fragile.

"A memento, hmm?" he questioned aloud, voice soft as he held the surprisingly light keychain in his hand. A sudden thought struck him as he flickered his eyes to the side, regarding Vincent with interest. "Like the ID tags, right?" he asked.

The other male suddenly froze, not expecting that question as his gaze shifted away, looking anywhere but at Axel. "I don't--" But one clawed hand unconsciously went to his chest, where the redhead suspected his ID tags were currently hanging, hidden beneath the dark fabric of Vincent's shirt. It was a motion he recognized from earlier in the day, and the older man's wings twitched across his back, a telltale sign that he was agitated.

"The ones that say Cidrick Highwind," Axel interrupted, knowing that Vincent was about to claim he didn't know what he was talking about. "They're your link, aren't they? To that something special?"

Crimson eyes narrowed. "That's my business," he claimed, voice turning cold.

He was afraid… and sorrowful, and that was understandable, considering how long he had been struggling to return home. Reminders not of his own making were probably painful, and in order to keep himself from losing his sanity, it was probable that Vincent found it easier to hide his secrets rather than share them someone… even if that someone could understand as well.

Realizing that the older male was only going to close up on him, Axel bit back a sigh and sought to change the subject. "Don't get so worked up." He scoffed lightly, reaching out to clap his companion on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. "Now," he began, directing Vincent out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen, slipping the keychain into a pocket with his other hand. "Come tell me what you've learned so far so we can get off this hellhole."

---

Review please!


	7. Chapter 5 : Mixed Signals

_In case you haven't figured it out yet, there are major spoilers to KH2 in this. So be warned. _

Thanks to my readers and all those that take the time to leave a review! I appreciate the support! Oh, and I should now be accepting anonymous reviews! So for all those reading but unable to review, now's your chance!

**Chapter 5: Mixed Signals**

Axel dug into his meal with relish, even more sure that staying with Vincent was the right thing to do. Really. It was like he had a cook and a housekeeper all in one. Now if only he could get the man to wear an apron or one of those frilly smocks... then again, Vincent was likely to shoot him for just the suggestion. Axel snickered quietly to himself over his scalloped potatoes at the thought of the man in white lace. Cute.

"I'm glad that you find this so amusing," commented Vincent dryly.

Emerald eyes looked up from the devouring of his dinner, nearly plate and all, to find Vincent giving him a glare. Oh right, the older male was talking about something. "I'm sorry?" he responded, the words coming out more like a question.

Crimson eyes rolled as he took a sip of the steaming cup of tea. Come to think of it, Axel had never seen him eat. No wonder the guy was so damn thin. He could really stand to eat a little more.

"You asked about my research?"

Axel nodded, shoveling another forkful in with all the grace and manners of a street rat.

"Very well." Vincent sat back in his chair, idly staring at nothing in particular as he explained. "There are few methods to actually get off of a world. Gummi ships allow travel between worlds but there is no port on Gaia's Grotto that I have been able to find. And if there were any on this world who could build one, they have lost their memory."

The firestarter frowned. "Gummi ships?" he questioned. His mind drew a blank.

An almost wistful expression crossed the winged man's features. A clawed finger rubbed on the tea cup in his grasp. "They are vessels built specifically for travel between the worlds. Composed of gummi blocks, they are actually quite swift and are oftentimes upgraded with weapons and defense capabilities as well as navigation systems."

"You know a lot about them."

Vincent closed his eyes for a moment, pensiveness turning to an almost pained look. "I once knew someone who built them. He was a dear friend."

"You were close," commented Axel, instantly feeling as if he had stumbled upon something that would finally give him some insight into the close-mouthed older man. He had tone down the literal smirk that was trying to creep into his features, lest Vincent immediately notice and clam up again. "Maybe even more than close. Is he--"

"None of your business?" questioned Vincent, immediately interrupting. Crimson eyes snapped open. "Yes, he is. So don't ask."

For the first time since he had seen Roxas, Axel actually attempted a pout. It didn't work so well on him as it did for his blond friend, but he tried. "But--"

"Axel, drop it." It was a warning, not a suggestion. Vincent's tone had changed, nearly icy now.

The firestarter held up a hand, idly wiping at his mouth with a napkin. "Okay, gotcha. Sensitive subject. I don't see why since I will about Roxas all I damn please. It doesn't bother me any."

"Oh?" A dark eyebrow was raised. "And what if I was to ask you where he is now? What if I were to question if he were alive or not? Could you answer me that? Could you even think about it? What if I were to ask you... if he even remembered you or was waiting for you to return?"

Axel scowled, hating the effect those words had on his heart. As if someone had reached inside of him with a vise, squeezing out until there was nothing left but a hollow ache. "You're a bastard, you know that?" One hand unconsciously went to his side, patting the pocket where he had earlier secreted the Oblivion key chain.

Vincent turned from him at the words, in effect, nearly closing off Axel from him as he looked towards the window. "I've been told so before. But at least now you understand why I choose not to speak. I assume now you will respect that."

Truthfully, he could understand now why the dark-haired man was so cold and closed off. It was nearly the only way to survive on a world where everyday he faced the loss of everything that was precious to him. It was a perpetually lonely existence, even if he knew others like himself because they couldn't associate too openly without suspicion. They couldn't afford to display emotion otherwise the truth of their memories would be discovered. Almost as if they were spies anxiously awaiting the day that they would be found out.

And to speak of what they fought for... to actually recall fondly and remember was like a stab to the heart with each murmured memory. Axel sighed, scraping the last of the food on his plate and stuffing it into his mouth. "I'm guessing that a gummi ship is not the only method?" he questioned, returning to their original line of discussion and hoping to remove the thin bead of tension that now rested in the air.

Vincent shook his head, wings rattling behind him slightly with the movement. "No. Though the other... paths have so far proved just as fruitless." A small sigh escaped the other man's mouth as he returned his attentions to Axel. "There are magical paths I am sure, but no one here has ever stumbled upon the necessary arts or casts. There have long been tales of a teleportation ring in this system." A small smile curled up on the corner of Vincent's mouth as he considered his next words. "And there have even been whispered rumors of a door to a secret garden of Eden."

Axel scoffed. "You can't be serious," he responded with a raised eyebrow. "A secret garden?"

The other man managed a shrug. "People will believe in anything to escape their despair. Yet, no one has ever found this 'door'. And lastly, there are the portals of darkness."

This suggestion completely caught Axel's attention, instantly relating the words to what he had witnessed in his flashbacks. He sat up straight in his chair from his lazy slouch, a bit of excitement daring to rise up in his heart. "The portals?"

Vincent nodded. "Traveling the corridors of darkness... an unpredictable pathway that links the worlds. Though there are none here that are able to use them."

"I think I can."

Crimson eyes regarded him thoughtfully, clawed fingers remaining wrapped around the untouched cup of now lukewarm tea. "You think?" he questioned softly.

Axel snorted as he pointed a finger at the guy. "Don't play dumb with me," he retorted. "We both know you expected something from me from the beginning. I was a Nobody before coming here. Using the corridors was second nature to me then."

Vincent was unrelenting under the stare. "Before. That is the key point here. Can you now?"

"I haven't tried," responded Axel, sitting back in his chair and nearly propping his booted feet on the table. "In fact, up until a few hours ago, I had forgotten I once was able." But even as he said so, he could still feel it, that slight link with the darkness as well as the light. He was certain that if he tried, he could find the path. It would be their ticket out of hell.

But the winged male didn't seem too impressed. "It's a mild hope at best."

Emerald eyes darkened. "Why?"

"Do you even know why you were able to use them so easily as a Nobody?" Vincent challenged. "Have you ever stopped to consider what it actually meant to travel the corridors? Relying too heavily on the darkness causes one's heart to slowly succumb to it until it is completely eaten away by the shadows."

The firestarter waved a hand of dismissal. "Get to the point already," he bit out, scowling.

Vincent sighed. "Because you were a Nobody, you didn't have a heart, therefore there was no fear of having it taken from you. Now it is different. You are whole, a complete being. It would be reckless and dangerous to attempt to use them."

The red-haired male slumped at the words. "So what you're saying is... the risk isn't worth it." It was almost too hard to believe, especially considering the older man's expressed hatred of Gaia's Grotto and his desire to return to those he left behind. Axel had never been one to worry about the risks before, not according to his memories. He manipulated, he planned, he dove headfirst... but rarely did he stop to consider the consequences.

Vincent seemed pain by the suggestion. His eyes took on a distinctly haunted shade belying his inner turmoil. "What good would it do for us to attempt to leave if we die in the process?" he reasoned.

"We certainly aren't living here. All we've got to lose is our lives which have been so 'graciously' returned to us," replied Axel sarcastically, making a very good point. A sudden thought occurred to him as he cocked his head to the side. "You know an awful lot about this. The books here really that informative?"

"There are some that the council has managed not to destroy that I have rescued," responded Vincent carefully, almost as if trying to hide something. "and my memory, though sporadic, still retains some knowledge."

The red-haired male frowned, folding his arms across his chest as he leveled his gaze at Vincent. "Knowledge of what? How do you know so much to begin with?"

The other male sighed. "The world I am from originated those abominations, the heartless. It was one man's thirst for knowledge that inevitably spelled the doom for the rest of the universe. And while I was not part of the research team myself, I regretfully aided in one of their experiments."

"The wings," commented Axel thoughtfully, his eyes sliding from Vincent's face to the slightly webbed appendages, stretched mightily over seemingly frail bones. The spines on the outlines glinted harshly in the pale light of the kitchen. "Do they have something to do with these experiments?" he questioned, unable to keep the sneer from his voice as he spoke the word.

"We're not talking about me right now. We're talking about you and the portals, and the risk you think that you are perfectly ready to take."

"I _am_ ready!" hissed Axel, eyes flashing. One fist pounded on the table. "I can't stand this fucking world!" The tone of his voice rose higher with his annoyance, coming dangerously close to setting Vincent's table on fire once more. He couldn't quite put into words just how much he loathed Gaia's Grotto from the mechanical emotions to the conformity to their attempts to remove his memories. He had not suffered under Xemnas' hand to come to a new kind of hell. He wanted out and he wanted out now!

Crimson eyes darkened, brow furrowing. "And would you give up your life on a whim? Waste your second chance on jumping into your death when a mere day of studying could save us?" demanded Vincent, voice becoming sharp with irritation. His clawed fingers curled dangerously around his cup, threatening to shatter the ceramic with his greater strength.

"It is better to do so now than waste away to nothing on this damned worthless rock!" Axel countered, arguing merely to prove his point. He knew good and well that he didn't yet understand enough about the corridors of darkness to attempt to use them, but he despised being told what he should and should not do. Axel was his own man, not even Xemnas could convince him otherwise.

Vincent scowled, face flushing with the beginnings of anger. "Dammit, Axel! Stop being so flippant! This is your _life_. You may have been a Nobody before but you are whole now! Even if you are trapped in this kamiforsaken world. If you take this risk, if you give up, you'll never see Roxas again. Don't ruin this chance!"

"What an impassioned plea." The words escaped his mouth before he could take them back, unable to help the slightly sarcastic response. The man had never shown him anything but brief glimpses beneath his mask and damn if Axel wasn't determined to break through to him.

Crimson eyes blinked, speechless at Axel's response. Whatever Vincent had planned to say next died on his lips.

"No really, I'm impressed," continued Axel with a nonchalant shrug and gesturing wave of his hand. "I think that's the most words I've heard you say. And here I thought you didn't care about me. At least, I can see you're not a complete block of ice. Give up, eh?" Axel shook his head, emerald eyes darkening. "I'm as tenacious as a cockroach Vincent, I don't know the meaning of the term."

His lips thinned into a thin line as Vincent abruptly stood, shaking his head. He turned away from Axel and headed towards the sink. The cup clinked inside as the water turned on with a slight squeak. "Kamibedamned, Axel," muttered the winged man though Axel didn't think he was actually being spoken to. "Not even Reno can get me as riled as you. You're just like him."

There was a moment of silence before Axel sighed and stood as well, picking up his dinnerware and taking it to the sink as well. He stood beside Vincent, not looking at him but laying his dishes in the sink underneath the steaming water. "A few days of research couldn't hurt," he conceded, only because he considered the same truth himself. "Besides, I need practice."

Vincent didn't look at him, the cup clinking around in the sink as he turned on the water and rinsed it out before setting it on the drying rack. From the reflection on the glass of the window, Axel could see Vincent's expression, for once curiously unguarded. Concern and sadness swirled in crimson orbs, one lip pulled between fanged teeth as his gaze was cast at nothing in particular. It was almost as if he were lost in a memory, even his wings drooping noticeably.

"Vincent?"

The older male blinked before shifting his gaze towards Axel, crimson eyes saddened. "You would be wise to do so," he responded before glancing at the red-haired male appraisingly. "You're out of shape. The memory beasts would eat you alive."

Axel stared at him in shock. "You... I... what?" he stuttered, unable to come with anything more coherent. He was out of shape? Well, forgive him for crashing face first into a hellish world when he died not once, but twice already!

A small chuckle emerged from Vincent's mouth. "I have some time before I must be at work. I am willing to spar with you."

Emerald eyes regarded him thoughtfully before Axel grinned. "Very well, Show me what you got old man."

---

That night, after a long training bout with Vincent, Axel dreamed. But it was different than usual. The clarity of a flashback, the sight, sound and color. He could literally feel every emotion he should not have had at the time. And it wasn't a dream of some point in his life, no. But a memory of when he died, and the last true time he saw Roxas, though not in any way easily understood. Perhaps it was brought about by his rubbing of the Oblivion memento before laid down. Or maybe even by the sudden pang of longing that struck him considering he and Vincent's earlier argument.

Axel wasn't really sure. All he knew was that the dream, was a memory, and though he experienced it within his mind, the meaning was entirely unclear.

_They were standing in the corridors of darkness, somewhere between the shifting strings of shadow. Strange, for dark corridors, how very full of color they were. A certifiable rainbow that shimmered and shone. Almost beautiful, but he supposed that was the way of darkness. It was beautiful and enchanting, as well as alluring. Seducing one into its shadows until they were all consumed. It had happened to them all, in one way or another. No light shone more bright or beautiful than the darkness, which only made sense to those who had been wrapped in its arms._

_Kairi had gotten away from him and Saix got a hold of her. His last plan had failed and there was little left for him to do. Except hope that Sora would stop Xemnas from going through with his plan. There was something about Sora that made Axel feel. He couldn't explain it. So Axel had gone to find the boy and ran into him within the corridors no less, surrounded by a huge number of Nobodies. _

"_Don't stop moving, or the darkness will overtake you!" He announced his presence, jumping into the midst of battle and easily dispersing of a few Nobodies with an elegant twist of his chakram. He nodded his head towards Sora and the clueless cartoons he called friends. _

"_Get goin'!" he ordered. _

_But the boy just frowned cutely and shook his head. "Why?" he asked, swinging his key blade at another attacking Nobody. It dispersed with one swipe, proving Sora's power. It was no surprise that Demyx had been scared. _

_Axel rolled his eyes. "Don't ask! Just do it!" He swiped at another few Nobodies before two grabbed him and pulled him to the ground. He flailed about to free himself but his arms were pinned beneath their weight and he couldn't break free. He growled, feeling the surge of fiery anger rising within him. _

_Then suddenly Sora was standing over him, wielding that shining key blade and dispersing the Nobodies that were holding him down. "You okay?" questioned Sora, looking down with those worried eyes that for a shade of color, looked just like Roxas. The sudden pang of longing that struck him in that moment astounded him with its intensity. _

_Axel groaned, slowly pushing himself up with his arms. He managed a half-kneeling position, one hand on the ground to prop himself up. "I kidnapped Kairi but she got away from me!" he confessed, waving one hand for emphasis. He shook his head. "After that, Saix caught her!" He punched the ground, anger at the man who was once on the same side boiling up within him. "He's a member of Organization XIII. Saix. Got it memorized? Now go save her!" _

_Behind Sora, the Dusk Nobody swirled around, intent on attacking the key blade master in the back. Sora whirled around quickly, knocking away the enemy with one twist of his key blade, a move slightly reminiscent of Roxas. "Leave us alone!" shouted Sora, face pulling into an angry frown. Axel pushed himself to his feet, quickly calling his chakram to face the hordes of Nobodies heading their direction. _

_Fire roared in all directions as the four of them worked together. Axel gritted his teeth and refused to back down. He had chosen this path and there was no turning back now. Even if he could no longer save Roxas, if he had given up that plan, he could at least help Sora and stop Xemnas. And he was willing to do anything. After all, he could blame Xemnas for everything. He knew this. _

_With a growl, Axel jumped back to avoid a particularly vicious blow, ending up back to back with Sora. He smirked. Now was his chance. "I think I liked it better when they were on my side," he commented, smirking as he released a fire ball at a Dusk that writhed its way far too close. _

_Sora scoffed. "Feeling a little... regret?" he questioned, his voice taking on a teasing note. _

_The firestarter shook his head as he laughed lightly, half turning to look at Sora. "Nah... I can handle these punks," he replied, unable to help the way he clutched at his chakram, knowing what he was about to do. It wasn't so much that he was afraid to die like Demyx, he just regretted that he never told Roxas how much the blond meant to him. "Watch this!" _

_He leapt away from Sora, jumping right into the middle of the writhing and dancing Dusks. He concentrated wholly on the raging fire inside of him, the emptiness filled with dancing flames. The chakram were thrown to either side where they spun with flames sparkling around their sharp points. His hands thrust out, slowly rising as he pulled from every source of energy inside of him. He even dipped into his life force, putting all that he had into one final explosion, one final attack. _

_The chakram began to spin and rotate around his body, moving so fast they were a blur of orange and red fire, a blaze that built so strong around him he could feel the heat. But still he did not cease, the chakram continuing to spout flame. A wave of power crest up inside of him until finally, it exploded so loudly and brightly that sight and sound ceased and everything went dark. A gigantic torrent of flame obliterated the Nobody horde in an instant. _

_He barely felt his body as it collapsed to the ground, the emptiness gnawing at him and disintegrating his form from the inside. It was amazing how much it hurt, as if someone was carving him up piece by piece. Pinpricks of pain on every inch of his body. He barely registered, through the wracking of pain, that Sora had made a comment. It didn't seem so important. _

_He groaned and forced his eyes open, noticing a great weight had settled on the lids. Black smoke was rising from his body into the air, dispersing into nothing. Kind of like he was nothing. It was a strange feeling, dying. Very painful, and yet also nothing at all. _

"_You're... fading away..." The words washed over him. He shifted his gaze over, finding Sora near to him, looking troubled and very concerned. It was endearing. _

_Axel managed a light chuckle, though he could barely move any other part of his body. "Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean? Not that Nobodies actually HAVE beings... right?" Another laugh escaped his mouth but it came out strained and rushed. "Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kairi. Oh, almost forgot... Sorry for what I did to her." _

_Sora shook his head, brown spikes dancing back and forth with his blue eyes shining. There was emotion there, but reflections of it. Almost as if he were looking at two different people. "When you find her, you can tell her that yourself." _

_He looked away. "Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in, you know? Haven't got one." Axel laughed weakly, wincing when the effort made the pain worse. His hands clenched lightly against the ground, strangely smooth and solid for the almost ephemeral look to it. He idly wondered if he would see Roxas beyond his 'death' or if even something which was nothing could 'die'. Perhaps he really would just fade away. _

"_Axel, what were you trying to do?" questioned Sora. _

_Something jumped inside of him when he was asked that. Reminding him instantly of what he had lost and how badly he had failed. "I wanted to see Roxas. He... was the only one I liked... He made me feel... like I had a heart." Axel paused as another wave of agony shot through him. "It's kind of... funny," he continued, shifting his gaze to look over at Sora. And for a moment, he swore he saw Roxas looking down at him, all ocean-blue eyes and blond hair. It made his heart, the one that he didn't have, literally leap in his chest. _

"_You make me feel... the same," he finished, swallowing down something that tasted like regret. It hurt, admitting that he had done far too little, far too late. There was nothing to save Roxas now and he would never see him again. Sadness swelled inside of him, strange considering he had no emotions. He sighed, pushing them down before he lost it and called up what little bit of power he had left. It would probably finish him off but it was worth it. _

"_Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go!" He left no room for argument, raising a hand and summoning up a portal. But that was the last he had inside. He dimly felt a furious rise of pain before... there was nothing. _

Axel jerked awake, his every nerve feeling as if it were on fire as he flailed about and off of the bed. He loudly crashed to the ground, the sheets tangled all around his legs. Every hair on his body stood on end as electricity danced across his skin, his extremities jerking mildly. Emerald eyes darted wildly around the room, his heart pounding fiercely in his chest from the minor fright.

The sound of highly amused laughter reached his ears. Axel craned his head, to find bright aquamarine eyes gazing down at him above a pair of smirking lips. A shock of red hair and he knew the name of his alarm clock: Reno, already dressed in the all black ensemble for work. Axel scowled, wrestling against the entanglement of his sheets.

"Mornin', yo," drawled Reno, standing up straight as he balanced his Electro Rod on his shoulder. "Ready to take on some beasties?"

Aggravated with his skin still tingling, Axel reacted aggressively. He growled, launching his sheet-wrapped body at the older male. Reno didn't react in time and the two men went crashing to the ground, Axel's arms wound about the other male's legs. They flailed and twisted about, wrestling across the floor as Axel sought to gain the upper hand, wincing when the action pulled at some of the bruises and sore muscles from sparring with Vincent. Reno in turn, spat and cursed, having dropped the Electro Rod and being forced to rely on his own wrestling experience.

The sheets worked their way of Axel's body, revealing his boxer-clad form as he rolled around the floor with Reno, panting slightly from the exertion. He grabbed onto a flailing black-clothed arm and twisted, using his slightly greater height and weight to force Reno down.

"Fuck!" exclaimed the older male, kicking out with a foot which Axel nimbly dodged, giving a great heave and forcing Reno onto his back. He grabbed thin wrists and clutched them, forcing them to the floor above his mentor's head as he grinned, proud of his accomplishment.

"You yield?" he questioned, smirk already present as he glared down at defiant aquamarine eyes. Never mind that he was half naked with his hair electrified in bright red spikes all over his head. He had won the wrestling match.

Feet padded by Axel's room out in the hallway and for a moment, the firestarter was distracted, looking up to see Vincent regarding them both with amused expressions. "Careful," warned the winged male, arms slightly crossed over his surprisingly bare chest. "He bites," he added as he shook his head and continued down the hall.

Axel's brows furrowed in confusion seconds before the body beneath him arched and yanked on trapped hands, off setting his balance. He tumbled forward, yelping when a warm, wet tongue licked a slimy trail up the side of his face that was anything but erotic. Frankly, it was gross, the kind of lick that a slobbery dog would give.

"Ugh," commented the firestarter, releasing Reno's wrists in surprise as he rubbed at the slimy trial on his face. He slid off of his mentor's body, one hand scrubbing over his face as he climbed back onto his bed, slumping down on the mattress with the serious thought of returning back to sleep. "You licked me," he accused with a scowl.

Reno just grinned, baring his teeth at the younger male as he rose to his feet, calmly dusting off his clothing. "Whatever it takes to win, yo," he commented with a nonchalant flip of his hair over his shoulder. "Get dressed, man. We've got work to do." He flipped his wrist at Axel before strolling out of the bedroom, heading down the hall towards the kitchen.

Axel groaned and rolled over on the bed, scrubbing another hand over his face. His body still ached from the night before but he had to start his job today, hence Reno's appearance. The dream still played over and over in his mind, though he was uncertain of the meaning. Roxas reflected within Sora. They were both Nobodies... Roxas within Sora. It made very little sense, as if he were missing part of the puzzle. There was some key fact that he had yet to remember, some little piece of information and until he discovered that, the nagging bit inside of him that declared all was not well, would not disappear.

He laid there for a moment more, staring up at the ceiling before finally deciding to quit being lazy and getting up out of bed. He dressed in record time, throwing on the scratchy black clothing and running a hand through his hair in an effort to control the wild spikes. He grabbed the Oblivion key chain from the desk top, running a finger over the counters of the charm before shoving it in his pocket and heading out the door.

He heard the murmur of voices down the hall coming from the kitchen. Reno was laughing loudly, his voice garbled as if he were chewing at the same time and Vincent's low tone came back with short responses. Their discussion was clearer the more he stepped closer, trying to quiet the clomp of his boots across the wooden floor, intricately curious.

"... Vince, this is some good shit. Seriously," intoned Reno. "You cook like this for Axel all the time?" he questioned, a teasing hint to his voice.

There was a rustle and Axel could only assume that Vincent had turned around to glare at the Lightning element male. Reno chuckled although it sounded a bit nervous. "Kidding, kidding, yo. I'm just saying, yanno. So... you really like the kid, huh?" There was a crunch and munch as someone ate some type of food, Axel could only guess. He paused just outside the door, wanting to hear more of the conversation. He had no qualms about eavesdropping.

"I'm not sure what you are implying, Reno," responded Vincent. There was a clink of dishware, the soft pad of feet across the tiled floor.

Reno sniffed. "Don't play coy with me, man. We've been in this together for too long. Do you still think he's got it?"

It? Axel couldn't help but wonder what "it" was. It sounded like some bad fantasy movie. Or porno. "It", the greatest force ever to save mankind! "It" is faster than a speeding bullet. "It" can leap small buildings in a single bound... no virgins are safe from "it". Axel snickered to himself at the thought. Because of that he missed the beginning of Vincent's response and had to strain his ears to catch the next.

"...when the time comes. Until then, well, we'll just have to see."

The firestarter frowned, uncertain as to what he had missed. When Reno didn't say anything in return, Axel decided to make his presence known. He cleared his throat loudly and clomped noisily around the bend, announcing his entrance into the kitchen with great flair. He swapped the back of Reno's head with one hand and swiped a few pieces of rather crunchy toast from the table with the other. He popped the buttered bread into his mouth, grinning widely at both older men.

"So now you're playing fetch service, eh?" he questioned around a mouthful of toast. He took another bite, plucking it from his mouth before continuing. "How did you know where I was?"

Reno grinned, leaning back in his chair and setting a booted foot on the table much to the seated Vincent's chagrin. He didn't seem the least bit unnerved by the crimson glare which Axel found even more amusing. Vincent played the perfect housewife, going so far as to get incensed over his _kitchen table_. It was priceless. He would make someone the perfect... wife someday. He had to bite back his giggles aloud.

"I knew you'd win ole Vincent here over, some way or another," replied Reno cheekily as he poked at Axel with the butt end of his Electro Rod. "We're going to be late if you continue to prance around the kitchen like that, yo."

Axel shrugged, munching thoughtfully as he turned around and headed for the door, waving one hand towards Reno. The older male grinned as he popped out of the chair, with the added aid of Vincent pushing down his feet.

"I do believe you have worn out your welcome," replied the winged male dryly. As usual, Vincent was sipping at a cup of tea, but he was dressed down, not in his standard work attire. Having worked the late shift the night before, he was heading off to bed once his unwelcome guests departed for their own employment. A crimson gaze flickered to a paper sack sitting unassumingly on the table, the top of it folded over twice to prevent its contents from escaping.

As Reno bypassed Axel and headed for the door, the firestarter couldn't help but raise a brow. "What's this?" he questioned as he stuffed the last of his toast into his mouth. "A present? For me? Why Vincent, you shouldn't have!"

"I didn't," responded Vincent stiffly. "It's a meal. For later. Don't expect it to happen again." He picked up the bag with one hand and tossed it in Axel's direction.

"What?" asked Axel, catching the bag with one hand. "No goodbye kiss? Don't you love me anymore?"

Reno guffawed out loud in the hallway at that, one hand yanking open the door with a creaky squeak. Vincent scowled and glared, not that Axel was intimidated. Instead, the firestarter laughed and headed towards the door himself, idly sniffing at the brown bag in his clutch. "Aw, a home cooked meal," he teased, throwing the words over his shoulder while Reno snickered in the doorway. "I'll be sure to bring some flowers on the way home from work, honey. Don't wait up."

He could practically see Vincent's scowl even as he closed the door behind him, jogging to catch up to Reno who was snickering just down the hall, hands in his pockets as he waited, leaning up against the wall. "You enjoy pushing him, don't you?" questioned Reno with a smirk as Axel drew up beside him. "One day, he's going to snap at you and I'm going to laugh my ass off."

Axel waved a hand of dismissal, the two of them entering into the lobby of Vincent's apartment complex. "Nah, Vince loves me. He couldn't make it unless I was here to entertain him." He smirked.

Reno stared at him for a moment before barking out laughter, startling the receptionist sitting behind the Welcome desk in the lobby of the apartment building as they passed. "I knew it was a good idea to send you to him. Maybe he'll get that stick outta his ass, yo." He peered at Axel, tilting his head to the side as if suddenly recalling something. "Weren't those hickeys I caught earlier?"

Emerald eyes narrowed as Reno laughed and Axel thought it appropriate to smack the back of the older man's head again. "Don't be ridiculous. He forced me to spar with him last night. Said I was 'out of shape'," he explained, mimicking Vincent's tone with the last three words.

"You got your ass kicked, didn't you?" questioned Reno, peering at him intently.

The firestarter shrugged. "Ass kicking doesn't even begin to describe it. Half those moves I barely saw much less countered." He sighed, rubbing a hand over the scratchy material of his clothing, fidgeting beneath the extra warmth. Outside, it was raining again, thick continuous drops that pelted on his head in a most annoying fashion. He didn't even bother to hunch at the dripping coldness anymore. What was the point?

They had taken a right out of the apartment building, Axel could only assume that the gate was in that direction. As it were he had no clue where they were going. He hadn't paid any attention to street signs yesterday, or landmarks for that matter, more consumed with his own internal thoughts.

"He's got to have some military training or something," commented Axel, picking up where he left off. He snorted. "Not that he tells me these things. I swear, he really needs to get fucked. We've got to get off this world."

Reno adjusted his glasses on his face, pushing the darkened lenses further upwards and pushing more of the red hair out of his eyes. "You know, it would not be uncommon to find someone here, yo," he explained casually, almost as if he were hinting something.

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged, side stepping a passing stranger that wandered too close. "Even for those who have their memories, it's sometimes hard to wait forever. There's comfort in sharing your pain. Hell, even I've given in to the temptation once." He shook his head, aquamarine eyes dimming with sadness. "Every day we face the chance that we are going to die before we are reunited. We face the loss of ourselves and sometimes, our humanity. There have been times I've feared that I'm no longer... alive." He idly flicked his long pony tail, wringing some of the water from the never ceasing rain out of the crimson strands.

Axel was quiet, merely absorbing what Reno was telling him, his words striking a chord inside the firestarter.

"Memories are fleeting and once... I've nearly forgotten my name. It takes a strong person to survive here and sometimes you need just a little something... comfort, I don't know what you'd call it. But Vincent, he's different." Reno shook his head. "Not once have I ever seen him accept so much as I hug and I've been here for nine years. I don't know how much more than that it's been for him. Maybe it's time that he finally stops suffering alone."

Axel frowned, brow furrowing in confusion, hoping that Reno wasn't saying what he thought the older man was insinuating. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that he acts differently around you," Reno pointed out, the Electro Rod slung across one shoulder as he walked. Rather than dismiss his weapon like Axel, Reno preferred to keep it out in the open, like a security blanket. "He's been alone for a long time, I can guess as long as he's been here. He's strong but... this place isn't exactly paradise. Sooner or later he is going to break and right now, he doesn't have anyone to pick up the pieces."

Axel made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, half considering what Reno was trying to imply. So what if Vincent acted differently around him? That was the winged man's prerogative. That didn't automatically mean that the dark-haired man was looking for something in Axel. Maybe he just liked Axel as a friend.

"And if I'm not mistaken, the attraction is there, yo."

"Why are you pushing this?" questioned Axel, turning his head to glare directly at the red-haired male.

Reno shrugged. "Because I know it's something you both want, even if you aren't saying it. Sometimes, a distraction is enough to keep your sanity, if only for a little while longer."

Emerald eyes widened. Had Reno just accused him of unfaithfulness, of wanting to forget about Roxas? As if he could just cast the blond Nobody aside. Roxas was his heart! Hadn't he made that clear enough? Axel's hands unconsciously clenched at his side. "I won't betray Roxas!" he snapped through clenched teeth, sweeping his angered gaze over the nameless faces that milled robotically around them. "I might not understand what I feel for Roxas but I know this! I would never—"

Reno's eyes narrowed in anger as he shoved his way past Axel, planting himself directly before the younger man and causing them both to grind to a halt. "Look!" he snapped, aquamarine eyes flashing dangerously. "I _love_ Rude," he said, enunciating the words and waving a hand for emphasis. "There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about him, not a night where I don't beg my subconscious mind to let me dream of him."

He poked at Axel with a sharp finger, a motion that was surprisingly painful and shocking the firestarter with his intensity and sheer..._ anger_. Emotions that Axel still wasn't used to dealing with. He fell silent in the face of them, unable to say anything as Reno continued, the shine of unshed tears making Axel shift uncomfortably in his stance.

"Before I met him, I was nothing and without him, I'm still nothing!" declared Reno passionately. "And yes, I haven't been completely celibate while I was here. Every time I ended up more lonely and hollow than before because it wasn't him but it was a way! To remember, to escape, fuck I don't know." He paused, taking a deep breath as he tried to compose himself. Reno half turned his head to the side, looking at some unknown point before eyeing Axel from the corner of his vision.

"What happens on Gaia, stays on Gaia. Remember that before you start judging. And don't you ever doubt my heart. My reason for living is just as valid as your own."

Axel chewed the inside of his cheek, feeling as if he had just been scolded. "I'm not judging. I"m just..." he trailed off, the words not coming out as he meant them to. "I'm sorry," he finally stated, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I just... I think you're wrong about him, okay? Me and Vincent... we're just friends."

Reno sighed before shaking his head, moving to the side so that he and Axel could continue walking. They were going to be late enough as it was. "I didn't mean to snap at you either, yo," he said by way of apologizing. "There's something about this world. It's not tangible but it's there, if that makes any sense. I can't even explain it."

"Don't bother," responded Axel with a dismissing wave of his hand. "I know exactly what you mean." Gaia's Grotto left him reeling, jumping from one extreme to the next. It seemed he couldn't ever get a grip on his emotions. He was always either moping about depressed, or incensed to anger, enough that he desired to run around setting fire to all in his sight, laughing manically along the way.

Something about the world pulled at him, made him feel as if conforming was the only path and there were days that thoughts flitted into his head. Thoughts that he knew weren't his own. Suggestions wound about casually, seducing him with offers that, if he hadn't known better might have actually worked. Become one with Gaia, join in the flock, become a part of the family. Only, they failed to mention that it was a family of mindless zombies going through a meaningless, robotic existence. Must have slipped their minds.

There were also the times when he woke up in the morning, that brief moment of panic where he struggled to recall who and why he was. That had been his fate during the middle of the previous night, when he had awoken with an urgency in his bladder. It was only the glint of his memento that brought him to sanity. The Oblivion key chain quickly became his life line and he slept with it in his hand the remainder of the night, the sharp edges a stark reminder.

It was like Vincent had said, the shadow beasts that skulk about in the darkness, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. He couldn't see them or feel them, but he knew they were there. They hungered for his memories. And he gave them what they wanted, offering up any and everything that wasn't precious. Roxas... and even some of Demyx he kept, but anyone else was sacrificed. The other Nobodies, he scarcely remembered them anymore nor did he particularly care. It didn't matter what he gave up, so long as he didn't forget ocean-blue eyes and sun-kissed hair. Sarcastic biting remarks and getting his ass kicked by an uppity boy at least three years his junior.

Vincent... was another matter and entirely not up for discussion. At least, this was what Axel told himself. He and the winged man were friends, nothing more and nothing less. Vincent was pining after a memory he refused to speak of, and Axel was hoping for a chance he had been previously denied. There wasn't room for companionship.

And even if Reno were right, Vincent wouldn't look to him for comfort. Axel was the least choice for the job. Besides, they didn't exactly get along like whipped cream and pie. They argued and fought and sniped at each other. Not exactly the components of a perfect relationship. Vincent was too strong for what Reno suggested. He didn't doubt the Reno's love for Rude but... the devotion he had seen in Vincent's eyes, it was the same that echoed inside of Axel.

Still, if Vincent asked him, what would he say? What would he do? It was something for further contemplation. Not that he believed that the winged man would ask for something so personal but... gah, he was going about it in circles. There was no need to even consider it even further. Vincent wasn't going to and that was that. Besides, if Axel had anything to say about it, they wouldn't be on Gaia's Grotto much longer.

"Has Ceran explained anything about the daily life of a Gaian?" questioned Reno, breaking into Axel's inner thoughts. He had reverted to calling them by their Council-given name as well, a smart move considering that they were in the public eye. If the bee-like drones of the masses could be considered cognizant enough to recognize any mistakes.

Axel shook his head. "He said he would leave that particular joy up to you." He was dying to ask Reno about Rude, now that the older male had let it slip. But for once, he restrained himself, recognizing that the moment might not have been the best. Instead, like with Vincent, he filed away the information for later perusal, waiting for a better chance to spring it on his unsuspecting victim. Though he believed Reno would be a lot more forthcoming with the information than Vincent. Especially since the dark-haired man had never once let anything slip.

"Figures," muttered Reno under his breath. He sighed loudly, an overexageratted motion before slinging an arm over Axel's shoulder and causing the younger man to look at him. Reno grinned. "See, Abarai, it's like this. Here on Gaia, you don't actually earn money." He stuck out a pale wrist, shaking down his cuff until his skin was visible and showing it to Axel. "When you were in the Cleanser, a magical spell embedded an invisible rune in your skin. It can be read at any store. Food, clothing, restaurants, etc. Not that there are really any choices around here."

"Wait," Axel interrupted holding up a hand. "You mean that there is a spell burned into my flesh that I can't see?" he questioned, attempting to look at the inside of his own wrists. They didn't appear any different than usual. He rubbed a thumb over first one than the other, frowning when he found nothing.

Reno nodded, using his free hand to tap Axel's left wrist directly over the pulse point and where the spell was laid. "Can't feel it either, yo. But the machines can. They read what you've earned and take it out accordingly. And everything's equal here. From the janitor to the Gatherer, all are paid the same wages."

"That's stupid." Axel snorted as he scowled. "What's the point of education?" He paused as he reconsidered, cocking his head to the side. "Is there even any education? Or kids for that matter? Do people reproduce in this hellhole?"

"There are those that we call naturals, people born on this planet and have lived here their whole lives," explained Reno, releasing Axel's wrist as he undraped himself from the younger man's body and jammed his hands into his pocket, interspersing whistles with his clarifications of the rules of Gaia. "Not a lot, but more and more each day. Education is the basics: writing, arithmetic, critical reading skills, yo. But history, science... anything that involves creative thought, they're nonexistent."

"A damn dictatorship. That's what this place is. Some kind of tyrannical dictatorship," muttered Axel under his breath, gaze falling to the side where he took in the motions of all the strangers walking by with their muted colors and emotionless faces. It made his gut twist and his heart shudder.

Reno hmm'ed thoughtfully, tilting his head back to look up at the sky, ignoring the water that splashed onto his face and into his eyes. "We all have our theories, about why Gaia exists. Personally, I think that we are all rats in a big scientific experiment. Vincent thinks we are being trained to produce the perfect servant, mindless soldiers for an army unlike anything the universe has seen. If you question them, if you show any sign of being what they haven't trained you to be, you disappear."

"How many are there?"

"Not as many as you would think. Less than fifty."

Axel's jaw dropped. He had suspected more. Gaia was a big planet after all, and from what he could see, the town stretched for miles in all directions. The sheer mass of people that milled about... statistically, it made little sense. If every Nobody and every Heartless not restored by the key blade came to Gaia... then why weren't there more that remembered? Had all living beings truly lost their passion? So much so that they could not find anything to cling to? It was a sobering thought.

"You're surprised," commented Reno. "Don't be." He shrugged. "Besides, for all we know, there are others in hiding, keeping their memories in secret solitude. It's dangerous to move as a big group or become to affiliated. As it is, I know only four personally, including you and Vincent."

"What about relationships? Dating? Shit like that? Do they stop people from that kind of thing?" The minute he asked, he knew he shouldn't have, judging by the evil glint that suddenly appeared in Reno's eyes. He mentally slapped himself across the forehead, knowing how the rod-wielder would interpret that. Before Reno could even open his mouth, Axel gave the older male a rude shove with his shoulder and poked him ruthlessly in the soft flesh of his arm.

"Don't even say it, Daunte!" he warned, narrowing his eyes as Reno yelped in surprised pain, rubbing at the sore spot on his arm. "Just answer the damn question. No more thinly concealed insinuations."

Reno blew out a breath of air, cutting his eyes at his younger companion and slipping out a foot, tripping Axel when the firestarter didn't notice. As Axel stumbled, Reno snickered. "No poking, yo," he ordered. "I'm delicate."

Axel scoffed, quickly recovering from the near-fall. "Delicate, my ass. You might look like a girl but I ain't about to treat you like one."

"Hey, I resent that!" protested Reno. "Besides, you don't have to be straight in this place. They don't care who you have relations with, so long as you don't show any real emotion." He side-stepped another pedestrian before nudging Axel to the right, idly directing him towards the gate. Though at the pace they were going it was likely both of them were going to be late for work.

The firestarter stared at Reno, unamused by the older male's knack for randomly inserting important facts into the middle of an entirely unrelated conversation. It was amazing that anything the cocky man had to say was coherent, also considering that annoying 'yo' he tended to tack onto the end of random sentences. He poked Reno again, just to aggravate him, smirking when Reno smacked his hand away with the butt of the Electro Rod.

"Is there anything else I need to know that you have still refrained from telling me?" questioned Axel, folding his arms over his chest.

Aquamarine eyes sparkled. "Yeah," responded Reno with a snort, flicking imaginary lint from his shoulder where Axel had poked him. Not that it did much good considering they were both semi-wet from the rain. They weren't completely soaked because it seemed that the scratchy and heavy clothing had threads of water deterrent, thus the uncomfortableness.

"Oh? And what would that be?" demanded Axel with thinly restrained impatience.

Reno shrugged, the perfect picture of nonchalance. "Oh, I dunno. That in about five minutes we're both going to be officially late to work." He pretended to check an imaginary watch on his wrist. "Yep, definitely five minutes, yo."

Emerald eyes widened. "Whaaaaat?"

He wondered if there was a penalty for choking people to death on Gaia.

---

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you're still enjoying! Let me know if anyone's getting out of character or if you have any pairings that I haven't otherwise stated. I might be able to work them in the later chapters. Let's see... Demyx, Zexion, Xemnas, Saix, Roxas, Cid, Vincent, Sora, Riku, Axel... yep, that's all I've picked so far. The others are fair game though! I'm open to suggestions! Review please!


	8. Interlude 3: The Other Side of the Story

A/N: Don't worry, it's not supposed to make sense. 

Thanks for reading everyone! Thanks for the reviews!

Caution: Unbeta'd

**Interlude 3 : The Other Side of the Story**

Part 3.1

The sky really was beautiful. He hardly stopped to look at it anymore, but now that the universe was saved, he could gaze at it without missing the stars. For a while there, he kept his eyes on the ground, at night, during the day, at any time. It was better for his sanity, for his aching heart all those years to not remember what he missed.

And then that spiky-headed brat came and saved the universe. Brought them back to their home. Those that still lived anyways. As for those that disappeared, no one could say what happened to them. If anyone even remembered them at all. Those memories were fading, bit by bit. Pieces of the past fading away like the smoke of the cigarettes he used to inhale by the dozens. Cid couldn't even remember why he had given them up.

He stood just outside their headquarters for the rebuilding of Hollow Bastion, oh, excuse him, Radiant Garden. They had even forgotten that, the true name of their home. He couldn't help but wonder what other important details that had left their minds. The names of their family members, childhood memories, skills and abilities... loved ones...

Cid idly stretched his neck, grateful for the moment away from "ninja girl" Yuffie and that damned prattling magician. He and Squ-Leon had been hard at work together, spending every moment of every day to return their home to its once splendor. Without a ruler, Radiant Garden would have to survive on its own. Ansem the Wise was dead, that much Sora had told them. And as Ansem had no children of his own, they had no further king. It was probably better that way.

He yawned, feeling way too old. He wasn't that aged, not like that brat Yuffie would leave them all to believe, but some days, he felt it more than others. And despite his friends, there was a loneliness that welled inside of him that couldn't be filled, no matter how hard he tried. There was something he was lacking, something he was missing that was dearly important to him. But after nine years and suffering the destruction of his home, his memory was fuzzy, almost as if there was something making him forget.

The door behind him opened with a bang as it smacked against the side of the house. Cid winced. Only one person announced herself in that way...

"Old man," declared Yuffie cheerily, sauntering out of the magician's home and moving to stand beside him. "Merlin said you were taking a smoke break." She playfully punched his arm as she peered up at him.

Cid scowled as he rubbed at his arm and chewed on the end of his toothpick before resituating the wooden implement around in his mouth, from one side of his jaw to the other. "I am," he drawled, shooting her a look that clearly meant 'go away'. He was enjoying his solitude and contemplations, thus the reason for the "smoke break".

The ninja was nonplussed by his reaction. "You don't even smoke anymore, Cid. What were you_ really _doing out here?"

The blond sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair, accidentally dislodging his trademark goggles. "You ain't gonna leave me alone, are ya?" he questioned, resituating them on his head.

"Nope." Yuffie shook her head. "Not when my favorite geezer looks so sad." She bounced away before climbing atop a nearby rain barrel, unhappy unless she was climbing about like some damn monkey. Atop the barrel she perched comfortably, legs swinging back and forth. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"I'm not old," Cid countered, almost on instinct. "I'm seasoned. Which means I know more than you."

Brown eyes rolled as Yuffie snorted. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." She waved him off with one hand, quickly dismissing his words. Cid didn't even bother to retaliate, knowing that the ninja was just pushing him for a reaction. She enjoyed pushing his limits far too much. Just as she did for all of the others. Merlin found her behavior charming, which only went to prove just how ridiculous the magician really was.

"That's my word," came another familiar voice accompanied by the sound of boots over cobblestones. Both looked up to find Leon approaching them, seeming slightly amused though it was underlain by lines of fatigue, especially the dark circles under his eyes. "Have you finally run out of your own?"

Yuffie immediately brightened, unperturbed by his teasing. "Squeon! I didn't think you were going to be done in Ansem's lab until later."

The brunet waved a hand of dismissal. "Aeris threw me out. Said she could handle it." He frowned slightly, crossing his arms over his chest as he shifted his weight, gaze swinging to the ever-so-interesting ground. "I think she's still hoping to find Cloud."

Cid shook his head. Their spiky-haired companion had disappeared yet again while fighting Sephiroth. He didn't know if Cloud would ever find what he was looking for, which was a damn shame considering what he had waiting for him in Radiant Gardens. Why he needed to chase after that damn psychopathic ghost was beyond his understanding.

"She's wastin' her time," commented the gummi ship builder, chewing thoughtfully on his toothpick as he put his hands on his hips and stretched. "He's not coming back until he wants to. It's not like he's lost. He knows the way home."

Leon sighed, brushing some loose strands of hair out of his face. "I tried to tell her that but she's even more stubborn than Sora. She just can't see that he's not ready to come back..." The steel-eyed man's words trailed off, the tone of his voice a clear indicator of his true feelings.

Aeris wasn't the only one who hoped for Cloud's return.

"Geeze," inserted Yuffie. "Can't really blame him. Not with the depressed looks you guys have started carrying." She hopped down from the barrel, placing her hands on her hips. "The world's saved, so why the hell are you guys so sad?"

"Watch your language," reprimanded Leon distractedly, completely ignoring her question as he turned towards Cid. Come to think of it, the blond did seem a bit more withdrawn than usual. Even unsettled. Curious, considering that Cid was more the type to be optimistic. He rarely, if ever, drifted into bouts of melancholy.

Yuffie scoffed. "Pfft, Squeon, don't boss me around. And quit avoiding my question."

Leon was prepared to berate her again, for no other reason than to get her to be quiet but that was when Cid chose to speak, though he never took his gaze off the stars. "You ever get the feeling you've forgotten sumthin' but you don't know what it is?"

The gunblader shifted towards him, somewhat shocked by the look on Cid's face. He didn't know how to classify it but it seemed similar. "We lost nine years of our lives, who knows what happened," he answered carefully, uncertain what it is the gummi ship builder was asking.

Cid frowned. "Mebbe, but I think it's more than that. We lost a lot of good people to the Heartless, but why don't we ever talk about 'em or worry 'bout 'em?" He plucked the toothpick from his mouth, flicking the now mangled wood to the ground. "It's cause we don't remember enough to know they're gone."

"Ya know," responded Yuffie, her voice cutting through the sudden heavy silence. "Why did you quit smoking, Cid? We didn't think you'd ever stop..."

"I made a promise," answered the blond, his voice suddenly somber. "I don't remember to who or why, but I know I made a promise."

"That's weird. How do you know you promised if you can't remember that?" questioned Yuffie, her face twisting up into a frown.

Cid shook his head, turning abruptly around as he dug in his pocket for a fresh toothpick, plopping it easily between his lips. "You'll understand when you're older," he muttered around the toothpick when he headed back towards the magician's house. "Come on Leon, I got some new plans for the town for you to look at. Just drew 'em up this mornin'."

"All right." Leon nodded, moving to follow after the suddenly strangely acting blond. "Though I can't honestly understand why everyone is turning to me for the answers. Do I look like a king?"

Yuffie burst into laughter at his question, all irritation over Cid brushing her off fading away. "Do you really want me to answer that, Squeon?" she teased.

Leon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. "I rescind the question," he muttered.

"That's probably for the best," put in Cid wisely. "If it comes out of that one's mouth you might end up challenging her to another duel."

The ninja scowled but it was more of a playful look than serious as she darted ahead of them, throwing open the door of Merlin's home with the same loud flourish as before. "And this time I'll win, too!" she announced.

Leon shook his head, ruffling her hair as he passed by her. "Maybe one day, Yuffie."

Cid took one final look at the sky as his two younger companions entered before him. The sun was setting and the stars were just beginning to show. Almost like a new beginning, a hope for something soon to come. And for just a moment he had the barest inkling of remembrance, the smallest reverberation of memory.

Something stolen, something forgotten, ripped from his memories without his consent, that owned the largest piece of his heart. There was an ache, a longing for something that he desired, something that he missed.

But as quickly as the feeling came, it flitted away and the blond was left feeling just as lost as before. Whatever it had been, whatever he had forgotten, it was gone once more. Sighing, Cid turned back towards Merlin's home, closing the door, and in effect, shutting off his view of the elusive sky.

Maybe it was better he continued to keep his eyes on the ground.

Part 3.2

He couldn't get the boy out of his mind, even long after returning to his apartment. And now seven hours later, he was still plagued by the encounter and puzzled by such a random, mundane event. There was nothing out of the ordinary in accidentally knocking a stranger down... except when said stranger evoked incongruity inside of him.

Those eyes... there was something about them that was familiar despite the fact that he had never seen that kid before in his entire life. And when he looked at him, he had received images in his head, scenes from a life he had no recollection of ever living... an existence that was not his own, he was sure of it. The very event disturbed him greatly.

Thus the reason for his current solitude, tucked away in a shadowed corner of the home that he shared with his lover. He found it easier to brood when bathed in the darkness... as well as making it much more difficult to ignore the odd emotions that young boy managed to evoke in him.

There was a bright and burning anger, this instant and strange desire to attack the redhead. There was an urge to break the boy, bend him to his will and subject him to all sorts of tortures imaginable. A hatred for the stranger's existence welled up in him so strongly that he nearly reeled from the force of his own emotions. Why did he harbor such ill will for someone that he did not know?

His body trembled unconsciously and he wrapped his arms around himself, struggling to find some grip on sanity. What had he been fighting for in those memories? Was that even him or just someone who looked like him? Why was he having these memories, these dreams?

Fear curled and twisted inside of him. Fear that he didn't know himself as well as he thought, that somewhere out there he had forgotten an important part of himself. The reverberations from the odd encounter faded but the impressions remained, the surprisingly familiar emerald eyes and the feeling of being lost.

Ryuuki curled up against the wall, exhaling harshly against the silence as he close his eyes, fingers curling into fists on his knees. His heart pounded with the force of a jackhammer, a tedious rushing echoed in his ears. Shadow... the shadows were alive and they hunted him with dull yellow eyes and fanged mouths. They crept and writhed against the ground.

He moaned, biting down on his lips as he squeezed his eyes against an unknown terror, shoving the hell of his hand against his forehead. He needed a distraction, he needed distance, he needed...

"Ryuuki?" The voice of his lover sounded, clear as a clarion bell as the light to the living room was clicked on, chasing away any lingering shadows. "What are you doing on the floor?"

Footsteps came his direction and amber eyes snapped open as the familiar scent of his lover washed over him. He looked up into Jin's(1) concerned eyes as the other male's hands softly landed on his shoulder.

"I..." he paused, searching for the right words to say. Ryuuki wasn't even sure if what he had experienced was real. How could he expect Jin to understand?

Jin shook his head, dark blue tresses flopping into his face as he pulled his lover to his feet. "You're so strange," he murmured, gaze searching Ryuuki's face. "Come on, I brought home dinner."

The white-haired male nodded dumbly then followed his lover as they headed towards the kitchen. But halfway there he stopped suddenly, drawing Jin to a halt as well and causing him to turn around to regard Ryuuki with a curious expression.

"Ryuuki?"

He blinked before shaking his head. "Have you ever had a moment where you feel you've forgotten something important?" he questioned, amber eyes almost pleading for understanding. "Or dreams of a life you haven't lived?"

The other man's eyes widened. "What?"

"Nevermind," inserted Ryuuki hastily, moving to push past his lover and continue into the kitchen. But before he could, his arm was grabbed and he came face to face with Jin, their gazes only inches apart. The other male's hands tightened on his shoulders.

"Don't talk about forgotten memories," hissed Jin, suddenly sounding very irrational. "Its dangerous and..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "Just enjoy what life we have now. Forget about the past, forget about... before."

The amber-skinned man was confused. "Jin?"

"Ryuuki, listen to me for once, you stubborn bastard. Leave it alone. Whatever happened, just... forget it," asserted the other male, squeezing his lover's shoulder's firmly. "It's no longer important."

For a moment, he almost swore that he saw something familiar swirling in Jin's eyes. Not the familiarity of a lover he had had for the past six months. But something much more deeper, something older, part of the life that he hadn't lived. There was need and want, a fierce desire to exist and a hope for a new life. And in that moment he knew that the other male was right. The past wasn't important, not anymore.

Why should they matter, those vague reflections emitted by a strange boy he couldn't remember? What importance was the past, something gone and forgotten, never to be repeated again? In the grand scheme of things, there was very little. He had his life and he was happy, nor was he alone. What more did he need?

Ryuuki smiled, amber eyes tracing over the cross-shaped scar on his lover's face. "Already forgotten," he assured, pulling the younger man in for a welcome kiss. "Now, how about that dinner?"

Part 3.3

There wasn't a day that went by where Reno didn't think of his old world or his old life. He thought of his tiny apartment on the bad end of the city, all he could afford since he was saving up for a real house, somewhere safe and quiet. He had a plan, to eventually leave his job for the beach or the mountains, some place with clean air where he could wash away the blood staining his hands.

He thought of his job as a member of the elusive Turks, a secret service of assassins and kidnappers, blackmailers and skilled killers. And he was one of the best, second-in-charge to the big boss. His pay was shit and everyday he faced his death at the hands of some random ruffian with a gun or a rusty knife or hell, once he had almost been killed by a garbage can. He hated his job, he had hated his life... up until the moment he met Rude, the man who would become his partner in every sense of the world.

The dark-skinned fighter was strong, tall, and stoic, always calm no matter the situation and like a pillar of order to Reno's more chaotic existence. He always hid behind a pair of dark sunglasses. It was several months before Reno was even allowed a glimpse behind the shades, finding his partner to have the most expressive eyes of anyone he had ever met. It was probably in that moment when he first fell in love with Rude.

It had been a leap of faith, inspired by alcoholic courage, that lead to his first kiss with his partner. Rude had been angry then, thinking it was only because of the alcohol. He didn't want to be treated like another one of Reno's one night stands. Except that Rude hadn't known of his partner's habit, to never kiss those he didn't care about. Reno never shared that part of himself with just anyone.

Time passed when tensions between them were high, Reno hiding his rapidly growing emotions and Rude feeling as if he had been used. It wasn't until he had nearly lost Rude in a shoot-out that their misunderstanding was cleared up. From then on, they had to keep their relationship a secret from their employers.

He wasn't willing to risk losing Rude. He knew without understanding why, that he loved his partner, the only good thing he had ever had in his sad and pathetic life. Together they were passionate, the stronger man claiming him with moves that made Reno feel whole and loved. He was always careful, unfailingly gentle, no matter what kink they were trying at the time.

And every day of his semi-existence on Gaia's Grotto, Reno thought about Rude. He replayed memories over and over, like a broken record and relished every dream. He thought of quiet moments in the dark when the power had been cut off to his apartment building for the upteenth time. He thought of surprises on his birthday, an event he had grown used to celebrating on his own. He thought of the tattoo that Rude had on his left shoulder, something he had gotten on a whim and a dare. The swirling dark ink always barely showed against his darker flesh but it was beautiful just the same.

Some nights, he wasn't ashamed to admit, he wept out of sheer sorrow. There were days when he thought not to get out of bed because there was no point. As the years passed by, it became harder and harder to cling to the hope that he would ever see Rude again. It felt like he had lost the other half of himself, that he could never be happy until they were rejoined. And then every memory became bittersweet, every stolen kiss and grope in the shadows or the stairwells of the building they worked in.

To those who knew him, those who realized he hadn't forgotten his name as the Council had intended, he appeared strong. Unfailingly happy, always optimistic and determined. They didn't know of his biggest regret.

He had told no one of Kiros, not until the brief admittance he had made to Axel, though he had kept the name to himself. Truthfully, no one remembered the man anymore, except for himself. As if with his disappearance, the memory of him faded as well.

Kiros, the dark-skinned and thin man, feminine in his beauty, had been his one attempt at seeking consolation in the arms of another, though he hadn't intended that from the beginning. Reno had sought out his friend late one night when the silence and the solitude had become more than he was able to bear, just seeking the company of someone also struggling to return to who he left behind.

Reno never learned the name of that other one, a man he assumed, just like Kiros never learned of Rude. As if it were a sin to utter their name, an admittance of their failure to be faithful.

Even now, Reno could not remember who kissed who first or even why. He just knew that afterwards, despite the warmth shared, he had felt even emptier than before. Admittedly, there was a strange sort of comfort in that regret, that emptiness, but not something he could explain. It was like being able to both forget and remember in the same instant.

He forgot about the pains of loneliness, he forgot about the fears he felt every day for his existence. He remembered his love for Rude, he remembered how it felt to be held in someone else' arms. He remembered his reason to fight, his reason to continue struggling even though the odds were stacked against him.

So was it regret because he had given his body to someone else while claiming to love Rude? No. His regret came in being unable to save Kiros. One day, a few months later, Kiros simply disappeared and now, nearly no one remembered him, save for Reno himself. It was as if the moment he departed, the memories of his existence were erased as well.

Kiros had been there just as long as Vincent, if not longer. And then one day, without any warning, he was gone. Reno placed the blame upon himself, though he knew that was an irrational thought. People disappeared all the time, mostly those who had not been cautious enough to look over their shoulders. He feared everyday that it would happen to him. Before he could escape he would be found out... or even killed.

It was nearly a hopeless existence. But he was determined to not give up. There was something out there more important to him than his own mortality. They needed each other; Reno had no doubts about that. And he was willing to do anything, sacrifice everything, and pay any price, to return to his world. To return to his shitty apartment in the slums and his crap job as an assassin, to return to broken heaters in the winter and a continuously leaking roof and death by garbage cans... he would suffer it all.

Because no matter where he was, as long as he was with Rude, he was home.

Part 3.4

Despite his best efforts, hope was becoming nothing more than a dim memory. With every passing day that he stayed bonded to Sora, a part of his own mind drifted away. It all began to blend together. His feelings, Sora's feelings. His pain, Sora's love. He couldn't distinguish between them anymore.

The days when he managed to push himself to the surface of Sora's consciousness became less and less until finally, they ceased altogether. It became too much effort and really what was the point? He had made his choice to join with his other; there was no turning back now... if there was even the option or method to do so.

It was unfair and it was cruel, but it was his reality; wrapped in Sora's memories, surrounded by Sora's emotions, enveloped in Sora's every thought, including the most perverted that caused even Riku to blush. Roxas was Sora... Roxas didn't exist... as they were meant to be before Ansem the fucking Wise and his idiot apprentice Xehanort started delving into matters best left untouched. Roxas was a Nobody... he wasn't allowed to exist.

His memories of his time as a Nobody were fleeting, fading until they were vague reflections of an existence that never should have been. He had already forgotten most of the Organization, never really caring for them anyways. He was unable to name any more than three on his fingers: Axel, Demyx, and Xemnas... but Axel most of all.

The tempestuous, rude bastard who had somehow managed to worm his way into a permanent place inside Roxas' heart, despite every one of his annoying and stalkerish qualities. Even when Roxas had been questioning his very existence and memory back then, the firestarter had been the only one who could make him feel... all right.

There had always been something alluring about Axel from the day they first met. He was intense... he was intelligent... and he was insanely attractive, despite his gangly limbs and lithe frame. Those eyes were what captivated Roxas the moment he had first met Axel. The firestarter had a way of speaking, always looking directly at him when he talked as if trying to see inside of Roxas' non-existent heart. A way that made him feeling like he was something to someone. Not just a Nobody.

"Roxas."

Someone called to him, stirring his thoughts and rousing him from floating randomly in metaphysical space. He blinked, glancing around the darkness in confusion, believing for a moment that he had been imagining things. No one would speak to him; Roxas didn't exist. Only the insane spoke to things that didn't exist.

"Roxas, I know you can hear me," came the voice again, insisting and slightly familiar.

He furrowed his imaginary brow in confusion as he struggled with coherency. "Who... Namine?"

A cutesy giggle echoed around him. "You can't have forgotten me that quickly, Roxas."

Sora and Kairi must have been near to each other, that was the only time Namine spoke. When Sora was with Riku, it was blessedly silent, except for the lingering remains of Ansem. Since school had begun and the Riku/Sora couple became official, Roxas saw less and less of Namine, especially when Kairi started spending her time with Wakka.

What she saw in the half-doped redhead neither Roxas nor Namine understood. Then again, Namine had often teased him that the same could be said for Axel.

Unlike Roxas, she was perfectly content with her life as Kairi's other half. She had no regrets and did not miss her prior life. 'I was incomplete without her, Roxas,' she had once claimed. 'Now I'm whole and honestly, what have I lost compared to what I had before? I'm happy.'

Unfortunately, Roxas couldn't say the same for himself. It wasn't a lack of Sora that made him feel incomplete, but the loss of a sharp-tongued firestarter that affected him. Sora was akin to a ditzy cousin that he loved like a brother. He couldn't help but adore Sora, everyone did. He was a friend to all... even that annoying vulgar magician duck.

"Roxas!" The former Nobody jerked out of his thoughts when Namine giggled after shouting his name.

"What?" Roxas scowled. He wasn't in the mood for her optimism.

"I'm worried about you," she responded, all traces of her amusement quickly dispersing when she noticed his lack of humor. "You're not happy... I thought you would be."

He snorted. "So did I. But I'm not." He quieted, thinking on his own admission. He wanted to be free, he wanted his own life and he wanted to see Axel again. But was the point in wanting when he couldn't have any of it. Axel was dead and he was locked inside of Sora. And what would be the purpose in finding his freedom if he couldn't see Axel? Perhaps it was better if he just faded away into the shadows, allowed his hope to wither and die. Then it wouldn't hurt so much and Sora could live his life without extra emotions tagging along.

"Roxas..."

"Stop trying to encourage me," he snapped, interrupting her before she could even continue. "I don't want to hear empty consolations."

Namine sighed, a breathy, rushing sound that echoed all around him in the empty space of his existence, if that was what one could call it. "What are you hoping for?" she finally questioned after a minute, her voice soft and slightly hesitant. "If you're so unhappy... what are you still looking for?"

Roxas fell quiet at her words, curling up into a sitting position with his arms wrapped around his knees. He laid his head on his arms and closed his eyes, trying to trap the swirling emotions inside of him. Happiness began to swell all around him; some kind of overflow from whatever Sora was feeling. But it couldn't pierce his own melancholy. Nor did he want it to.

Then she spoke again, hesitantly like before. "Roxas, Axel is gone. I'm sorry but that's the truth. He was a Nobody just like us and now... he doesn't exist anymore."

"Don't you think I know that?" he questioned bitterly, almost spitting out the words.

"Roxas..."

"Just go away, Namine."

And blessedly, for once she actually listened to him and did just that. Maybe she sensed that her words weren't helping, or that he was no longer listening to them. Maybe she knew that there was nothing she could say. It didn't matter to him. How could it matter? Why should it matter? To a nothing, a Nobody, nothing should matter.

When one didn't exist, why would anything matter?

---

(1) I don't know how many of you have seen the English version of Samurai Champloo. But the voice actor for Saix is the same voice actor for Jin hence Saix's name on Gaia's Grotto is Jin. Neat little fact! Eh, Xemnas' name comes from the anime Saiunkoku Monogatori. It's the name of the Emperor. And yes, I'm hopelessly addicted to that show.


	9. Chapter 6: Fragile Trust

A/N: At last! I have updated! I am sorry it is so late but alas, it seems that I have established a rhythm of once a month. But as they say, quality over quantity. And I much prefer quality. With that, I am very, very happy with the reader response for this! You guys rock major! I didn't think I could break into the Kingdom Hearts fandom but you like it! So that's good. Oh, and ignore all spelling/grammar errors. My beta is three chapters behind in editing, lol.

Thanks to the 20 people who have me on their faves list and the 21 people who have me on their alert list! And for all those unidentified readers out there who gobble up each chpater just as quickly. I couldn't do this without your support!

**Chapter 6: Fragile Trust**

Axel sighed and stared out over the Forgotten Plains, finding nothing but flat, vaguely green grassland in a rainy haze, just like it had been for the last three hours. Not that there was anything better to do. He was bored stiff, both he and Reno, after somehow managing to get to work on time, sprinting the entire distance. There was very little for them to do at the gate, other than wait for something to happen which, rarely did.

They had already sparred with each other three times; Axel admittedly getting his ass kicked one attempt after another. They played a practical joke on one of the wall walkers, wouldn't he be glad to open his locker on the end of shift? Reno had an interesting conversation with a Gatherer involving his Electro Rod and a mysteriously disappearing cherry pie, which Axel did _not_ want to ask about. And the both of them had eaten lunch, Reno choosing to tease Axel the entire time about his homemade-bagged meal, which was unsurprisingly quite tasty. He didn't share either, despite the pathetic begging look that Reno attempted.

Still, after all that, there was a couple of hours left to go in their shift. Except now they were full and bored. Axel sighed and leaned against the left gate, opposite from where Reno was idly snoozing against his own, the loud racket of his snores an annoying noise. The fire starter crossed his arms over his chest, frowning at the ground as if his ennui was its fault.

"Bored," he whined loudly for the third time, letting his head fall back with a thunk to the strong and thick metal, thereby waking Reno up from his impromptu nap.

Reno merely blinked and shifted more comfortably against the door, closing his eyes with a shrug. "Get used to it."

"Entertain me," suggested Axel, shooting his partner a stare. "Or do something. Talk. Tell me more about this place." He paused, reconsidering. "Or tell me more about those glasses."

One aquamarine eye popped open as he raised an arm, tapping them with one finger. "These?"

The fire starter nodded as he dug one hand into his pocket, pulling out the Oblivion key chain. He glanced surreptitiously around, checking to make sure no one was watching before holding it up to the light. The ebony metal caught the dim light of the sun and managed to sparkle, even given the slight patter of rain that fell on it as it spun in Axel's hold of its own accord.

"This belonged to Roxas," informed the fire starter, watching Reno closely for a reaction. "Now, it's the only real link I have to him that isn't a part of my memories." Emerald eyes traced over the contours of the key chain for a moment, wistfulness echoing in his features. "Without it, I..." He shook his head. "It gives me hope." He raised his gaze back to Reno, finding a pair of gleaming eyes watching him intently.

The other male sighed before shifting off of the gate and striding across the small space until he stood beside Axel, leaning right next to the younger male. "You know, people rarely, if ever, make it to the gate, yo," he commented as Axel deposited the precious key chain back into his pocket. "Yet, I stand guard here everyday, hoping that if, by some cruel fate, he does end up dying, that when he makes it here, I can somehow save him. I can't fly, so they won't let me be a Gatherer, but at least here, I know I might have a chance."

Axel nodded in understanding. "Have you ever had someone make it to the gate?"

"Once or twice." Reno shrugged, leaning his head back against the door as he closed his eyes. "Most of the time they're so goddamned scared out of their minds, they don't know what to think. Neither of them remembered a fuckin' thing prior to coming here but they were lucky. They barely missed being eaten by the beasts."

The fire starter scowled. "Vincent told me about the beasts, and their purpose."

"Ain't nothing we can do about that, yo," responded Reno. "There's a lot to hate about this world." He crossed one leg over the other, tapping his toes insistently against the concrete. "One of the many reasons that those with memories often commit suicide."

Axel raised a brow, entirely surprised. "What?"

The other man waved a hand of dismissal. "Not everyone has the mental strength to keep up the hope here. Not everyone who had a reason to remember could handle being separated with seemingly no chance of every returning."

Axel quickly sought to change the subject. "Tell me more about your reason. Tell me about... Rude."

One aquamarine eye popped open, regarding Axel with a slightly amused expression. He grinned. "Okay," Reno responded. He reached up and tapped the glasses on his head. "These are his, of course. The only thing I have left of him. He always wore them like 24/7." Reno shook his head. "He has these super expressive eyes, yo. He sucks at poker."

"I can imagine," commented Axel, spying the faraway, almost sparkly look that came into his partner's eyes. It was probably much like the one that he took on when he thought of Roxas.

Reno sighed, taking on a wistful expression before discreetly looking around, checking to be sure that no one was paying them any particular attention and that they weren't being overheard before he continued. "We were partners in everything, a deadly duo of assassins." He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "His memory is horrible though. Probably lost without me, yo."

The sudden sound of a loud and shrill horn blaring through the air interrupted Reno's musings, sending both men instantly on high alert. Reno and Axel swiveled their heads towards the Forgotten Plains, weapons materializing within their hands in a flash and swirl of lightning and fire. A small treble of excitement built up within Axel, all boredom sliding from his body to be replaced with the thrill of battle.

"The beasts!" called out one of the wall-walkers to them. "Five of them, Daunte!"

The blue-eyed male nodded up at him, saluting briefly before turning to Axel. "It's action time, yo."

"Finally," exclaimed Axel, breathing a sigh of relief as he twirled his chakram on each of his hands. He dropped into a defensive stance, intense emerald eyes locked on the open gates. "I was going to die of boredom!"

His words echoed hollow when suddenly bestial snarls of rage sounded from directly in front of them. Five pale shapes darted out from the gates, claws scrabbling against the ground as they growled in murderous intent. Lightning crackled through the air, slamming into the underbelly of one of the back creatures. It keened in agony as it dropped to the ground, disappearing in a cloud of thick black ash.

Axel had all of two seconds before he was beset by three of the beasts, them far more interested in him than Reno. He managed to spout off gouts of flame into one before the other two leapt at him, snarling and aiming for his throat. There was a flash of something familiar, something almost forgotten that made him blink in astonishment before he was ducking and dodging one beast's initial leap, twirling the chakram around a finger and slicing it through the air.

Blood dripped to the ground as he cut through the abdomen of the ghostly creature. It yelped as it dropped to the ground, twitching violently in its death throes. Axel grinned, clearly pleased with himself, only to turn with widened eyes when the second snarled and latched on to one of his arms when he wasn't looking. Pain raced through his right forearm as the memory beast clamped down, shaking its head and struggling to rend his limb from his body.

Emerald eyes flashed fire as Axel growled just as canine as his assailant and swung his second chakram around, calling up enough flame to light the spikes as he slashed at the attacker, neatly cleaving its head from its shoulders. The pungent odor of burnt flesh attacked his nostrils as he shook the dying body from his arm with a disgusted look on his face, sending it sprawling to the ground where it promptly disappeared in a puff of black ash, swirling around in an unseen wind. His other attacker had done the same, after bleeding out almost empty onto the cement.

All that remained was their blood, staining the ground in a vague parody of death. It made him sick. Grimacing, Axel dispersed the chakram and inspected the damage to his forearm, barely noticing that Reno had dispersed of his own opponent with an artful shock followed up by a swift knock across the head. He had an even set of teeth marks in his arm but it hadn't pierced the skin. At least the ugly and uncomfortable garments had been good for something. They had protected his body somewhat, leaving only enough leeway for him to feel the pain but suffer none of the damage.

Panting, Reno grinned as he strode up to his new partner. "Lookin' pretty good there, Abarai," he commented with a wink, balancing his Electro Rod on his shoulder, still lit up slightly with electricity as it buzzed and spat out golden fire.

Axel scowled at himself for allowing the beast to get so close. Vincent was right. He was out of practice. Maybe he could convince the winged man to train him some more so mistakes like that didn't happen again. He shoved his torn sleeve down over his arm before cockily grinning at Reno. "Piece of cake," he replied.

Aquamarine eyes rolled. "Right." He poked at Axel with the end of his Rod in the shoulder, setting the fire starter off balance for a moment. "They seemed particularly interested in you. Remember anything... important?" he questioned, leaning in close so that they couldn't be overheard by the sudden cleaning crew, come to scrub the blood off of the pavement.

Axel shook his head, moving off to the side and out of the way of the cleaners, Reno stick close to his side. "Perhaps I'm just more fresh to them," he replied with a shrug. Inwardly, however, he sighed in thought, somewhat glad for the impromptu battle. It certainly helped to pass the time.

Reno sighed. "Yeah, well, it's almost time for our shift to be over. Where ya headed afterwards?"

The fire starter shrugged, his gaze falling to the Forgotten Plains. Emerald eyes raked over seemingly innocent grounds, wondering if they would meet any survivors. "I suppose I'll just go home. It's not like there's lots to do around here." He turned back towards Reno. "I've got some things to research."

"Oh yeah?" questioned the other male with a raised brow. "Like what?"

Glancing at the cleaners, he gestured Reno away from them and towards a generally secluded part of the gate. "I was a Nobody, Daunte," he explained. "I might be able to call up a portal except Ceran says I shouldn't even try..." He trailed off as Reno gave him that cocky, sure grin.

"Oh? So you obey Ceran now?" teased the rod-wielder, with one hand on his hip. He prodded at Axel's shoulder with the end of the Electro Rod. "What else does he tell you to do? Ow!" Reno rubbed at his shoulder where Axel punched him, though it didn't erase the grin from his face.

"You're such a lech." The firestarter scowled as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Reno laughed and waved a hand of dismissal. "I couldn't resist. So go on, tell me the rest." He held up his hands in acquiescence. "I promise, yo. I won't make too many more unwelcome insinuations." He crossed a hand over his chest. "Scout's honor."

It began to rain more steadily then, thick droplets of cold, heavy rain that filtered even through Axel's waterproof and scratchy clothing. He sighed, looking up into the dismal grey sky, feeling his own emotions sink with the weather. He really needed to get away from this place before it consumed him with depression. He had never been the type to get bogged down with sorrow before but that was what Gaia's Grotto did to a person.

Aquamarine eyes blinked as Reno shielded them, looking up into the sudden downpour that washed away the blood the cleaning crew hadn't quite gotten to. "I sure won't miss this," muttered the older male. "I miss the sun, I miss the ocean, hell, I even miss getting sunburnt if it means I don't have to be here any longer."

"Ceran was right, you are too careless," Axel murmured, noticing how the others seemed to be paying them close attention.

Reno waved a hand of dismissal. "It's not my conversation they're interested in." He leaned in close, putting a hand on Axel's shoulder in a move that could have been taken for possessive. "You are new and just like with any other world, you are fresh meat. Good thing I've already staked my claim, yo."

Before Axel could even comment another gong sounded, low and echoing all around them, completely attracting his interest. Beside him, Reno grinned before patting him quite roughly on the back. "Never heard a more beautiful sound than quitting time."

"What? Already?" questioned Axel, surprise etched into his voice. He was certain that Vincent worked at least eight hours a day, or maybe even more. He was fully expecting to be there another four hours at the least, not that he wouldn't mind going home. A Guardian's job was boring as shit.

Reno nodded. "Our workdays aren't as long as you would think. Ceran takes extra shifts because he's made himself responsible for any with memories that might show up. That's the kind of guy he is." He shifted his weight, bringing up his Electro Rod to balance on his shoulder as he gently started to steer Axel towards the locker room. "You'll think about what I said, eh?"

Axel groaned. "That again?" he questioned, pretending to be oblivious to the stares they were receiving. Despite knowing that these residents didn't have emotions, he was certain he saw lust or something similar reflected in a few, men and women alike. He recognized a few that Reno had pointed out earlier, but wasn't out to make friends and had quickly forgotten their names.

"You never give up, do you?"

"Only because I know I'm always right, yo," responded his companion, grinning cheekily. He clapped Axel on the back again. "Trust me on this one, Abarai."

----

Axel cracked his neck as he entered the apartment, throwing the keys into his pocket as he pulled off his jacket and hung it on a nearby peg. He listened intently for sounds of Vincent but the apartment was completely silent, not that the winged male normally made a lot of noise. He was often as quiet as shadow and twice as dark when he wasn't in some dark corner, thinking or as Axel called it, brooding. He had often accused Roxas of doing such.

Unbidden, a yawn escaped from his mouth, betraying how truly tired he was. It shouldn't have made him so weary, but the combined excitement of the day had taken a lot out of him. From the emotionally exhausting conversation with Reno to the unexpected battle against the beasts on his first day, it was no wonder he felt weary.

He kept alert for signs of Vincent as he shuffled into the kitchen, finding it spotlessly clean and devoid of all signs of any winged males. Well, not completely. His gaze fell on the refrigerator and the note stuck to the very center of it, seeming out of place compared to the pristine nature of the rest of the kitchen. Biting back another yawn, the firestarter stumbled towards the paper and ripped it down, scanning the pretty and elegant handwriting briefly before crumpling up the note and skillfully tossing it into a nearby trash can.

Oh joy, Vincent was thoughtful enough to cook and leave him something in the fridge before laying down for a nap. At least Axel wouldn't starve even if he did suddenly desire the man's companionship. He wasn't stupid enough to actually wake Vincent up. Not that Vincent was the most personable of people, but there were times when being alone wasn't at the top of the firestarter's list. Tonight just happened to be one of those.

Poking around in the fridge produced a plate of fried potato chunks, scrambled eggs and sliced ham. He popped it into the microwave, jammed the leftovers button and waited a few minutes, inwardly thanking Vincent the entire time as he struggled to stay awake. When the microwave dinged an absurdly five minutes later, Axel hopped on the counter and mindlessly began to shovel the food in, not even caring that it was steaming hot. He was a fire element. Those types of things did not bother him anymore.

As he chewed, he began to think while attempting to stay awake. After all, he had work to do. He couldn't afford to waste any time sitting around on his hands. He had to research a way for them to get off of Gaia's Grotto as well as practice his darkness technique without his heart getting eaten or tainted along the way. And as soon as possible because Axel couldn't take living in hell any longer. The beasts were the last straw.

He was certain, that infallible though his reluctant roommate was, Vincent must have missed something in his research. Axel was certain that it was simply impossible to have exhausted all resources. He might be able to find something where Vincent had not. At least, that was what he hoped because it was plainly obvious that the winged man was far smarter than he when it came to science and such similar things.

"Great," he remarked to himself dryly, "now I am even sarcastically _thinking_ about Vincent. Maybe Reno was right." A bit petulantly, he shoved more food into his mouth, chewing on it with far greater vigor than was necessary. He propped one foot on the counter, able to perfectly picture Vincent's resulting glare. The thought was enough to make him chuckle.

And despite his weariness and the fact that he was nearly falling asleep on the counter, Axel had plans to hop down and actually finish some research. He glanced at the clock. It was nowhere near "nighttime" or as close as this place came to it. Finishing off the last of the fried potatoes, Axel noisily dropped the plate into the sink and slid to the ground, running a hand through his hair and ripping out the headband, letting his spikes bounce free.

He dreaded poring through all the research manuals that he knew lined the shelves to his room but dreaded more the thought of staying on Gaia's Grotto any longer than he thought unavoidable. He briefly browsed the titles after changing into something more comfortable before selecting one that sounded just as boring as the rest. He headed back into the kitchen, plopped down in one of the hard kitchen chairs, checked for Vincent and propped his feet up on the table before cracking open the thick, dusty tome.

_A Heart of Darkness_. That was the title of this particular book. He hoped that by concentrating his research on the darkness and the specific use of it, he would uncover some loophole that Vincent had not even thought of. He tried to ignore the eerie feeling the near silent apartment gave him even as he pushed away all invasive thoughts that damn Reno had slipped so seductively into his head.

The last thing he needed to do was think of Vincent in a capacity beyond friendship. He sighed, attempted to get comfortable, and settled in for a long night of reading. It wasn't long before his weariness overcame him and he slumped in the chair, slumbering in the middle of the kitchen.

_They always came back in little bits and pieces, his memories, most often when he was asleep. Vincent had said it was because he was the most vulnerable then and it was easier for the shadow beasts to steal those dreams. Even so, Axel fought while he slumbered to keep whatever his dreams revealed. This night, he remembered something that only served to sadden him. _

_Roxas... had succeeded. It became so clear to him, why the blond had left and what he had been searching for. He was a Nobody, and like all Nobodies, he was once a part of somebody. He had been looking for his other half. Axel was certain he had one out there somewhere, but he never cared to look. He didn't want to be acquainted with who he was before, all that mattered was the now. _

_That was what Axel had been trying to stop by sneaking into the alternate Twilight Town and speaking to Roxas. That man, DiZ, had wanted to rejoin Roxas with Sora, wanted them to become one again. But Axel couldn't have that, because then he would lose the only person who ever meant anything to him. His best friend and closest companion. _

_No matter what he tried, he couldn't convince Roxas to believe him, couldn't convince him to leave that alternate world and to return with him. His mind had been so entirely influenced by DiZ and Namine that he believed it was the only way. And admittedly, Axel probably had not used the best of methods but he was on the edge of his mind, starting to fear that he would never be able to reach Roxas._

_He could see it so clearly now, watching from the shadows where no one could see though he suspected that DiZ knew he was there. Roxas approached something that looked very similar to the cleanser in the Center. As it opened, it revealed a sleeping Sora, looking to be in suspended animation. Roxas stepped forward, there was a flash of light, and the next thing he knew, Roxas was gone and all that was left was Sora. _

_He remembered now, the awful truth. Roxas had returned to Sora; he was no longer in his own form. At the time he had screamed and raged at the unfairness of it all, proceeding to rampage through an entire legion of Heartless, blowing them up and slicing them to bits but it didn't satisfy the turmoil inside of him. The emotions he wasn't supposed to have. _

_After blowing up his fortieth Heartless and setting fire to someone's room, it might have been Xigbar's, a new idea struck him. If he could turn Sora into a Heartless, then Roxas would come back. At the time, he hadn't cared what happened to Sora. Admittedly, it was selfish, but he thought only for the aching in his nonexistent soul. Plus, he was hiding from Xigbar. The man was freakishly frightening when pissed. _

_He began to make it his priority to know when and where Sora was, to protect him from the plans of Xemnas and the others, and to install his own plan. He was on no one's side but his own. There were times he looked at the cinnamon-haired boy and could have sworn that Roxas was looking right back at him. It was bittersweet, to be so close and yet, the distance between them was far too big to be crossed. _

_He remembered so clearly kidnapping Kairi. She was standing on the shore of Destiny Islands, talking to herself. She was pretty; he gave her that much, and she looked so much like Namine it was paradoxical. He was only glad that she was alone. It made it easier to kidnap her. He had it figured. If there was one way to get through to Sora's emotions, that didn't involve finding the missing Riku, it was to threaten Kairi. He hoped to enrage the Keyblade master enough to cause him to turn into a Heartless. Axel wasn't really looking to actually harm Sora physically. _

_He waited for the proper moment before he showed up, making a brilliant entrance as always. "My thoughts exactly!" he had claimed, announced his presence in response to her own comment. "If you have a dream, don't wait. Act." That was his own rule of thumb, might as well share the knowledge._

"_One of life's little rules," he finished, stepping through the portal. "Got it memorized?" Her cerulean eyes widened in surprise as her hands came up to her mouth. Obviously she wasn't expecting him to suddenly appear from thin air. _

"_Who are you?" she asked. Silly bint didn't even look the least bit frightened. That was a mistake. Inwardly, Axel scowled at her but he kept the look of complete friendship on his face. It was sickeningly easy to manipulate the masses at times. _

_He smiled. "Axel. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sora's," he lied. "Why don't we go see him?" he explained, offering up a gloved hand to her. He kept the smile on his face, reassuring her with his friendliness._

_A look of hope took over her face at the mention of her friend. "...Sora?" she repeated with anticipation. Before he could say anything more, the sound of a bark interrupted them, along with the defining tingle along his body, signifying the appearance of a portal. He scowled when her back was turned, wondering who was interfering with his plans. _

_Considering how many people he was betraying and going against, it could have been anyone. Except for the presence of the dog which suddenly approached Kairi, wagging its tail and turning in little circles, certain to make her coo with cuteness. He recognized the mutt immediately. Xemnas had warned them to be wary because everyone knew there was only one person who owned such a dog, King Mickey of Disney Castle. Most thought that the Nobodies were unaware of Mickey but that made it easier to conduct their business if people believed them ignorant. _

_Emerald eyes narrowed. That big-eared mouse was going to ruin everything. Surreptitiously, he called a few friends, planning to have them "herd" her his way. As the silver dancing bodies appeared, a new portal bounded into existence just behind Kairi. Axel knew without asking that it belonged to the Keyblade wielder of darkness, and his suspicions were confirmed when that damned dog went bounding straight towards it. He was going to lose her._

_Axel took a step forward, dark boots crunching in the white sands of the shore. "We've got something in common, Kairi," he said, hoping to reattract her attention. He gestured towards her, holding a hand to his heart. "You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey, I feel like we're friends already." _

_But it was too late. She was no longer listening to him. She took one then two steps backwards, shaking her head as she did. Blue eyes darted from him, then back to the portal behind her, and that stupid dog happily wagging its tail and barking excitedly. He gestured towards Kairi, again offering a hand but she narrowed her eyes and turned away, running immediately towards that portal. _

"_You're not acting very friendly!" she spat rudely at him before disappearing into the clinging, inky black. Axel cursed and railed, fire raging about him as anger consumed him. Anger that he wasn't supposed to have. Damn that woman! And damn that nosy, big-eared mouse!_

_He'd had no choice then but to follow after her. _

"Axel!"

A clawed hand was on his shoulder, shaking him violently. Axel snapped awake, jerking upright in his seat as he scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He peered blearily around, finally setting sight on amused crimson eyes. Axel blinked, swinging his gaze around as he tried to figure out where in the hell he was.

"Why are you sleeping in the kitchen?" questioned Vincent, standing up straight as his wings fluttered behind him. The older male was fully dressed for work and seemed completely alert as he headed over towards the pot, pouring boiling hot water over a tea bag within a ceramic cup.

"Ummm." Axel blinked again as he sat up, rubbing a hand over his face where sleep lines had formed in his cheek from the book he had been using as an impromptu pillow. It wasn't comfortable but apparently, he had been more tired than he originally thought.

A dark brow rose when Vincent settled into a chair across the table from him, steaming cup in his hand. "Work that difficult?"

Axel shook his head, staring blankly at the tabletop. "Nah," he replied with a drawn-out yawn that was not the least bit attractive. He tapped the book in front of him as he flipped it closed. "Just... boring."

Vincent peered at the tome, reading the title. "There's nothing there," he replied. "I read that one already."

The firestarter shrugged. "Yes, and I'm sure in your infinite knowledge you have exhausted all available data." He yawned again, wiping at tears that gathered in the corner of his eyes, thoughts of his dream still reverberating in his head. Roxas was... a part of Sora. Roxas was unreachable. What was he still trying to prove then? What purpose was there in escaping?

He didn't know where Sora was. And if he ever found the boy, what could he do then? Try and make Sora become a Heartless again? He didn't think he could do that. Somewhere along the way he got attached to the little bugger. He was too much like Roxas. And if his suspicions were correct, Sora was in love with Riku. He didn't want to put anyone else through the same thing as him. He might have been one of the most selfish pricks of the Organization, but a small part of him had a conscience.

"Axel?"

Emerald eyes blinked. He hadn't even realized that he had spaced out. Vincent was looking at him, concern echoing in crimson eyes. It made something inside of him flutter. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"What?"

The winged male peered at him. "Is everything all--"

"I remembered something last night," Axel interrupted. "Something about Roxas." He stared down at the book, eyes drawn to the inscribed title, gold inscripted lettering in leather binding. Except that it didn't have the answers. He wondered if anything did anymore.

There was a clink as Vincent laid the mug down on the tabletop. "What about him?" he questioned, sounding worried. "Maybe I can--"

"He doesn't exist," Axel claimed dully. "Not in the typical sense that you can think of, anyways. He was a Nobody like me, but instead of choosing to live separately, he rebonded with his Heartless. He's a part of his other now. Irrevocably."

The winged male nodded in understanding. "I see," he responded, not missing for one moment the downcast look to his roommates expression. He paused in thought, something almost forgotten returning to his memories. "If I remember correctly, it is not entirely permanent."

Axel snorted. "What do you know?" he sniped, kicking petulantly at a tableleg. Okay, so he was acting immature.

"Admittedly, not much. But unlike most people, I started out as a part of what began this entire mess, Xemnas and all," Vincent explained slowly, tapping a clawed finger on the tabletop. When Axel looked up at him, clearly surprised, Vincent elaborated. "What do you know about the Keyblades?"

The redhead frowned. "Not much," he grumbled.

Vincent's eyes darted to the wall, checking the time. "I have to leave soon so I'll be brief. There is not just one Keyblade, I'm sure you know this. Ansem discovered that just as there are multiple facets to a person's heart, there are also multiple facets to existence. The world is not just darkness and light, but shades of twilight and dusk, dawn even." Seeing Axel's look of incomprehension, Vincent sighed. "All you need to know is that a Keyblade is capable of unlocking any lock and a heart, is a lock. Any Heartless dispersed by the Keyblade returns to Kingdom Hearts and up until now, no one knew where Nobodies went. But I know. Every Nobody comes here, to Gaia's Grotto. Every last one of them. Even those dispersed by the Keyblade."

"Okay," responded Axel. "But what does that have to do with Roxas?"

"A Keyblade can release someone's heart, turning them into a Heartless and in essence, creating a Nobody at the same time. That is, using one of the two extremes, either light or dark. Theoretically, a Keyblade of both realms could separate one entity into two parts without having to destroy one or the other."

Axel narrowed his eyes. "You know a lot about this. Why?" Never mind the internal skipping of his insides at the thought that there might actually be a hope. A Keyblade that was not dark or light. It was a theory but it was a hope, which up until that moment he had completely lost. He would cling to it.

Crimson eyes darted towards the wall clock seconds before Vincent rose to his feet, tea forgotten on the table. "I'm going to be late," he mumbled, turning away from the firestarter and heading quickly towards the hall. His wings fluttered behind him, a sign of agitation that Axel had already learned to identify.

Axel quickly scrambled up from the table, hurrying to follow the secretive man before he escaped and clammed up, since he was being so voluble and revealing. "Why won't you tell me?" he demanded, chair scooting across the floor and screeching loudly. "Why are you always hiding everything?"

However, Vincent didn't even respond, pretending as if he hadn't heard anything. He belted his holster around his thigh as he reached for the door. But Axel was like a dog on a bone; he wasn't letting all that information go without a fight. Just as the door opened, he shoved his palm against it, slamming it back shut. He leaned his weight against the door, effectively blocking Vincent from making an attempt at a well-timed exit.

The scarlet glare should have unnerved him, but he was used to them by now. "Why do you know so much about everything? Are you really a spy for the Council."

"No." But he offered up nothing else.

Axel snarled. "Then what the hell? I don't know if I can trust you." They were surrounded by robots, if he couldn't trust in Vincent, then who could he rely on? Those same old feelings of being controlled without knowing it started to crop up again, despite his faith in his own feelings. Feelings he still wasn't used to having.

"That's not my problem," Vincent growled, beginning to get equally irritated. He moved towards the door again, eyes narrowing when Axel slid between him and it, planting his body firmly in the way. Axel crossed his arms over his chest as Vincent sighed, "Axel."

"Explain to me why you know so much," demanded the firestarter. "Explain to me why you know about the Keyblades and why you have wings and why you flinch when I call you 'Vince'. What exactly are you hiding?"

"When it's important for you to know, you'll know," muttered Vincent lowly. "Now remove yourself from in front of my door."

For a moment, Axel considered simply tackling the dark-haired man to the floor and beating the information out of him. But being as Vincent was far stronger and could kick his ass without breaking a sweat, the chance that he would be successful was highly unlikely. Nor did he think that the winged male would talk anyways. He didn't doubt the sadness and despair in Vincent's eyes, but Vincent knew things but wasn't revealing them and that alone made Axel uneasy.

Though anger boiled beneath the surface, he moved aside with stiff motions, sending Vincent his most irritated and perturbed glare which the other male promptly ignored, jerking open the door and leaving without another word, managing to close it quietly behind him. Axel frowned, punching the doorframe in a sudden burst of fury. The wood cracked beneath the force and his knuckles throbbed but he ignored the pain for the moment.

It was as if the very fates themselves were conspiring against him. The moment he dared build up any hope, that he managed to find some comfort, they threw another punch at him, knocking him back down to the ground. Roxas was damn nigh unreachable, Vincent knew more than he was saying, and Axel was left piling off the carousel, reeling with confusion and nauseated to the point of vomiting. Shooting one more pointless glare at the closed door, Axel turned on his heels and stormed down the hallway, flipping off lights as he did so.

He didn't know if he could trust Vincent and by proxy, Reno, but if he didn't talk to someone, he was going to burn everything to pieces which would be counterproductive. Since Reno was decidedly more open with knowledge and his past, Axel decided to hold back on all judgments for the moment. He tried not to think about all the negative possibilities just like he tried not to forget about Roxas being unreachable as he crawled into bed, fatigue crashing over him like a tidal wave.

Because if he did, he would surely lose his mind.

-----

Reno woke him up bright and early and thankfully, in a much less shocking fashion. Why the older man had made it his goal in life to be Axel's alarm clock, the firestarter didn't understand. Not that he wasn't grateful. He had a bad habit of sleeping in as often as possible.

He noticed that Reno seemed strangely subdued as he dressed, not to mention that Vincent was conspicuously absent. Axel ran a brush through his hair, scowled at the tangles, gave up and left it spiky, figuring that the perpetual rain would do something to tamp them down. If not, it wasn't as if he cared what he looked like.

He also realized, as he slammed the door to his bedroom and stormed down the hall, that he was in a particularly foul mood that morning, most likely prompted by the nightmares that haunted his sleep. Reliving old memories that he'd rather forget and recalling moments that only made him more depressed. Not to mention Vincent's unhelpful behavior. Gaia's Grotto was stretching his patience thin, if he even had any to begin with. He wasn't exactly known for being a calm and rational person so it was surprising he had lasted for so long without blowing everything up.

Emerald eyes narrowed as he burst into the kitchen where Reno was rummaging without permission in their – his – Vincent's, whoever-the-fuck's, cabinets. Man, he couldn't even form a coherent sentence. Reno looked up as he entered, plopping down into a chair and immediately propping his feet up on the counter.

"Man, you look like you just ate a lemon," joked Reno, pulling down a can and inspecting it. "What crawled up your ass and took a shit, yo?"

Axel scowled, shooting him a dirty look. "How do you keep getting in?" he questioned, looking around him for any signs of Vincent.

Reno shrugged. "Ancient Turk secret, passed down in the family for many generations," he responded, shoving the can back into the counter and shutting the cabinet before taking his own seat at the table, mimicking Axel's posture. "I repeat, what happened between today and yesterday to get you all..." He waved an encompassing hand towards Axel as he drew his eyebrows together in a mockery of Axel's behavior. "... pissed off at the world?"

The firestarter stared at the table for a moment, running all possible responses through his head, considered throwing a fire ball at his new friend just for the hell of it, then settled for being blunt and frank, as usual. "How do I know I can trust Vincent?" he demanded, raising accusatory green eyes to Reno. "And for that matter how do I know I can trust _you_?"

Reno's eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. He stopped twirling in his chair and stood up straight, thick black boots hitting the ground with twin thuds. "This is new, yo," he commented, scratching a finger through his hair. "What brought this on?"

Axel glared. "Don't play coy with me. I've had enough secrets from Vincent." He leaned forward on the table. "Why does he know so much about this place?"

"I don't--"

"Reno..." The firestarter growled in warning.

Aquamarine eyes narrowed, finally flashing with fire as opposed to the usual friendly gleam. Axel had seen that look before. "Don't ask me a question if you don't want the answer," Reno snapped. "I don't know about Vincent. No one does. The man is a mystery; he won't talk to anyone. But I do know that I trust him. He saved my life." Reno sat back in his chair and pointed a finger at Axel. "And he saved yours, too."

Axel sighed heavily and shoved his chair back, rising to his feet as he raked a hand through his hair. "Yeah, he saved my life. That's about the only thing I know for sure!" He turned away from the other male, realizing that he was ranting like a raving lunatic but felt like if he didn't say something than he would lose his mind, if it weren't gone already. "But when I mentioned something about Roxas, he had information that not just anyone can know. He won't tell me anything and I'm fuckin' losing my mind here." He moved to the doorway, leaning against it and staring blankly into the hallway.

Silence fell for a moment before Reno stood as well. "This isn't just about Vincent."

He shook his head, closing his eyes in weariness. "No." He didn't really think about it until that moment but Reno was right. It wasn't so much Vincent's secrets as it was a culmination of things. "It's this place. This... hell. It gets in your head and inside of you. It..." He huffed angrily, unable to find the right words.

He wanted to go home, wherever the hell home was. He wanted to find a miracle path off of Gaia's Grotto, magically appear in front of Roxas who has phenomenally broken free of Sora without repercussion and then... do something. Hell, he hadn't thought that far in advance. He wasn't that sane to begin with and this place was only making it worse.

A hand gripped his shoulder then, squeezing companionably. "Look, I don't know what happened about Roxas and I'm not going to ask--"

Axel opened his mouth to say something but Reno quickly interrupted with a warning squeeze, quieting him instantly. He closed his mouth and stared at the floor, listening as Reno continued.

"You have two choices here. You can either trust Vincent or you can accuse him of whatever you want when he comes home after his double-shift. You'll argue and fight and then never see each other again. Those are your choices. I can't make it for you. But Vincent is not going to say anything until he's ready to, yo. If there's one thing he holds as precious as his memories it is his secrets, which to him, might be one and the same."

Axel sighed heavily, feeling thirty years older than he should have as he rubbed at his forehead, shoulders slumping visibly. He scarcely noticed that his hand shook as his head throbbed. Reno was right, of course, that his choices were simple. He could go on ranting and raving about all the things Vincent wouldn't say or he could trust in the man and just hope to some deity that the man wasn't going to betray them anytime soon. Not that either choice would help him stop thinking about Roxas.

That boy had invaded his heart, no doubt about it. He might not have known how to define his true feelings about Roxas considering he didn't have any experience in recognizing emotions. But he did understand the fluttering feeling in his stomach or the sense of loss without him. He wasn't the type to give up easily. But that didn't mean it was getting any less complicated.

"How do you do it?" questioned Axel, hating that his voice came out hoarse.

Beside him, Reno frowned, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Do what?"

"Survive every day here," responded the younger man, his voice subdued and weary.

Reno smiled then, though it was weak compared to the usual. "You dream a little, cry a little, and die a little each day." He shrugged then, tapping Axel on the shoulder and guiding him towards the door before they were late for work, again. "We all have our own coping methods. You'll learn, yo."

"Somehow, that isn't much of a comfort," Axel responded dryly.

The older male laughed wholeheartedly. "Just a little sunshine to brighten the day. Now come on, we've got work to do before we all get our memories erased." He paused, tilting his head to the side before adding, "Again."

Axel laughed, shaking his head. So he wasn't okay and he was nowhere close to being all right. It would take some time before he could even begin to have some sort of grip on his emotions and his sanity. His trust, well that was another matter. He could understand Vincent's need for secrets, not that it made him feel any better.

Well, there was always tomorrow.

------

Thanks everyone! And leave a review before you go. Let me know how you liked it and if I'm still doing good.


	10. Chapter 7: Forgotten Life

**Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews! Thanks to everyone who has me on their author or story alert, or favorites list! I write for you!**

**Chapter 7: A Forgotten Life**

Time passed, as it was known to do, and quickly Vincent and Axel settled into a routine, all prior arguments seemingly forgotten. They would work as they were supposed to do and in their free time discuss plans for getting off of Gaia's Grotto. Their options were limited but both men were determined to find a way, even if it only held the smallest inkling of hope. And sometimes, the two just talked, or Axel spoke and Vincent listened. Axel endured Reno's attempts to encourage him to push for more, but was quite happy with the things were.

The scarlet-haired man quickly learned that Vincent was prone to moments of dark, broody thought and knew when to leave well enough alone. But he also learned the times when Vincent was overly garrulous, letting things slip that he would normally keep hidden. It also became plain to him that the longer they were on Gaia's Grotto, the harder it would be for them to remember. Axel could see it in Vincent's eyes. There were some days that the winged man forgot who he was prior to being Ceran.

Axel tried to resist adapting to life on this new world. He griped and groaned about the never changing time of day, about the grayness of the sky, and the general uninteresting way of life, but it did him no good. With the way his schedule worked, he rarely watched time go by and soon, he was caught up in the same dull routine, slowly but surely losing himself to the grey monotony of conformity and prescribed decision.

Before he knew it, two months had gone by... at least by his own count. But that was when she arrived. Axel had been lying in his room, propped up against the bed and perusing some sort of science text that was boring the shit out of him, but he hoped to find out something pertaining to a method of escape. He was just about to throw the book across the room in frustration, after discovering the sixth word that he didn't know, when he heard the front door slam open and the sound of someone stumbling inside.

He raised a brow in curiosity, snapping the book shut and dropping it to the bed before rising and peeking out of his room. The sound of grunting floated his direction before emerald eyes widened to find Vincent awkwardly carrying someone in his arms and heading down the hall towards him.

"Move," the winged man ordered succinctly, face flushed and breathing heavily. Glancing once at the bloodied and torn up body in his arms, Axel was quick to obey, shifting aside so that Vincent could pass. He trailed after the older man as they went into Vincent's room and the bloodied mess was dropped carefully onto the bed, moaning slightly as its head turned to the side.

It was a woman... one of the few that Axel had ever seen, and she didn't look too well.

"What the hell?" questioned Axel, gaze flickering to Vincent who was rummaging about for bandages. "What is this?"

Crimson eyes shot him a look. "She remembers," he answered simply. "And the beasts nearly got her."

The fire starter blanched, remembering his own brush with the creatures. If it hadn't been for Vincent, he would have died as well. That explained why Vincent hadn't taken her to the Center then. If she remembered something, anything, not only could she be of help to them, but Vincent wouldn't let them take away her memories. Not without giving her a chance.

Clawed hands worked diligently at the woman's clothing, pulling it away without a care for her nudity as he gingerly uncovered bloody slash marks in cream-colored skin. Axel didn't know what else to do, so he silently watched, taking in the woman's golden blond hair and strange clothing. Her eyelids fluttered and he caught a glimpse of startling bright ocean-colored eyes, almost the same as Roxas', causing a stab of purely emotional pain to strike him so quickly that he gasped.

"Don't just stand there," snapped Vincent, looking at Axel over his shoulder. "Go get me some cloths and water."

"Irvine..." murmured the woman on the edge of a moan, her head tossing from side to side as empty hands grasped at the comforter. "Don't... no..."

"Axel!"

The redhead blinked in sudden understanding, nodding quickly before he rushed to do as Vincent asked. Two months and this was the first time he had actually seen someone emerge in Gaia's Grotto with their memories. They were few and far between, most people having already given up on their past lives.

He grabbed a few towels from the bathroom, depositing them in the bedroom before heading into the kitchen and filling a bowl with warm tap water. Back in Vincent's room, he was working quickly to seal up the claw marks on the woman's right shoulder and left thigh.

"Will she live?" questioned Axel, slightly breathless from his mad dash around the apartment.

Vincent frowned, nimble hands gently cleaning away the trickling blood and leftover saliva from the beasts bite marks. "Yes. But whether or not she remembers is entirely up to her." He returned his attention back to the blonde. She twitched under his touch, mouth moving in silent speech but hadn't awakened. "You can return to your book now."

Emerald eyes rolled as Axel waved a hand of dismissal. "That shit was boring as hell. This is far more interesting." He sighed when Vincent shot him a look, clearly expecting him to vacate the premises. He held up his hands in a vague sort of surrender. "All right, I get the picture. I'll make myself scarce." He grumbled under his breath as he turned on his heels and left the room, leaving the door wide open behind him to purposefully annoy Vincent.

Thoughts of returning to the dry science text made his head hurt, so the fire starter made a beeline for the kitchen, determined to attempt to find something to eat without accidentally burning the apartment down. He kept his ears carefully tuned for any sort of sound however, insanely curious about the woman in the next room as he poked through the refrigerator and stuck his nose in every cabinet, of course finding nothing of interest.

He mused idly to himself as he fruitlessly searched around. Things hadn't really changed between he and Vincent. They never really talked about the things that Vincent was keeping from him and it seemed that awkward fight had been pushed under the rug, so to speak. Though he was insanely curious about everything, he refrained from questioning. For some reason, he trusted Vincent.

Maybe it was because he recognized the same sorrow in crimson eyes that reflected in his own. After that argument, the next time he had managed to run into Vincent, there was a moment of pure tense silence between them. Vincent had been tired, excessively so and his shoulders slumped visibly. A grey cloud seemed to hang over his head and it was then and there that Axel had made his decision. He didn't know how long Vincent had been on Gaia's Grotto but he was beginning to understand.

After that, they became friends and everything was fine. Little by little truths were revealed as Axel clung to his memories and research was made. Now he had two purposes: to find a way to get off Gaia's Grotto and to somehow save Roxas without killing Sora in the process. It was hard to keep his selfish tendencies when faced with people like Reno and Vincent. He didn't want to force that mournful emotion on anyone if he could help it.

Footsteps echoed in the hall, boots that Vincent still hadn't time to remove, and Axel looked up to see the winged man entering into the kitchen, clawed hands spattered with blood just like his clothes. Heavy bags made crimson eyes sunken in pale skin. Vincent treaded towards the sink and began to wash his hands, wings twitching behind him.

"Will she live?" asked Axel, finally selecting a box of semi-edible crackers and plopping down at the table. He popped a few of the half-stale things in his mouth, grimacing when they mushed instead of crunched. They were terrible. He resisted the urge to spit them out like a child and instead set the box on the table, glaring intently at the "ultimate cheese-fest of crunchy galore!".

At the sink, Vincent turned off the water with a squeak before turning back towards Axel, carefully peeling off his blood-soaked shirt as he did so. "She won't be dying," answered the crimson-eyed man carefully, frowning intently at the few rips and stains in his shirt. "The rest is up to her."

"Who is she?" questioned Axel, clearly interested.

Vincent eyed him. "I don't know. And I won't until she wakes up." He eased gracefully into a chair, adjusting his wings so that they wouldn't be injured as he relaxed. He seemed unusually somber, a strange emotion reflecting in his eyes.

Axel furrowed his brow. "Did you think you... recognized her?" he questioned somewhat hesitantly, doubting that the other man would even answer him. Come two steps close to Vincent's past and he clammed up faster than a ... clam. He leaned against the table, hearing his stomach growl audibly and hoping that his cooking-inclined roommate would take the hint.

For a moment, the winged man was silent, eyes downcast at the table in thought. "No," he finally replied after the tense quiet became uncomfortable. "But she did remind me of someone." He sighed and leaned forward across the table, grabbing Axel's discarded box of crackers. "When I found her, she was attempting to fight off the beasts with some type of chain whip but there were far too many." He popped a few of the crackers in his mouth, frowning thoughtfully. "More than I've ever seen attacking one person." Then his face turned to one of disgust as he eyed the box of crackers. "How long have I had these?"

"Too long," Axel muttered, his stomach growling again. "Has that been happening a lot lately?" he questioned, realizing that it happened to be one of Vincent's more gregarious times. He was going to milk it for all it was worth.

Vincent nodded, rising to toss the box into the wastebasket before rifling in the refrigerator for something to cook. "Strangely yes. And I am baffled as to why. It is not very reassuring. Lately, the Gatherers have been pairing up." He pulled out some noodles and meat, figuring if nothing else, a stir fry would suffice. He tried not to think about how late in the night it was.

"Will you be taking her to the Cleanser tomorrow?" Axel questioned, inwardly grinning as he realized that Vincent was going to cook. And knowing the other man, he would unconsciously make enough for two. Axel wouldn't be forced to starve. There were few pleasures to be found on Gaia's Grotto and Vincent's cooking was one of them.

The winged man shrugged. "If she wakes up by then, I suppose. I will have to wait and see." He turned and eyed Axel disbelievingly over his shoulder. "Don't think you're getting any of this, by the way," he commented, pointing with a spatula to the sizzling food in the pan in front of him.

Axel's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Aw, c'mon Vincent." He patted his belly, feigning complete starvation. "You can't expect me to survive on stale crackers," he begged.

"I highly doubt you will suffer for long," commented Vincent dryly, turning back towards the stove. His wings flexed as he stood, and Axel couldn't help but admire the play of muscles beneath Vincent's pale skin. The man was gorgeous no doubt about that. Enough to make something inside of him stir at the sight.

He swallowed thickly, trying to think up another line of conversation to turn his stray thoughts back somewhere safe. He had been listening to far too much of Reno's suggestions if he was starting to think erotic thoughts about his roommate. Not that Vincent didn't have droolworthy ivory skin and dangerously soft black hair... gah! Treacherous thoughts! Treacherous thoughts!

"You never know," he countered, attempting a nonchalant position as he propped one boot up on the table. "I might."

Vincent snorted. "Remove your feet from my table before I remove them for you," he threatened, turning around to shake his oil-spattered spatula at Axel.

The firestarter burst out laughing at that. "It's hard to take you serious when you threaten me with silverware," he pointed out, giving Vincent a baleful stare.

Any response that the gunslinger might have made was lost when a somewhat timid sound had them both turning towards the doorway of the kitchen, eyes widening in surprise. "Umm, excuse me?" The blonde that Vincent had saved was standing there, wringing her hands nervously as blue eyes darted between them.

Both men were silent, seemingly froze in place until Axel blinked and rose from his chair, still grinning. He gently took her arm as he steered her towards the table. "Have a seat," he suggested soothingly, noting that her body shook. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"I don't think so," she answered, stammering a bit as she gingerly eased herself down into a chair. "I just... I don't know what to..."

"It's okay," Vincent assured her in a calm voice, turning to lay a plate in front of her on the table. "We understand. Just take your time."

She nodded, taking a deep breath. "Okay." Her eyes darted around, taking in his odd appearance and Axel's grinning exterior. She frowned, confused. "Where am I?"

Axel laughed. "That is not a simple question," he answered, moving to return to his seat. "Try this, what do you last remember?"

Vincent glared at him. "Axel," he growled warningly.

The firestarter waved a hand of dismissal. "Relax. I got this. I've been there before, remember?" Turning his attention back on the woman, he gestured towards here. "Continue."

Her hands twisted in her lap as she stared at the table, gaze beginning to swim with tears. "Fighting, I think, at my home. There were these creatures, I... I don't know what they were but they appeared out of nowhere. They killed my Irvine and then... they came after me." Her voice hitched at the last as she struggled to keep a hold on herself. She took another deep breath and blinked before managing to look up at them with pure determination. "Please, tell me where I am and who you are."

"I'm Axel," grinned the redhead immediately, gesturing to himself. "Got it memorized?"

Vincent sighed and shot the firestarter a glare. "For now it will suffice if you call me Vincent," he explained. "You have the eyes of a fighter."

She nodded. "I am... was... a mercenary, is I suppose the best word for it. We both were." She shot the winged man a grateful look when he set a glass of water down in front of her before returning to his stir fry, which was getting close to being finished. "Which is why I suppose you're strange appearance does not... frighten me. It's nothing compared to either of those things... the shadows or the white wolves."

Axel raised a brow. "Well, that is all well and good but we still don't know who you are." He wondered if she even knew. She seemed to have kept her memories remarkably well. He barely knew his own name when he arrived at Gaia's Grotto but she remembered her past life, her position, her lover/boyfriend/husband/brother whatever 'Irvine' was, seemingly everything.

The blonde blushed slightly, a brief tinge spreading across her fair cheeks. "Forgive me," she replied hastily. "I am Quistis. Quistis Trepe."

Vincent and Axel exchanged glances over her head, both of them thinking the same thing. Perhaps they had found a new comrade.

For the rest of the night, they explained what they could do her. Quistis seemed to take it well, aside from the occasional tear. Vincent gave details on the Cleanser and what she would have to go through. How she would have to cling to a memory. The female seemed to take it well, only looking slightly afraid. After a while, Axel had to retire to his own room and climb into bed, leaving Vincent to divulge the rest. At least, he had gotten a meal out of it.

With the all the excitement, it was no wonder that he dreamed.

_The World that Never Was always seemed perpetually dark, a thick overcast of impenetrable black that cloaked everything in shadow. Even the most optimistic and cheerful felt their hearts, if they had them, tainted by the misery and sorrow. But being that mostly Nobodies and Heartless thrived in this world, it didn't really have any effect on its residents. _

_The castle belonged to Xemnas, all pompous and silver though he was, it actually managed to hold a certain level of class with its austere lines and white and grey colors literally on every floor. Axel himself would have preferred a little color but since it wasn't up to him, he had to suffer the boringness. Though he did manage to spice it up every once in awhile with the occasional 'anonymous' fire... just to piss his favorite flamboyant asshole, Marluxia, off. _

_At the moment, Axel snickered quietly to himself as he moved swiftly through the corridors, hiding, as it were, from an enraged Marluxia. He didn't really have a destination in mind, more or less wandering, when he came across his favorite person, Roxas. The blond was on one of the outer stairs, leaning on the railing and looking out on the city below, all bathed in hungry, dark shadows with the lovely glow of Xemnas' fake Kingdom Hearts above them. What a stupid plan._

"_Hey, Rox'. What's up?" he questioned, jumping over a railing as he eased up beside the keyblade wielder, nearly mimicking his stance exactly. _

_Roxas, predictably, scowled at the shortening of his name, turning to give Axel only the most cursory glance. "Who did you set fire to this time?" _

_Axel smirked, flexing the fingers of his right hand. "Is it that obvious?" _

_The blond snorted, waving a hand at him. "When you grin like that? Yeah." _

_He laughed, turning to lean against the railing with his back to the scenery. He kicked up one leg, feigning boredom as Roxas continued to stare solemnly down below them. Out of the corner of his eye, he admired sun-kissed hair seemingly bright despite the gloomy atmosphere and thoughtful ocean-blue eyes. Watching his friend was quickly becoming an obsession of his. _

"_What are you doing? There isn't anything interesting down there, unless you're looking to fight some heartless," commented Axel, poking at Roxas in the side with a gloved finger. "We could go together. I think Demyx is on shift. I got the perfect prank." _

_Roxas shook his head, looking down at something that he was turning over and over in his hand. Axel caught glimpses of bright yellow and pink along with the glint of metal. "You ever think about before?" he questioned. _

_Axel sighed, long and annoyed. "Not this again," he grumbled, raking a hand through his hair. "There isn't a point in it. We can't go back so we might as well try and live now." _

_Metal jingled in a gloved hand. "Xemnas wants something from me," responded Roxas, completely changing the line of conversation. His voice was sharp and bitter, filled with a loathing that the both of them held for their 'Superior'. Along with that loathing, however, came a healthy dose of fear. Of their Organization, Xemnas was by far the most powerful. One did not cross him lightly. _

_Axel waved a hand of dismissal as he scoffed. "Yeah, and?" he countered, raising a brow. "He wants something from all of us. That's why he found us and brought us here." A grin spread across his features. "Probably big plans for world domination. At least, when he found me, he said, 'Take back what was stolen, get your heart, blah, blah, blah.'" _

"_No," Roxas denied shaking his head. He tossed the item in his hand up in the air before pitching it to Axel. "It's different for me. He's got a plan for me and... I'm not sure I want to be a part of it," he responded as Axel deftly caught the item, turning it over in his own grip. He recognized it immediately under the pale light of the yellow-orange heart-shaped moon. _

_It was the key chain for Oathkeeper, gaudy and colorful thing that it was. Axel frowned as he looked down at his shorter best friend. "What do you mean?" It wasn't the first time they had had a similar conversation. Lately Roxas had been more withdrawn and moody, if things without emotions could have moods. _

"_I don't know who I was," replied Roxas. "I'm different from all of you. I can't remember the before. For me, there's always been now." His voice picked up in tension as he continued, ocean blue eyes flickering with distress. "What was I? What am I? Why?" _

_Axel held up his hands. "Whoa, whoa, calm down," he soothed. "What are you talking about?" _

_The blond shook his head. "You wouldn't understand. None of you do." He paused, taking in a deep breath that seemed to do nothing for calming him down. "I want to know, Axel. I want to find the answers that no one seems willing to give. I want to know why I was chosen to be the Keybearer and why I'm being used." _

_Axel's lips pulled into a frown, real concern beginning to take over his emotions. Roxas was really upset about this, apparently, far more than he had realized before and he wasn't sure what to do about it. "We're all being used, Rox'," he replied. "But as we are, it's rather difficult to stand up to Xemnas." _

"_I'm not afraid." _

_The fire starter scoffed, raising a reddish brow. "Psh, neither am I. But I kinda like living, eh? Much better than dying, especially since we're nothing, ya know?" _

_Ocean blue eyes narrowed immediately as Roxas whipped around to glare at Axel. "We're not 'nothing'," he snarled. "You can't really believe that, can you? If we were nothing, we wouldn't exist." He poked Axel in the chest, his gaze flashing with something that resembled emotion... anger. "I wouldn't be standing here talking to you and you wouldn't be standing here with me. That's fact. That's how I know Xemnas is lying to us in some way. Nothings don't exist. We exist. It's as simple as that." _

_Axel held up his hands. "Roxas, calm down. I'm not the enemy here. If I had the answers, I would give them to you. But the only one Xemnas lets in on his little plans is Saix. I'm just as much in the dark as you." He scowled, emerald eyes darkening with his own righteous anger. "If I had the chance, I'd burn the both of them." _

_Roxas sighed, holding up a hand to his forehead as he shielded his expression from Axel's gaze. A tense silence passed between them when suddenly Axel's neck prickled and his senses flared. It didn't take a genius to determine that the eerie feeling meant they were being watched, and not by a friend either. He and Roxas had scarce few of those. Emerald eyes flared in sudden realization. Their conversation had attracted an audience, if it hadn't already been there before, observing. _

_He gently laid his hand on Roxas' shoulder, guiding him away from the railing. They had to get out of there. "Let's go bug Demyx, ne?" he suggested. "It might cheer you up." He kept his tone light and positive as he surreptitiously glanced around them, mood darkening further when he caught sight of a dark form just around the corner, watching them with interested amethyst eyes (1). That smug bastard... _

_Roxas didn't respond but Axel was used to wordless replies and plastered a grin on his face before shooting a glare towards the corner, calling up a portal to take he and Roxas down below because they were both far too lazy to walk. Behind them he knew Vexen was watching. _

_He didn't know why the 'Chilly Academic' was watching them but he did know that Vexen was a coward. Undoubtedly, he would run off to Xemnas the first chance he got spilling all that he had seen and heard. And he was certain that Vexen wasn't there to observe him. Roxas was Xemnas' favorite pet. _

_They spent the rest of the night keeping Demyx company on his patrol and taking out their frustration on the hordes of heartless that seemed to infest the lower levels of the city. Demyx made corny jokes, Axel threatened to burn everything down several times, but he didn't fail to notice the somewhat haunted look to Roxas' eyes even when he laughed. _

_It was a week later when the blond finally abandoned everything and left, becoming a renegade(2)._

----

When Axel returned to the apartment after work the next day, he found it empty. Unsurprised, he set about changing into something relatively more comfortable and scrounging about in the still empty kitchen. He found a plate of leftovers from the night before and popped them in the microwave, idly musing on his dream from the night before.

Roxas... the blond that seemed to occupy all this thoughts. There was hardly a minute that went by that he didn't think about him. He lived to find him again and every day he thought about throwing caution to the wind and using his portal, damn the consequences. There had to be a way to separate Roxas and Sora, there had to be.

He couldn't deny that he found himself missing Roxas. The blond might not have been the most amusing of people, Demyx was more the comedian, but he was more than a match for Axel when it came to wits and strength. And there was a quiet calm to Roxas that helped to perfectly balance Axel's more chaotic and fiery nature. He missed those sarcastic remarks and that all-knowing smirk.

He heard the front door open then and turned towards the hallway to greet Vincent, frowning when his ears registered the slow and laborious tread of Vincent's boots on the floor. He leaned in the doorway, emerald eyes locked on the sorrowful form of his roommate, even webbed wings drooping noticeably. He distinctly perceived the lack of Quistis as well. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

"She did not make it through the Cleansing," he commented, feeling as if a lead weight had dropped into his stomach. The thought alone was enough to make him sick. He hadn't known her for long but a certain kinship developed among those with memories on Gaia's Grotto. They were like a family.

Vincent shook his head, visibly quiet. "No, she did not," he affirmed, pulling off his cloak and thigh holster to hang them on the pegs near the door.

Axel frowned. "I don't get it. Why did you take her so early when you made me sit around here and contemplate it for at least two days?"

"She insisted," the winged male replied, heading down the hallway towards his room. Axel and his curiosity were compelled to follow. "I had hoped she was strong enough. She certainly seemed to care for Irvine." He pushed open his door with an audible squeak, entering into the darkly decorated bedroom and heading straight for the closet.

Axel paused in the doorway, watching Vincent's movements with confusion. What was the man doing? He observed silently as Vincent pulled open the closet, searching with sharp crimson eyes before pulling down a box from the top shelf. It wasn't overly large, probably about the size of a tennis shoe box. Something rattled within as Vincent held it, the sound of metal striking metal as well as a few bells chiming. Curiouser and curiouser.

Vincent backed towards his bed, sitting gracefully on it as he set the box down in front of him. "What's that?" questioned the fire starter, insanely curious.

"Forgotten memories, too weak to last," murmured the winged man, hand disappearing into his pants pocket, apparently searching for something.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Great, going poetic on me again," he sniped. "That explains everything."

Crimson eyes glared as Vincent eyed him with irritation. "Come see for yourself," he replied shortly before lifting the top off the box, looking down into it as a wave of sorrow washed over his features.

Intrigued, Axel stepped into the room, standing behind Vincent and looking over his shoulder into the box. It was filled with oddities, many different items of conflicting shapes, colors, and sizes. He caught sight of a large necklace, formed from crystal and shaped like a falcon's claw. There was a ring with what appeared to be a wolf's head adorning it. There was a bracelet of jewels imbedded in silver. Vincent dropped something else into the box, a few engraved bullets with the letters 'I.K.' They clanged against the necklace, knocking it aside and revealing something beneath that immediately caught Axel's attention.

"There are those that I have saved that didn't last the Cleanser," Vincent explained, his voice soft. "These are all the remnants of their memories. Items that no longer matter since they have forgotten who they were." A clawed finger poked through the objects, stirring them about as he touched one at a time. The digit fell on the wolf ring. "This belonged to someone I knew. He loved wolves, said they were the elite of all carnivores."

Axel sucked in a breath, moving around Vincent to plop down on the bed. "These are all someone elses' mementos?"

Vincent nodded. "Yes. Your key chain would have joined the box had you succumbed to the Cleanser."

"There are a lot," Axel commented, reaching into the box to grab the item that had caught his interest. His fingers wrapped a simple gold band; the type men wore as wedding rings. "I know this one."

The winged male raised a brow. "That's impossible, Axel. That one was left behind over half a year ago." He peered at the gold ring, trying to remember whom it had belonged to.

Axel made a noncommittal sound in his throat, eyes locked on the simple band. Without thought, he put it on his ring finger, seemingly trapped in a memory that only he could see. But not something from his time as a Nobody, but before that, when he was someone other than Axel. Bright laughter, a ruby smile, sparkling grey eyes... A life he had nearly completely forgotten because he was no longer that person anymore.

He rarely, if ever, thought about his life when he was 'Lae' simply because, of his memories, they were easiest forgotten. He wasn't that person anymore; he wasn't a part of Lae despite sharing the man's memories. Things were too complicated for a former Nobody. He preferred to only concentrate on what he experienced as 'Axel,' such as Roxas.

But the ring... he couldn't deny that it felt so familiar on his finger. That meant that Lae, as a heartless, must have been destroyed and probably not long after Axel was born. His former other half was somewhere on Gaia's Grotto, if he wasn't already dead.

"Axel?"

Emerald eyes blinked as Axel pulled off the ring and tossed it back into the box, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Some things are better left forgotten," he commented, shooting an uncertain look towards his roommate.

Vincent nodded. "Yes, they are," he agreed, shutting the lid to the box as he rose to his feet. "That is why many choose to forget. They believe that what they left behind isn't worth saving. Those that were considered 'evil' or 'the bad guys' are usually happy for the second chance." He slid the box back onto the top shelf, shifting some more items until they obscured the memento carton. His voice was somber, tired, definitely lacking in its usual impassivity. "Still, it doesn't get any easier watching someone lose their chance."

-----

_A few nights later..._

The sound of the front door opening awoke him from his sleep, but why he was not certain. Axel blinked, blearily glancing at the luminescent clock on his wall, briefly realizing that he had unintentionally fallen asleep while reading. It was late, but around the time that Vincent would be getting off his shift. He shifted in his position on the bed, the book lying on his chest falling to the floor as his gaze fell on his bedroom door hanging half open. He usually didn't bother to close it.

He could hear Vincent shuffling about in the outer room, a strange feeling of foreboding creeping down his spine. Frowning against the darkness, Axel threw back the covers and slipped out of bed, padding over to the door. He pulled it open all the way and peered down the hall, finding Vincent hanging the holster for his gun on the hook by the door before heading down the hall.

The winged male looked much the worst for wear. His normally immaculate clothing was torn and spattered with blood, some of the crimson fluid sprinkled across Vincent's pale face. A shadow of a bruise was beginning to form on the flesh of an exposed collarbone and he walked slightly belabored, as if he had twisted his ankle or been struck in the leg.

Axel furrowed his brow, leaning on the doorframe and regarding Vincent with curious emerald eyes as the older man passed him. "Vincent?" he questioned, concern beginning to well inside of him. The winged male did not look well at all. He had never seen Vincent, in the short time that they had been living together, with either that look on or his face or exhibiting this sort of strange behavior.

Crimson eyes shifted towards him for only a moment, looking haunted and lifeless before they returned to the hall. Vincent went straight to the bathroom. "Go to sleep, Axel," he brushed him off in a dead voice before disappearing inside, the door closing behind him with a barely audible click.

Axel watched as the light flickered on inside, a thin strip of pale luminescence appearing beneath the door, briefly blocked by a shadow. Slightly annoyed at the rebuff, the redhead pushed down his concern and slipped back into his room, shutting the door to his bedroom with a bit more force than he intended. Okay, perhaps he was more than slightly annoyed but really irritated. He had thought that in the past two months, he and Vincent had gotten beyond that "it's my business" stage. Sure they both had their secrets but still... it irked him.

The tattooed man plopped back down on the bed, folding his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. Sleep was already trying to tug him back and he was more than willing to comply. It seemed that the memory beasts were being a lot more active lately and he and Reno had to fend off more attacks than usual which seemed to coincide with Vincent's story. He was so tired he hadn't even been able to get any research done. Emerald eyes closed as his body slowly relaxed, drifting into a hazy sleep.

Crash! His eyes popped upon once more as he sat up swiftly in surprise.

Crash, crash! The noise of something breaking reverberated all around him, seeming to come from the bathroom where Vincent was. It sounded like glass shattering, which was probably the mirror. Axel frowned, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, determined to check on his roommate. There was something wrong, he was certain of it.

Pulling open his door, Axel peered into the hallway, the slim line of light still beamed from the bottom of the bathroom. Steeling himself, he crossed the hall and listened intently at the door, but heard nothing within except perhaps the sound of harsh breathing. After a moment, he lifted his fist and knocked.

"Go away," was the low and sullen response. Vincent's voice was hoarse; however, and the note of annoyance in his tone was enough to cause Axel to recoil.

"No," responded the red-haired man, jiggling the knob only to find that the door was locked. He had expected that. "What's wrong?"

A moment of silence. He heard rustling, the shifting of something, than the sound of feet stepping on cracked and broken glass. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."

Axel grit his teeth, eyes narrowing to thin emerald slits. "Dammit, Vincent," he snapped, banging a fist on the door. "Don't shut me out. What the hell is wrong with you?"

The door swung open in a vicious, sharp movement, Vincent appearing like a crimson and black shadow. Axel couldn't see his face; the bathroom light shining in his eyes but those strange scarlet eyes seemed to glow in an eerie fashion. "I am fine," hissed the older male. "You have to work early tomorrow, Axel. Go to sleep," he ordered before pulling the door shut behind him and stalking towards his room. His condition had not improved, that much Axel could tell. His clothes ragged, his leg still limping and the acrid, bitter smell of blood was light on the air.

Pursing his lips, Axel bit back a sharp retort, furious with the abrupt dismissal. He risked a glance into the bathroom, seeing the broken mirror on the floor but ignoring it.

"Fine," he muttered to himself, whirling on his heels and heading towards his room. "He wants to act like a prissy bitch, I have no problem with that," he continued, snarling as he yanked open his door again, slamming it shut so hard that the pictures on his wall rattled. One even lost its battle against gravity and crashed to the floor, miraculously managing not to break. He barely cast the object a cursory glance before making his way back to his bed and flopping down on it without care.

He heard the faint sounds of Vincent preparing for bed but shoved a pillow over his head, feigning apathy. Axel planned on confronting the winged man the next day, perhaps when he wasn't so angry and tired. Not to mention someone had to clean up the glass and he'd be damned if he'd do it since he wasn't the one to make the mess. But what had happened to cause Vincent to act in such a way? Something related to the past? Or perhaps his job? Axel couldn't be sure.

He did know; however, that him worrying about it at one in the morning served no purpose. With that in mind, he pulled the edge of a coverlet briefly over his body, buried his head beneath the pillow and attempted to return to sleep. He was not disappointed.

-----

(1) Okay, so I don't really know what color of eyes Vexen has. I suspect blue considering that just about everyone else has blue eyes and since I'm tired of seeing blue eyes, I made them amethyst. Sorry if that bugs you but it really is just a minor detail. I'm taking artistic license here.

(2) I know nothing about the timeline. I tried looking up information but no one seems to know the exact order of events so I'm guessing. If you know for sure, then I'm sorry I got it out of line but again, taking artistic license. Thanks.

Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know if I have managed to keep your interest. I wonder if I have bored anyone yet. Thanks!!


	11. Chapter 8: Whispers in the Dark

**A/N: For you guys, this chapter seems short, but that's because I cut out the lemon completely. Would hate to get kicked off because someone is offended by what I have obviously warned them to. So, if you want to read it, check out my accounts at AFF or mediaminer or even go to my homepage. Thanks!! I hope you enjoy. **

**Warning: Violence, Language, Limesh**

**Chapter 08 : Whispers in the Dark**

He awoke for a second time that night, scarcely two hours later. His head jerked up from the bed, the pillow having given up the fight for room on the mattress and fallen to the floor, leaving him lying alone on his stomach. The covers were twisted about his legs as if he had been having disturbing dreams, though truthfully, he couldn't remember a thing. Axel blearily peered around, trying to determine what had jerked him from his sleep.

The sound came again. A strange scratching noise on the far wall accompanied by the echo of frightened whimpers and pained moaning. He easily recognized the voice as belonging to Vincent and the symptoms as well. The winged man was suffering from a nightmare, and from the sounds of it, the nightmare was particularly bad.

He had often heard Vincent in the middle of the night, as he was certain the older male had heard him so that was nothing new. But this... this sounded particularly awful, causing a tendril of fear to curl in his belly. Despite his anger of earlier with him, whatever affected Vincent to make him sound like _that_ was not something that should be experienced. And as the man had been gracious enough to wake him from such nightmares before, it was the least Axel could do to return the favor. Combine that with his strange behavior of earlier and the noise that sounded like Vincent was scraping his claws along the wall, and Axel was up and out of his bed in a flash, heart pounding strangely in his chest.

It was chilly, the air having cooled during the middle of the night. Accustomed to sleeping shirtless, Axel was clad only in a pair of loose pajama bottoms that draped dangerously low on his hips. But he gave only a cursory glance to his attire before he slipped out of his room, silent as a ninja and crept down the hall towards Vincent's bedroom.

Surprisingly, the door was not firmly shut as he had expected, but slightly cracked and the lamp next to the bed was on. Vincent must have left his room sometime after coldly informing Axel earlier in the evening to leave him alone. He crept up the opening, deciding to take a peek before just barging in. His eyes widened at the sight, Vincent tossing and turning on the bed, claw marks on the wall and the older male covered in a sheen of sweat. In his flailing, he had already succeeded in slicing open one of his cheeks and if he wasn't stopped, he would probably hurt himself further.

Cursing himself for allowing the dark-haired man to brood on his own earlier, Axel swiftly pushed the door open and strode into the room. "Vincent?" he called out. A muffled groan was his only response. He would have to be louder.

His face set with grim determination, Axel gritted his teeth and bent over the bed, grabbing Vincent by his bare shoulders and squeezing. He was so pale, the older male, and without the dark garb, it was really evident.

"Vincent," he demanded a bit louder. "Wake up!"

Eyelids shuttered, revealing crimson eyes absorbed with pain but the other male didn't wake, his wings likely crushed painfully beneath him. Vincent usually slept either on his belly or his side, this much Axel knew, but he had tossed himself onto his back. His face had twisted into a snarl, lip curled back ferally, revealing his fanged teeth. If it weren't for Axel's determination, he might have been slightly alarmed by the sheer mix of terror and rage on Vincent's expression. As it were, he was more concerned for him.

Axel shifted his position slightly, half kneeling on the bed as he hovered over him. "Vincent!" he tried once more, this time his voice sharper. When that didn't work, he made one last attempt, a little more drastic than the others. A hand reared back and he executed a sound slap to the winged man's face.

The response was unexpected.

Scarlet eyes flared open as Vincent growled, one flailing arm immediately locking on a target and slicing out angrily at Axel. Four slashes raked down his chest as he was forced backwards by the man's greater strength, pin wheeling off the bed as his face twisted with pain and sliding into the dresser. Objects crashed to the floor, many shattering where they fell as Axel's back slammed painfully against the hard wood, nearly knocking the breath from his body. It took all his will to remain standing, neck having snapped painfully from the collision.

Axel was stunned, barely able to blink back his surprise as his breath hitched in his throat. His back throbbed and ached but he was more concerned with the bleeding marks on his chest. One pale hand rose up of its own accord, touching the slashes gingerly. He winced. They burned and stung, already seeping blood and dripping down onto the carpet.

"Oh god," murmured Vincent, gathering Axel's attention. Emerald eyes looked up to see the winged man staring at him, horrified at what he had done. Vincent scrambled off the bed, ignoring the pain in his wings as he tore off the entangled covers and immediately dove into the drawer by his bedside. Clawed hands rummaged about, finally wrapping around whatever it was he sought.

Axel watched with a sort of stunned fascination, still reeling from what exactly had occurred. Vincent had never struck him before and he could only hope that it was an aftereffect of the nightmare. Nevertheless, his knees buckled beneath him and he slumped to the floor, wincing as his back throbbed and the movement pulled the already tender skin of the slash marks.

"Ow," he mumbled, cringing as the pain began to stab through him.

He heard feet padding across the carpet and looked up to find Vincent approaching him, a first aid kit in his hands. It looked well used, a fact that Axel filed away for questioning later. As it was, he was in too much pain. Kneeling beside him, Vincent set the box on the floor and opened it.

"I'm sorry," he murmured quietly. "I didn't mean..." The older male trailed off, for a moment staring helplessly into the first aid kit as if he wasn't even sure what he was supposed to be looking for.

Axel interrupted him; however. "It's okay," he assured the distraught dark-haired man. "Just... fix it. I'm bleeding all over the damn place." Vincent nodded and sighed as he reached for a roll of white cotton bandages, gingerly handling the fabric so as not to unravel it with his claws.

The red-haired man sighed and leaned back against the chair, grimacing as Vincent wrapped the wound but otherwise handling the pain. It was degenerating into a dull throb anyways. "What happened?" he asked, hoping that his guilt would invoke Vincent to answer his question rather than brush him off.

The hands on his abdomen stilled and Axel could practically hear the cogs in Vincent's head turning as he considered his options. There was a hitched breath as crimson orbs fell to the side, shoulders finally slumping in acquiescence. Behind him his wings shifted and twitched, obviously unharmed by his earlier tossing and turning on the bed.

"It is often that a Gatherer arrives too late to save someone," responded Vincent softly, hands moving to tend to the wound once more. "But it is rare for it to be someone you actually recognize."

His ears instantly perked at what appeared to be answers to questions he had been harboring for a long time. The pain faded as Vincent slathered some type of ointment or salve over the slash marks. "You recognized someone tonight?" he questioned softly, keeping his tone even and gentle. He didn't want to scare Vincent away and hoped that the older man would keep talking.

"No," responded Vincent quietly. "But I did lose someone tonight. He could have been a boyfriend or a brother or father..." he trailed off, crimson eyes solemn as he concentrated wholly on wrapping bandages. "I should have saved him."

Axel frowned slightly. "You can't be there to save everyone," he commented, some of Vincent's melancholy seeping into his own heart. "That's just impossible."

"If I can't save my own brother, then what is the purpose in even doing this?" Vincent countered sharply, his tone a bit more sharp then he had meant it to be. He took a deep breath, calming the irrational anger that cropped up in him. "I may not have known the man tonight but I failed when it counted."

"Y--your brother?"

The winged male nodded. "Zack would have been strong enough to remember. He would have made it through the cleansing, I am sure of it." His hands began to tremble as he swallowed thickly. "He wasn't the type to be beaten easily. But by the time that I arrived... the beasts were already..." He trailed off, unable to complete the thought but Axel understood well enough.

"You were dreaming of him," he asked, tentatively, concerned that he was going too far judging by the literal plethora of emotions that were shadows across Vincent's expression. He scarcely noticed the pain of his wounds anymore as his heart thudded in his chest. Vincent looked so... torn.

"Yes and no. Not that exact event but what brought me here," he replied.

When Axel raised a brow, a silent request for him to explain, Vincent took a deep breath and finished wrapping the last bit of bandages over Axel's wounds. He sat back on his heels, wings twitching restlessly behind him. "The last time I saw Zack, we argued about my decision to help Ansem in his experiments. Both he and... well, they were both opposed to it."

"They?"

Vincent nodded. "Zack and... my lover." Unconsciously, one clawed hand rose to his neck, where the set of tags hung on his pale chest. One finger traced over the engraved initials.

The firestarter shook his head as he waved a hand of dismissal. "I dunno why you keep hiding it. Your lover's name is Cid, isn't it?" For some reason, Vincent thought it was his best kept secret but Axel had put two and two together long ago. Either Cid was his lover or some family member but the way Vincent reacted, Axel was willing to bet his life that Cid was more to him than just family. There was love there, passion, and devotion.

Vincent lowered his gaze as he shifted in his seat, hands twisting in his lap as if he were anxious about something. "Thank you."

Axel furrowed his brow, confusion settling inside of him. "For what?"

Vincent smiled then, but only briefly as he raised his gaze. "For not saying was. I still want to believe that he remembers me and is waiting, despite how long it's been."

He decided to take a risk. He ignored the aching in his back from leaning against the drawer, or the knob that was pushing into his spine. He sensed that he wasn't going to get a chance like this again and in many ways Vincent needed to tell someone. As it was, he was the best one for the job. "Tell me about him," he suggested softly.

"I can't. Because if I do..." Vincent shook his head and continued, his voice hitched. "I can't bear it. And sometimes I don't know if I can bear this any longer. It gets hard," he paused, scraping a clawed hand through his hair, disheveling already bed-tossed strands. "So hard and every day, every _goddamned _day, all I have to cling to are these memories and all they do is _haunt _me. Whispers of things I used to have and ghostly touches of what _was. _I just..." He sucked in a deep, haggard breath, leaning forward and burying his face in one palm as his entire body shuddered.

It seemed as if any moment Vincent was going to break down, leaving Axel at a loss what to do. He was holding on by a thin thread to his control and he wasn't used to seeing Vincent look like that. He always seemed unbreakable, untouchable. Vincent was strong and stoic, seemingly unflappable, even when Axel was having little freak-outs of his own.

"Vincent," he murmured, searching for the right thing to say or do. He reached out to lay a hand on Vincent's bare shoulder, thinking to offer some consolation as his fingers brushed across dark strands. A strange sensation passed through his hand but he didn't pay it any attention, too intent on comforting the man he always believed to be indestructible.

Perhaps Reno had been right when he said that at some point, Vincent was going to break and as it were, there was no one to catch him. For all that he had done, he deserved for someone to be there. Axel might not have any experience with reassurance or comfort, but he was damned determined to try.

At his touch, Vincent's hand slid down from his face and he looked up, something indescribable glinting in crimson eyes. Axel didn't know how to define it, only knowing that he swallowed thickly, his fingers curling against a pale shoulder.

Their eyes met and a strange feeling passed between them, one that Axel wasn't quite sure how to identify. Crimson eyes seemed to bore into his skull until Vincent leaned forward, almost hesitantly, their faces mere inches apart. Before Axel could even question him, Vincent closed the distance between them, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss.

He stiffened in surprise at first, but relaxed at the pleasurable sensation. Soft and sensual lips worked against Axel's, lightly pressing as the unique smell of the winged man filled his senses. The touch was almost comforting, soothing something inside Axel that had been longing for such intimacy.

It ended quickly. Vincent pulled back with evident reluctance as his gaze fell, lowering his head at the same time. "My apologies," he said, softly. "I didn't mean... I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."

Axel frowned slightly. "Why?"

Vincent was quiet for a moment, the only sound filling the room was that of the ticking clock and their harsh breathing, until he seemed to regain a semblance of composure. "Most people are frightened of their nightmares. They would rather end them as soon as possible." His head turned to the side, gaze locked on the far wall. "But here, where every memory is a precious commodity and fleeting in its entirety, even the nightmares are something to be cherished, even the terror and horrible deeds I've committed... I struggle to hang onto them as long as I can because they are all I have any more."

It was then that the winged man redirected his attention back towards Axel, the hurt and sorrow reflected in his gaze enough to make Axel breathe sharply in surprise. "I've been here so long that I wonder if I even know how to truly be human anymore... if indeed I even knew to begin with," he added a bit more bitterly.

Axel swallowed thickly as he caught the liquid shimmer to crimson eyes. The misery and sorrow in the room was palatable, so heavy that it sunk into his heart as well. "You are human," he assured softly, reaching out a hand and laying it lightly on Vincent's shoulder. "If a nothing can exist, then there is no doubt in my mind that you are human." Without knowing why and reacting on pure instinct alone, responding to some inner voice, he gave a gentle tug, pulling Vincent towards him and pressing their lips together once more.

It was only the second time that he kissed someone in his short existence as Axel, but apparently every person was born with the capability to know how to react in such a situation. He was startlingly aware of all the little things. The softness of Vincent's lips, the exotic scent of the winged male, and the sharp acrid hint of his own spilt blood. His hand burning hot on a pale, chilled shoulder. The shuttering of his eyes closed and the heavy silence, except for the thundering of both their hearts. It was both strange and right.

He gently took the kiss deeper, sliding his tongue along the seam of Vincent's lips as he input every emotion he could think of, proving with actions what he could never quite articulate with words. It eased the loneliness inside of him and in many ways made the ache easier to bear. Perhaps it was what Reno had meant all along.

Then, tentatively, a hand cupped the back of his head, tangling in red spikes as Vincent finally began to respond to the kiss, massaging his scalp gently with clawed fingers. Lips parted and soon their tongues were sliding together, tender and hesitant, as if neither was quite sure what the other was attempting to do.

It occurred to him, as lips moved over his and a hand slowly snaked around his waist, that they might be making a mistake or that he was doing what he said he was never going to do. It was a brief thought that flitted away when he realized that somewhere along the way, he had grown to care for Vincent. And while it wouldn't match his desire to return to Roxas, it was enough to make him continue his soft ministrations, leaning forward into an embrace as arms wrapped around him.

Until all of the sudden it ended, Vincent pulling back from the kiss and staring down at the floor as if it held all the answers. "You shouldn't do that," he said softly, beginning to unwind his arms from Axel's waist.

The firestarter quickly grabbed his arms, stilling his movements. "Why?"

Vincent shook his head. "You don't owe me anything and I've no need for pity." He sighed. "I did not save you or even befriend you for this purpose. Not like Reno would lead you to believe."

Axel couldn't help but chuckle at that even though the situation was far from amusing. "You think I kissed you because of Reno?" he questioned with a raised brow. "Well then, you're sorely mistaken." He gripped the other man's chin gently with his hand, forcing Vincent to look up at him. "Everybody needs somebody sometime."

Crimson eyes narrowed. "You don't know what you're offering."

The firestarter shrugged. "So show me."

Vincent sighed, shaking his head at his roommate and dislodging the gentle touch to his chin. "Axel."

Axel's lips thinned in the beginning of annoyance. Really, Vincent was ruining the moment. No wonder no one lived with him. He probably scared them all away with his rationality and common sense. "Look, I'm an adult. I think I can make my own decisions."

Vincent shot him a disbelieving look. "You've never done anything before."

"So?"

The winged male sighed and sat back on his heels, brushing dark strands of hair out of his face as he looked around them for the bandages. "Go back to your room, Axel. You have to be up early tomorrow."

The firestarter groaned, recognizing both that tone of voice and the use of his name. Vincent meant to tell him what to do. "No," he responded stubbornly, setting his jaw as he narrowed his eyes. He grabbed thin shoulders, squeezing his fingers to gain the other's attention. "You can't keep doing everything on your own." He shrugged then, a lascivious smirk taking over his features. "Besides, I don't want Roxas to have a lame boyfriend. Just consider it... a lesson in dating."

Vincent opened his mouth, probably to protest again, but Axel didn't wait this time, pressing forward to press his mouth to Vincent's once more. All protest was cut off, becoming little more than a dull rumble in the winged male's chest. Axel didn't understand his own reasoning for a lot of things, but this he felt was justified. Roxas would understand, he was sure. And he couldn't deny that a part of him was selfish as well.

He wasn't completely blind to Vincent's attractiveness, nor was he able to deny that he had been lonely. While he treasured Vincent and Reno's friendship, there was a part of him that craved the physical affection that came with emotions. While he could remember them as a Nobody, hugs and fond embraces were few and far between in the Organization. Like Vincent, he desperately wanted to be reminded that he was human again, and not just a vague reflection of one.

The kiss deepened as Vincent finally began to take some initiative, realizing that Axel was just as stubborn as he. It went without saying what the rest of the night was going to entail.

* * *

The next morning, Axel awoke alone, not that he had really expected anything different. He had been covered by a blanket however, which was awfully thoughtful of his roommate. His gaze drifted to the clock on the opposite side of the room, groaning when he realized he had to be at work in an hour. Work. He snorted to himself. Again, some paradise this place turned out to be. Nothing more than a vague mockery of Eden.

He shifted in the bed, dreading having to rise and noticing that he desperately needed to bathe. He grimaced as his thoughts turned to the night before, not that he had any regrets. It was far past the time for that. He didn't think he could ever really explain to anyone or even himself the reasons why, just that he knew it was the right thing to do. He did only want Roxas but he was losing his mind on Gaia's Grotto and it was so damn hard on his own. He couldn't even imagine what it was for Vincent.

And in the time that he had come to know the man, even if it was only a few months, he had developed a kinship with him. That same connection that comes from suffering the same ills. And truly, if anyone deserved some comfort, it was Vincent. Watching a man like him break was not easy and it gave Axel no reassurance as to his own fate. It only gave him more reason to want to leave Gaia's Grotto.

He was glad; however, that they hadn't gone any farther than oral sex. As pitifully romantic as it sounded, he preferred to save that for Roxas, if indeed that was where their relationship was going to head. If Roxas only wanted friendship from him, he could live with that, he supposed. He hadn't really had the time to put much thought into it, more concerned with escape and freeing Roxas from Sora. The more difficult and important thoughts could come later.

Performing an idle stretch, Axel's eyes shifted to the clock, cursing mildly when he realized he really needed to get up if he was going to shower. Throwing the covers back, Axel headed into the bathroom, his mind aswirl with thoughts. Not essentially negative ones as usual, just contemplative. Were things going to be... weird, for lack of a better word, between he and Vincent now? Not that things weren't always a bit... odd.

He swore to himself that if Vincent dove back into his icy, sharp shell than he was going to yank the man out by his ever-present scowl.

Turning on the nozzle and stepping into the shower, he shivered as the first sprays of chilly water struck him before it gradually heated up. His mind drifted to the things Vincent had revealed about himself. The loss of his own brother. The lover that he left behind. No wonder the man was so solemn. He had had nearly everything important to him ripped from his life.

Though it still hadn't explained the reasoning for the wings or the scars that dotted the pale man's flesh. That was a topic that Vincent skittered away from as if it were taboo. And perhaps to Vincent it was. Nevertheless, it ate at Axel's curiosity to know all these things he wasn't being told. Vincent was like a riddle box and though he usually hated all puzzles, he was damn determined to solve this one.

Vincent always talked about experiments, mentioning how Zack and Cid were opposed to them. He had been a Heartless before coming to Gaia's Grotto, claiming that there was something that caused him to twist his perceptions and emotions, mutating his body. Axel couldn't help but wonder what a man had to suffer that caused him to hate himself that much. There was much to ponder in Vincent Valentine.

Axel quickly flicked off the shower and stepped out of it, toweling himself off absentmindedly as his stomach growled, reminding me that he hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before. Reno had been teasing because he had yet another homemade bagged meal, courtesy of his winged roommate despite the fact that Vincent had claimed it was a one-time thing. The man really was a sweetheart beneath all the icy glares.

A few minutes later found Axel irritably pulling his messy spikes into a ponytail at the back of his head as he wandered into the kitchen, breaking out into a wide grin at the plate of muffins left on the table. Two of them, large and chock full of berries just for him. He swiped up one, tossed the other in a paper sack and sauntered out the door, well on his way to work.

The secretary in the lobby didn't even look up as he passed, which he was used to that. He stopped trying to gain her attention after being ignored steadily for a week. The people here really executed their jobs almost as if they were robots; it was unsettling. It was easier for his sanity if he just pretended he couldn't see them.

The walk to the gate was rather uneventful, the streets just as crowded with nameless faces as before, though he swore he passed by a familiar face just once. Grey-blue hair draped over one eye and a defining grace that very few men executed. But he dismissed the thought just as quickly as it came, wondering if his sudden happiness was a result of his getting laid. Well, he wouldn't exactly say he was happy, but he wasn't exactly drowning in his melancholy either.

His thoughts wandered to Roxas, a sudden memory cropping up in his mind. One of the few times he ever heard Roxas laugh. It wasn't that Roxas was a generally glum person but when they were non-beings devoid of emotion, glee and amusement were seldom expressed. And Roxas was more prone to broodiness than episodes of joking banter as Axel himself. Yet, despite his more serious demeanor there were times that he joined Axel in his pranks, many of which the firestarter knew that the others in the Organization would never forget.

This time their victim was Demyx, as it usually was, simply because his responses were the most amusing. He was a drama queen, plainly put. Over-reacting to the smallest of things. Imagine. An evil-doer frightened of spiders, it really was quite amusing. Axel loved to take very opportunity to taunt the poor blond.

However, this particular prank involved pickles, a set of stairs, and an elegantly constructed trap of cobwebs. Needless to say, Demyx's reaction had never been funnier. After screaming like a teenage female for the better part of a minute, his eyes had rolled into the back of his head and he promptly passed out on the floor, feet popping into the air quite comically. He and Roxas had laughed so hard that Vexen, passing by, had given them viciously annoyed stares.

That might have been the first time he thought that what he felt for his best friend was something more than friendship. Despite the fact that they claimed he didn't have any feelings. He knew better than to believe that now. Perhaps Xemnas was just lying to them to make them more pliable. He couldn't deny the feelings of emptiness or incompleteness, but that he blamed on having lost a part of himself when he split from his other half.

He remembered what it felt like to have emotion. It was not as if one could just fake emotion. He could fake being angry to others, he could fake hurt or laughter, but when he felt it, that couldn't be forged. Roxas became a part of him, filling a gap that rankled inside. And as the laughter from his memories echoed in his mind, he couldn't help the small smile that broke out on his face. His eyes had sparkled then, ocean blue orbs that swam with emotion they weren't supposed to have. That could not be faked. Xemnas had been wrong.

Axel's thoughts instantly screeched and took another turn as he caught sight of the gateway just in front of him, and his gabrother leaning uselessly against one of the open gates and looking, for the most part, completely asleep. His chin even bobbed on his chest. A sneaky thought occurred to him just then as he crept silently towards Reno, tiptoeing towards him from the side.

A grin tugged at the corner of Axel's mouth before he pounced, literally tackling his friend to the ground as Reno yelped in surprise, hands flailing about. He oomph'ed as they crashed, aquamarine eyes flashing with irritation. "Abarai!" he shouted as he gasped for breath.

Axel laughed, though he kept the loudness to a minimum, ever mindful of the eyes that occasionally wandered their direction. He would hate to draw the attention of the Council.

"What the hell's the matter with you, yo?" Reno questioned, flailing about as he struggled to extricate himself from Axel's grasp. His brow furrowed as he caught sight of the other's smirking expression. He raised one eyebrow as he managed to sock Axel in the arm. "You sly dog, you, Abarai."

Axel scoffed as he pulled himself up from the ground, idly peeking into his paper bag to make sure his muffin didn't get squashed. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied blithely, pleased to find that his pastry was whole and ready for consumption.

The older male rose to his feet, grinning from ear to ear as he swiped the paper bag from Axel's hand, peering inside as his eyes brightened. "Blueberries!" he exclaimed, grabbing the muffin before Axel could grab his lunch back. "Why Abarai, I think I may be in love. You know how much I crave blueberries, yo!"

The firestarter shook his head as he scowled playfully when Reno started munching on the muffin, crumpling up the paper bag with an audible crinkle. "That was my lunch."

Reno waved a hand of dismissal. "Ceran make them?" he questioned around a mouthful of muffin, flecking some crumbs out in Axel's general direction.

"Of course. I can't cook worth a damn," Axel replied with a snort.

Reno smirked as he eyed his younger companion. "You took my advice, didn't you?" When Axel opened his mouth to respond, Reno wagged a finger at him, cutting him off before a word emerged. "Don't deny it. I can see it in your eyes." He slung an arm around Axel's neck, idly munching on the blueberry muffin. "Don't worry though. I won't ask anymore questions since I can plainly see that you are embarrassed."

The younger male scoffed, poking Reno in the belly. "Don't be ridiculous," he countered, shifting his gaze towards the plains just beyond the open gates. "I've already told..." His words trailed off as his body stiffened, every intuition within him suddenly going on high alert as his fight instinct flared as he caught sight of the many pale shapes loping towards them with eyes blazing. Far more than he could count.

Reno furrowed his brow as he followed Axel's gaze with his own. His jaw dropped as an upsetting and, admittedly, frightened feeling settled within his belly. The muffin fell from lifeless fingers. "It can't be..." he breathed. "There's--"

"--so many of them," Axel finished for him as Reno's arm moved from his shoulders. Instinctively, the chakram appeared in his hands, flaming rings of fury. Dread filled him and he gulped unconsciously, truly frightened for perhaps the first time since he arrived in Gaia's Grotto.

"The memory eaters," Reno added in, shaking his head. "We might as well be fucking doomed."

* * *

Thanks for reading! Leave a review before you go! 


	12. Chapter 9: Crimson Vow

A/N: Don't worry, that part in the middle is not supposed to make any sense. It's a combination of dream, flashback, and sensation. But there are clues in there, if you look hard enough.

Big thanks to everyone who reviews, has me on alerts and has me on their favorites! Thanks for the support in my first long Kingdom Hearts story.

**Chapter 9: Crimson Vow**

A gout of flame flared against the grey sky as another pale wolf dropped to the ground, silent as it writhed in pain and burned to nothing more than ash. But as quickly as it fell, there were three more to take its place, each as hungry as its fallen brother. Axel scowled as he panted, lifting his already weary arms to defend himself from yet another leaping shadow beast, comforted only by the steady presence of Reno somewhere in the vicinity.

Hordes of them, far more than either man had ever seen before, had attacked suddenly, as if banding together to take over the city. The two of them, he and Reno, had been working tirelessly to drive the beasts back. Two other gatekeepers had joined the battle but they were still vastly outnumbered, and quickly losing ground.

Axel himself was not wholly without injury. One of the beasts had torn a good chunk from his arm and blood was dripping into one of his eyes from a slash across the forehead but nevertheless, he was standing tall, determinedly fighting. He shifted his vision, catching sight of Reno, fumbling a bit from the vicious tear in his arm when a beast had latched its fangs around him before Reno had been able to electrify it but otherwise holding steady.

His nostrils flared at the scent of blood and death, a scent that he realized he was all too familiar with and was frankly, just plain tired of. More and more memories of battle and destruction from his time as a Nobody were returning to his present state. It seemed all Axel could do with his life was fight. Was he nothing more than a weapon in a never-ending battle?

A snarl from nearby distracted him and Axel immediately returned his attention to the fight, wearily lifting his chakram once more and slicing a memory beast through the middle. More swarmed around him, some getting past and loping into the city before he could stop them. He didn't understand why there were so many at one time and where the hell were the other gate guardians? Why weren't more people coming to help? He couldn't help but feel that it wasn't all some big coincidence.

Axel twisted his body to the side, avoiding a leaping beast and sending another gout of flame towards a twin set approaching from the left. More snarls and growls echoed around him, the screams of those few helping him as they fell and the scent of blood so thick on the air he could taste it. The battle was getting fiercer, rougher... deadlier. He didn't know if he would be able to come out on top this time.

It reminded him of one other time before. With Sora... surrounded by the Nobodies in the in-between path. That was when he had died, when he had for once done something for someone else rather than for himself. He couldn't help but wonder if that was to be his fate once more.

There was a shout, vaguely audible above the din of battle. Axel's gaze swept to the side, searching for the owner of the cry when an abrupt darkness fell, shadows leaping from all directions and he crashed to the ground, breath whooshing out of them. Three... maybe four bodies piled on top of him, snarling and snapping as claws dug into his skin through clothes already ripped and torn. He couldn't see anything but brief glimpses of grey sky between the wriggling and furred albino wolves. Axel's heart thudded painfully in his chest, reminding him that he was alive... and that fear was beginning to eat its way inside of him, despite his efforts to forestall it.

He growled, twisting his head from side to side as he struggled to avoid those powerful jaws, dimly hearing someone call his name from above the press of bodies. It could have been Reno... or it might have even been a figment of his imagination. Memories were starting to crop up, flashing in front of his eyes and blending with reality, silvery lithe bodies and white muscled creatures all blending into a mass of murderous terror.

A maw clamped down on his left leg, drawing blood and ripping away skin, bringing him forcefully into some semblance of reality. He howled in agony, jamming one chakram upwards as he worked an arm free. He summoned up another burst of strength and called to the flames inside of him, smirking when he felt the burning heat surge from his body and flare outwards at his attackers.

The beasts yelped and yipped, thrown backwards as fangs were forcefully yanked from his leg, taking some of his flesh with it. The putrid odor of burnt fur wafted to his nose and he gagged, rolling over to his side and trying to plant one shaky hand on the pavement, aware that the battle still was not over. He could feel the blood dripping from his body, down his leg and into his eyes from where fangs had grazed his cheek. It was then that his head started to spin, dizzy from both the loss of his strength and using far too much magic at once.

Bleary vision caught Reno trying to fight through the beasts to Axel's side but the firestarter was determined to make it on his own. He didn't want anyone to have to protect him. Fighting against the pain in his leg and a new wound he hadn't even realized he had on his arm, he rose to his feet, albeit a bit shakily and stood there swaying for several seconds before he opened his eyes, not even realizing that he had at some point closed them.

A low growl, significantly deeper and more terrifying than the others raised the hair on the back of his neck and Axel whirled around to come face to face with another of the memory beasts. Only this one was far larger than any he had ever encountered, both taller and heavier then he was. A smirk crossed the firestarter's face, immediately dropping into his battle stance as he spun the chakram on his fingers. He pushed all dizziness and pain inside, the thrill of battle surging in his blood.

He had to survive.

The beast swiped at him with one massive claw but Axel easily danced out of the way with nimble steps. He darted in to slash at the furry hide and sent a spray of blood through the air before he dodged away once more, narrowly avoiding another angry claw. The monster was big but essentially slow and stupid. It would be a cinch to take out, provided that nothing else got Axel first.

A fireball soared through the air, pinging across the memory beast's forehead and singeing its pale fur, blackening it with ash. It howled and Axel smirked, unable to resist a goading taunt. "Too hot for you?" he mocked, shifting his weight as the creature leapt forward, snarling with foam-flecked fangs and eager to tear him limb from limb.

Smirking, Axel quickly pulled his chakram out in front of him, summoning another burst of blaze, igniting the sharpened blades of his weapon. As the beast skidded to a stop, scrabbling against the pavement to turn around, the firestarter wasted no time in unleashing his attack, sending both chakram flying at the beast's head and neatly slicing it from its body.

The decapitated head bounced several feet away as the body went limp, falling to the ground in an almost comical slow-motion. It slowly began to turn to dust, like all the other defeated beasts before it. Axel caught the returning chakram with little effort, snubbing his nose at the big, dumb creature. It was then that a vague prickle of warning raced up his spine, every sense in his body screaming danger.

"Abarai!"

He turned, emerald eyes widening in shock as a flash of bright red hair darted in front of him, barely catching sight of Reno's black uniform. Time seemed to slow, stop even, as he helplessly watched Reno take an attack that had been meant for his unprotected back. Bright scarlet blood splashed into the air and on Axel's face when claws raked down Reno's chest, digging so deeply he half-expected them to come out the other side.

Reno jerked, one arm flailing to the side before he collapsed backwards into Axel. In a flash of fury, the firestarter snarled and sent a course of flame rippling outwards, immediately incinerating the beast before it could even hit the ground. Reno's body began to shake as he struggled to suck in a breath, blood already gurgling sickly as it trickled down the front of the other man's body.

Axel quickly caught his friend before Reno could slump, chakram clattering to the ground and horror filling him to the core when warm fluid washed over his hand from where he had wrapped it around the older man's waist. His own legs shaking in horror and shock, Axel gently lowered the gasping man to the ground, a fiery rage unlike anything he's ever felt before beginning to build up within him. It was as if flames licked at his insides, burning up his organs and turning his blood to nothing more than boiling lava.

Orange flame burned in his eyes, once emerald now a fiery orange, a cry of rage escaping from his lips. It was primal, animal even, and did nothing to quell the fury or the general helplessness that washed over him. The beasts had done nothing but terrify him from day one, attacked him when he was weak in the beginning, attacked others... they slayed for no purpose but the joy of killing and the Council did nothing. _Nothing_.

Something roared in his ears, wordless cries of destruction and death and he knew nothing but this sudden desire to kill and destroy. The darkness, once useful for nothing but despair and depression, turned to rage as he rose to his feet, flames licking at his boots. He dug deep down inside of himself for every last vestige of power, every tiny bit of emotion that he could grasp onto as his chakram began to rise of their own accord off the ground, spinning with gouts of dancing ocher on their tips.

His body began to shake, the ground trembled he was sure of it, and deep inside of him, something burst, exploded into a few thousand pieces and Axel screamed, roared his rage. The world went white-hot as explosion after explosion arced out from around him in all directions, incinerating everything around him. The gate became nothing more than a pile of ash, every building in the area crumpling to piles of stone and rock... even the other gatekeepers that had survived the beasts burned in the blast, leaving him standing in the middle of a blackened pit.

With a gasp, Axel fell to his knees, dizziness and weakness attacking him with the fierceness of a hungry carnivore. He swayed, struggling to remain upright as his hand fell on something warm and sticky. He peeled his tired eyes open, only to pale in sudden recognition. He had subconsciously protected Reno from the blaze yet... it seemed it was for naught, judging by the pool of blood already staining the ground and spreading out in an increasing puddle.

Those aquamarine eyes were unfocused as Reno struggled to draw breath, coughing up blood and to Axel's horror, he could see the glistening of the other man's innards, nausea striking him in that instant. He ignored the destruction around him and his own weariness, jerking off his torn over jacket and pressing it over Reno's wound, ignoring the older man's wince of pain. Surely there was something... he couldn't sit and watch Reno die!

"A...barai..."

The firestarter choked. "I don't... I don't have any healing magic," he stuttered fervently. "I can't do anything!" He jerked his head up, immediately scanning the area and despite seeing no one, called out anyways. "Help! Medic! Someone!"

A bloodstained hand flopped weakly against his cheek, dragging his attention back towards the dying man. "Don't... bother. No one will come," Reno managed to garble out, swallowing thickly before more blood bubbled up in his throat. And by the look in his eyes, even as Reno managed a dry and raspy strained laugh, Axel realized that Reno knew he was dying.

"Even a Turk knows when it's the end." He blinked rapidly trying to focus on Axel as the younger man stared at him, unable to comprehend the emotions suddenly racing through him. Reno had been his mentor, his ally, his closest companion outside of Vincent and something inside of him was breaking, shattering into pieces that he didn't think would ever heal. It wasn't right. Axel was the one who should have taken the hit, he was the one who should be lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Not Reno.

"You... stupid," the firestarter muttered, fingers curling around the overcoat as he pressed it futilely to the bleeding wound. A minute maybe, seconds more likely, that was all the other man had. "It should've been me."

Reno waved off his comment, a serious and grave expression taking over his ghostly pale face. "Axel, listen to me, yo. Get off this world." He paused, coughing as his body began to shake slightly. Already he could feel the tingling in his extremities, the horrible creeping of an icy coldness that meant he was slipping away. "Do whatever it takes. Don't die here."

On the edge of his conscious, Axel dimly heard the sound of footsteps approaching. Most likely bystanders drawn by the explosion and subsequent destruction but he simply ignored them. They were of little importance and at the moment, he didn't care if anyone caught him. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't or couldn't come. He didn't understand the raw rending pain inside of him, how it made him speechless and how the back of his eyes burned with tears he didn't think he had ever shed before for another person.

It was all happening so fast. Words blending one with another, his vision dimming and the sights and sounds all swirling into a mass of confusion. Reno was gasping, trying to breathe and hang onto life for just a bit longer. Axel was struggling to maintain some grip on his sanity, attempting to patch Reno together with his just his hands, as if by scooping up the blood and pouring it back in would somehow save his friend. It was a futile notion but he couldn't stop himself from wishing. Seconds sped by so quickly that Axel was sure that the world had started spinning double time. Reno was going to die before he could even find the words to say, if there were any at all. And still the older man struggled to speak, lips trembling and face becoming so pale that every outline of the veins beneath were painfully visible.

Reno's free hand, the one not tangled in the front of Axel's shirt, reached up weakly, grasping futilely for the glasses somehow still attached to his forehead. The movement left a garish streak of crimson across his pale features as he begged Axel with his eyes.

"Do me a favor, ne?" he asked weakly, voice hoarse and little more than a whisper. "Find Rude when you get off, yo. Tell him--" He cut off suddenly, coughing as eyelids fluttered over aquamarine eyes and Axel pressed even harder at the wound in his belly, willing Reno to heal miraculously, willing his own strength to somehow seep through his fingers and into his friends body.

"Tell him that I never forgot him, okay? I _never_ forgot!" The last was said firmly, loudly, sapping all of Reno's strength as his eyes flashed with determination, both love and fire echoing in his bright orbs.

Axel nodded frantically, swallowing thickly on an imagined lump in his throat. "I got it," he uttered quickly. "You never forgot." He placed his hand over Reno's, wrapping long fingers around the black sunglasses. His heart lurched at the coldness in his friend's touch. Almost like ice...

"...P--promise!"

"I do!" he cried fiercely. "I..." He swallowed thickly. "I got it memorized." His usual phrase, felt hollow coming from his lips, holding none of the teasing element that it usually carried. If it weren't for the relief in Reno's aquamarine eyes, he might have even regretted it. But the older man looked so comforted that Axel swallowed down what else he might have thought to say. Truly, words had deserted him.

The sound of wings beating floated to Axel's ears, the noise of Gatherers, approaching, barely audible over the blood pounding in his skull or the crying in his heart. This was grief, pure sadness, and he didn't know what to do with it. The pain was raw and fresh, clawing at him from the inside and fighting for dominance. Reno might have been just a friend, but to Axel, he was important, he was someone. After knowing the other male for almost a year, he felt close to him, like a brother.

Reno's eyes suddenly widened in recognition as they shifted to the side, a brief moment of clarity shining through. The slightest smile tugged on the corner of his lips even as he coughed, splattering blood all over Axel's arm. "Take... care... Vincent," he whispered, hand slackening in its once desperate hold of Axel's shirt. "He needs it more than you think."

Footsteps echoed on the harsh pavement, but Axel was oblivious to them, nodding wordlessly as the hand fell away from his body completely, limply falling to the side. The heartbeat that he had been frantically clinging to, became nothing, still and terribly soundless. It was a heavy silence, louder than all of the noise around him and Axel's fingers curled tightly around the blood-soaked over coat and Reno's sunglasses, nearly breaking them.

Anger began to blossom inside of him, anger with himself and the council, with their words and their actions. He was furious with himself, and his inability to save Reno. He should have been stronger, watching his own back. His power should have been something more helpful. He could destroy and burn... not heal and save. What good was the power if he couldn't rely on it when it mattered the most, when he couldn't even save his friend?

Reno's words echoed in his mind, the promise that he made, the other man's request of him to leave. He had the power, he knew of a method. Only Vincent's suggestion of wariness kept him from using it. But Axel no longer cared. He was not going to die on Gaia's Grotto. He would rather risk death in the darkness than rot away into nothingness. He made his decision than and there, kneeling over the fallen form of his friend, a man who had only ever wanted to return to the one he loved, that he would try the portal. Nothing was going to stop him. He didn't care if he died trying.

"What happened here?"

He recognized the almost accusing voice immediately and looked up, knowing that his eyes were most likely swimming with tears. Vincent knelt beside him, crimson gaze darkening as he took in the state of his friend. His wings twitched restlessly behind him as one of his claws clenched at his side but the younger man only noted this with a cursory glance. He swept his eyes past the Gatherer, noticing the crowd that was beginning to gather. And quite a lot of them.

Not that it mattered anymore. Axel had already made his decision and wasn't going to waste any more talking about.

He didn't answer Vincent, merely shaking his head as he reached out with a trembling hand to brush his fingertips over Reno's eyelids and closing them. He had no sooner withdrew the touch when the body suddenly began to slowly disintegrate, turning to black ash that swirled in the light breeze, rank with the smell of death, blood, and failure. Almost as if Reno had never existed at all, as if he had been nothing more than a Nobody.

Axel set his jaw, sorrow and fury blending so thoroughly in his soul that he couldn't distinguish one from the other. He ignored his blood-spattered clothing and the crimson fluid that wasn't his own, already drying on his face. His eyes gleamed, probably looking partly insane. He felt a little crazy; he felt off-center. But by kami, he wasn't going to be on Gaia's Grotto any longer. He was a fool for waiting so long already.

"Vincent, we're leaving," he announced, voice tight and barely under his control. His throat was thick with unshed tears and one hand wrapped tenaciously around the blood-spattered sunglasses.

Crimson eyes narrowed as Vincent surged to his feet. "What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded, his gaze flickering to the crowd surrounding them. "Have you gone mad?"

Axel shook his head, wasting no time and not bothering to argue with Vincent. The time for talking was passed. He rushed forward, quickly wrapping his arms around the winged man before Vincent could even protest. The older man made a strangled sound in the back of his throat, clawed hands landing on Axel's shoulders but the firestarter ignored him. He shuttered his eyes tightly closed as he looked deep inside of himself, searching for the darkness that he knew resided there.

He remembered his research. There were two portals he could use: either a gateway or a portico. The portico would take him to the in-between realm of twilight but the gateway would take him directly to another world, one of his choosing. He didn't know what would happen if they ended up in the in-between realm so Axel was aiming to summon a gateway. He didn't think he had the strength for more than one anyways.

He concentrated on his anger and his helplessness, used his despair as fuel and his desperation as a guide. Darkness coiled inside of him, battling with the light for control of his magic. He dimly heard Vincent speaking but blocked out all coherent thought in translating it. Instead, he latched onto the darkness and yanked fiercely, calling for the gateway with every thrumming emotion inside of him.

He could feel it, licking at his feet and ankles, working its way up his body. It was working; he was succeeding. He tightened his arms around Vincent, hating the disorientating rush that was accompanying the use of the darkness and grit his teeth against the steady throb of pain that was building inside of him.

Tendrils of icy shadow wrapped around his body and suddenly, everything exploded into nothingness and he was only dimly aware that he was dragging Vincent along for the ride. He didn't know where he was going or where the gateway would take them. So long as he was no longer on Gaia's Grotto and they came out alive, he didn't particularly care. Darkness curled around him and he was...

_... cold, so cold and covered in ice. Light and shadow blended into nothing and everything and there was fear, so thick and heavy and washing over him like a tidal wave._

"_You are Lae no longer."_

_He saw nothing and heard everything, felt the pinpricks of sheer agony racing through his body. There was pain, so much pain, and little pleasure. His heart ached, his muscles strained, he was pulled in so many directions, his head splitting, blood everywhere. _

_Cries in the dark, awful haunted voices and tear-shod pleas. _

"_Daddy! Happy Birthday!" Laughter echoed and curled around him like a snake, limiting his movement. His soul shattered; his heart broke. _

_He said he was leaving. "I'll miss you..." Words faded. He couldn't stop him, but he tried, kami knows he tried. He was useless, he was nothing, he was..._

_Broken into a million shattered pieces of an already fragmented dream. His thumb rubbed over the warmed metal, twirling it over and over around his finger. His eyes were red and raw, aching from too many tears shed as the words they didn't mean echoed inside his heart. _

"_Hey, I feel like we're friends already." _

_Time stopped and spun, the world twisted on its axis. His breath was ragged in his chest; his arms and his soul felt heavy, weighted down by those silly little truths called emotion. Who knew that a heart was such a burden? Who knew that feelings hurt more than the lack of?_

"_Want to spar?" _

_He was part of it, part of everything. They were joined but there was a chance. Yes? A chance to try again, to be his own self, his own purpose. But he was already dead. He had already flitted away into ash and nothingness. _

_Despair clouded everything; happiness was only a vague memory. Had he ever been happy? Did he know joy? Could he even recognize it? And love, an equally foreign thought. He claimed he loved her. She claimed that there was no one but him. And in the end, 'Daddy' was nothing more than a lie. He didn't have a heart; Nobodies couldn't love. _

_Good and evil were mere reflections of each other, desperately searching for the ultimate victory. On either side, they loved or they hated, on either end they strove for something more. Luck was on the side of the lucky and the victors wrote the history. Only the winners are seen as good, but it's the same story, just different sides. _

_There was nothing beneath his feet. He was floating in an endless sea of tears and mistakes, soaring through the darkened sky, filled with empty pits where stars once hung. And he was falling, fallen, falling like so many others. His body shook as he dropped like a boulder and plummeted downwards..._

... landing on something immeasurably solid and jarring every bone in his body it seemed. Axel grunted, throwing an arm out to catch himself before he shoved his face into the concrete and broke his noise. His head was spinning, dizziness and nausea attacking his senses and he barely had the strength to breathe. He registered that the gateway had deposited them somewhere, and fought to find it in him to open his tired eyes.

Fuzzy images, bright colors, the sun so terribly warm and just so damn beautiful that he could hardly believe it. He could feel the heat on the back of his neck and it was the most wonderful sensation in the world. It wasn't raining and there was a _breeze_, a soft and balmy brush of air against his clothing that ruffled his blood spattered hair and gore-stained body.

"By Kami," breathed a voice and Axel was relieved to recognize it as Vincent. "You did it, Axel. I'm _home." _The relief in the winged man's voice was obvious even to Axel, as well as the joy and he knew he could detect the sound of someone struggling to rein in their tears.

The firestarter remained on the ground, panting as brief sparks of pain continued to resonate through his body. He was gasping for breath and he felt weary, exhausted, and most definitely pushed beyond his limits. Tears banked behind his eyelids but he was the happiest he had ever been because he was alive and he was free and the thought was titillating. He had managed to save Vincent as well, and in his right hand, he still clutched Reno's sunglasses, making an internal vow then and there to find Rude.

He would pay his debt to Reno the only way he knew how.

Axel rolled over and managed a half-sitting position, aware that his limbs felt like limp noodles and almost refusing to respond to his call. His eyes were half-lidded, threatening at any moment to shutter closed. The calling of the gateway had taken every last vestige of strength and he could only hope that Vincent's 'home' wasn't dangerous because he didn't think he could defend himself.

Then he heard them, the whispered voices and the concerned tones. He felt eyes on him, boring into his body and he looked up, gaze locking with dozens of strangers that seemed to surround he and Vincent. Behind him, the winged male struggled to stand, in significantly better condition than Axel himself. He reached down and yanked the woozy firestarter to his feet, jerking the younger male against his body as he glared at the citizens staring at them with mixed expressions of curiosity, worry... and fear.

"It's a heartless!" Someone cried. The voice was male, the tone accusatory and Axel stiffened at the fear evident in the man's words. He dimly realized that anyone who didn't know Vincent's appearance would probably mistake him for a Heartless, and Axel himself was covered in blood and gore from the battle.

Any sane person would believe they were dangerous just from looking at them.

He forced his weary head upwards, trying to remain on his feet as the crowd began to grow restless and edgy, terror rippling through them. Had they escaped from Gaia's Grotto only to be thrust into an even worse predicament? He couldn't ignore the subtle shaking of exhaustion in his limbs either, or the emotional pain that was still so fresh it caused his heart to literally ache. They had succeed but at what cost? What price had he paid for his hesitance?

"The Heartless have returned!"

"Kill it before it kills us!"

"No!" Axel roared, somehow finding the words that had been momentarily stuck on his tongue. He reached down deep inside of himself, and found the last vestiges of his strength, somehow managing to stand straight and tall as Vincent hovered at his side. "We are not Heartless!!"

But they didn't appear to want to listen and some of the bolder ones were quickly turning ominous. The crowd of onlookers surged forward, backing Vincent and Axel even closer together as their frantic comments and murmurings grew louder. They ignored the firestarter's words, remembering all too well the first attack of the Heartless and the destruction of their homes. It appeared they didn't want to take any chances.

"We can't hurt them," Vincent muttered lowly, though one claw loosely dangled close to his weapon.

Axel frowned, emerald eyes narrowing. "We might have to. I'm not about to let them tear me to pieces, misguided and scared or not." He tilted his head back, raising his voice higher. "We aren't Heartless!!" he reiterated, hoping that they would begin to see reason. "We don't want to hurt you. Stay back!!"

He quickly shoved Reno's sunglasses into one of his pockets as his chakram appeared in a swirl of fire at his side, startling most of the onlookers gathered. They backed away a few steps, the flame reflecting in their wide, frightened eyes and Axel shook his head grimly, already dropping down into a battle stance.

He could feel the other man stiffening behind him, resolving to defend himself as well. He knew Vincent wouldn't fire his gun but for the winged man, his claws were probably enough to fend off their attackers. As it were, Axel planned to knock as many out as he could, despite the weariness. He wouldn't go down without a fight.

"What the hell is going on here?" The angry demand was thunderous, cutting through the aura of confusion and fear that had settled like a thick web over them. The crowds immediately parted, allowing some male to come through, his face swirling with a storm. The first thing Axel noticed about him was his piercing grey-blue eyes, reminding him of an unsettled tempest.

The next was the subtle way his hand hovered close to the layers of belts looped about his rather feminine hips, perched over the hilt of a rather wicked looking blade that Axel couldn't identify. On the man's shoulder, perched a fairy, unlike any the firestarter had ever seen before, and the scar that crossed the man's face didn't detract at all from his attractiveness.

Behind Axel, Vincent sucked in a breath and remembering that this was Vincent's home, he could only surmise that the winged male recognized this other younger man. Surely, this man who seemed to be in charge, could stop the frantic and frightened press of people around them.

One citizen suddenly turned brave, taking a menacing step forward and Axel snarled, lifting up his chakram. He was prepared to defend himself. "Get them back!" he growled, eyes cutting towards the fur-wearing brunette. "I don't want to hurt them if I don't have to."

"Stand down!" the unidentified man bellowed. "Return to your homes. I'll take care of this!"

Dozens of strangers blinked as Axel wobbled in his firm stance, uncertain if he could maintain his footing any longer with the weariness weighing heavily on his body. The relief in the face of the crowd was evident though, and it was clear they looked up to this stormy-eyed brunet, content to leave the defeat of the 'Heartless' to him. He was intimidating, Axel gave him that much.

"Who are you?" The brunet demanded as the mob began to disperse, stalking towards them with an almost thunderous expression on his face. Muscles shifted panther-like beneath tanned skin and the glint of metal around the man's neck caught Axel's attention, some type of lion-shaped pendant made of silver.

The firestarter opened his mouth with every intention to respond, however, nothing came out. Instead, a strange sensation of falling suddenly spread through his body. He dimly heard the sounds of his chakram hitting the ground, twin pings of metal against pavement before they dispersed. Arms wrapped around his back, a faint prick of familiar claws and then his weariness consumed him, sending Axel into the comforting and overwhelming embrace of darkness.

_It was a memory, one of his favorites because it involved Roxas and the first time he had ever met the thirteenth member of the Organization. At first, he hadn't thought anything special of the slightly scrawny and petulant blond that Xemnas seemed especially proud about locating. The boy's bottom lip pouted slightly but if anything, it was his eyes that were the most mesmerizing, such a startling shade of ocean-blue and he was caught in the tide. _

_Axel smirked, twirling a chakram on his finger when Saix finished the introductions. They stood in one of the many corridors of the Organization stronghold as Saix, shadows clinging to darkened alcoves around them and giving the whole encounter a creepy aura that would have made Axel shudder, if he truly felt fear. _

"_So we're employing runts now?" he questioned, raising one brow at the luna divider. "He sure doesn't look like anything special." _

_The blue-haired male laughed, the sound mocking. But it was actually Roxas who spoke, angrily crossing his arms over his chest as irritation flashed in his eyes. "I am certain I could take you down," he spat, head tilted back to meet the gaze of the taller firestarter. _

_Impressed by his sharp-tongue and pride, Axel rescinded his original line of thought. This boy was interesting after all. He drew himself to his full height, emerald eyes flashing with fire as he glared down at the impudent brat, the lazy smirk never leaving his face. _

"_Oh?" he taunted in a languid drawl. "Care to test it?" He jabbed the tip of a chakram at the blond, poking him in one scrawny shoulder. "I'll bet you can't even lift a sword." _

_Metal flashed as something clanged against his chakram, batting it aside easily and sending reverberations up and down the firestarter's arm. He blinked. Roxas had moved so fast that he had barely seen the motion, and now gaped as the boy sneered at him, not one but two weapons gleaming in his hands. They were similar enough to swords that he was certain they weren't light. _

"_Impressive," Axel commented, still not willing to concede defeat. "But can you use them?" he taunted. _

_A twitch in the left eyebrow was all the warning he received before the boy was attacking him, twin blades raised in succession. Axel merely held his ground, summoning up his other chakram with a flurry of flame. Their weapons met in a resounding clang as Saix watched impassively, neither Nobody managing to come out on top. _

"_You're pretty strong, kid." _

"_Don't call me that!" _

"_Touchy." Axel smirked. "What should I call you then? Runt? Boy?" He leaned in closer, until their faces were barely a foot apart. "Blondie?" _

_Roxas snarled and surged forwards, throwing the firestarter off balance. "How about my name, asshole?" he growled as he stepped to take the advantage, raising his strange weapons once more. _

_But Axel had been fighting for long before him and quickly regained his control, using Roxas' momentum against him. He twisted his body in an agile movement, allowing Roxas to barrel past him before casually sticking out a booted foot at the same time that he smacked the kid's rump with his chakram. _

_Blondie went tumbling to the floor, but not before he twisted his body and chucked one of his blades at Axel. Emerald eyes widened in surprise as the firestarter moved to duck but was not fast enough. He felt the metal bite into his cheek, drawing blood, before it clattered to the floor behind him. _

_Axel cursed, glowering as he reached up to wipe away the blood. It stung. On the floor, Roxas scowled as he rose to a sitting position, eyes swimming with the irritation of being made the fool. His gaze flickered to his weapon and Axel quickly caught the motion. He smirked as he turned to swipe the strange blade from the floor. _

"_I don't know," Axel lazily drawled, examining Roxas' 'sword'. "If you can't beat me, then I retain the right to call you whatever the hell I want." _

"_Tch." Roxas glared as he clambered to his feet, watching the firestarter give an experimental swing of his weapon. He thrust out his hand, making Axel curious, until suddenly, the blade in his grasp disappeared, only to reappear in Roxas'. _

"_Well," the taller Nobody stated, planting one hand on his hip. "Now, that's a neat little trick. We should be friends." He couldn't deny that it was fun goading this newest member, and unlike Demyx, Roxas could dish it out as well as take it. There was something about that fierce stare and the firm set to that almost dainty jaw..._

_Ocean blue eyes narrowed and something inside Axel gloated. Finally, a worthy opponent. "Your logic is irrational." _

"_But a hell of a lot more fun." _

_Sudden clapping interrupted their staring contest and the two young members of Organization XIII whirled to find Xemnas stepping out of the darkness portal. He exchanged glances with Saix, before sweeping his gaze over both Roxas and Axel. In their short duel, they had forgotten that Saix was watching. _

"_You are getting along," Xemnas commented, though it came out sounding vaguely sarcastic and pleased. "That is good since I require Saix's assistance. Finish the tour for him, Number Eight." _

_Roxas seemed annoyed by this and opened his mouth to argue, but Axel interrupted before he could. "Whatever you say, boss. I'll show the runt around."_

_Xemnas' yellow eyes gleamed dangerously. "I would be cautious if I were you, Number Eight. That 'runt' is the key we've been waiting for." Xemnas smirked as he turned, summoning up a portal with a wave of his hand. "Come Saix."_

_The blue-haired Nobody tilted his head in obedience and the two disappeared into the clinging, black tendrils. Once they were gone, Axel laughed and shook his head. "Yeah, I'll bet he 'requires his 'assistance'," the firestarter leered. _

_Roxas shot him an annoyed stare. "You are an idiot." _

_A reddish eyebrow rose as Axel turned towards the blond, again captured by steely, innocent blue eyes. "Why Roxy was that a compliment?" _

"_No, it wasn't. And don't call me that." He turned on his heels and stalked down the scantily lit corridor. _

"_Where are you going?" _

"_Somewhere away from you." _

_Axel chuckled before moving to catch up with him, long-legged strides making it easy. "I think we should be friends." _

"_I don't want any friends." _

"_Aren't you the feisty one." _

"_Go away, you." _

"_Axel." _

"_I don't care." _

"_A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?" _

"_I'm trying to forget." _

_The firestarter laughed again, slinging his arms over Roxas' shoulder despite the shorter boy's protests. "Don't worry. I won't let you." _

_The dream began to fade then, swirling back into the confusion of his memories even though Axel tried desperately to cling to it. He didn't want to lose that sight of Roxas, that annoyed scowl, those bright ocean blue eyes. His heart thudded in his chest and suddenly it felt as if he were..._

...burning up from the inside; his body being consumed by fire, like his magic had finally turned on him. He moaned piteously, wanting some relief from the aching throb. Then a palm settled on his forehead, soft and cool as it chased away the pain with its presence. The touch was gentle, reminding him of near-forgotten and far away memories of his mother.

Yet, try as he might, he couldn't peel his tired eyelids open. He was simply too weary. So Axel relaxed against some soft surface, probably a bed, and basked in the tender touch.

"He'll be fine; he's just exhausted," a female voice murmured from above him. "With all the blood, I feared he was dead."

"Most of it is not his own." He recognized that voice at least. It was Vincent. The thought comforted him some, knowing that he hadn't inadvertently killed Vincent by dragging him along through the portal.

"Gawd!" Someone shrieked. He thought it was female. "Man, where did you guys come from?" That voice, he decided, was going to be annoying in the future. He hoped she didn't speak again since it turned out his tongue and mouth were working just as well as his eyelids.

"It is a long story."

"Tch! It's not like we ain't got the fuckin' time, man! Yer buddy over there is unconscious."

"Cid! Learn some manners!" The kind voice above him chastised. The cool palm smoothed over his forehead, brushing his hair back.

The gruff man grunted. "Shit. What for? He ain't caring."

Someone groaned. It sounded irritated. "If you wouldn't mind, Mr. Valentine, I am quite interested in hearing your story." He thought he recognized that voice, too. Maybe the brunet from before, when the mob tried to attack Vincent.

"Right this very moment? I am as weary as my companion and much of it is his story to tell."

Axel's exhaustion was beginning to consume him again and he felt it tugging at his consciousness. Their voices were beginning to dim, which was fine, but the last strains of the conversation still floated through his senses nonetheless.

"Very well. Yuffie can take you somewhere to rest. Cid and I--"

"Leon!" A groan of annoyance.

"_Cid _and I will help Aeris move your friend."

"Yay!" cheered an exuberant female, the same one that Axel had already decided was annoying. "Come with me, Vinny! I promise a five-star hotel... or at least a bed. Say, your eyes are really cool. Can I touch your wings?"

"No."

"Aw, come on. You're no fun."

Hands were on his body and he felt himself being lifted.

"What 'bout your friend. Is he fun?"

"Axel."

"What?"

"His name is Axel."

* * *

Thanks for reading! Reviews and theories are always welcome!


	13. Chapter 10: Understanding Comfort

A/N: I know Axel seems a bit... _off_ emotionally and characterally but he's still adjusting... hopefully I can get him back IC soon. Sorry about that. And big thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing for me. Thanks for the support! We're entering into the home stretch with only seven more chapters to go!

**Chapter 10: Understanding Comfort**

Axel woke up to the sound of muffled weeping. It was faint but the emotion it exuded made his heart thump in sympathy. He pried open his eyelids and released a little yawn as he conducted a quick systems check. He felt good, better than great actually. His wounds were healed, the lingering exhaustion gone and a small part of him was immensely relieved. Not to mention someone had changed his clothes, not that he hated being free of the grimy and likely bloodstained material.

He drew in a deep breath as he raked his gaze around the room. Books, he noted, scads of books piled floor to ceiling, and nothing he recognized from Gaia's Grotto. And that was when he remembered everything - their escape from 'Paradise' and Reno's death.

Wait. His clothes.

Axel blinked down at his pocket-less sleeping pants, wondering where the sunglasses and the Oblivion memento had gone. He sat up on the bed, frantically scanning the room, only to sigh with relief when he caught sight of them on the nightstand. They were irreplaceable items and he would never forgive himself he broke his promise to Reno.

The sound filtered to his ears once more and Axel frowned, following the cries across the room to find an obviously occupied bed. A crown of dark hair and webbed wings were all the identification he needed. He wasted no time in throwing back the covers and padding softly across the cold, wooden floor. How kind of the strangers to allow Vincent and Axel to room together. At least, something remained familiar to them, now that they were finally free.

As he approached Vincent's bed, the sound of crying abruptly ceased although the winged man didn't stir. He could only guess that Vincent had heard his approach and as usual, was trying to hide his emotions. Axel rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the other man's foolishness. There was nothing wrong with being depressed over something and tears were acceptable, even for men.

Axel perched on the edge of Vincent's bed, staring down at the floor. The winged man didn't even acknowledge his presence. "This is your home," he stated quietly, knowing that it was up to him to begin the conversation. "Shouldn't you be happier?"

There was silence for a moment. "One would think so," Vincent replied lowly, his voice scratchy and strained. "But when you learn that not only has less time passed for them than you, but also that you have been forgotten, it tends to add a taint of melancholy to your life."

Emerald eyes widened in shock as he turned towards his roommate. "What?" he exclaimed, unintentionally raising his voice above a low murmur. "You can't be serious!"

Vincent shifted on the bed, laying one clawed hand beneath his cheek since he was lying on his stomach per his usual sleeping arrangements. "I cannot help but think that Gaia's Grotto not only erases our memories, but attempts to erase our very existence." He paused, crimson eyes filling with sadness. "Not even those closest to me can recall my face."

"Why didn't you tell them, then?" Axel demanded. "Can't you just remind them?" He paused, reconsidering his statement. "Not even Cid?"

The winged male's voice was bitter, harsh and unyielding in the uncomfortable quiet of the room. Axel found himself momentarily missing the steady patter of the rain. "Look at me," Vincent uttered, with a low and humorless laugh. "At what I have become. I do not think I am even human any longer. If he has forgotten me, then I don't want to force my presence on him."

Vincent sighed, pulling his body up out of the bed until he was a sitting position. He folded clawed hands in his lap as crimson eyes regarded the younger male with a strange gleam. "You should find a way to Roxas, though," Vincent suggested. "It has not been as long for you, I am certain. There is still the possibility that they may yet remember you."

Axel's jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing before he realized it. "I don't think so," he countered. "I'm going to help you. I owe you for saving me and my memories. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you."

Something twitched at the corner of Vincent's lips. "You're stubborn so I won't waste my breath arguing." He sighed, "But it is a fruitless venture." Behind him, his wings moved faintly, just as restless and droopy as himself.

The younger man shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Please. Would you leave the pessimism for another time?"

"We are expected to explain everything tomorrow," the winged man explicated, changing the subject with little precedence. "Or at least, all the details that I have yet to reveal to them. Other than my past and yours, I've relayed most of it."

Axel made a non-committal sound in his throat as he considered the other man's words. He didn't remember much about arriving on their current world. Bits and pieces of the actual journey, landing, even being threatened but nothing concrete. Flashes of a conversation that might have been him but he really wasn't certain.

It was then that the memories hit him.

Reno. Blood staining his face and hands. An explosion of fiery fury. Destroying a good portion of Gaia's Grotto and many innocents in the process. Perhaps he wasn't as changed as he would like to think. Maybe he really was just like Xemnas and Saix on the inside. A killer without any care for others. He hadn't realized up until that point, how much of fear for that resonated inside of him.

"Axel?"

Emerald eyes blinked from where he was staring into space and Axel returned his gaze to his friend, wondering if that had been the first time Vincent had called for him. "Yeah?"

Vincent's gaze shifted to the window, barely covered by a gauzy curtain and letting in strands of silvery moonlight. The rays of pale luminosity stirred something inside Axel. There hadn't been a moon on Gaia's Grotto.

"You should get some sleep," Vincent suggested, a strange note to his voice.

A yawn chose to attack Axel at that moment and it wasn't until then that he realized just how tired he was. Blood-spattered memories continued to linger at the back of his mind, however, and he didn't think he would be sleeping anytime soon. But Vincent looked tired so he would let the older man slumber, even if Axel himself was reduced to tossing and turning sleeplessly on his own bed.

He rudely yawned again as he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're right." He rose from the bed, preparing to move towards his own when a clawed hand suddenly wrapped around his wrist, stopping him mid-stride. He turned to shoot Vincent a confused look over his shoulder but the older man's gaze was locked on the floor, a strange and somewhat cute, pinkish flush staining his cheekbones, barely visible in the soft moonlight.

"I..." he trailed off, licking his lips before continuing. "I don't want to be... alone tonight."

Considering that they were currently sharing the same room, it was pretty obvious what Vincent was really asking for. Axel paused, shifting back towards Vincent. He was amused by the faint nervousness expressed by his more mature companion, but hid it well beneath a serious appearance. Otherwise, Vincent would fight to save his pride and simply spend the night crying all over again.

"You want me to stay?" he asked, a part of him sadistically gleeful to watch the emotions flutter across Vincent's face. The man really was beautiful, too bad Axel's heart already belonged to someone else.

The winged male swallowed thickly before nodding and finally lifting his gaze to Axel's. "No one here can understand what we've been through," he explained quietly as he released Axel's arm from his grip. "They don't know what it is to be forgotten."

The former Nobody was silent for all of a moment before he smirked and slipped into bed next to the other man. He could already feel the uneasiness of the unfamiliar begin to fade as he did so, and the blood-soaked memories were a little easier to handle. Just from the comforting warmth offered by his friend. And friend Vincent was, nothing more, nothing less.

It was so strange, to not worry about something coming to steal his memories in the middle of the night. The world seemed so incredibly still with its lack of rain and he could literally feel the emotion and the vigor of the people around him. It was an almost suffocating press of nothing and yet everything all at once. Still, surrounded by Vincent, he was calmed by the familiar, by the reminder of what they had left behind in Gaia's Grotto. No one ever said it would be easy to adjust.

Then again, no one ever thought they would escape either.

"They are going to get the wrong idea about us, you know," Axel muttered as he shifted about in the bed to get comfortable, laying his head down on the soft pillow.

Vincent's arms settled warmly and loosely around his waist, a soothing weight. "They do not know who I am; it doesn't matter," he murmured and Axel was happy to note that the strain and tension in his tone was gradually fading. He could literally feel Vincent relaxing. "Does it bother you? What we did?"

The redhead frowned, considering the other man's question as he let the silence wash over him, the only sound being Vincent's breathing. "No," he finally admitted, glad that it was the utter truth and not something to merely placate Vincent. "You love Cid. I don't doubt that."

"And you love Roxas," the other man reminded him in a faintly bemused tone. "Even if you don't realize it."

Axel smiled at that as Vincent went quiet, his steady breathing a warm puff against the back of Axel's neck. The younger man settled into the bed, closing his eyes to his weariness as he honestly believed that Vincent was drifting off into sleep. That was, until one quieter phrase drifted through the air.

"Thank you, Axel."

He furrowed his brow, uncertain what exactly Vincent was thanking him for but deciding to take a good stab at it. "No problem," he replied with a bare shrug. "I didn't want to be alone either." Not and return to his memories, and not to return to his dreams.

"No," Vincent countered, his fingers tracing a nonsensical pattern against the bare flesh of Axel's stomach. It wasn't a sexual action, just... restful. "I meant, thank you for bringing me home."

"It was a risk I had to take," Axel responded quietly, inwardly wishing he had taken the chance a lot sooner. If he had, Reno would still be alive. Of course, if he hadn't been so stupid on the battlefield, Reno would not have had to save him either. He couldn't help but feel guilty. And now, because of him, Reno would never get to return to Rude.

Vincent shifted behind him and Axel heard the swish of his wings readjusting themselves. "It's not your fault."

"..."

The winged man sighed. "Axel, it's not--"

"Don't," Axel inserted shortly. "Just... don't." He didn't want to hear any consolation and he didn't want anyone to tell him that it wasn't his fault. Not when he could still smell the bitter tang of Reno's blood in his nose or hear the sounds of the battle echoing in the back of his head. And not when his hands felt so stained.

Silence fell between them, not uncomfortable or tense, just stillness. Satisfied that Vincent was going to sleep now, Axel settled into the bed and closed his eyes. For once, he wished for a night without dreams.

Fate chose to spit in his face. He was really beginning to think she had it out for him. Perhaps she delighted in his suffering. Nevertheless, Vincent eased into sleep quietly, his breathing even and soft but Axel dropped agitatedly into slumber, visions haunting him.

Scattered images, not unlike the ones he had experience in the portal, flashed through his mind too quick to tell. He dreamed of Reno again, of that moment when he turned only to see his close friend take a hit that had been meant for him. Such a stupid, stupid man.

He dreamed of Roxas, too. Only, instead of the happy memories, he relived over and over the day the blond walked out of his life without hardly even a backwards glance. He thought of their last few encounters, when Roxas hadn't even known who he was. He saw himself dying at Sora's side, only able to look into the other boy's eyes and fool himself into believing he saw Roxas somewhere within.

He dreamed of Gaia's Grotto, of the flashes of people he had once known. He saw the shadow beasts hiding in the darkness, waiting to consume him. There were glimpses of pale forms, claws dripping with blood, and even scenes of his own power failing him in the end.

He would be consumed, consumed by his own flame.

Needless to say, when Axel awoke the next morning, he was very groggy and very disturbed. He could tell in a single moment that he was the first to awaken, surprisingly enough. Of course, that might have also had something to do with the barely muffled giggles that floated to his ears. He could still feel Vincent's warmth wrapped around him and he opened his eyes, only to stare directly into large brown irises.

He blinked in confusion as the abnormally large face pulled back, returning to a normal size. "Ah, they're so cute," the girl cooed with a giggle. He recognized her immediately. It was the one he had dubbed 'annoying voice'.

Axel shifted his gaze past her, catching sight of another man standing just behind her. He had blond hair, blue eyes and a strange look to his face. "I'll... uh... shit," he cursed as he chomped on his toothpick. "I'll go get Leon." He promptly turned on his heels and exited as Axel slowly began to extract himself from Vincent's arms, inwardly surprised that the man was still sleeping.

"Oh, don't mind, Cid," the girl commented, waving a hand dismissively at him. "He's still going through withdrawals."

Emerald eyes widened in shock. _That _was Cid? His gaze flickered to Vincent for a moment but was distracted when the girl stuck out her hand and waved it in front of his face to gain his attention.

"I'm Yuffie!" she chirped good-naturedly, planting the other hand on her hip. "Ceran said your name was Axel."

He nodded as he took her hand, inwardly wondering why Vincent hadn't given them his true name. She shook his hand vigorously and he was surprised at the strength of her grip, truly more than seemed to fit her small body.

A large grin broke out on her face. "Pleased to meetcha." Yuffie released her firm clasp as Axel moved to swing his long legs over the edge of the bed, planting his bare feet over the floor. He could feel her eyes sweeping over his bare chest and couldn't help but wonder just how old she was, when her gaze flickered to Vincent just as quickly.

She tilted her head to the side. "Are you guys together?" she asked, reaching forward to run a few fingers through Vincent's hair.

Axel grabbed her hand before she could. "I wouldn't," he warned her. "He can get pretty pissy."

The dark-haired girl smiled as she retracted her wrist. "Uh-huh, kinda like Squeon. So... are you?"

When his eyes shifted to hers, revealing a carefully guarded expression, she quickly held up her hands, backing away a few feet. She didn't look afraid, mostly slightly amused. "Not that it's bad or anything. You should see Squeon whenever Cloud is here. He's so cute." She giggled as she winked at Axel. "They--"

"Yuffie." A warning tone echoed from the doorway and Axel tilted his body to the side, looking up to find the stormy-eyed brunet from earlier. He was standing in the doorway, leaning nonchalantly against the frame.

The brown-eyed girl turned immediately, her entire face lighting up. "Squeon!" she exclaimed, oblivious to the glares being sent her way. "Axel, woke up!"

"I can see that," he replied dryly, voice resembling a monotone.

She rolled her eyes as she peered around her friend. "Where'd Cid go?"

The brunet waved her off as he stepped into the room. "What you say to him, Yuffie? He looked spooked."

"Nothing, I swear!" Yuffie protested, attempting to sound innocent. It didn't work so well for her, Axel noted with a faintly disguised chuckle.

Grey-blue eyes regarded her with disbelief before he slid his gaze towards Axel, who was still sitting on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

The former Nobody cracked his neck, slightly uneasy under that penetrating stare. He felt as if the other man was trying to peer right through him. "Alive, and that's all that matters."

"You were covered in blood."

"It wasn't my own."

The man didn't even blink. He stood patiently in the center of the room, one hip cocked to the side with his arms crossed over his chest. "Ceran mentioned that," he returned, giving off a distinct "take-no-shit" aura.

Axel smirked as he returned his intent look. A worthy adversary, he immediately liked this 'Squeon'. It was rare that someone could keep up with him in an intellectual spar. Vincent was pretty good and Reno had been fun for a laugh but this man was inspiring. He had the feeling things were going to get pretty interesting.

"Is he gonna wake up?" Yuffie inserted, her eyes darting towards Vincent and interrupting the stare contest going on between Axel and Squall.

Axel turned towards his winged companion, noting vaguely that Vincent wasn't as dead to the world as he was pretending to be. "He didn't get to sleep til late," the redhead explained. "I'll wake him."

The brunet nodded, already turning on his heels. "You do that. Then join us downstairs for breakfast." He headed towards the doors, boots clomping noisily on the floorboards. "Come, Yuffie."

"Aww," she pouted loudly but obeyed, her shoulders slumping visibly. Axel was amused and had to hold back a chuckle.

Once they were gone, Yuffie shutting the door behind them, Axel sighed and raked a hand through his hair. That had been more nerve-wracking than he thought it would be. "Why did you tell them your name was Ceran?" he asked, shifting his eyes back to Vincent.

The bed rustled as crimson eyes popped open. "To be honest, I don't know."

Axel frowned. "You're being stupid," he reprimanded, finally rising from the bed to cross the room to his own cot. He had spotted the pile of clothes stacked there earlier and could only assume that Cid and Yuffie had brought them in. "So that was Cid, huh?" he added, grabbing a plain t-shirt from the pile and selecting a larger one to toss to Vincent.

"Yes." His tone was distinctly saddened as he caught the shirt with one claw, frowning at it disapprovingly.

The redhead pulled the shirt over his head, smoothing it down over his abdomen before staring at the rest of the pile. He considered pulling on the leather pants, but given that Mr. Fur was shorter than him by a good six inches, he decided that his sleeping flannels were a lot more comfortable. Screw whatever anyone had to say.

"I think he remembers something," Axel continued as he moved towards the nightstand, fingering the blood-spattered sunglasses and the Oblivion keychain. "Or at least, his heart does. He reacted strangely when he saw us together."

Vincent made a non-committal sound in his throat as his claws ripped out holes for his wings in the shirt. "Wishful thinking," he murmured under his breath. "I've been forgotten and I have to accept it."

Axel whirled, shooting him a hard stare. "You're not even going to try?" he insisted. "You're just going to let him go? What was all that bullshit about wanting to be back with him again?"

"Don't talk to me as if you know!" the winged man spat, jerking to his feet as he glared furiously. "You can't possibly even begin to under--"

Emerald eyes narrowed. "Maybe I can't," Axel hissed, shoving the mementos into his pocket. "Maybe I can't understand why you'd want to abandon him once you found him again. Maybe I can't understand why you're so damn scared but I know that if it were me, I wouldn't be pussyfooting around if Roxas were this damned close to me, if he remembered or not."

Vincent pursed his lips together, something flashing in his eyes that was eerily close to guilt before he whirled on his heels and headed for the door. He wasted no time in yanking it open and stalking out into the hallway, slamming it shut behind him. A stack of books lost their precarious balance and toppled over.

"Coward," Axel muttered before raking a hand through his hair. He took a deep breath to clear the annoyance from his chest because he didn't feel guilty in the slightest. Vincent might have been a kickass fighter and a mature guy, but when it came down to it, he ran away from the stupidest things. And while Axel could understand why'd be hesitant considering the way he looked, he figured if Vincent loved Cid so damned much he would be a least willing to try.

At least Vincent didn't have blood staining his hands.

A few minutes later, significantly calmer with his stomach grumbling hungrily, Axel headed downstairs. He only faintly noticed that there were three other doors on the hall, all shut tightly. He had resisted the urge to poke nosily inside of them... for the time being anyways. He could hear the sounds of dishware clinking and the subtle hum of conversation as he descended the stairs, and winced when a loud creak announced his presence. The voices went silent.

It was at the bottom that an open doorway gave him view into a room where everyone was seated at a huge table. He recognized Cid and Squall sitting at opposite heads and Yuffie parked somewhere between them. Vincent was silently seated at Squall's right-hand side and a lovely, auburn-haired woman was currently setting out plates of food. All were looking up at him as he stood in the doorway, belly again rumbling at the smell of the food.

While he had loved Vincent's cooking, something told him that the food here wouldn't be quite so bland as what was available on Gaia's Grotto.

"Good morning, Axel!" The auburn-haired woman chirped sweetly, and he recognized her as the nice voice from his brief moment of delirium yesterday. She must have been the one with the kind touch. "Why don't you have a seat? The one next to Yuffie's empty."

His eyes flickered to the exuberant dark-haired girl and inwardly, he sighed. "Okay," he agreed, pulling back the wooden chair and frowning when it screeched loudly.

"We was just discussing how ya'll got here," Cid inserted as the former Nobody lowered himself into his seat. "Ceran here wasn't really keen on explainin' last night."

Grey-blue eyes shifted to the blond. "Cid, we had this discussion already."

"Exactly!" the kind woman added, laying down the last plate before seating herself in the empty chair, right between Cid and Vincent. This left one more empty seat between Cid and Axel. "We didn't want to be rude and Axel did not look well at all." It was then that everyone began to dive in with little ceremony, serving themselves the pancakes and eggs and bacon piled high on their respective dishes. "By the way, my name's Aeris."

Her smile was big enough to light the world as she continued. "And you'll be able to meet Merlin later. I'm sure he knows more about everything than we do."

There was a snort from across the table as Cid dropped a bunch of bacon onto his plate, but other than the rude noise, he didn't comment.

Squeon shot the blond a stare. "You said you were from a world called 'Gaia's Grotto', yes?" he asked, turning his attention to the newcomers, as he poured a liberal amount of syrup onto his plate. Axel couldn't help but wonder if he wanted any pancake with his syrup because they were getting drenched. His stomach flip-flopped at the idea of all that sugar.

"Yes," Vincent answered. "It is because of that world that our memory is rather lacking." He paused, considering something as he poked at his food, not really interested in consuming it. "It is my hope that they will begin to return the longer we are gone."

Yuffie sat forward in her chair, an eager look on her face. "So are you two together?" she asked. "You never told me earlier."

Aeris pursed her lips disapprovingly. "Yuffie, that's not--"

"It's all right," Axel inserted smoothly. "We aren't together. We're just friends."

Cid's brows rose nearly to his hairline. "That's pretty close, even for friends," he commented, a strange note to his voice. Axel almost thought he detected jealousy... or even curiosity that only served to prove to him that Cid remembered Vincent or at least _something_ deep down.

"Yes," Vincent responded, his voice sounding slightly strangled as his wings twitched behind him. "It is hard to explain to someone who has never been there." He raised his gaze, crimson meeting sky blue and for a moment, something strange rippled across the table. It was hard to explain but Axel was certain that he felt it.

Even if everyone else was blind to it, he could not miss the longing and the love that echoed in Vincent's eyes. Which left him even more confused as to why he would lie to them and hide his identity. The wings and the alterations, they were just excuses as far as Axel was concerned.

Still, it made him think about his own heart and his own wants. He had left Gaia's Grotto because of Roxas, because he wanted to see his best friend again. But he was not so oblivious to be unaware of the fact that there was something deeper in his emotions, and he had feeling there always had been. He didn't want simple friendship from Roxas. He was convinced that something inside of him desired more. Perhaps even something as strong as what Vincent claimed he felt for Cid.

"...but in short, it was hell and we wanted to return to those we cared about. Axel is the one that made that possible." Vincent's voice filtered through Axel's thoughts and he looked up at the mention of his name, finding that everyone was looking towards him expectantly. As if he had all the answers.

Rolling his eyes, Axel shot his companion a glare before he tried to catch onto the train of conversation. Something about escaping... "I used the portals of darkness," he stated, hoping that's what was expected of him. "It was a risk and I could have killed us but when faced with living there, it was a chance we had to take."

"Wow!" Yuffie exclaimed, her eyes shining. "That's so cool! So... who were you trying to get back to?"

Vincent's eyes locked on his plate immediately. "Someone very important to me."

A hand patted the winged male's arm soothingly. "Someone you love?" questioned the kind-faced woman softly, her tone gentle.

Vincent nodded but didn't say anything further and feeling the sadness literally radiating from his friend in waves, Axel decided to step in. "And I'm looking for Sora. Ever heard of 'im? He's a keyblade master."

That certainly got a reaction.

Within seconds both Cid and Squeon had leapt to their feet, shooting him angry stares. Even Yuffie had her feathers ruffled as she scowled. "Just what do ya want with Sora?" she demanded.

Emerald eyes blinked at the sudden change in their demeanor. His fork paused halfway to his mouth.

"Answer her!" Squeon snarled, pounding a fist onto the table and disturbing the cups and silverware, nearly knocking over a pitcher of orange juice.

"That's my business," Axel responded, staring coldly at the many pairs of eyes that were eying him with immediate suspicion and distrust. He calmly forked another scoop of bacon and eggs into his mouth despite the warning glances Vincent was directing his way.

Grey-blue eyes narrowed. "If you want Sora, then it's our business. We're not letting you anywhere near him."

Axel rolled his eyes as he rose to his feet, calmly dusting toast crumbs from his hands. "Look, Mr. Fur, I don't want to hurt him, okay?" He laid his hand on the table as he leaned forward, locking eyes with Squeon. He was not intimidated in the slightest. "I just want to find him."

"Why?" Cid grunted.

He slammed his palm on the table. "Because he's my only link to Roxas!" Axel declared, not caring how crazy he might have sounded. Certain realizations had been cropping up in his mind recently, mostly driven by his recent escape. "And outside of him, I don't care what happens."

Silence fell across the table, quick and stifling at his declaration. Anger was blooming in some of their faces, concern in others, perhaps even a bit of sympathy, but in looking at them, Axel could tell that they would never understand. It was simply impossible and with just one look into their eyes, he also knew they would never tell him where Sora was. It was up to him to remember.

Gritting his teeth, Axel spun on his heels and stalked towards the hallway, breakfast weighing heavily in his belly. It was the reason he preferred to work alone, why he had always made his own plans and done his own work. He couldn't count on anyone and he wasn't even going to try. He would find Sora, without their help, and he would get Roxas back. Vincent had said there was a way and Axel was going to find it.

His feet took him to the front door and before he knew what he was doing, he was yanking it open and stepping outside, barefoot and all, directly into the brightest, most beautiful beam of sunlight he had ever seen. He blinked in the harsh, almost blinding light and paused, letting the door slam shut behind him. He soaked up the warmth that quickly suffused into his skin. It was almost as if he had never seen the sun in his life.

No rain, his mind reminded him. No rain and a beautiful blue sky with a few fluffy clouds passing by. There was color everywhere, people hurrying by with busy looks on their faces. Or contemplative. Or sad. Or angry. Or just so damn emotional that it gripped something inside of him. Before he knew it, he was gaping as if he had never seen civilization in his entire existence.

A breeze, light and carrying the scent of something fresh, he didn't know what, ruffled his hair. And though people were staring because he was standing in the middle of the street in his pajamas and gawking at everything around him, he found he didn't particularly care because he was free. Finally free. Why the idea hadn't struck him until that exact moment, he wasn't sure, but all the confusing, swirling, conflicting things that had been pounding at his brain up until just a few seconds before, suddenly flitted away.

He took a deep breath, just for the hell of it. The wind was sweet and fresh, and even slightly tepid. He wondered if there was any better feeling, or maybe he was just jaded from his time spent on Gaia's Grotto.

And it reminded him of something as well. Another warm day, another balmy breeze... waves lapping on a shore with a bright blue sky. But where was it? He wracked his brain, trying to place the memory when it suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks.

When he had kidnapped Kairi he had gone to Sora's home world to get her. Destiny's Island. That was the most likely place for him to find Sora; he was certain of it. The only problem that remained was getting there. He was loath to try the portals again. They had been lucky.

Then again, hadn't Vincent spoken of gummi ships when they were on Gaia's Grotto? Maybe he could find one of those in Radiant Garden.

"Well, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Axel blinked when he nearly jumped out of his skin at the slightly raspy voice. He whirled to the side, finding a man dressed all in blue with a white beard that reached to the ground staring at him, head cocked to the side. He gaped at the huge, cone-like hat on his head and the stacks of books tucked under one arm. Who was this person?

The man nodded as if Axel had actually spoken. "Yes, it is." He stuck out a hand as he took a step forward. "The name is Merlin. You must be one of those not-Heartless that Leon found in the market yesterday."

Axel took his hand somewhat warily. "So that's his real name," he commented, with a smirk. "I thought I was going to have to call him Squeon."

The old man laughed at this, shaking Axel's hand vigorously. "That Yuffie." He chuckled as he shook his head. "She just loves to tease Leon and he lets her. The man's a softie."

The other man snorted. "Right. Gentle as a kitten," Axel countered, thinking of the anger that had flared in grey-blue eyes the moment he mentioned Sora. "And a strange protective instinct for keyblade wielders."

Merlin's blue eyes sparkled with amusement. "You must mean Sora and Riku then."

Axel raised a brow. "What? No gasp? No threats to my well-being? I thought that was the standard around here anytime someone made mention of them."

Merlin laughed again. "Yes, they are a bit overzealous of their heroes. But the boys are just boys and so Leon feels like an older brother to them, even to the point of protecting them." He shifted the books in his hold before adjusting the glasses on his head. "They don't really need it, of course. But Leon is stubborn."

"That much I got," he replied dryly, finding that he rather liked this older man. Perhaps he could get the stranger on his side.

He tilted his head to the side. "So, they tell me you're from another world but my guess is...you're from several worlds."

Axel blinked. "What?"

Merlin leaned in as if to speak conspiratorially. "Once a human, so you were originally born on another world before entering Twilight Town as a Nobody, yes? And then, you died and ended up in this place you call Gaia's Grotto. That's three worlds, no?"

"Did Ceran tell you I was a Nobody?" Axel asked, somewhat confused.

His eyes sparkled again. "He didn't have to, m'boy. I am Merlin. And why do you call him Ceran when that isn't his name?"

Feeling as if he were suddenly teeter-tottering, Axel blinked again. "I..." He frowned slightly. "How the hell do you know that? Do you remember him?"

Merlin laughed before stepping past him, heading towards the door of the house. Axel didn't know whom it belonged to. "Ah, but a magician never reveals his secrets," he responded, wagging a finger at the younger boy as he pushed open the door. "Now, come. Let's see if we can soothe the ill tensions that are practically radiating from this house."

Axel couldn't help but gape. The older man was like a train wreck and a bulldozer all in one. How he knew so much when he looked so... dumb was a mystery and he could swear that Merlin was giving him a knowing look. It was as if Merlin knew everything about Axel, including who he was before he became a Nobody. It was eerie and yet, he wasn't worried about it because Merlin seemed like a nice guy.

With nothing else to do but obey, Axel followed the man inside the house. As if he had telepathy or something, Merlin immediately led him into the dining room that Axel had stormed out of earlier, gleefully calling a greeting to whoever was within.

"Good morning, everyone!" he announced as he swept inside. His books clunked to the end of one table, rattling the dishware. "I brought something that I thought would be helpful."

Yuffie raised a brow. "What? Axel?"

"No, my dear, but I did find him wandering around the front porch," Merlin responded with a chuckle.

Axel stood silently in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. He noted that Leon was missing from the table, and through a doorway he could make out Aeris in the kitchen, standing at the sink. That left only Yuffie, Vincent, and Cid at the table and Vincent was doing a damn fine job of pretending that his lover was not sitting just one seat away from him. Che, the coward.

"How interesting!" Merlin suddenly exclaimed, grabbing Axel's attention. "These are a new addition." He stepped around the table, suddenly rushing towards Vincent whose eyes were widening in shock at the invasion of his personal space. "Simply fascinating," he added, running fingers along the edges of Vincent's wings.

Crimson eyes blinked. "Umm, thanks?" Vincent responded, it sounding more like a question. Axel couldn't help but chuckle at the other man's speechlessness.

Merlin nodded. "And claws as well? How did this happen to you, m'boy?"

Instantly, Vincent's gaze dropped to the table. "It's a long story."

"Hmm, I'm sure it is." Merlin patted him on the shoulder companionably before lowering himself into the empty seat between Vincent and Cid. "Luckily, there is plenty of time for you to tell me later, eh, Ceran?" He winked when he said the name, however, and Axel noticed Vincent's eyes widening in surprise.

He was certain that Merlin knew Vincent's true identity and was only humoring him. Sneaky bastard.

"Now, how about we all talk like civilized people, hmm?" Merlin suggested, waving Axel to one of the empty seats. "Instead of jumping down this boy's throat how about asking him nicely? And where's Leon? He needs to be here."

Cid grunted. "In the shower."

"We can make decisions without him," Aeris announced, coming to stand in the doorway as she swiped a towel over a plate she held. She tilted her head towards the magician. "Go on, Merlin. We're listening."

"I don't want you to listen to me, Aeris. I want you all to listen to these two men. They've been through a trial and right now, they could really use our help," Merlin responded, gesturing with one hand first towards Vincent and then towards Axel. "Now, I know you all are protective of Sora, but I don't think they mean any harm."

Aeris smiled sweetly. "You may be right, Merlin." Her jade eyes found Axel and he was surprised at how much they eased him. "Would you be willing to tell us?"

While Cid seemed skeptical and was watching him with a strange look in his eyes, both females appeared pretty receptive. And Axel knew that Merlin was interested. So when the words came, to explain to them all that he had been through and what he was trying to accomplish, they flowed easier than he had expected.

He told them everything that he could. An abbreviated version of what happened to him while he was a Nobody. How he had only wanted to see his friend again but learned that in the end, it might have been impossible. His death and his arrival in Gaia's Grotto. Then meeting Ceran and their attempts to escape, followed by Reno's death and their escape.

They listened with widened eyes and surprised expressions. Axel left out specific names concerning Vincent since the winged man seemed so inclined to keep his secrets, but freely gave out his own information. And when he was finished, Aeris was giving him a sympathetic look while Yuffie was fascinated. Merlin seemed strangely contemplative and Axel wasn't sure how to describe the look on Cid's face. But he did know that sky blue eyes had been surreptitiously darting towards Vincent during his entire explanation.

It only proved to him further that some part of the blond remembered something.

"And now I'm here, getting suspicious stares from you guys because I want to find Sora," Axel finished, waving a hand to encompass all those seated at the table.

"When you find him," a voice announced from behind where Axel was seated. "What do you plan on doing? I didn't think anything could separate a Nobody once he's been rejoined... unless you turn Sora into a heartless which I won't allow."

Axel snorted as he looked over his shoulder with one eye, finding Leon leaning casually in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest as wet strands of hair brushed his shoulders. Grey-blue eyes were hard and slightly suspicious as Leon's lips formed a thin line. Axel wasn't sure how long the man had been standing there.

"So nice of you to join us," Axel replied snarkily. "We were missing your rude opinions."

Crimson eyes whipped across the table and the former Nobody could practically feel them glaring into the back of his head, but he didn't particularly care. Leon had started it.

The two men, redhead and brunet, locked stares for a moment, invoking a silent battle in which sparks could practically be seen flying between them.

Aeris clucked her tongue as she rolled her eyes. "Now boys," she began reprimanding. "There's no reason to fight."

"Aeris--" Leon began, but she cut him off just as quickly with a firm shake of her head.

"I said not another word, Leon," she insisted before waving her plate-wielding hand at the brunet. "Now sit down and be more polite."

At his stricken expression, Axel couldn't help but snicker, his shoulders shaking slightly. Immediately, jade eyes turned his direction, flashing fire at him. "Don't you start, Axel," she warned him, flapping her drying towel at him. "You're being equally rude. Now answer the question but without the sarcasm."

All laughter died in Axel's throat as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, for some reason feeling inexplicably frightened.

Merlin chuckled just then, clapping Vincent a bit too strongly on the back. "Ah, the vigor of youth and the danger of an angry woman," he remarked before turning his gaze on Axel. "Now tell me lad, just how did you expect to rescue your dear Roxas?"

To his horror, a flush rose in his cheeks at Merlin's words. His 'dear Roxas'? Who the hell talked like that?

"It was my idea," Vincent cut-in quietly. "I had once heard of a method, a keyblade to be more precise, with the ability to... create those that are in-between." Axel began to sit forward at that point, eager to hear what Vincent had never explained to him before. "Or separate them, if they so chose."

Yuffie tilted her head to the side. "I'm confused."

"What you are describing is impossible," Leon added, sitting more comfortably in his chair. "There are only two types of keyblades, one of the dark realm, and one of the light."

Crimson eyes were steady. "That is something only the naive would say. Then the world is made of only dark and light, good and evil? There are no grey areas?" Vincent pointed out, despite the darkening of Leon's features. He was glowering. "Whether or not the method will work, I do not know. But I do know that there are such things as other keyblades, most notably, dawn and twilight. We are seeking the dawn."

"How do ya know so much?" Cid demanded, suddenly deciding to cut into the conversation.

For the first time, Axel noticed a slight faltering in Vincent's expression. His eyes ducked down to the table. "That is my own knowledge that I will keep," he explained softly. "Suffice to say that I was privy to much of Ansem's work, as well as the scientist that first introduced such work to him."

"Well, that's all well and good," interjected Leon. "But what do you plan to do from here?"

Axel rolled his eyes. "I don't need your help to find Sora. I know where he is. What I do need is a means to get to him." He snapped his fingers, idly playing with a flame that danced on the tips of his digits. "Like a gummi ship or something similar, right, Vi--Ceran?" He nearly smacked himself in the head for that slip-up because even though he thought Vincent was being stupid, he wasn't going to go against what Vincent wanted because he owed him.

The winged man nodded slightly, gaze still locked on the table.

"Ya want me to lend ya one of my damn ships?" Cid asked incredulously. "I don't even know you!"

Axel didn't miss Vincent's wince either. "I don't want you to fuckin' do anything," he growled, angered by the hurt in his friend's expression, even if the blond hadn't known what he meant. "I'm not going to ask for your help if this is what I have to put up with. We're better off on our own." He jerked to his feet, slamming a fist on the table.

"Axel."

He whirled on his companion. "What?" the former Nobody snarled.

"Sit down."

Axel clenched his teeth, narrowing his eyes at the winged man. He thought to retort, it was on the tip of his tongue but Leon's words interrupted him.

"Look," Leon began, emitting an aggravated sigh. "You can stay here and we'll help as best as we can. But it is entirely up to Cid what he does with his ships."

"Damn right," the blond muttered as he rose to his feet.

Aeris sighed. "Cid..."

But he merely shook his head. "Ain't gonna work on me, Aeris. I'll be at the shop," he muttered before striding from the room without a backwards glance. The sound of the front door slamming shut echoed seconds later.

"He's actin' weird!" Yuffie commented, wrinkling her nose. "I mean, he's usually a grouchy old man but he's worse than usual."

Aeris hummed in agreement. "I wonder why."

"These are very interesting occurrences," Merlin cut in, musing thoughtfully to himself. "You two must explain more to me."

"And the gummi ship?" Axel asked.

"I'll talk to him," Aeris offered. "Maybe he'll change his mind."

Leon snorted. "Doubt it. He's a stubborn man."

Axel had the sneaky and worrisome suspicion that Leon was right.

* * *

A/N: I no longer have a beta for this so I apologize for any mistakes. Leave a review before you go and I'll be very happy. I'd like to know what you think so far, what you like or dislike and whether or not my characterizations are good. Kingdom Hearts is still pretty new to me. Thanks in advance for the input!


	14. Interlude 4: Realizations

**Interlude 04: Realizations**

Part One

He spent most of his cognizant time observing Riku and Sora. He watched how they interacted; he felt everything Sora felt. It was both weird and yet... strangely revealing as well. He could not distinguish between his own emotions and Sora's yet, but there was something that rang true inside of him. Something that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was his and his alone.

Maybe what he had always wanted when he looked into emerald eyes and felt a strange twinge, was the same thing that Riku and Sora shared. Friendship was simply not enough and even though he knew it was impossible, that Axel was dead and gone, there was a part of him that still dared to hope.

The foolish, foolish beat of his heart.

There had always been something undeniably gravitating about Axel. He pushed his way into Roxas' life without permission and without apology. He was arrogant and he was rude, he was fire to Roxas' ice and never took no for an answer. In many ways, he was the perfect balance for everything Roxas was.

Roxas had tried to push him away at first. Too consumed by his own concerns, such as his identity and his purpose. He had been wrapped up in the feeling of aching inside of him, the longing for something, even if he didn't know or couldn't remember what it was. He always felt unwhole, incomplete, as if he was constantly searching for a piece of something that had been forgotten.

But Axel never took no for an answer. That was they type of guy he was. He would lug Roxas out of his misery and broody thoughts, and into the world, often times dragging Demyx along for the ride. Axel was nothing if not persistent and Roxas had learned quickly that as much as he considered himself stubborn, Axel had him beat. He stopped trying to run Axel off and started accepting his presence.

It wasn't until it was much too late that he realized the only time the aching faded was when he was with Axel. The firestarter was spontaneous and fun, he was the very epitome of his element and he was very nearly fearless. He didn't care what others thought about him and he had his own goals, his own designs.

Roxas could still remember the night Axel told him about wanting to find a way to leave Xemnas and the others, to exist somewhere on their own. He had been idealistic like that, thinking that a part of them truly did exist and that there was something better out there for nothings like them.

Watching Riku and Sora together, experiencing everything even though he didn't want to... it gave him ideas. He wondered what it would have been like to kiss Axel. Would the flavors be the same? Would Axel have soft lips, would it be like trying to tame an inferno? He had to admit to himself that he wanted to find out. There were times he cursed himself for being too rash and never taking the chance before he left.

He wondered if Axel would have returned his feelings, or if he only ever considered them as friends. But now, it was much too late, and he would never get the chance to find out.

Axel was dead and he was trapped within Sora, alive and yet not. Forever bonded to his other half and slowly losing himself as their minds melded into one. He couldn't help but wonder how much longer it would last. How long it would take before his thoughts wouldn't be his own anymore.

What would be the last thing on his mind before everything that made him 'Roxas' faded away?

He wondered why he even bothered to care when there was nothing left for him in the world anyways, other than freedom. He wasn't like Axel; he didn't have those ideals, those hopes. He preferred to cling to what was rational, what was right before his eyes, and what was plausible.

He didn't dare hope for fear that his fragile dream would shatter.

Wishes had been broken, left into shambles and he didn't even bother to make them anymore. He stopped looking at the stars, even when Sora's eyes were watching them with his own special brand of hope and happiness. He stopped reminding himself of things that could have been or should have been, stopped berating himself for mistakes that he had made since it was likely he wouldn't remember there had ever been a person that quasi-existed to make them.

Namine was right after all. There really wasn't anything left for him to look for. Not with his best friend dead and gone.

Why bother trying to find his own heart when he had no one left to give it to?

Part Two

It woke him up in the middle of the night, knocking in his chest and sending him gasping for breath. It wasn't a scary feeling, or one of worry, like the world was coming to an end sometime soon. No, it was more of a pressing matter, or an urgent, desperate desire to be somewhere else but his bed in Destiny Island.

Riku hadn't woken up at first, murmuring something intelligible and mumbling back into his pillow. His hands had groped at empty air, as if missing Sora's body but he seemed oblivious to his lover's plight. To the strange urgings that wracked Sora so badly he couldn't even sleep.

He couldn't explain, he wasn't sure he could even try. Something was resonating inside of him, calling strangely, and it was similar to what he had experienced nearly a year ago. When he'd had that strange dream.

Sora rolled out of the bed, feet taking him automatically to the window where he threw open the two panes. He sucked in gulping breaths of the fresh air, smelling of seawater as always, but it couldn't ease the knocking deep inside of him. There was longing there. And urgency. And a desire to leave.

He suddenly wondered how Leon was doing. The want to travel fluttered strongly in his belly; a desire to jump into his carefully hidden gummi ship and go immediately to Radiant Garden, despite the fact that school was scheduled to begin in just a few weeks. He didn't know how to explain it. It wasn't the flaring instincts of battle, nor did he believe that the heartless had returned, but still...

"Sora?"

Hands slid around his waist from behind as Riku set his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder, concern etched into his features. "You couldn't sleep," he murmured softly, gazing past him at the darkened night sky, the moon reflecting off the ocean's water.

The brunet didn't speak, however, as he continued to breathe raggedly, one hand still clutched onto the filmy curtains.

Riku's brow furrowed in worry. He stroked a thumb over his lover's exposed belly, trying to capture his attention. His boyfriend had been acting strangely lately and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. And there were times he looked into Sora's eyes and swore someone else was staring back at him. Enough that it sent chills down his spine.

"Sora?"

Ocean-blue eyes blinked, as if coming out of a dream. "We need to go," he said softly, a strange timbre to his voice as he stared out the window. A brief breeze fluttered through, ruffling sleep-limp brown spikes.

"Go?" Riku repeated, slightly confused.

Sora nodded, the tips of his hair brushing against Riku's face. "To Radiant Garden. I don't know why but," he paused, sucking in a deep breath before turning to face his boyfriend. "Something inside me tells me that something is waiting for us there."

Riku tilted his head in thought before nodding slowly. "Okay," he agreed unhurriedly, hands unconsciously tightening around Sora's waist. He didn't know why, but a strange fear that something... difficult was coming suddenly attacked him and he didn't want to let go. He didn't know how to explain it, but he had the terrible notion that everything odd that had been occurring recently was about to explained. He had the feeling he wasn't going to like it in the slightest.

"You know I trust your instincts. When?"

A smile broke out on his lover's face, the familiar joyful grin that he was used to as Sora leaned in for a quick kiss. "As soon as possible," Sora murmured, his lips brushing across Riku's as his eyes sparkled with the familiar Sora glow.

Inwardly, the silver-haired boy sighed with relief. He was never quite sure how to act when Sora was in one of his strangely behaving moods. "Can we go back to sleep first?" he returned jokingly, nipping gently on Sora's bottom lip in retaliation.

Curious, questing hands slid to the band of Riku's sleeping shorts, giving them a none-too-subtle tug. "You sure you want to sleep?"

The sudden change in personality, from dark contemplation to playful seduction would have startled Riku if he hadn't already been getting used to Sora's strange behavior. He just accepted the return to Normal Sora with as much grace as he could muster and smiled wickedly, yanking their bodies together. His eyes darted to the clock, a little after three in the morning. Eh, who needed sleep anyways?

"I'm sure you could convince me otherwise," Riku muttered, dipping his head to run his tongue up a bare expanse of tanned neck.

Sora shuddered in his hold, the slight moan that escaped his mouth enough to send a warming shiver straight down Riku's spine and all his blood rushing downwards. It spurred him onwards, causing him to forget for the time being of the foreboding that hung over his head or the odd feeling of standing on a precipice, simply waiting for something to happen.

Instead of considering all of those stressful things he pushed his boyfriend forwards with gentle movements to the window seat, his mouth devouring inches and inches of summer-tanned skin. For people like him, keybladers with a constant task of saving the world, Riku was one to take every moment he could get.

Even if he would be leaving in a few hours to do it all over again.

Part Three

He didn't think it would be easy.

But he never thought it would be this hard either.

He was so close, within an arm's reach, and yet, Vincent couldn't touch him. He could look, but his clawed fingers remained firmly at his side. He could stare with hungry eyes and an aching heart, he could long with every inch of his being but in the end, it didn't really matter because he had been forgotten.

Eleven years. Only a little under eleven years had passed for Cid while Vincent had wallowed in depression and struggled to live for almost sixteen. It made him feel as if there was some cruel god out there that truly hated him and his existence. Because surely, no man deserved as much as he had been forced to suffer.

And yet, Cid looked well, he was glad for that. In his absence, the gummi ship builder had stopped smoking cigarettes and had gotten in shape. He did look more tired, but that could be due to all the troubles that had wracked the world. Cid and Leon were working hard together to restore everything that Ansem in his curiosity had destroyed.

Everyone blamed Ansem, Vincent had noticed... but no one seemed to remember the mad scientist who had led Ansem on his path. Everyone had forgotten the man and the woman that had started it all. Vincent was the only one who remembered the truth and he had the proof on his body, the wings and the claws and the fangs that would never fade.

Lucrecia had been the one to ask him to take part in the experiment. He had been interested by what they had explained to him. He had thought he was benefiting mankind.

He hadn't known that Hojo held an irrational hatred for him.

He should have listened to Zack and Cid when he had the chance. But Lucrecia had been his best friend. They had grown up next to each other their entire lives and she was like a sister to him. For the good of everybody, what was his time but a small price to pay? He hadn't known that he would have to give up his humanity as well.

To the outside world, Vincent had simply gone missing. They didn't know that it wasn't by choice. True he had not wanted to return out of fear for their responses to the changes, but even more important was that he hadn't been allowed to leave. When Hojo and Lucrecia disappeared not but three weeks after Xehanort started his secret experimentation, he started making his plans for escape.

But it had been too little, too late.

Not long after their world had been swallowed by the Heartless and in his rush to return home, desperate to be sure that his brother and lover were safe, some citizen had struck him from behind. In the panic and the confusion, it was easy enough to understand why he had been taken for a Heartless. He didn't blame the civilian. No, his hatred rested with the missing Hojo, a man whom he strongly suspected was part of the power behind the new council on Gaia's Grotto. He had no proof other than the cold shudder that raced down his spine every time he heard the man's voice.

Either way, it was his connection to Hojo and Ansem that gave him access to so much information regarding keyblades, Nobodies, Heartless, everything. It was through listening to one of Hojo's many rants while wallowing in the misery of his situation that he had learned of the properties of the keyblades. How there were four different types, the keyblade of light which could purify a heart, the keyblade of dark which could separate a heart, the keyblade of dawn that walked the path of in-between and the keyblade of twilight, which no one had yet seen. The properties of the twilight were still unknown.

He sincerely hoped that Axel would find a way to Roxas. If one good thing managed to come out of their escape, then Vincent could consider his existence a worthwhile venture. It was hard to accept that the very reason that had driven him forward no longer remembered his name.

He knew that Axel didn't understand why he didn't just come right out and tell everybody whom he was. There was the risk that they still wouldn't remember if he did so, which would hurt even more. But the pain of that wasn't what he feared. The rejection in those startlingly bright sky blue eyes. The subtle recoiling of the only man he had ever loved. They were things he knew he couldn't bear.

Sometimes love wasn't enough. He had learned that from watching his parents.

Axel considered him a coward, and perhaps the boy was right in some way. He had a point in that if Vincent didn't take the chance, then he would forever hate himself for doing so. He was probably right, but that didn't make it any easier for him to speak the words or even allow Axel to do so. Not to mention that there was always the risk that if Cid was reminded before his mind was ready to accept the return of the memories, it would cause his mind to shut down, possibly forever.

No, he preferred that Cid remember on his own. Perhaps it was selfish of him to want that. After all he had suffered to find his way back home, clinging to nightmares and tortures because they helped him remember and pretending to be an emotionless being... he felt somewhat cheated. That while he had endured the distance between them, endured being without Cid's touch, Cid had forgotten about him.

He'd had it easy.

Vincent didn't want to admit it, but it was the truth. A part of him was angry with Cid. Angry that the man he loved didn't seem to hold the same depth of love for him in return. Or maybe he was underestimating the power of whatever magic held Gaia's Grotto in thrall. But he had wanted to believe that Cid wouldn't forget him, that when he came home, there would be arms there to welcome him.

Only there hadn't been. He had been greeted with weapons and expressions of hatred for his appearance.

It was strange, he had escaped from Gaia's Grotto but he was left essentially in the same position. Clinging to memories of what had been and hoping for what might be, if he ever found the courage or if those eyes ever turned to him in recognition. He remembered calloused hands sliding over his body, murmured words in his ear late at night, laughter over a hastily cooked breakfast... talk of building their own house together on the edge of Radiant Garden.

He even remembered the promise. Which was odd. Because despite not remembering him, Cid had stopped smoking. He had kept his part of the bargain subconsciously, and it was that which Vincent clung to. That hope that maybe, somewhere buried deep beneath and inside Cid, he remembered his lover.

That Cid remembered the boy he had saved and helped turn into a man.

So Vincent watched from a distance, watched as Axel failed time and time again to remind Cid of his past without directly telling him. And with every failure, he died a little more inside.

Hope was a fragile dream, at best and he couldn't help but wonder how long he had the strength to cling to it.

He wondered how long it would take for him to fall.

Part Four

Leon sighed as he looked out the window, watching Axel valiantly stroll determinedly after a very annoyed and equally determined Cid, the two of them heading towards the gummi ship hangars. Axel still hadn't won over the other man, and Leon wasn't entirely too sure that he was trying particularly hard. As it seemed, Axel was focused on asking Cid strange questions that tended to make the blond even surlier than usual.

He had accidentally eavesdropped on one such instance, when Axel had doggedly questioned Cid about the abandoned gun shop in town. It had been boarded up since they had returned since no one came to claim it. And strangely, no one could quite remember who had owned it either. Leon thought he might have recalled someone, on the edge of his memory. But it was all too fleeting and he couldn't grasp hold of the face.

Not that it mattered. It wasn't high on his list of importance.

A frown flitted across Leon's face as Cid and Axel disappeared over a rise in the road and he idly wondered where Ceran was. The winged man had taken to hiding in his room, or within some darkened corner, often refusing to come out and speak to anyone. Aeris could usually coax him into conversation if she tried and Merlin was particularly gifted at convincing him to join the others for civilized meals at the table. But otherwise, Ceran kept to himself.

Leon still wasn't sure what he thought about his guests and their rather abrupt appearance into his life. Merlin said to trust them and Aeris, usually the most intuitive of them when it came to others, seemed to believe that there was something to trust in them as well. But he couldn't deny that Ceran gave him odd echoes of familiarity, despite the fact that he couldn't place the man's face. Not to mention his similarity to a Heartless.

How did a human come to possess wings and claws? He was certain there was a story in it, not that Ceran was being particularly forthcoming with the information. Honestly, the other man was downright surly when anyone asked. It was about the only time he showed emotion. Other than when he was staring at Cid with a look that Leon almost believed was longing.

Axel was a different story. He was rude and annoying, pressing when he had no right and seemed to take great pleasure in pushing Leon's buttons, much like Yuffie. He was startlingly perceptive and just one look into those sharp emerald eyes made Leon feel as if he was silently being appraised and found wanting. There was something familiar about Axel as well. Not the man himself, just his... presence, for lack of a better word. It was hard to explain to anyone, so he refrained from doing so, but Leon was bothered by what Axel wanted.

He still didn't trust that the red-haired man was not going to hurt Sora. There was something alluringly dangerous about Axel and it was that which kept Leon constantly on edge yet he had no real proof.

It made him half-wish that Cloud was there. The blond always had a different way of looking at things, a strange way of evaluating people. Leon couldn't help but wonder what the missing man would have thought of the strangers. Often times he had relied on Cloud's senses rather than his own and it was with a slight frown that he realized he wished Cloud was there with him. It simply didn't seem fair.

He always did such things, rushing off into battle with no thought as to what or whom he was leaving behind. Leon didn't understand, especially since Cloud never thought to _explain _anything. Sephiroth was his darkness; Cloud was searching for his light. It was ludicrous. Everyone knew that the silver-haired man was only baiting Cloud, trying to draw him into his vicious and seductive little web but the only one that couldn't see it was Cloud himself.

He was blind to the so-called light that had always been standing right in front of him.

Leon wasn't about to reveal the truth to anyone else, but he did miss Cloud and probably wished stronger than any of the others that the blond would return. Without Ansem, without a _king_, there was no one left to lead the people of Radiant Garden and Leon had been thrust into that position without his permission. He was left tottering on booted feet, wondering how the hell he was going to feed and protect everyone. How the hell he was going to make sure that everyone had clothes and rebuild homes. It was tiring, it was depressing... and it was lonely.

While the others were very good support and very dear to him, there was still that element of connection that was missing. Aeris was like an older sister to him, Yuffie the younger sister that annoyed him. Cid was the gruff uncle and perhaps the one Leon was closest to while Merlin was like a matronly grandfather to their entire lot. Cloud had always been different for him, even if Leon never told him, which was probably his biggest mistake.

Perhaps if he had, Cloud would have been more inclined to stay.

Behind him, the door swung open with a very loud creak only to slam against the wall, announcing the presence of someone. With very little options, Leon could only assume it was Yuffie and heaved an insufferable sigh. He really wasn't in the mood to put up with her antics at the present moment. Not that anything he would have said would have deterred her in the slightest.

"Leon," she chirped happily, strolling into his bedroom as if it were hers and not, in fact, his. "Whatcha doin'?" Her query floated towards him as she stepped up beside him, her brown eyes gazing out the same window as he.

He grunted and shot her a look, hoping that his wordless reply would be enough to send her away. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. It was a gamble either time.

The silence lasted for all of a minute before she bouncily pulled her body onto the window seat and perched there comfortably, a strange look on her face. "Cid's even grumpier than usual," she announced, as if there was nothing more important in the world.

"So I've noticed," he responded dryly.

"You're not worried?"

Leon shook his head, turning away from the window. "Cid's crankiness is none of my business."

She eyed him curiously. "Even if it has something to do with Ceran and Axel?"

"Especially because of that." He paused as he stood in front of his dresser, eyes inexplicably falling on an old picture. So old it was from before King Ansem discovered the Heartless. It was a miracle he had found it in his old home, completely unharmed. The picture itself was really nothing special. Most of them weren't even looking at the camera, yet they were all there and it was the expressions in their faces, in their bodies, that told the tale.

Yuffie clinging to his leg, Leon trying to get away from her and looking towards Cloud in exasperation, who was laughing, generally more carefree than the sulky and depressed man he was now. Aeris was sitting beneath a tree, painting a picture. Cid was in an argument with someone off camera. Leon cocked his head to the side in sudden question. Why it hadn't occurred to him before, he wasn't sure. But he realized that he didn't even know who it was that took the picture.

"You miss him, huh?"

He was startled as Yuffie's voice appeared right at his side. He jerked, turning to find her standing right next to him as her eyes raked over the picture. Leon's hand came out before he knew what he was doing, slapping the frame so that it was face down. He winced as it snapped loudly and hoped that the glass didn't crack.

"Didn't Aeris tell you to help her make dinner?" he muttered, shifting away from the self-proclaimed ninja to head to the door.

Behind him, Yuffie humphed as she followed. "It's noon, Squeon. Not quite time to start dinner just yet." She was right on his heels as he headed down the stairs, boots clomping loudly on the uncarpeted wood. "Why won't you just admit it?"

"Admit what?" he mumbled, only half-listening to her.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You males are impossible," she grumbled before abruptly reaching up and smacking him across the back of his head. "Cloud, of course, Leon. You miss him. We all see it so stop trying to hide it."

He rubbed his head, shooting her one of his potent, icy cold glares.

Yuffie, predictably, was unperturbed as she frowned and planted her hands on her hips. "I'm young but I'm not stupid. Maybe if you tried giving him a reason, Cloud would give up on Sephiroth and come back," she reprimanded him in a tone that eerily reminded him of Aeris. Perhaps the two females had been spending _too_ much time together.

"But I know that won't happen," she continued as she whirled on her heel and began stalking towards the kitchen. "You're a coward and hard-headed to boot," she threw over her shoulder with a departing snort.

He watched her go with mixed feelings of relief and unease. She was right in many ways. Were it not for his fear of rejection, he would have said something to Cloud a long time ago. Instead his feelings had grown silently and steadily stronger as he longed from afar, always acting the part of the broody, fragile man.

With a sigh, Leon rubbed a few fingers across his forehead before heading out the front door. There was work to be done; he hadn't the time for idle thoughts of things that could have been. All he had was the future and with any small measure of hope, he believed that he still had a chance.

Even men like him were allowed to dream.

-----

Please leave a review before you go! Many thanks!!


	15. Chapter 11: Enlightened

**Chapter 11: Enlightened**

He and Leon never did reconcile, or even get along too well, but they managed to not argue over the next few weeks. The cold bastard still got on Axel's nerves and riled him all too quickly, but Aeris was a quick deterrent any time they even thought about getting started. Yuffie was cheerful and excited about the new strangers, often asking the two of them to spar with her or constantly bugging Vincent about touching his wings.

Vincent never would allow her, even after three weeks.

Relations between Axel and Vincent were strained as well. The firestarter still couldn't understand why his friend spent all his time hiding in his room without even attempting to restore Cid's memories. Vincent was slipping further and further into a depression and no matter what Axel said, he would not come out of it, leaving Axel feeling as if he would tear his hair out simply to relieve the frustration.

And as for Cid... he was as cold as ever to them.

Yuffie had told Axel that it was unusual behavior for Cid and that he was usually willing to help out anyone. But she had also tried to explain it off by saying he was suffering from withdrawals. Axel wasn't really inclined to believe her, not when he was certain he caught flashes of something in the older blond's eyes. Being around Axel made Cid uneasy, as if he feared what memories Axel had to offer him.

With nothing else to do but bide his time until the blond changed his mind, Axel made it his mission to shadow Cid and see if he could remind the man about Vincent. He figured he had a debt to pay. And the sooner he could convince Cid to help them, the sooner he could find his way to Roxas. There was a driving, desperate desire inside of him to do so, as if time was running out for him and Roxas. He didn't understand it and wasn't even going to attempt to try. It only served to push him forward all the more.

His first attempt was a complete and utter failure. While Vincent remained cooped up in Leon's house, Axel was content to wander around Radiant Garden. He quickly learned all the paths and was often found visiting Aeris or Merlin, sometimes even Yuffie when he was in a mood to spar. And despite Cid's obvious displayed dislike of him, Axel found himself wandering over to his shop and his gummi ship hangar on occasion. That was where Cid was most often; working on fixing several of the ships.

Once, in a moment of spontaneity, Axel had been watching Cid fix some part on a gummi ship, a model called the Highwind. Cid had been tolerating his presence as he mumbled something to himself under his breath, cursing every now and then when his tool slipped or the broken part remained busted. Out of the blue, with little warning, Axel had spoken to him.

"Do you ever feel like you're forgetting something?" he asked, his voice carrying easily over the silent stillness. It seemed Cid preferred to work in silence which was a strange contrast to the man's loud and blustery demeanor.

There was a clank and a muttered curse before Cid's head popped out from beneath the massive machine. "What the hell are ya talkin' about?" he demanded, a definite frown on his face.

Axel tilted his head to the side before gesturing vaguely with one hand. "Do you ever get the feeling that you've forgotten something important? Like when you lose your keys or something. It nags and nags on you." He paused, sighing dramatically. "I get that feeling a lot, especially since Gaia's Grotto stole so many memories from me. I can't help but wonder what I don't remember. People that could be important to me or something."

Sky blue eyes stared at him for a moment, blinking only once before Cid snorted and shook his head. "Psychological babble," he grunted, sliding back under the gummi ship. "Don't ask me dumb shit like that, kid. I don't even like you."

"Aw, c'mon, Cid. You know you love me," Axel countered, unable to help the slight smirk that spread across his face.

The blond snorted again, the sound echoing through the hangar. "In yer dreams, kid. Now go bother Yuffie or sumthin'. That damn ninja's been dyin' to fight ya." There was a clank and a rattle as Cid started back up on his repairs. "Quit buggin' the hell out of me."

Axel frowned. He was certain something had flashed in Cid's eyes when he had spoken to him but the blond was obviously denying it. Still, at this moment, he could do nothing but concede defeat and try again. He didn't even bother telling the other man goodbye as he left the hangar, deciding to check on Vincent again.

The winged man was predictably sullen, giving Axel nothing more than muttered one-word answers before Axel gave up and left him alone. Vincent didn't even bother to acknowledge his departure, merely stared out the window with the same lost and forlorn expression he had kept since their first conversation after arriving in Radiant Garden. It was ten times worse than anything Axel had witnessed when they were on Gaia's Grotto and he was damned if he knew how to help.

A week later, Axel attempted to get through to Cid once more. He had foregone his usual personality of being a jerk by abiding Vincent's wishes in not straight out telling the blond, but Cid was being particularly stubborn. Every flash of memory that Axel caught was quickly tampered down by the other man. Almost as if he didn't want to remember, or maybe it was something else keeping him from retaining hold of the memories.

Leon had been an unknown instigator of the second attempt. He decided that Axel needed to start earning his keep, and so he sent him to Cid for help lugging around some parts and accessories that the other man had ordered. Some of it was supplies for the town. Either way, it was manual labor, back-breaking work that was little pleasure for Axel, especially since Cid seemed to stand on the sidelines and smirk as he gave directions.

The bastard.

With a grunt, Axel set down one of the larger boxes and wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. He had been working for three hours already, and couldn't help but shoot a glare at the stack of containers that seemed to never shorten. A hand clapped down on his back, nearly causing him to tumble to the ground. With a frown, Axel leaned on the crate in front of him before looking over his shoulder.

A smile broke out on his face as he saw the glass of iced tea being handed his direction. "Here," Cid muttered, frowning as if it were the most difficult thing in the world for him to do.

"Thanks, boss," Axel drawled with fake cheer as he accepted the drink. He downed half of it in two gulps, surprised by how much effort it took to simply move a bunch of boxes around.

Cid snorted. "Don't thank me," he muttered. "Thank Aeris. She's the one who insisted I let ya rest," he added, jerking a thumb in the direction of the door.

Axel's eyes followed his movements, finding that the auburn haired woman was indeed standing in the doorway, smiling brightly. He saluted her with a glass as she waved at him and disappeared back outside, letting the door slam shut behind her.

"Good woman," he commented with a sigh. "She should make someone a good wife one day." He turned back towards Cid, finding that the man had already stepped away, picking up a clipboard.

Then it occurred to him.

Axel climbed up onto the stack of crates, setting himself up for a well-deserved break. "Ne, Cid?"

"What?" Cid grunted. How very charming. Not for the first time, Axel wondered what it was his seemingly cultured friend saw in the man.

He propped his chin on one of his hands, balancing the elbow on his knee. "Why aren't you married?"

Cid snorted, not even bothering to look at him as he tapped his pen on his clipboard and rifled through a crate. Axel could only assume he was checking to make sure all of his stock arrived. "Don't want to."

A red brow rose. "That's it?" he prompted. "You don't even have a girlfriend?"

"Don't want one."

A mischievous smirk tugged at Axel's mouth. "You don't want a girl... or you just don't want to date?"

Predictably, an irritated glare was sent his way. "It's none of your business."

"Aw, come on," Axel pushed, waving his hand towards the other man. "I hear it's all the rage these days." He paused with a dramatic air. "Or maybe you're just waiting for your _one true love_." Emerald eyes glinted impishly.

"Don't you have work to do?"

The firestarter frowned playfully, crowing at the slight hint of edginess to Cid's voice. Clearly, this was a topic he was not comfortable with. "It's true, isn't it?" he continued, sliding down from the boxes. "You're waiting for someone," he finished as he moved to stand beside the blond.

Until he was met face to face with the pointy end of a pencil. Not really threatening but Cid's meaning was clear. "Leon sent you here to earn your keep, not badger me with questions, kid," Cid growled, something indiscernible shining behind blue eyes. "So get to work before I have to kick ya or sumthin'."

Axel backed off with a grin. "Fine, fine," he acquiesced, turning on his heels. He waved a hand through the air dismissively. "Not that an old man like you could hurt me or anything," he added on a quieter mumble as he returned to his stacks of boxes.

Downing the last of the iced tea, Axel set the empty glass on the floor and moved to pick up another crate. He hefted the heavy box into his arms, grunting with the weight. It was probably books or something similar, knowing his luck. As he set it down on top of the other stack, on the other side of the room, he looked over his shoulder at Cid.

A brief smile fluttered across his lips.

The other man was staring at his clipboard as if it would hold all the answers. He hadn't even moved since Axel had last spoken to him, his mind locked in some sort of mental conflict. Perhaps those memories were surfacing after all.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in silence.

* * *

A third opportunity came when he was trailing along at a safe distance behind Cid. Aeris had sent the both of them to the market and although the blond had grumbled loudly, he allowed Axel to accompany him. That woman was a remarkable peacemaker and Axel was quick to notice that she had every one of the men around her wrapped around one little thumb. Unfortunately, he had been caught within her snare as well.

The blond was chomping noisily on his toothpick, as if it were the only thing keeping him from making unnecessary and most likely shameful comments. He steadily ignored Axel, despite the firestarter's attempts to drum up conversation and seemed inclined to do so the entire trip to the market and back. Irked by this, Axel was searching for some way to make Cid take notice of him when his eyes caught something of interest.

It was a building, nothing particularly spectacular considering they were in a town, but unlike most of the others, this one was boarded up and the sign that should have been hanging from the post, was propped up beneath one boarded window. There were very few establishments in Radiant Garden that were untended and this one immediately sparked Axel's interest. He drew to a halt, moving closer to the building to try and peer in through one of the slats covering a front window.

"Oy, Cid!" he called out, smirking when he heard the man's muttered curses beneath his breath. "What's this place?"

He heard Cid's steps pause in their movement, boots clomping noisily against the cobblestones. "Gun shop," the man answered gruffly as Axel tried to peer through the dim, seeing very little in the small gaps. "If I 'member correctly."

Axel immediately perked, instantly recalling one of the few instances Vincent had been particularly gregarious. He had spoken of his old life in Radiant Garden, how he had been the owner of the only specialized weapon shop in the city. It was obvious which weapon had been his area of expertise.

"Been closed up since we got back from Traverse Town," the older man added with no prompting whatsoever.

The firestarter frowned, turning away from the building and regarding Cid curiously. "Why?" he asked.

The other male furrowed his brow, switching the toothpick from one corner of his mouth to the other as he considered the question. After a moment, he shrugged. "Didn't no one come back to claim it."

Sensing he was onto something that might or might not open up the way for Cid to remember his lover, Axel pressed forward. "Well, whose shop is it?"

Cid tilted his head to the side, sky blue gaze raking over the shop and the emblem etched into the front of the door, barely visible beyond the two boards that crisscrossed the front.

"Heh," Cid commented, biting down hard on the wooden stick in his mouth as he propped his hands on his hips. "I can't remember." He paused, reconsidering his statement as he wracked his brain once more.

Axel watched this silently as Cid seemed troubled, trying to lock onto a memory that was firmly eluding his grasp. It was just as frustrating to the firestarter as it was to Cid and when the blond finally gave up, turning on his heels and stalking away with a muttered, "hurry up, brat", Axel sighed. Yet, another failure to add to his rapidly growing list.

Casting one last look at the abandoned store, Axel turned and followed after Cid, heading further into the market. He quickly caught up to the man just as they entered the crowded portion, people bustling everywhere around them. Judging by the slightly stormy and confused expression on Cid's face, it was better if he stayed silent. Though he'd rather have fun poking and wheedling at the irascible man, if he upset him too much, Cid might decide not to let them borrow a gummi ship.

And above all, Axel still had plans to get to Roxas.

The past few weeks had left him with nothing but time to think. About Roxas, about his old life... hell, about everything. While he wasn't prone to bouts of contemplative melancholy like Vincent, not since his emotions were finally starting to even out, he had a lot he needed to sort out. And lying awake on his bed, sleepless for reasons he had yet to understand, there was little else to do but contemplate.

And relive the memories that were finally starting to resurface. They came in bits and pieces, slices of his old life and memories that he had thought he had lost forever. Vincent had been right. The longer they were gone from Gaia's Grotto, the more the things they had lost returned. He relished in them, even the ones that were not the least bit comforting.

Reno's death weighed all too heavily on his conscience. He knew that rationally he shouldn't consider the other man's death his fault, but it didn't stop him from believing it. Especially since his dreams were haunted by memories of blood staining his face... and the last vestiges of hope that had echoed on Reno's face. It was for that reason he planned on finding Rude, no matter what. As soon as he located Roxas. That was his first priority.

Suddenly, having been lost in his own thoughts and paying very little attention to what Cid was doing, he tumbled into Cid's back, nearly knocking the man down. A glare was tossed over the blond's shoulder as Axel quickly stepped back, holding his hands up.

"Sorry," he muttered. But Cid wasn't even looking at him any longer. Instead, he was staring quite resolutely at a display in a shop window, completely ignoring the other people that were bumping his shoulders.

Curious, Axel moved beside him. It was an antiques and art shop, or so he assumed, guessing from the types of items he could see within. Objects of stylized metal, precious gold and silver and embossed with jewels of all colors sparkled prettily within. Adorned mirrors and delicate jewelry lay on pillowed stands and figurines precisely painted were placed in evocative poses, meant to inspire passing strangers to part with their munny.

Still, the firestarter saw nothing of note, until he caught sight of one figurine in particular posed near the back. It wasn't anything special truthfully, unless one wanted to count the gleaming garnet stones that had been used for its eyes. They shone a dark red, almost crimson, instantly reminding Axel of Vincent.

His gaze flickered to Cid, who seemed transfixed. But before he could even question anything, Cid licked his lips and spoke. "Scarlet... ain't a normal color fer eyes," he commented. "But I remember there was a family that lived here and they had 'em naturally."

"Was?" Axel prompted, sensing they were drawing close to _something_.

The blond nodded, eyes lingering on the figurine before he turned away from the window with a barely concealed sigh. His hands disappeared in his pockets. "Grew up next to them," he began slowly, his tone faintly reminiscent. "The husband, he was the one with them blood-red eyes but the mom had crystalline blue eyes, like their youngest son. Oddest family if I e'er saw one." He paused considering his words. "I think they had another kid but I'm drawin' a blank on the face."

"You said was," Axel pointed out again as he wiped a thin stream of sweat from his brow. Some days it was quite balmy in Radiant Garden. It was a pleasant change from the lukewarm, tepid weather of constant rain on Gaia's Grotto. Axel wasn't about to shoot the proverbial gift horse in the mouth.

"Yeah," Cid confirmed, his lips twisting in something that might have been a frown, Axel couldn't be sure. "No one really knows what happened. The boys showed up at the neighbor's house covered in blood and when someone went over to their house, it was empty. Their parents were gone."

Axel's eyes widened with shock. Vincent hadn't ever been forthcoming with information regarding his family. He hadn't even wanted to speak about Cid. "What happened to the boys?"

The blond shrugged. "I don't really remember. I think it was only a year later that the oldest was enough to live on his own." He tilted his head back, looking up at the sky. "Strange tho', I can't seem to remember him clearly."

"Yeah... strange," Axel echoed.

As Cid fell into contemplative thought, no more was spoken between them that day. Axel eventually left Cid alone at his gummi hangar and headed back to Leon's house.

The house was oddly quiet which meant Yuffie must have gone somewhere else, and Axel could never quite be sure what Leon did from day to day. He knew there were times that the man wandered around with a lost expression on his face, and occasionally, he would visit the abandoned castle, as if hoping something would show up there. And if he wasn't helping Cid with plans for the town, then he was off training in the bailey.

As he passed by the kitchen, Aeris called out to him. "Axel? Did you get the turnips?"

He nearly smacked himself in the head for that. "Ah, sorry, Aeris," he answered, leaning in the doorframe. He raked a hand through his hair. "Cid might remember though. He said he was coming in later."

She smiled, turning back towards whatever she was mixing in the large bowl in front of her. "That's okay. I decided not to make that soup after all. What happened?"

He frowned. "You know that gun shop?"

"The boarded up one in town?"

"Yeah. We got distracted looking at it."

She laughed. "That sounds like Cid all right. Normally I would send Leon to go shopping for me but he's busy right now. I hoped that sending you along would help Cid remember."

Axel tilted his head to the side, a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth. "What's Mr. Fur up to right now?"

She turned to shake her spoon at him, attempting to sound reprimanding. "Don't call him that, Axel," she scolded. "It makes him frown even more than he does now."

He ignored her scolding, his eyes instead following the waving motion of her spoon. "Are you making chocolate chip cookies?" he asked, pushing himself off the door frame and stepping into the room. He knew he sounded hopeful but he couldn't help it. After nearly a month of living there, he had grown addicted to her cookies.

Aeris nodded, returning to her mixing with one hand as she reached on the counter to grab a bag of the small chocolates. "They're your favorite aren't they?" she questioned as she ripped open the package and started pouring them into the dough, stirring the entire time with other hand.

"Second only to Ceran's blueberry muffins," he answered, crossing the floor to appear at her side.

"Ceran can bake?" she asked, unable to hide her surprise.

He nodded. "Believe it or not, yeah." He slid nimbly to the other side of her and dipped a finger into the batter when he thought she wasn't looking. He had no sooner popped the digit into his mouth then her hand came up and slapped his lightly.

She shook her head. "Don't go sticking your fingers into my cookies."

Axel attempted a pout, which didn't quite work so well considering the mischievous expression on his face. "That hurt," he groused, putting on an act.

"It didn't even," she countered, rolling her eyes. She shoved the plastic bag at his chest, still one-quarter full. "Now take these and go see if you can drag Ceran down from the roof."

He groaned as he took the bag, pleased to find so many of the little chocolate chips inside. "He's up there again?" he asked rhetorically already heading for the door.

Aeris hummed her answer. "Since earlier. Apparently, he doesn't take to questions very well."

He nodded as he slipped out the door. "Never has. Thanks, Aeris." She didn't respond and Axel headed upstairs, immediately seeking out his depressed companion. Why the other man found comfort in high places, especially when it was getting to be unbearably hot during the day, Axel would never understand.

Minutes later, he was pulling himself back out into the hot sun and climbing onto the roof. He quickly spotted Vincent, perched on the highest peak and staring out over the city with his usual melancholy expression on his face. Axel sighed.

"You're going to melt if you keep this up," he called out, spider-walking across the roof to plop himself down next to the winged man. He grunted as he flopped before reaching into his pocket and withdrawing the plastic bag of chocolate. It crinkled in his hold.

Vincent's gaze flickered to him for all of a moment, briefly registering his presence before returning to the skyline.

Emerald eyes rolled as Axel popped a few bits of chocolate into his mouth before offering some to his companion. "Want some?" A negative shake of the head. "Suit yourself." He shrugged and chewed thoughtfully, sitting for a moment of silence and enjoying the view that Leon's roof offered.

"Is there a reason you came up here?" Vincent questioned, shifting slightly on the roof. His wings stretched and popped before settling back into place. At least on the roof, no one could see him and accuse him of being a monster.

"Maybe," Axel mumbled around the mouthful of chocolate. "Talked to Cid today." He paused, waiting for a reaction. Predictably, there was none. "You two were neighbors?"

"Yes." He didn't elaborate, causing Axel to grit his teeth in irritation.

The firestarter sighed and stretched out his legs, noisily crinkling his bag of sweets as he dipped his fingers into it once more. "So... you wanna tell me what happened to your parents?"

"Not particularly." He wasn't even sweating, the bastard, despite the stifling heat that was pressing down on them. It was much hotter on the roof, with nothing to block the sun's intense rays.

Axel swiped sweat from his forehead. "Didn't think so. Aeris wants you to come down."

"..."

"She's making cookies."

"..."

Rolling his eyes, the former Nobody reached out and punched Vincent in the shoulder, just to get a damn reaction even if it wasn't particularly painful. "I'm talking to you man." The winged male instantly glowered at him, swiping a clawed hand over his shoulder as if he had somehow been dirtied by the action.

"And I was ignoring you."

Axel snorted. "You're not doing any good for yourself brooding and sulking alone, Vincent. It's not going to make him remember any faster." He paused, considering his words as he idly munched on more of the chocolate pieces. "Come out to the market with me tomorrow. I want to show you something."

"Axel--"

"I'm not taking no for an answer," the firestarter cut in. He flashed the exasperated man one of his typical smug smirks. "Don't make me drag you out." He was prepared to aggravate the man until he agreed and Axel was quite good at it. He was going to make Vincent leave the damn house if it killed him. The man had to see there were other things out there.

A moment of silence passed before Vincent sighed. "What is it?" he asked, with evident reluctance. He reached over then, his hand finding its way to Axel's bag of chocolate chips and dipping inside, withdrawing a good bit of what was remaining.

"It's a surprise." Axel grinned.

Vincent rolled his eyes, a small spark of his old self starting to peek through. "I can't wait," he replied dryly, popping the chocolate into his mouth.

* * *

Despite the heat of the mid-afternoon day, Vincent's dark cloak was a necessary accessory, having been borrowed from the absent Cloud Strife's room. Effectively obscuring his large wings along with the added and borrowed pair of black gloves, it was perhaps the only way he could venture into the public without worry that he would be attacked for being a Heartless once more. Not that Vincent seemed to mind the concealing clothes. Axel was quick to grumble when he noticed his companion not even sweating when he, himself, felt like he was panting for breath in the thick and humid air.

Nevertheless, Axel was determined to stick it out, if only to make sure Vincent spent as much time out of the house as possible. They had been in Radiant Garden for the better part of a month and Vincent had done nothing but skulk about the house, hiding in the shadows during the day and perching on the roof at night. Even if Axel's attempts were proving to be failures, he simply refused to admit defeat. Vincent had done far too much for him.

He was pressed inside to go searching for Roxas, an unexplained urgency causing a treble of anxiousness to constantly trill through his body. But he would not leave until he had repaid his debt. He feared that with every day that passed, Vincent would slip further and further into his melancholy until nothing could drag him out. He didn't want to think that their risk to escape had been for naught.

And a part of him was beginning to grow angry at well. Irritated with Vincent for being a stubborn dumbass, and pissed at Cid for being a clueless loser. How he could forget his lover was beyond Axel's comprehension. And though it was obvious that Cid was struggling with something, he refused to question it or even voice his concerns. It was both infuriating and frustrating. If it hadn't been for Vincent explaining the risks involved in simply coming out and telling Cid, he might have already gone up to the man and slapped some sense into him.

As it were, however, Axel had to simply settle for being as subtle as possible. Unfortunately, subtlety hadn't always been one of his specialties. Thus, the much needed break and attempt to pull Vincent from his depressed shell.

With little else to do in a town still struggling to rebuild, they had taken to exploring the market. Axel pointed out a few things of interest, mostly things he had noticed the last time he had been there with Cid. Vincent's responses usually consisted of one word or silence, but at least he wasn't cooped up in Leon's house and at the present moment, that was all that mattered to Axel.

Despite the sweat rolling down his back, matting his bright red spikes and causing them to dangle limply, Axel was glad for the sun. It was a constant reminder that they were no longer on Gaia's Grotto. Not to mention that the press and bustle of people around them held so much expression. They hurried and looked harried, or walked hand in hand with their loved ones, or bartered loudly for an item they particularly wanted.

"I still find it hard to believe that you grew up here," Axel commented, gaze sweeping over a quartet of kids playing tag in a small square, decorated by a small fountain. They ran in and out of the water, a nice game considering the oppressive heat.

Beside him, Vincent continued staring at the ground, his dark hair obscuring a good portion of his face. "Radiant Garden was a bit different when I was a child," he answered quietly. "Ansem was a good king."

Emerald eyes rolled. "Until he wrecked everything," Axel thought it necessary to point out as he gracefully avoided a woman who was dragging away one of her children and scolding him in loud tones. The boy didn't appear too contrite however.

"Perhaps," the winged man responded, but didn't elaborate any further.

Axel hummed thoughtfully and fought back the heaving sigh that threatened to spill from his lips. It was tiresome trying to speak to his companion. With a slight nudge to Vincent's side, he shifted their course, turning to the right towards another section of the market. At a glance, he instantly recognized a slightly familiar street.

Apparently, Vincent did as well. Because the moment they approached the boarded up building, he paused in his steps and shot Axel an accusatory look. "You led me here on purpose," the gunman intoned, a dangerous note to his voice.

Axel shrugged, unable to help the smirk that crossed his expression. "Maybe, maybe not," he replied vaguely. Truthfully, it had been unintentional, but Vincent didn't need to know that. Let him think that Axel had some other motive. It kept him on his toes.

With a sigh, Vincent shook his head and returned his gaze to the structure that had once housed his own business. It hadn't fallen into disrepair, just simply looked abandoned. Axel watched his friend's reaction avidly, hoping that by the sight of it, some measure of hope would spark itself in Vincent's mind.

"What's that symbol mean?" he asked, pointing towards the etched design that was outlined in a sparkling silver paint hidden just behind the boards the closed off the main door. He could see a half moon with a cross jutting out from the bottom curve and dangling from the center of the moon was a small star. Somehow, though he didn't understand its meaning, he thought it appropriate.

Vincent's gloved hand fell to the holster at his waist, fingers skimming the grip of his gun. He had refused to leave it behind, despite the fact that hostilities in Radiant Garden were pretty much zero. "It is the name of the shop," he explained, his tone faintly reminiscent. "The moon and cross mean "Cerberus" while the star roughly translates to 'lament' or as I preferred 'dirge'."

He stepped forward, tilting his head to the side as one hand lightly placed itself on a boarded up window, rising to his toes to peer through the slats. "It was called Dirge of Cerberus."

"Was?" Axel raised a brow as he moved to lean against the side of the shop, not minding the slightest the cloud of dust the action raised. He gestured towards Vincent with one of his arms before crossing them both over his chest. "You don't want to pick up where you left off?"

Vincent frowned slightly, the expression obscured by his hair. He didn't look at Axel, instead keeping his crimson gaze trained on the building. "There is little point in that right now," he responded.

The firestarter scoffed. "You're beginning to sound like emo-boy Squeon," he commented sharply and was relieved to notice when Vincent immediately bristled. At least there was something of the man he had known on Gaia's Grotto beneath the melancholy.

"Don't call him that," the winged man countered. "And I believe we've had this discussion before, Axel. Drop it."

Axel immediately scowled. "What are you going to do then?" he pressed. "Spend the rest of your days moping in Leon's house until he finally kicks you out?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Vincent snapped, beginning to lose patience with the younger man. "I wouldn't be so--"

Emerald eyes widened in a delayed reaction as a small group of kids came barreling out of the alley to the right of Vincent's former shop. Without looking where they were going, and laughing over whatever game they were playing, they barreled into Vincent, catching him by surprise and cutting off his words. Axel hadn't even the time to shout a warning, instead watching with shock as the winged man tumbled to the ground, two of the kids landing on top of him.

Vincent hit the cobbles with a barely restrained grunt, striking his back harshly. His wings immediately protested, sending sharp stabs of pain radiating throughout his entire body. In the scuffle, his cloak slipped free from one shoulder, revealing the black webbing of his right wing.

"Oh, gosh mister, we're sorry," one of the kids muttered as he scrambled to his feet and off of Vincent.

Crimson eyes narrowed. "You need to watch where you are going," he admonished with a death glare.

The kids instantly flushed with embarrassment, shifting from foot to foot as Axel chuckled lightly, pushing himself off of the building with ease. "Give them a break, Vincent. They're just kids," he commented as he strolled towards his companion and offered a hand to Vincent.

The other man shot him an annoyed stare but took the proffered limb and allowed Axel to haul him to his feet. Almost immediately, emerald eyes were drawn to the wing poking all too obviously out from beneath the black cloak. His brow raised slightly, and it was enough to alert Vincent to the peeking appendage. He hurried to cover it but it was far too late.

"Wow!" One of the kids exclaimed, a red-haired boy with unnaturally bright eyes that reminded Axel all too eerily of Reno. "Is that real?" he asked.

Instantly, the other children were drawn by his amazed tone and swiveled their heads to catch sight of what their buddy was excited over. Axel stepped back, amusement tugging at the corner of his lips as the kids crowded around the bewildered older man.

"Stop," Vincent protested, edging away from their curious stares as he began to get flustered. "It is real," he answered, hoping that would satisfy their wonder. Clearly, he had never dealt with children before in his life.

Axel snickered, folding his arms over his chest. One of the children got a bit too exuberant and tugged on Vincent's cloak, revealing the other wing which seemed to move of its own accord. It broke free of the clinging dark fabric, twitching faintly in the bright sun. Vincent gasped and took a step back, frantically trying to gain control. He looked towards Axel for help but the firestarter simply shrugged and snickered under his breath.

"Cool!" A little girl breathed, her eyes wide with awe. She reached out a slightly grubby hand. "Can I touch it?"

Without thinking, the winged man reached out and grabbed her arm, preventing her from grasping one of the more delicate portions of the appendage. "No, you cannot," he said firmly.

Crash!

"Heartless!"

Axel's head snapped up at the screamed word in the same moment that Vincent did, both of their gazes immediately locking onto the source of the screech. The kids instantly scattered, everyone except for the girl's whose arm Vincent hadn't thought to release yet.

A woman had dropped her recently bought items to the ground and was now pointing at Vincent with a shaking finger, horror etched into her features. She was frantically trying to gather someone's attention. "It's got a kid!" She screeched.

It was like the first time they had arrived all over again.

Vincent abruptly released his hold on the girl's arm, the child looking very confused as he stepped quickly away. His deft fingers grasped onto the cloak, tucking his wings beneath it with hurried, almost frantic movements. Axel frowned as he put himself between the woman and his companion.

"He is not a Heartless," the firestarter snapped, slicing his arm through the air. "He's human just like you and me."

She narrowed her eyes, not in the slightest bit convinced. "Humans don't have wings!" she spat.

Axel sighed, scraping a hand over his forehead, only to belatedly realize that Vincent was already slipping away. The man had slid into the shadows of the alley to the left of his shop and was disappearing around the corner. The firestarter shook his head and tossed the woman a scowl, wanting to curse her thoroughly. He refrained from doing so however and turned to hurry after his companion, leaving her and the child standing there, a crowd already beginning to form.

Dammit, just when he was beginning to get Vincent to open up a little, something inauspicious had to ruin everything.

He was forced to chase the rapidly walking man through several of the dark and enclosed alleyways, half wondering where Vincent thought they were going. Axel was no expert in Radiant Garden but he did know that the direction they were heading was nowhere near Leon's home where the winged man typically sought his refuge. Nor was there anger in Vincent's steady steps; his shoulders weren't set with tension but something more like... resignation.

Suddenly, Axel's eyes widened in understanding.

He put on a burst of speed and managed to catch hold of Vincent's arm just as they stepped out of the alley. He was half-surprised to find they were standing on the outskirts of the town as he drew his escaping friend to a halt. The path in front of them Axel vaguely recognized as leading to Crystal Canyon, which he dimly remembered being in as a Nobody.

Blinking, Axel returned his attention to Vincent and reluctantly released the man's arm. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked, glancing around them just in case he had missed something else of importance.

Unsurprisingly, there was nothing but the gaping opening to their south. Just beyond, he could faintly see the ruins of Hollow Bastion's spires rising up from the crater they now occupied. It was somewhat eerie, the combination of metal and stone, making it vaguely resemble a house of torture. Unintentionally, Axel shivered, wondering if it was the fault of the designer, or some strange magic.

Vincent's voice dragged him out of his eerie ponderings. "It is time for me to leave," the winged man intoned, a strange note to his voice that Axel wasn't quite sure how to interpret.

The younger man's brow furrowed. "What?" he asked. Where did the other man think he was going? If he wasn't able to get off Radiant Garden to go to Destiny Islands, how the hell did Vincent expect to get anywhere?

Crimson eyes looked past him, just over his head to the beginnings of the town and the multi-colored rooftops. "My fate is clear," he explained briefly before resignation fluttered across his features. He sighed. "A monster does not belong among humans."

Axel snorted. "You're not a monster. That's just stupid, Vincent," he retorted, waving a hand through the air. Trust the other man to make a big deal out of nothing. "So what? A bunch of ignorant know-nothings made one comment. Are you going to let what they say keep you from the very reason you returned?"

Vincent's gaze flickered to him for a moment, as if slowly coming to a decision before a clawed hand dipped into his pocket. He shook his head. "It does not matter since I have been forgotten," Vincent replied, stepping closer to the younger man as he pulled a familiar string of metal tags from his pocket. They jingled faintly in his grasp.

The briefest of smiles crossed Vincent's face, gone so fast Axel barely registered it before the military tags were thrust in his direction. Warily, the firestarter accepted them with much reluctance, finally realizing exactly what it was Vincent planned to do. The damn coward.

"You're just going to give up?" he demanded, beginning to grow angry despite himself. "You haven't even tried anything! Just buried yourself in your room and moped about your bad luck."

"It was enough!" Vincent hissed, crimson eyes flashing with a mixture of both desperation and despair. He abruptly turned away from Axel, resolutely staring at the path towards Crystal Canyon. "It was enough to live for sixteen years, to cling to nightmares and haunting touches. It was enough to live when all I wanted to do was die and this is what it brought me." At his side, claws clenched into fists and beneath the cloak, his wings twitched more violently than Axel had ever seen before.

Trembling shoulders were painfully obvious under the dark fabric as Vincent shook his head. "I'm going."

He took a step forward, his intentions obvious, but Axel wasn't about to let him go without a fight. "Coward!" he snarled, gripping onto Vincent's shirt and roughly jerking him backwards. "You fucking liar! What about everything you said to me, huh?"

With his usual grace, Vincent quickly caught his balance from Axel's clumsy yank and whirled around. Before Axel could even register what was going on, the winged man shoved him with both hands. His greater strength easily dislodged Axel's grip and sent him tumbling backwards, landing on his ass and skidding a few feet away. The firestarter coughed as the force of the blow was enough to push the air from his lungs.

Incredulous emerald eyes rose to find Vincent giving him a look that was dead enough to make him shiver on the inside. "Give up, Axel. It's over," Vincent stated coldly, his tone lifeless. "Not everyone gets a happy ending."

With that said, Vincent turned on his heels and stalked away, an overdramatic swish of black cloak accentuating his exit.

Axel watched his exit for all of a moment, anger seething beneath the surface. In an instant, his mind flashbacked without his permission, reminding him of someone else he had failed. Because of him, Reno would never get the chance to see Rude again. There were no third chances. And if not for a hell prettily disguised as a heaven, there might not have even been a second.

His gaze flickered to the military tags lying loosely in his palm and his fingers clenched around them. He angrily clambered to his feet, determination raging a bright inferno inside of him. Fuck Vincent and his fucking happy endings. Axel was through listening to him and he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

He had taken the chance for the both of them to get out of that hellhole and he would be damned if he let Vincent keep suffering. His hesitancy in taking risks had led to Reno's demise and he wasn't about to let it happen again. Casting one final glance at Vincent's departing form, Axel's jaw set with determination as he whirled on his heels and strode back towards the town. Luck was on his side for once.

The hangar for the gummi ships was located on the edge of the town itself. It would only take a few minutes for him to get there. And this time, he would not hold back. He let his anger and irritation stew within him, knowing that it would only drive him forward. His fingers clenched all too tightly to the tags, enough that they were digging into his skin but he didn't care.

He was tired of pussyfooting around. And perhaps it was a bit of selfishness as well. Because a part of him feared on the inside. Feared that if he couldn't get Cid to remember Vincent than perhaps there was no chance for him and Roxas. He didn't want to face that bitter truth so he put every effort into proving that Vincent and Cid's relationship was strong enough, if only to give him hope for his own.

It was Cid's sheer luck that he had no customers when Axel stormed into the hangar, furious green gaze sweeping the wide open space and instantly spying the blond man on the other end. With a clipboard in one hand and a well-chewed pen in the other, Cid appeared to be doing inventory. Not that Axel cared. With his target locked, Axel made his presence known.

"Cid!" he bellowed, stalking into the hangar and letting the doors slam shut loudly behind him. Both were enough to cause Cid to whirl towards him in surprise, blue eyes instantly darkening in anger and irritation. But it was nothing compared to the frustration that seethed within Axel.

"What the fuck ya think yer doin', kid?" Cid demanded, chomping noisily on his toothpick. "Comin' in here bellowin' and shit."

Axel didn't even blink. "How can you forget him?" he snarled, not even bothering with politeness or even really explanations. He was far past that point. "He fought through hell, clinging to your memory and the best you can do is forget?" His hand flipped out and he flung the military tags at Cid's head, daring the man to catch them.

Metal glinted as they soared through the air, only to be deftly plucked by Cid's hand. They clinked lightly in his hold as his brow furrowed in confusion, only to be replaced by complete and utter shock. Recognition flooded his expression as his clipboard clattered to the floor, clearly forgotten.

"How did you get these?" Cid shook the items at the red haired man. "I gave them to... to..." Axel remained impassive as sky blue eyes widened, gaze flickering to the tags in his hand, his name glaring bright in the silver metal.

"Vincent," the firestarter stated flatly. "You gave them to Vincent."

The blond jerked his head upwards at the name. "Vince..." he repeated before shaking his head negatively. "But... I thought he was dead," he commented, voice still registering his complete and utter shock.

"Do you honestly think he would let himself die and not come back to you?" Axel questioned coldly, drawing closer to Cid. "To him, sixteen years passed and he _never_ forgot how much he loved you. It was the only thing that kept him going."

"How was I supposed to know?" Cid argued, voice rising unnecessarily loud as his hands clenching into fists at his side. "He fuckin' disappears one day, the Heartless come and all hell breaks loose! I was fighting to stay alive just as much as him. Hell, all of us have forgotten things." He gritted his teeth as he shot a glare towards the other male.

Unperturbed by Cid's rising irritation, Axel was far angrier. "That's not my problem," he spat, slicing a hand through the air. "It doesn't matter what I think! All that matters is what Vincent believes and what he thinks!"

Normally tanned, Cid immediately paled. "Where is he?"

Axel sighed and raked a disturbed hand through his hair. "I don't--"

"Dammit, kid!" Cid growled, interrupting him. "Where is he?"

"I don't know!" Axel yelled out of sheer frustration, feeling as if he wanted to tear his hair out. "Something happened in the market. This kid and this woman, it doesn't really matter but Vincent blew everything out of proportion and took off. Last I saw he was heading towards Crystal Canyon."

The blond's jaw set as blue eyes suddenly gleamed dangerously. "Stupid bastard," he muttered harshly under his breath, storming past Axel. "Close to eleven years and ain't nothing changed."

Narrowing his eyes, Axel whirled around to follow after the man. "Where're you going?" he demanded, hurrying to catch up to Cid.

"Where do you think, genius?" Cid snorted as his boots clomped loudly on the cobbled stone. "Knowing Vincent, he's probably convinced he doesn't belong here anymore. I gotta go drag his stubborn ass out of the Bastion."

Confusion flooded the firestarter's face. "Why would he go there?"

"Why else?" Cid demanded, shooting him an annoyed glare as if it were _Axel's _fault that Vincent decided to run away. "You lived with him for how long and you still don't know how he thinks? Che, some friend you are." His quick steps were leading them rather rapidly in the same direction that Vincent had followed earlier. They had already passed beyond the last line of buildings and houses and were now on the path that led directly to Crystal Canyon and the Bastion beyond.

"He's a close-mouthed bastard," Axel snapped back indignantly as they practically ran through the corridors formed of blue stone and quartz, glinting in the dimming sun as it neared the horizon. "I'm lucky I know his name."

Cid snorted, perfectly ready to retort, when his eyes caught something just ahead of them. The words died on his lips as he drew to a halt, Axel stepping up beside him. His keen gaze had also noticed the darkly cloaked figure standing on the edge of the canyon, staring wistfully down into the abandoned castle. A moment of silence filled the air, accentuated by a brief wisp of wind that stirred, carrying with it snatches of noise from the town behind them and lingering traces of some flower.

Axel's eyes slid to Cid, noticing that the man's shoulders were shaking as his jaw tightened. Suddenly, Cid began to stalk forward. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he growled, loudly enough for Vincent to hear him clearly. Axel hung back, preferring to watch the proceedings from a distance.

Vincent whirled around, his mouth falling open in shock as his eyes widened impossibly large. "C--Cid?"

"Damn right," the other man continued, not lessening his pace in the slightest. "You selfish bastard."

The winged male stuttered, completely baffled at this change of events. "Why did you...? How did you...?" His words trailed off as his eyes helplessly flickered to Axel before hardening in sudden realization. "You..."

Axel shrugged, unable to help the self-satisfied smirk that painted itself onto his expression. "I don't give up."

Vincent glared at him, but was unable to keep the irritation as the man he had been so desperately wanting to touch came to rest just in front of him. "Ain't nothing changed, Vince," Cid commented, his voice just loud enough for Axel to pick up from his fair distance away. "Ya still act like a coward and run away when you get scared, just like when we were kids, always involving everyone else in your problems."

The winged man flinched. "I didn't ask Axel to--"

Cid waved him off. "You never ask, do you? Even when it's obvious you need it." He took another step forwards, closing the distance between them. "You stupid bastard, why didn't you just say something?"

His gaze fell to the ground, filled with misery as behind him, wings twitched as if to announce their presence. "Look at me," Vincent muttered, a voice filled with unmistakable self-loathing. "This is my fault. If I had listened to you and Zack, I wouldn't--"

"Shut up!" Cid snapped. "Just... none of it, Vince. You honestly think that I don't love you enough to accept whatever it is you are?"

"You forgot me! What else was I supposed to believe?" the other man, demanded as his hands clenched into fists at his sides. They were clamped so tightly that Axel wondered if Vincent was cutting himself with his claws. However, he detected no blood dripping to the ground.

Cid huffed in annoyance. "I didn't forget ya... I just couldn't remember. There's a fuckin' difference, Valentine." Abruptly, his hand shot out and before Vincent could even register what was happening, he was jerked forward. Fingers clamped tightly onto his shoulders, squeezing tightly enough to make him wince. "You didn't even give me a chance before you started running away."

"I'm sorry," Vincent sighed, finding it safer to keep his gaze centered on the ground.

Sky blue eyes rolled. "Don't tell me you're fuckin' sorry. Tell me you ain't going anywhere." He released one of Vincent's shoulders and gently grasped the other man's chin, forcing the man he loved to look at him. "Almost eleven years... do you really want to make me be alone any longer?"

"I shouldn't have in the first place," Vincent whispered, voice barely loud enough for Axel to hear as he stepped closer and slid his arms around Cid's waist. He laid his head on the blond's shoulder as Cid's arms slid around him, settling just beneath the base of his wings.

The gummi ship builder snorted in agreement. "No, you shouldn't have. And now you get me sayin' all this pansy, mushy shit. I hope yer satisfied."

Axel watched as Vincent's claws tightened when they gripped the back of Cid's shirt and a self-satisfied smirk took over his expression. Mission complete. Smug, he started clapping, thoroughly pleased with himself.

"See?" he pointed out, striding towards them. "If you had listened to me in the first place, none of this drama would have happened."

Vincent raised his head, glaring potently at his friend as Cid laughed robustly. "Kid's got a point," he pointed out, chuckling even harder when his lover turned that crimson glower onto him as well.

Cid snorted. "I had good reason," he thought it important to point out.

"And now you don't," Axel inserted easily. "So how about it, hmm?" he questioned, striding up to the both of them and throwing his arms companionably over their shoulders. It was times like this he loved his greater height, well taller than both of them. "Lend me a ship, Cid?"

The blond sighed as he reluctantly released his hold on Vincent and ducked out from beneath Axel's arm. His gaze slid towards his newly reunited lover and Axel was quick to notice Vincent's slight nod.

Cid raked a hand through his hair. "All right, Kid. Let's go see what I have in stock for you," he suggested, one hand sliding into his pocket to withdraw another toothpick and pop it back into his mouth.

A wide grin broke out on Axel's face as an uncharacteristic urge to whoop with glee and dance a Demyx jig filled his heart. He refrained from doing so, however, and settled for sticking out his hand, offering Cid a manly, mature shake. Cid eyed him warily for a moment before taking it as Vincent smirked on the side.

"Great!" the firestarter exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Now that we're all bosom buddies, let's get me a ship."

Blue eyes rolled as Cid scowled and reached back to take Vincent's hand, ignoring the other man's protests. "Come on then, brat," he muttered, already heading back towards the town with hurried movements, pulling Vincent along behind him. "No time then the present. Let's see what I got."

"Cid..." Vincent began, a protest on his lips. "I need a cloak or something."

The blond waved him off. "No, ya don't. If anyone's got anything to say they can come to me," he responded, jerking the thumb of his free hand to his chest. "This town owes me and Leon a lot, they won't do anythin' to ya." He looked over his shoulder, a strange glance that Axel couldn't quite interpret. "Maybe from now on you'll learn to just ask for help."

"Doubtful," the firestarter mumbled under his breath. He ignored the furious glare that Vincent sent his way.

The threesome were at the hangar in no time, Cid pushing open the small side door and ushering them inside with eager movements. Axel understood perfectly. He was certain that Cid and Vincent wanted time to get... reacquainted.

Once inside, Cid started mumbling to himself as they passed by a few gummi ships, noting the current condition of those he had. Most looked to be in a state of mid-repair, as if Cid had started on one, then gotten bored and moved on to another. Obviously, they weren't flyable. Suddenly, just as they passed one that looked as if it had been blown up by a field of meteors, Cid paused and cocked his head to the side.

"Huh," he commented, chewing noisily on his toothpick as he propped both hands on his hips. He was steadfastly gazing at the only gummi ship they had encountered so far that was fixed. It was actually gleaming, as if it had been recently cleaned and polished. That, or hardly ever used.

"What is it?" Vincent questioned.

The blond gestured towards the gummi ship. "That's the Excalibur," he answered with a slight, confused frown, his eyebrows drawn together in contemplation. "Sora's ship," he added, clarifying.

"There you are, Cid!" A young male voice announced as if on cue. The sound of two pairs of feet clomping noisily across the ground accompanied his voice, causing Axel, Vincent, and Cid to whirl around in shock. "The ship's makin' weird noises and..." Sora trailed off, his face registering complete surprise when he caught sight of the three of them.

Emerald eyes widened as a sharp stab of something pierced Axel right through the chest. He saw Sora but he didn't see him, instead he looked through him. Not brown hair, but blond, blue eyes but a shade darker, a shade more resonant. And instead of an open, smiling facade, he saw a stubborn set to a jaw, a familiar glower that he had always teased him for.

He couldn't explain, the surge of emotion that practically clamped down on him from the inside, making him feel as if he were staggering backwards. His breath caught in his throat and his heart, his true and real heart now that he had one, beat a faster rhythm.

The name fell from his lips, like the last desperate wish of a dying man.

"Roxas."

* * *

Thanks for reading! I look forward to your comments! And I promise, I'm hard at work on the remaining chapters. Terribly sorry for the wait!!!


	16. Chapter 12: Regretful Revelations

**Warning: Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix Spoilers!!!**

**A/N: And I realize Riku may seem a little OOC, with the GRR-RAGE! But it will be explained in the next interlude, I promise. **

**Chapter 12: Regretful Revelations  
**  
Last chapter...

_He couldn't explain the surge of emotion that practically clamped down on him from the inside, making him feel as if he were staggering backwards. And maybe he was, it certainly seemed like the world was spinning. His breath caught in his throat and his heart, his true and real heart now that he had one, beat a faster rhythm. _

_The name fell from his lips, full of more emotion than his tone could contain and fulfill, like a dying man who thirsted for one last drink. _

"_Roxas."_

"His name's not Roxas!" Another voice interrupted, sounding both sharp and angry. A silver-haired boy stormed in front of Sora, slicing his hands through the air and dispelling the strange spell that seemed to have transfixed Axel.

The words echoed from the boy's lips, which had curled into a vicious snarl. His arm shot to the side, a weapon materializing from thin air into his fingers. Axel knew with just a glance that it was a keyblade, especially since it practically radiated power all on its own.

"His name is Sora, asshole!" Before anyone could blink, or Axel could register what was really happening, the silver-haired kid leapt across the room. In a flash, quicker than was normal, he attacked Axel, blade raised for a high swing.

Then there was a flutter of dark fabric, a brief wash of something spicy and alluring, seconds before a screeching clank echoed in the hangar. The first to regain his senses, Vincent had intercepted the boy's attack with the sudden appearance of a gleaming golden claw on his left hand.

Crimson eyes narrowed. "Calm yourself, child," Vincent ordered, tightening his metal grip on the blade of the boy's weapon. "Think before you attack."

Axel blinked, surprised by the events as he appeared to come out of his stupor. The boy, however, was unperturbed by Vincent's apparent speed and skill. He sneered as he growled, ripping his keyblade from Vincent's hold with another shrieking whine of metal on metal.

"Why're you protecting him?" he demanded, hand clenching into a fist at his side before finally seeming to notice Vincent's unusual appearance. "And what the hell are you?"

"You better hold your tongue, kid!" Cid thundered, stepping up on the other side of his lover. "Stop acting like a dumbass, Riku!" He reached out, slapping the boy along side the head in a blow hard enough to make his ears ring.

Aquamarine eyes shifted to Cid as Riku glared, irritably rubbing the side of his head. "What the hell's going on? Why is there a Nobody here?"

Cid twisted his jaw. "He ain't a Nobody. Axel's a friend."

The boy, Riku, snorted. "Just like Ansem, I suppose. What the hell's wrong with you people and trusting the bad guys?"

"Riku!" The reprimanding tone belonged to none other than Sora. He pushed his way past the overprotective taller kid and shot him a glare that turned out to be little more than a very cute pout. "You're being rude."

With that said, Sora stepped in front of Riku, separating him from the others and shifting his gaze to the firestarter. "You're Axel... aren't you?" he asked, a strange gleam in his ocean blue eyes.

Axel was again startled by how much Sora resembled his best friend. And yet, they were so startlingly different as well. Sora was so short and skinny that it was a miracle his body contained such strength. He gave the aura of someone who could easily be beaten, yet Axel knew from experience that the boy kicked ass. Not only that, he had somehow managed to save the universe. Not an easy task.

The firestarter nodded. "You... remember me?"

"Sort of." Sora's brow crinkled in thought as he touched a hand to his chest. "Or at least, a part of me remembers things that I don't, while the rest of me remembers things I did."

Despite himself, Axel couldn't help but laugh at that. It was a perfectly Roxas thing to say, perfectly true, and yet, perfectly confusing as well. He covered his face with one hand as he laughed, feeling as if he had suddenly descended into madness. This was what he had been waiting for, finding Sora, regaining Roxas... a part of him was overjoyed but there was still another part of him that clenched with guilt.

He remembered that much of himself now. How he had felt trying to get Roxas back and realizing that in the end, he would have to hurt Sora to do it. It was the only path in which he could not walk selfishly, and in the end, he gave up his life so that Sora could continue his. In some round about way, maybe he had thought he was saving Roxas. Not that Roxas had ever needed a hero.

It was the honest truth. Roxas had never needed Axel as much as Axel had needed Roxas.

"Axel?"

A hand settled on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Vincent's, if the voice was any indication. Axel drew in a shuddery breath as he shook his head, eyes closing of their own accord. "Nothing. It's just..." He trailed off, chuckling somewhat madly once more. "I--"

"Sora!"

Axel's eyes snapped open and he stared with horror to find Sora slumping into Riku's arms, eyes shuttering closed. His face had drained of all color and for a moment, Axel's heart stopped. He stepped forward, intending to offer his aid as he reached out a hand but Riku jerked away, carrying his lover with him.

"Don't touch him," the volatile boy snarled, turning his body away from Axel.

The firestarter immediately recoiled at his tone, eyes widening in shock. From the side, he watched as Riku brushed a hand over Sora's face, quietly calling out his name. "Sora?" The brunet didn't stir.

Cid sighed. "Come on, kid," he suggested in a gruff tone, though Axel detected a note of concern. He stepped forward, briefly tapping Riku on the shoulder. "Let's get him to Leon's. We can talk more there."

The silver-haired boy nodded and quickly scooped up the smaller male into his arms, Sora dangling limply into his hold. Cid tossed a wordless glance over his shoulder to Vincent as the two exited the gummi ship hangar, leaving Vincent and Axel behind.

Axel still stood frozen in place, his hands clenched at his side as he stared at the ground. He barely registered the other three leaving, too concerned with the strange emotions coursing through him. His entire body felt drawn with tension, taut and ready for something; yet, he didn't know what.

"Axel?" Vincent's tentative query barely pierced the fog that had suddenly surrounded his brain.

He shook his head. "It's the eyes," Axel muttered, finishing his incomplete statement of earlier. "Those same damned eyes." His heart clenched, a heavy throb in his chest, and the ache that he hadn't even realized was building, began to pulsate.

In trying to help Vincent so desperately, he'd had little time to stop and think. But one glance at Sora, one brief glimpse into eyes that were, but for a shade of color, the exact same and his composure crumbled. All of those regrets and memories crashed down, filling in all the blank spots that Gaia's Grotto had erased. In short, anything he had ever forgotten suddenly surged to life within him.

The return was so quick that a spark of pain flashed through his mind. He sucked in a breath, swaying uncomfortably on his feet. Suddenly, Vincent's voice seemed far away and Axel only briefly registered a pair of hands grabbing him. His body jerked, yet felt weightless at the same time before it all suddenly went dark.

_He was in his usual place, _their _usual place. The clock tower in Twilight Town was a location that the two of them had always shared. Axel chuckled softly to himself. It only made it that much easier to find him. _

_He quietly snuck up on his best friend. Roxas was sitting on the ledge, looking very solemn as he buried his face in knees drawn up to his chest. _

"_Finally woken up?" _

_Roxas nearly jumped at the unexpected voice, unfurling his limbs to look up. His face registered surprise. "Axel?"_

_The firestarter felt his heart clench when those eyes turned on him. Inwardly, he summoned his composure. "Nope. Maybe you're going to sleep." He swept his gaze over Twilight Town stretched serenely beneath them. Maybe they were all going to sleep. "Soon, I won't even be able to talk to your consciousness like this." He stopped, sucking in a deep breath. _

_He heard more than saw Roxas look away, shifting against the ledge. "I..." He paused. With anyone else, Axel would have thought it was uncertainty. "I'm going back to how I was." _

_How he was... used to be. Too bad Axel liked how he was now. Then again, it wasn't like he had the choice in the matter. His chance for choice was long gone._

"_I've thought about it a lot," he commented as he lowered himself down onto the ledge next to Roxas. He drew one foot up to his chest, balancing his arm upon it. "Namine said the same thing. Roxas..." He took a deep breath, turning to look at his best friend, eyes softening. "You have a heart, don't you? While Namine and I..." His stomach flip-flopped and he had to look away. It was simply too hard. "We don't really have hearts, do we?" _

_Roxas' hand clenched and unclenched for all of a second. "I... I don't really know either." He shook his head._

"_I guess not..." Axel sighed. It wasn't fair. It simply _wasn't _fair. _

"_But, the heart's not really something you can see. I've started wondering whether its something you can't feel either... if so, then..." He stopped, shook his head again and fiddled with something non-existent on his Organization cloak. He always hated wearing those things... "Nah, never mind."_

_Axel tilted his head in confusion. "Hm? What're you getting at?" he asked, gesturing towards the blond. _

_Blue eyes like the ocean turned towards him. "I'm sure Sora'll find the answer." He paused, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Because he's me."_

_Axel laughed lightly, though it was without cheer. "Yeah, that's true." Melancholy, deep and seeded, flooded through them and he clenched his teeth, turning towards the sunset. He was certain there wasn't much time now. _

_Digging into his pockets, he pulled out the treat he had brought for his friend. Everyone seemed so excited over this ice cream and while he hadn't thought it particularly important, it seemed to spark something in Roxas. He handed the blue sea-salt bar over, eliciting another one of those looks that seemed to radiate from deep within Roxas' eyes. _

"_This really takes me back," he commented, with one of his own smiles. "D'you remember? We first met the day you got your new name. And then we watched the sunset from up here." From then on, it became their special place, where no one else would bother them. Not even Saix or Xemnas deigned to disturb them. _

_Axel's non-existent heart clenched again. He simply couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough. It wasn't _fair. _Laughter rang in his ears. The sound of friendly fighting, arguments in jest. The ring of metal on metal, memories that haunted him. Memories he refused to leave alone. How could something he didn't have ache so strongly?_

_Roxas nodded. "Yeah, this is where I came from. Everyone... Hayner, Pence, Olette... I hope they're okay."_

_"You should go and see them again."_

_The blond smiled briefly, taking a bite of the ice cream. "Yeah... So... I have to go." His gaze moved to Axel, for a single moment, containing a shining amount of regret. "Sora's waiting for me."_

_There was nothing Axel could do after all. His chance had passed. He could do nothing but say goodbye. There were other words, other things he wanted to say, to scream, but the words caught in his throat and he had to swallow down tears._

_It wasn't fair._

_"Yeah," Axel said, blinking back tears that didn't really exist since Nobodies weren't supposed to have emotions. "I guess he is." He noisily chomped on the ice cream, if only to clear the sudden lump in his throat as he looked away from Roxas. "Whoa, this ice cream is really salty." But his tone was dull, his voice shakier than he had intended it to be._

_He knew Roxas had heard it. He couldn't miss it._

_Those eyes turned his way as a strange light began to envelop Roxas, his body fading gradually. "See you, Axel," he said, a sad smile on his face._

_Axel sighed, turning to watch his friend fade away. Something flickered across the surface of emerald eyes. "See ya... partner."_

_It took less than a second for light to become nothingness, flitting away on the wind and leaving him alone on the clock tower. His eyes burned as his fingers clenched tightly onto the Popsicle stick. The tear, the first he cried since becoming Axel, fell before he could stop it, dripping to the platform. With a cry that was both rage and despair, he threw the ice cream as far off of the ledge as his strength would carry it._

_It was over._

He awoke with regret crashing over him, spilling into his eyes and immediately dampening his face. Not even registering his location or particularly caring, he turned on his side and buried his face into a pillow, weeping as he had not ever before. Finger dug into plush fabric as if it were the only solid object he could cling to. With the memories came the emotions and with those, everything that he hadn't realized he was suppressing.

Though his tears were silent, they were strong and his body shuddered. Too many memories, too many lost chances... regret sought to dim his hope. He had found Sora... but what if Vincent's theories were wrong? What if nothing more could be done?

He didn't think he could handle another goodbye.

The bed sagged behind him just then and he knew without looking who it was. Only Vincent could understand what he was going through. And he suspected that only Vincent truly cared.

"This was why..." Axel croaked, his voice raspy from both weeping and the emotion that grew thick in his throat. Unconsciously, his body furled even tighter as if experiencing physical pain. "I'm sorry... I didn't understand." He paused, sniffling slightly and feeling quite pathetic. "I didn't know the pain."

Vincent was silent a moment. "You were once angry with me because of something Reno said," he replied enigmatically. "Do you remember?"

"You thought I could save you," came the muffled reply.

There was a shifting of cloth. "And you did. The moment I saw you, something told me that we were alike. That the piece I was missing, that kept me on Gaia's Grotto, would end up being within you. I admit I was selfish in wanting you to bear that burden."

Axel considered Vincent's words, blinking away lingering sobs as he scrubbed at his face. He turned over on the bed, finding that crimson eyes were sympathetic. "Why did you tell me that?"

Vincent sighed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ears as he raised his gaze to a nearby window. "Because if Roxas means half as much to you as Cid means to me, then I know that somehow you'll find a way. I'll help, of course, but I suspect that like before, you'll find the answer on your own."

With his words, that frail hope began to rise once more. Tears threatened to flow again but Axel shoved a hand over his eyes as he moved to sit up on the bed. He hated how much of an emotional wreck he was, but it seemed it couldn't be helped. His entire body felt strained and weary, as if an effect of his dream. A quick glance around informed him that he was at Leon's, not that he was surprised.

Realization struck him. "Did you carry me?" he asked incredulously, eying the man who was just as thin if not more than him.

A brief smile flitted across Vincent's lips. "It wouldn't be the first time. You're heavier than you look."

Axel snorted. "And you're stronger than you look. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were hiding it." Feeling stiff, he promptly began to stretch before a yawn escaped him. He didn't feel any better or worse. The emotions were still lingering, the fear and the worry... but he pulled together his composure. With memories reverberating within him, he couldn't simply lie around and mope.

Vincent rose from the bed, giving Axel room to move to the edge of the bed. He swung his legs over before frowning in thought. "What's been happening?"

"Everyone has gathered downstairs. Aeris is cooking, I believe." Vincent paused as he moved to the dresser, digging around for some clothes for his companion. As he tossed a pair of baggy jeans to Axel, he continued, "I took the liberty of explaining everything to the others, especially Riku. However, the last time I checked, Sora was still unconscious." He pulled out a plain white t-shirt, chucking that at Axel as well.

The firestarter quickly caught the cloth and pulled it over his head. "What's wrong with him?"

Vincent frowned, folding his arms over his chest as his wings twitched behind him. "We're not sure but Merlin doesn't think he's in any danger." He shrugged.

Axel nodded. "Where are my other pants?"

"Don't worry," Vincent assured him, dipping one hand into his pocket. "I knew to grab them first." He crossed the room, depositing the two mementos into Axel's hands.

The younger man slid the keychain into his pocket but propped the sunglasses on his forehead, just as Reno had always done. It would probably take a while to get used to the weight on his head, but he felt he would need the constant reminder. He wouldn't allow himself to forget Reno or his promise to him.

"And Riku?"

Vincent grinned. "Still pissed but Cid has smacked him upside the head a few times and he's reluctantly calmed down. Cid denies it but he would make a great father." He paused, a chuckle escaping his lips as they headed for the door. "He was gracious enough to tell his story. Apparently, Sora's been acting strangely, especially the strange and sudden urge to come here."

They stepped into the hall, a quiet murmuring of voices gradually floating their direction from downstairs. "What do you think it means?"

"I don't know. I can't even begin to fathom."

The two men headed for the stairs, but at the top, Axel grabbed Vincent's arms, preventing him from descending. Both Vincent's happier demeanor and the mention of his lover had brought up a point in Axel. He wanted to address it as soon as possible, even if it made him somewhat discomfited. At the touch, garnet eyes turned towards Axel, confused.

"About Cid..." Axel began, hesitating on his words. He stared at the floor, a slightly embarrassed flush flaring across his cheeks. "Did you..."

"No, I didn't," Vincent cut in, sounding bemused. "Would you like me to or does it matter?"

His face burned and he refused to look up. It wasn't as if anyone had ever taught him the protocol on such matters. "Should it?"

Vincent chuckled, causing Axel to raise his head indignantly, only to glare. "I'm not making fun of you," the winged man assured before laying a companionable hand on Axel's shoulders. "I love Cid, Axel," he explained, growing serious. "Nothing could ever change that. But that's not to say I never cared for you." He smiled lightly. "You will always be dear to me and because of that, I just feel that it is something he doesn't need to know. He would probably understand, knowing him, but I prefer to keep it to myself."

"No regrets then? No guilt for a lie even if it is by omission?" Axel questioned, somewhat skeptically.

The other man shook his head. "None." His hand slid from Axel's shoulder as he turned back towards the stairs, stepping down to the first. "Come on, everyone's waiting."

Axel nodded as they began to descend but before they reached the bottom, Vincent had one more thing to say. "Thank you, Axel."

"You've said that already," Axel returned with a grin. "Besides, my motives were selfish."

Vincent shrugged as they hit the bottom landing and stood just before the entranceway to the dining room. "Even so. I found my way home and that's all that matters." His wings seemed to twitch in agreement.

The two men turned into the dining room, where nearly everyone was sitting around the rather large table. Not for the first time, Axel wondered why Leon was living in such a big house. Not only did he have room enough for guests, as well as having Cloud live with him when he was there, but he also had a table large enough to fit all of his friends and extras. For all the man's gruff posturing, he really was just a softie at heart.

Aeris looked up from where she was setting out plates, flashing both men a smile as they entered. "Good afternoon," she greeted pleasantly before turning to Yuffie at her side. "Set the potatoes over by Cid's plate. You know how he eats them."

"Got it!" the ninja chirped, flouncing over to the opposite side of the table.

She returned her attentions to Axel as he and Vincent found two of the remaining seats, far away from the currently glowering Riku and next to Leon, who had a slightly annoyed expression on his face. "How are you feeling?"

Considering that he had just fainted dead away for seemingly no reason at all, pretty good. But Axel wasn't about to snipe so rudely to Aeris. "Fine," he responded succinctly, dropping down into his seat with enough plop to rattle the silverware and glasses on the table.

He could practically feel aquamarine eyes trying to burn a hole through his scalp. Not that he was scared of the little brat. It was annoying, frankly, and on principle alone, Axel looked up and made sure to flash Riku the biggest, friendliest smile in his arsenal. The glare intensified. Inwardly, Axel laughed.

"Stop provoking him," Vincent hissed under his breath, reaching under the table to pinch Axel on the leg.

The firestarter jumped at the unexpected pain and shot his friend an incredulous look. "What are you, my father?"

A hand swiped across the back of his head as someone passed him from behind, only later identified as Cid. "Don't be ridiculous, brat. If Vin had any kids, they wouldn't be as bad as you."

"I'm well-behaved," Axel countered, the smell of the cooked food wafting to his nostrils. His stomach grumbled hungrily, reminding him that it had been quite some time since he had last eaten. At least seven hours if his glance at the clock had given him indication.

Across the table, Leon snorted. "Well-behaved my ass," he muttered under his breath, looking surlier than usual. Axel's usual urge to poke and annoy Leon welled up inside of him but he refrained from doing so. He didn't need the situation at the table to get anymore tense.

So he resolved to start dishing up the food that Aeris, and surprisingly Vincent he would come to learn, helped prepare. At least the winged man hadn't been sitting by his side all afternoon like some worried lover.

Aeris and Yuffie sat down at the table, leaving an empty seat on the other side of Riku just in case Sora showed up sometime soon and the meal commenced with little ceremony. True to Aeris' words, Cid dished up half the plate of potatoes leaving little to share with the others. Leon hogged all of the bread and Yuffie scuffled with Riku over the choicest piece of chicken breast. Axel watched all of this with interest.

They were like a big family, he noticed. And now that Vincent had come out of his melancholic funk, he seemed to fit right in. Even going so far as to swipe one of Leon's hoarded rolls off his plate when the other man wasn't looking. Uncharacteristic behavior for Vincent, in Axel's opinion. Then again, Vincent had been so close-mouthed, he couldn't really say what the man's personality was.

It was several minutes into the meal, when everyone's plates were full and their mouths occupied with food that the topic of Axel and Sora and Roxas and all things associated with them finally came up. Merlin was the first to break the ice, which was probably a good thing since he was perhaps the one most respected out of them, right on equal terms with Cid.

"Vincent, you said that you believe there is a way to separate Roxas from Sora without harming either of them, yes?" he questioned.

The winged male inclined his head. "If my memory serves me correctly. I picked up the basic gist of the lot of the research not only from Lucrecia's excited conversations, but the other scientist's mumbled ramblings as well."

"Wait," Cid interjected as Merlin nodded in understanding, "What happened to Lucrecia?"

Vincent frowned. "I honestly don't know. Both she and Hojo disappeared shortly after Ansem's apprentices began their darker experiments, the ones that would eventually lead to their doom."

"Do you think that they are dead?" Leon asked, his interest perking considerably. "That maybe they were used in their experiments?"

A strange expression crossed Vincent's face, one Axel wasn't sure he could identify. Like a dark shadow that flitted all too quickly. "I do not think so, no."

"All right," Merlin began, trying to redirect the talk to his prior line of thought. "But ... what do you think will happen to Roxas if this does work?"

"It is my opinion that he will return to Gaia's Grotto," Vincent replied easily, his expression back to normal. "Without Sora officially losing his body, Roxas will not have a body to return to and effectively only be a soul. In essence, he will die and when a Nobody dies, he is automatically sent to Gaia's Grotto."

Leon sat back in his chair, a frown deepening the lines on his usually sour expression. "Simple enough," he agreed. "But how do you plan to rescue Roxas from there?"

"Do you even know where Gaia's Grotto is?" Riku inputted, somewhat heatedly. He had yet to touch his food, his eyes still darting towards the door as if he expected Sora to show up at any moment. Concern was shining deep within his eyes.

Axel shook his head. "No, we don't. It is somewhere on the border of dark and light but that is about all we know."

"Like Twilight Town," Riku muttered.

Vincent nodded. "Yes. Other than the dawn keyblade, the location of Gaia's Grotto is our only obstacle." He paused, reconsidering as his gaze flickered to Riku. "That and Sora's consent."

"Do you think it's possible Ansem's lab might hold clues?" Leon asked thoughtfully, tapping his fingers on the table.

With a clatter, Aeris set a new platter of rolls on the table. "His computer holds a lot of knowledge, surely there is something," she suggested as she took her seat once more.

"You said it was called Gaia's Grotto?" Riku asked, looking for confirmation. When Vincent nodded, he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I think I have heard of it."

Axel's brows rose nearly to his hairline. "You have?" he queried skeptically. Riku was being unusually helpful. Whether that had anything to do with the presence of Cid at his side or that he actually wanted to aid was left up for debate. Axel was leaning more towards the former.

"Maleficent sometimes mumbled when she thought I wasn't listening," Riku began to explain with evident reluctance. "She spent a lot of time in Hollow Bastion's labs, fascinated by Ansem's research and even adding to it some of her own. I once heard her mention a place called the Grotto and how their plans were coming together perfectly. Up until now, I hadn't recognized the reference as belonging to anything else."

"I'll bet we can find something out at the castle. It can probably tell us stuff about the keyblade, too," Axel suggested, forking more of the meal into his mouth. "Finding Gaia's Grotto means nothing without the keyblade."

Riku sighed and looked at the table. "I already know who has the dawn blade."

"Really?" Yuffie sat forward in her seat excitedly. "Who?"

Without raising his gaze, Riku merely held up a hand above the table. There was a brief surge of power, similar to the one Axel had experienced earlier right before Riku attacked before a keyblade materialized in Riku's hands. The same one that he had wielded earlier.

"Me," the silver-haired boy answered succinctly. "Meet the Way to the Dawn."

A chorus of gasps echoed around the table but Vincent remained unimpressed. Crimson eyes narrowed. "Why didn't you say something before?"

The blade disappeared with a dim twinkle as Riku's hand fell to the table. "Because I have no intention of using it. I'm not putting Sora's life at risk."

The hope that had been steadily building within Axel, crashed and shattered before he could even grasp onto it. He stared at the broken, fragile pieces and wondered why he had even bothered in the first place. "W--what?"

Riku shook his head, sitting up more firmly in his chair. "You don't know if it will work. You don't even know about the risks. I won't kill the only person that matters to me just so you can have yours back!" His hand, resting on the table, clenched slowly into a fist. "I fought through too much to get back to him," he added, in a much quieter tone.

"Then you should understand," Axel argued. "I don't want to kill him. If I wanted that, I wouldn't even bother with your damn keyblade!"

Riku folded his arms over his chest. "I don't care. I won't let him do it."

"Don't you think Sora should make that choice?" Vincent asked. "You yourself have said that he's been acting strangely."

Aquamarine eyes flickered in the winged man's direction but didn't soften in the slightest. "Yes but... that's not life-threatening. And lately, it's been happening less and less."

"I would have to agree with Riku. I don't think we should delve into things we don't understand," Leon said, putting in his two munny worth.

Aeris turned thoughtful, a somewhat apologetic expression on her face as she turned towards Axel. "I am sympathetic, Axel, but they have a point."

It wasn't that Axel didn't understand Riku's fears, or that he was ignoring the risks. He damn well knew that it probably wasn't a safe process. He knew all of these things. But he couldn't help being selfish, he couldn't help wanting to try anyways. Was that so bad?

The firestarter shook his head. "But you won't even consider it... or try?" he asked, hating how much it sounded as if he was begging. It wasn't his style to be this pleading or needy, but dammit, this was the closest he had come to his second chance. He couldn't and wouldn't easily give it up.

Yet, the look on Riku's face spoke plainly on his decision. It was over before it even got a chance to begin.

With a growl, which sounded more pained than angry, Axel slammed a fist into the table, rattling the dishes loudly before he jerked to his feet. He turned towards the door, ignoring the looks being sent his direction. Tears prickled at the back of his eyes but he fought them down, refusing to weep ever again. It hadn't done him any good before, and it wouldn't now.

He shook his head silently to himself as he headed for the doorway, only to suddenly come up short. His eyes widened in shock as his gaze fell on the figure blocking the exit.

"I'll do it," Sora said quietly, a strange expression on his face.

Behind Axel, someone sucked in a sharp breath. "What?" It was Leon. The feet of a chair scraped across the floor as he stood. "You can't be serious."

Ocean blue eyes flickered past Axel, in the direction that the firestarter knew Riku to be sitting. "I said, I'll do it... but not without some research first. I'm not stupid; I wouldn't blindly jump into something like this."

"B--but, Sora..." Riku stuttered, but his words were quickly cut off as Sora shook his head, stepping further into the room. He left the exit open, but Axel no longer felt the need to escape, too stunned by the turn of events.

"I had nearly forgotten him... Roxas. He's almost completely a part of me. And now I realize what the unexplainable melancholy was. I thought I was missing something." He stepped past Axel and the firestarter turned to follow his movements, watching as Sora placed a hand on his chest, directly over where his heart would be. "But it's actually him who misses someone. It's his sadness I've been feeling." He cast a glance over his shoulder, a sad smile tugging at his mouth. "And he thought no one would miss him."

Axel's eyes widened as his heart literally leapt in his chest. That alone was proof that Roxas was within Sora. That was Roxas' memory, not Sora's. Unless the blond was present within Sora's mind, and able to speak with Sora, there was no way that Sora could have known to say that.

"You could die!" Riku argued, jerking to his feet and sending his chair clattering backwards. "I won't do--"

"Not if we do some research first," Sora inserted easily, not at all bothered by his boyfriend's short temper. He turned towards Leon. "Ansem's experiments and data are still in the computers, right? Maybe Tron can help us find something."

Leon nodded, the faintest of smiles twitching his lips. "Tron will be ecstatic if you ask for his help. I'm sure--"

"I don't care," Riku interrupted frostily, shooting an angry glare across the table. "I won't do it." With that, he turned on his heels and stalked from the room, hands clenched into fists at his side.

Sora watched his exit with an unreadable expression. "I'll talk to him," he sighed.

"Even so, this is an interesting turn of events," Merlin commented as he sat back in his chair, running a wizened hand through his white beard. "I think it is time I look at these records. Perhaps together, Valentine and I can uncover something of use in Ansem's research."

The meal on the table apparently forgotten, Leon turned away as well, heading towards the other door out of the dining room. "I do not agree with things as they stand, but I will help. I must admit my curiosity is strong," he said before shifting to throw a look at Cid over his shoulder. "Don't forget to take a look at the defense system, Cid. I'm heading over to the Bastion."

"I'll help, too," Aeris quickly volunteered. "Outside of Leon, I'm the most familiar with the computer system and Tron anyways." She smiled companionably.

Axel dipped his head, the surging feeling of helplessness and rage flitting away in the wake of their offered aid. "Thanks," he managed, voice weaker than he would have liked. He was unused to depending on other people, so this was a new experience for him.

Aeris beamed. "We're glad to," she commented before gesturing towards the food in front of him with her fork. "Now eat!"

The firestarter grinned and picked up his own utensil. That was a command he was willing to obey.

* * *

"Explain to me again why I'm stuck with you," Axel grumbled, cutting his eyes at his unfortunate travel companion. He shoved his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders against the slight chill that seemed to permeate the air in Hollow Bastion no matter how hot it was outside.

The entire castle was creepy. He didn't like it in the slightest. Clinging shadows, monstrous statues, cobwebs, creaking lifts... it was nothing like the clean, crisp lines of Castle Oblivion. For only the briefest of moments, he missed Marluxia's anal-retentive personality that required everyone to keep everything clean. The pansy-assed bastard.

To his left, Leon let out an aggravated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't particularly enjoy it either," he countered as they ascended the stairs to the highest rooms of the castle since they had already searched all of the ones below them. "But Aeris and Cid are already working on the computer together and Merlin and Vincent are in the basement lab. Riku and Sora are in the library. That leaves you and me to the upper levels."

Axel blew air out of his mouth, fluffing one of the spikes that was dangling limply in his face. They had woken him up far too early in the morning and as a result, he hadn't even brushed the tangled, scarlet mess. Not that he particularly cared what he looked like. It wasn't really important at the moment.

"The division of labor makes little sense to me," he grumbled, just for the sake of grumbling. Leon was sullen in a different manner than Vincent, and his silence was aggravating not companionable. "Like Riku and Sora are going to do research when they're alone in the library."

They crested the top of the stairs of the topmost floor and headed towards one of the first doors, throwing it open to reveal a dusty, long unused bedroom.

"I don't want to think about them and such things," Leon mumbled, raking a hand through his messy brown hair. He shook his head, casting a quick glance through the air. "This is a guest bedroom... I doubt there's anything in here."

"Fine with me." Axel whirled on his heels and stalked out, already heading to the next in a long string of doors. He had the sinking feeling it was going to be a long ass day. Why couldn't he have gotten one of the more interesting assignments, like the laboratory? Or even the computer room? Surely pounding buttons all day would be more intriguing than wandering around with Leon.

Then again, needling Leon could prove to make the rest of the day interesting, if Leon rose to the bait as easily as he hoped.

The next door revealed a small study, desk in one corner, a short row of tall and well-stocked bookshelves on the other. A large window was heavily covered by a thick curtain, blocking out any and all light. Axel found the light switch quickly, flicking it on and sending a flood of pale light across the room.

Leon headed for the desk, sitting in the plump chair before digging around in the drawers. After observing for a moment, Axel wandered towards the bookshelves, idly scanning the titles. At first glance, they appeared to be nothing more than fantasy novels or books on mythology. Still, that didn't mean nothing could be found.

He randomly selected a book, something about princes and frogs, and started leafing through it. The silence was unnerving, rankling in the back of his mind, and he racked his brain for some topic, any topic just to fill the silence.

"Did it ever occur to you that you are being selfish?" Leon suddenly asked, his voice accompanied with the sound of a desk drawer being shoved shut with a sharp bang.

Axel looked down at the book in his hands, a somewhat guilty feeling causing his heart to pulse. "Yes," he answered quietly. Of course he had considered it.

"And yet you are still--"

"Yes!" Axel interrupted, snapping the book shut and turning to glare at the suddenly loquacious man. "Yes, I'm still going to keep trying. Because I've been searching and I've been waiting and I've been wanting! Roxas has always been the only thing that's ever mattered to me. I don't care if I'm selfish. I really don't."

Stormy eyes blinked though the look on Leon's face remained impassive. "He means that much to you?"

Axel snorted, his mind instantly recalling the memory or dream or whatever it was he had experienced yesterday. "That puts it lightly," he muttered, turning back towards the bookshelf. "You would understand if you had any room in your cold heart to care for someone else."

He knew, without having to look, that Leon immediately bristled. "Don't presume to know--"

"I already know about Cloud," Axel interrupted, cutting him off with a sharply waved hand. He shoved his book onto the shelf and grabbed another one, something called The Heart of Darkness. "Yuffie can be quite the blabbermouth when she gets started." He cast a glance over his shoulder, smirking when Leon's face started flooding red. "So you have no right to preach to me about selfishness when you are too scared of what you feel to help the person that probably means the most to you."

Silence descended between them, an uncomfortable stillness that didn't perturb Axel but remained there nonetheless. A moment passed before Leon suddenly stormed from the room, a strange expression flitting across his face. Axel didn't figure that Leon would open up to him. The man was as closed off as a prison and just as cold.

Axel watched his exit with impassive eyes before returning to his book. The words blurred in front of him as his mind turned to other thoughts, to memories that resonated within him and tears that he had shed. Roxas wasn't just his best friend... he was so much more. And Axel had never told him.

He was such a bastard.

"Axel!"

The door to the study flung open, hitting the wall with a bang that was loud enough to cause Axel to drop his book and jump with surprise. His head swung towards the door, finding Yuffie standing there with the biggest grin in the world on her face.

"We found it!" she exclaimed before he get a word in edgewise. "We found the coordinates for Gaia's Grotto!"

His eyes widened. "What?" he questioned, moving towards her. Excitement began to well inside of him.

She nodded excitedly. "And that's not all," the ninja added with an impish grin. "Riku and Sora found research on the keyblades and their properties, done by some guy named Hojo, but research nonetheless!"

"What does it say?" he asked, already following her out into the hall as they headed towards the nearest lift, the quickest method to the lowest floor. Axel hated how they creaked and swayed but his excitement far overrode his anxiety.

The ninja beamed. "They think Vincent's right. Riku's not too happy about it but..." She shrugged before suddenly peering around him. "Where's Squall?"

"He took off," Axel replied nonchalantly as they stepped into the lift. He waited for the gut-clenching feeling to attack him as it thrummed to life.

Yuffie eyed him disapprovingly, something gleaming behind her brown eyes. "You weren't teasing him again, were you, Axel?" When the firestarter didn't respond, she huffed and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. "He gets so grouchy when you do that. I'll bet you brought up Cloud again, didn't you?"

He couldn't help the lazy smirk as he leaned against the side of the lift, folding his arms over his chest. Not only did the annoying things creak but they were slow as hell, too. "He needs to get his head of his ass."

She waved a hand of dismissal. "I know that. Everyone knows that. Even Leon knows that." Yuffie shoved a finger towards him, wagging it in a reprimanding fashion that eerily reminded him of Aeris. "But he doesn't need you constantly wheedling him about it either."

Axel snorted. "You guys baby him too much. What he needs is a good kick in the ass. Leon is a grown ass man, he doesn't need to be tiptoed around like a pregnant woman."

She stared at him in a moment before bursting into laughter. "I can't believe you said that." She giggled. "Wait until I tell Leon that you called him pregnant."

The lift dinged just then, jerking to a stop with a shuddery shake and Axel barely restrained himself from clinging to the sides in sudden fear. He shot Yuffie an annoyed scowl, which she never took him seriously for, before following her off the lift towards what he assumed to be the computer room. It only made sense that everyone would gather there.

He waved off her earlier statement with a flip of his wrist. "Come on, Yuffie. Tell me what else they found," he prompted.

The ninja shook her head as she pushed forward, through brightly lit rooms cluttered with books and archaic paintings. "You'll find out soon enough," she responded. "Besides, a good bit of it I don't understand."

"That's not surprising." A voice commented, emerging from just behind them and dripping with sarcasm.

Axel whirled around in surprise, finding Leon leaning against a wall with a very bored and schooled expression on his face. He had his arms crossed over his chest.

"Leon!" Yuffie exclaimed. "How did you get down here before us?"

Stormy eyes briefly flickered to Axel before returning to Yuffie. "The other passageway," he informed her with a shrug before pushing himself off the wall and striding towards them. "There were a few stray Heartless in there."

"Ah! I forgot about that," Yuffie responded as they started walking again, drawing closer to the computer room.

They approached the open door, bright light seeming to emanate from just beyond. Axel could hear the low murmur of conversation and the sounds of fingers clicking over a keyboard. He couldn't help the surge of excitement, of hope, that started to grow within him.

As they stepped into the large, open space of the computer room, Axel's gaze swept over everything in slight awe. The console seemed to take up one entire wall, while a monitor encompassed the other opposite. Wires and cords crisscrossed over the ceiling above him, connecting the two systems. And scattered around the room was everyone who had offered to help.

Aeris and Vincent stood at the computer with Cid and Merlin was peering through some papers with Sora and Riku over at a table that had been shoved into one of the few bits of available wall space.

"I found him," Yuffie sang as they entered, immediately attracting everyone's attention. "He was skulking about in the one of the upstairs studies."

Emerald eyes rolled. "I was not skulking. I was researching," Axel countered, giving her a playful tap to the back of the head. His gaze flickered to Vincent and Aeris at the computer, interest immediately taking over as he ambled towards them. "What have you found?"

Across the room, Riku snorted. "You don't have any patience, do you?" he questioned rhetorically.

Sora shook his head and shot his boyfriend a disproving look, though it was hard to actually look reprimanding when his eyes practically sparkled. "You're being mean, Riku."

Rolling his eyes again, Axel turned towards Vincent and the smaller monitor embedded in the control panel in front of him. "Well?" he prompted, admittedly feeling very impatient.

Vincent gestured towards the screen, a clawed finger tracing the outline of a few files. "These all contained information on research done on the keyblades. It wasn't completed by Ansem alone, but started by another scientist, Hojo and his assistant Lucrecia." He paused, frowning intently. "Hojo was a bastard, but he was meticulous. He kept careful records of everything he did, which worked in our favor."

"And?"

The winged man turned away from the console, grabbing up a few papers that were scattered across the keyboard. "Come over to the table. I'll show you what we found," he ordered, already moving across the room and leaving Axel no choice to follow as he continued speaking. "Most of what I remembered was accurate indeed. All keyblades can redeem the Heartless, but the keyblade of light can open them, open anything really. The keyblade of dark frees hearts. And the keyblade of dawn... separates hearts. And Hojo hypothesized that the keyblade of twilight... locked hearts but he cannot be sure since he has never truly seen one for himself."

Axel frowned as they approached the table, finding a seat between Sora and Merlin rather than near to the rather surly Riku, who still seemed to hold much animosity for him. "Open? Free? Separate? Isn't that all variations of the same thing?"

"Technically, but no," Aeris answered with a smile. She rustled a few papers as she took her seat, finally producing one that she tapped with a finger. "This one explains most of everything. It's a bunch of technical jargon that makes my head ache but basically, there are three different components of any living being - a heart, a soul, and a body. "

"Truthfully," Merlin began. "The keyblades of the light and dark are essentially the same. The differences are in those that walk the path between, dawn and twilight. This method only works on those who have already turned into a Heartless once and are now bound to their Nobody."

Axel's brow furrowed as on the other side of him, Leon frowned. He held up a palm. "Wait a minute," he said. "You're telling me that someone has performed these experiments?"

Vincent nodded, crimson eyes gleaming with some indescribable emotion. "Hojo was not known for being an ethical man. His only interest was in science and the pursuit of. He cared very little for the safety or health of his subjects."

"Then it worked?" Sora ventured.

Again, the winged man nodded. "It did. Every single one of the twelve times he tried it."

A collective gasp echoed around the table. "Twelve?" Cid repeated, sounding completely flustered. "You mean he turned twelve damn people into a Heartless and Nobody... then bonded them... then separated them? Does that mean he knew of Gaia's Grotto?"

"Undoubtedly," Aeris answered quietly. "Because if a Nobody is killed, that is where he ends up. And it is considered a death when they are separated from their other. He would have had to go there to reclaim them."

"Then you found it?" Axel suddenly interjected, having a little trouble following the technical conversation and overload of information. "You know where it's at?"

Riku sighed as he reached over Sora and plopped a large document on the table, obscuring the others. He quickly unrolled the parchment and pointed a finger to a certain spot on what appeared to be a star chart. "There," he declared. "Unsurprisingly, not that far from The World That Never Was and Twilight Town."

"Not just close to them," Sora added. "But right smack dab in between."

A grin spread across Axel's features before he could stop it. "Then... it's possible? The method works?"

Vincent nodded. "All that remains is whether or not Sora is willing to do it."

"Which he's not," Riku declared loudly. "And neither am I. I can't... I won't..." He paused, hands clenching to fists at his side. "I'm not going to stab him in the chest with my keyblade."

"Riku!" Sora interjected, turning towards his boyfriend with an uncharacteristic stormy expression on his face. "I never said I wouldn't. I said I would think about it! You can't make my decisions for me!"

When the silver-haired boy opened his mouth to argue, Merlin quickly interrupted before their argument got out of hand and they said things they didn't regret. "We don't have to decide this right this moment," he hurriedly stated, his calm voice sweeping through the room. "It is not a decision to be made hastily. There are still risks, of course. It is not a risk-less procedure."

"See?" Riku pointed out, gesturing towards Merlin. "Even the old man says it could be dangerous. I don't see why you want to keep risking your life for that Nobody!"

Sora's jaw clenched as he stared at his boyfriend, lips pursing in irritation. His eyes narrowed seconds before he whirled on his heels and stalked from the room without another word. The older ones present watched him leave with some concern, knowing that a depressed Sora was a rare event.

"Sora?"

When no response was forthcoming, Riku sighed in irritation, shooting a somewhat poisonous glare towards Axel. "This is your fault," he hissed before hurriedly taking off after his lover. "Sora, wait!"

Axel snorted, crossing his arms over my chest. "My fault?" he muttered under his breath. "I'm not the one acting like a jackass."

Behind him, Leon shook his head. "No, you're just being selfish," he corrected in a surly tone. "You don't know anything about those boys or Riku... especially not Riku. If you did... you would know why it's hard for him to agree to something like this. Sora's all he has."

The words struck a chord inside of him. Almost as if they were echoes of his own.

"Sound familiar?" Vincent pressed, something glinting behind his eyes.

Axel sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Fine," he acquiesced glumly. "I'll stop pressing."

"Don't worry," Yuffie soothed, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I know Sora, it will all work out in the end. He'll find a way, I'm sure."

"He always does," Leon added as he started gathering up the papers. "That boy's got more luck than all of us in this room."

Axel listened to their encouraging words, wanting to believe that they genuinely hoped to help him. But he knew that their loyalty was to Sora first. He came in pretty low on the list. If Sora said no, then that was the end of it.

He would never see Roxas again.

Unfortunately, he hadn't thought that far ahead. Sure... he could kill Sora and get Roxas back that way, but he couldn't do that the way he was now. Before, as a Nobody without emotion and guilt he still couldn't go through with it. And Leon was right, he grudgingly admitted. Perhaps he and Riku rankled because they were far too much alike.

Axel was a selfish, selfish man... but he couldn't live with himself if he actually killed Sora. And he didn't think Roxas would ever forgive him either. Which still left him with not knowing what to do if Sora said no. In all likelihood, it was a farfetched hope, but it was the only one he had to cling to.

He would save all ponderings for what to do for afterwards. Because if he actually started considering it now, it would shatter the last of the dream inside of him.

It was in Sora's hands now.

* * *

A/N: For some reason, I'm not too satisfied with a good portion of this chapter. It seems lower quality than the rest of my work. What do you think? 


	17. Interlude 5: Here In Your Arms

A/N: I know this seems short but I removed the huge lemon that was in it to abide by policies. Those interested and of age can find it on any other site that I post on.

**Interlude Five: Here in Your Arms**

_Part One_

A hand slid along his wing despite the fact that they had just finished their second bout of lovemaking for the evening. Not that Vincent minded. After sixteen years, he couldn't get enough of Cid. He didn't want to stop touching tanned skin or tasting a mouth that never seemed to lose that typical tea flavor.

He shivered at the loving touch before turning to shoot his lover an amused look. "Pervert," he teased affectionately, passion shining in his eyes.

Cid grinned. "Of course, I am. You're beautiful," he responded. "Wings and fangs and everything." He tightened his fingers around Vincent's. "I'm allowed to, after all, you're mine."

His lover rolled his eyes. "Glad to see that possessive streak hasn't faded," Vincent responded before moving to slide gently away from Cid. He let his lover slip out of his body as he stretched, muscle shifting beneath his skin. "We made a mess of the bed."

A laugh echoed around Cid's bedroom. "After eleven years, do you think that bothers me?" he asked rhetorically, unable to resist groping Vincent's ass as he shifted position, stretching his legs out across the bed. He winced as his muscles protested the action.

"Sixteen," Vincent corrected quietly as he shoved the soiled comforter down to the floor. One of them would clean it later, he was sure. "For me it was sixteen." He turned to regard his lover, their eyes meeting.

Cid's heart thrummed a heavy beat inside of his chest. "And yet, ya never forgot me," he responded.

"I made a promise, remember?" Vincent moved to sit on the bed, his wings settling into a comfortable position behind him. He grabbed his hair with one claw, idly twisting it into something that would stay out of his eyes. "You kept yours."

Cid grunted. "Yeah, and it's killing me." He gestured towards the nightstand and the small cup of wooden toothpicks resting on it. "Those things just ain't cuttin' it."

"Your lungs are thanking me," Vincent retorted, his hands falling back down to his sides as he swept his gaze over the room, taking in details he hadn't bothered to register earlier.

Truly, nothing had changed in all the years he had gone. Cid was still messy and gummi ship parts littered much of the available space. Though this home wasn't the one Vincent remembered, their shared home had been destroyed when the Heartless attacked apparently, it still carried that familiar Cid aura. Carefully controlled disaster.

Beside Vincent, Cid rolled his eyes, sensing that his lover had gone into his mind again, as he was wont to do before disappearing. At least in that, nothing had changed. He reached forward and wrapped his fingers around Vincent's arm, dragging his lover into his hold before Vincent could even work up a protest.

"You took too long," he muttered, relishing the feel of Vincent's warm skin against his. He might not have remembered Vincent during the absence, but the unmistakable sensation that he was missing something was always present. His bed always felt too cold, no matter how many blankets he used or how the heat was turned on. And he never felt whole.

He might have forgotten Vincent's face and his voice, might have forgotten the boy he had grown up next to, but he hadn't forgotten how he felt. A certain part of him still knew that he already loved someone. It was why he had shied away from all relationships, why he had given up smoking despite not remembering who he had made what promise to.

In his hold, Vincent sighed. "You didn't even remember."

"That's not the point," Cid countered. "I didn't have to remember everything because all I needed to know was that I missin' somethin', waiting on somethin' to happen. I didn't have to remember your name to know that I didn't want anyone else."

Vincent shifted, unhappy memories cropping up in his mind. He didn't want to, but he did. It built up within him before he could stop it, the memories that he wished he could forget, that some shadow beast would come along and consume them. Gaia's Grotto had been his own personal hell and only his desire to keep his promise and return to Cid had saved him.

"You kept me sane," he admitted quietly, unconsciously furling closer to his lover. He didn't know if the nightmares would ever fade. "In that hell, without anything to hold on to, I would have become just like the others... a mindless slave to some system."

Cid's arms tightened around him. "That damn Hojo," he hissed angrily, blue eyes narrowing. "It's his fuckin' fault. I'll wring his scrawny neck when I see him next. You shouldn't have gone through that." He paused, reconsidering his actions as Vincent listened quietly, warm puffs of air ghosting across Cid's bare chest. "Hell, that damn brat shouldn't have either."

It went without saying whom Cid was referring to.

Vincent smirked at the thought of Axel and Cid actually becoming friends. The blond was a softie, after all; he just didn't want to admit it. He and Axel were both stubborn like that, probably why Vincent had been attracted to the younger boy in the first place. He and Cid had a lot in common, though he didn't think it would go over too well if he told either to their face.

"You only pretended to dislike Axel, didn't you?" he questioned.

The blond snorted. "Kid's too cocky. Needs to be taken down a notch." His fingers twitched against Vincent's back, suddenly feeling a need for a cigarette though he hadn't picked up one up in several years. He would keep his promise.

"Maybe you're right." Vincent nipped Cid gently on the shoulder before sitting up, Cid reluctantly allowing him to slide from his arms. "How about a shower?"

Cid could only grin in response, naughty thoughts running through his mind. He grabbed his lover and quickly pressed their lips together, slipping his tongue inside of Vincent's mouth in a kiss that would make the winged man melt. Predictably, Vincent molded against him, no less aggressive as he pressed forward to deepen the kiss.

"We aren't going to make it to the shower if you keep doing that," Vincent murmured against Cid's lips, unable to resist the urge to lightly trace his fingers over Cid's abdomen. The muscles quivered under his touch quite invitingly. "Then again, I haven't had my turn yet."

Cid groaned, fingers flexing against Vincent's hip. "Did I happen to mention how glad I am that you're back?" he asked, his eyes beginning to darken with emotion.

"Not recently," Vincent whispered, dipping his head to trace his tongue over the shell of Cid's ear. His fangs nipped against the cartilage and Cid shivered. "I wouldn't mind hearing it again considering that I feel the same."

Cid hummed approvingly, a deep-throated purr that rumbled in his chest. "Love ya, Vin," he replied, already moving to pull his lover closer.

"Love you," Vincent returned, nibbling one last time on the curve of Cid's jaw before pulling away from Cid's reaching hold. "Shower first. The rest later."

Cid's legs reluctantly slid to the edge of the bed. "Tease," he accused good-naturedly, his eyes sparkling with happiness. It was the same look that Vincent remembered, one that he had kept close to his heart in Gaia's Grotto, and his heart flipped at the sight.

It was so damn good to be home.

_Part Two_

With Vincent and Axel occupying the only guest room in Leon's house, Riku and Sora had been remanded to either staying with Cid or taking up one of the rooms in the local hotel. They had opted for the latter, both for privacy and because Riku and Cid tended to clash like oil and water over the smallest of things. Sora liked to think it was because they were so much alike, in some weird and vague way. Riku always bristled when Sora told him so.

There wasn't anything particularly wrong with the hotel room. In fact, Sora found he quite liked the quaint decor. It sort of reminded him of home. But even better was the small balcony that faced the setting sun. The sky was a rosy splash of orange hues and to no surprise, it was there that Sora found Riku.

The silver-haired boy was standing at the railing, staring out at the far horizon with his fingers gripped so tightly that Sora suspected he would later find marks in the metal. His shoulders were set with a firm line of tension and all of Sora's senses went instinctual. He knew with just one look that Riku was in brood mode at present.

Steeling himself for what was certain to be a tense atmosphere and likely argument, Sora took a deep breath before stepping out onto the balcony. The silence of a sleeping town greeted him, along with a brief wisp of cool wind. Riku, however, did not. Sora wasn't the least bit surprised.

He moved to stand beside his boyfriend, laying both hands on the railing. His left was inches away from Riku's right. There was still no response. Which meant Riku was really upset about something, not that Sora didn't already know what. His handsome features had tightened further.

Sora sighed. "Are you going to sulk for the rest of your life?" he asked.

Riku's jaw worked soundlessly before he gritted out, "I'm not sulking."

"Okay. Then you're pouting," The brunet amended, shifting his hand to lay it over Riku's. Yet, the other boy slid free of his touch and turned away from the railing, most likely intending to head inside.

"You're acting childish," Sora called after him, wondering why he always seemed to be the more mature of the two of them.

Riku halted, one hand on the sliding door. "_I'm _being childish?" he repeated lowly, sounding slightly strangled. He shot Sora a look over his shoulder, aquamarine eyes filled with emotion. "You're the one who is willing to jump headfirst into anything," he finished.

The brunet chewed on his lip. "You don't--"

"No!" the other boy interrupted, slicing a hand through the air as he whirled on his heels. "You're the one who doesn't understand!"

Ocean blue eyes widened at him in confusion, a silent gesture for Riku to explain. Riku let out a growl of frustration, resisting the urge to tear out his hair from sheer aggravation alone. It seemed he could never find the right words to say. It always came out wrong, crueler than he had intended.

"It makes me sick," he finally admitted, staring down at the ground as he swallowed thickly. "The thought of deliberately cutting you with my keyblade makes me sick, no matter what it is for." He paused, taking a deep and shuddering breath. "I've tried to hurt you before and I won't do it again."

Understanding flooded Sora as he stepped forward. "It's not the same, Riku."

"It feels the same to me!" Riku argued, still refusing to look up. "You don't know how stupid I was, and how easy it was for the darkness to win me. I have control now, somehow balancing them both, but I won't go back to when it was just darkness." He paused, hands tightening into fists at his side. "I _won't._"

"I'm not asking you to," Sora insisted, trying to keep his tone soft and even. He didn't want it to seem like he was attempting to force Riku. Not to mention he understood. There were even moments in Sora's life when he had thought to turn to the darkness. There were seconds when he thought he would give up anything if it would get his friends back.

Riku's head snapped up, a growl echoing in his throat. "Why do you want to help him so damn much anyways?" he demanded, aquamarine eyes flashing. "He was trying to turn you into a Heartless! He wanted you to die!"

"Not in the end." Sora paused, reconsidering his words as he tried to find something that would make Riku understand the strange and conflicting emotions that were circulating through him. "Besides, I see him and I remember something he once said to me."

"Oh yeah, what?" Riku asked, an unattractive sneer taking over his features.

Yet, Sora was not unperturbed by the look. He understood Riku's pain just as easily as he understood Axel's desperate desire to reunite with Roxas.

"That we are not quite so different. When he first said it back in Castle Oblivion, I didn't know what it meant and then my memories of the castle were broken apart so it was nearly forgotten. But now, I know."

Riku snorted. "You two aren't alike at all."

"We are," Sora assured him, taking a step closer and closing the distance that was all too great between them. A whisper of wind blew across them, bringing with it the pleasant scent of someone baking in their home. "Because while he was desperately searching for the person that meant the most to him, I was, too. I would have done anything to get them back. I can understand why he's being selfish."

What was it about Riku that made Sora turn into such a sap? The romantic words flowed from him so easily, mostly because they rang so true inside of him. And knowing Riku's fears, about being abandoned and being left alone, it was even easier to tell him how much he loved him. It was as if they were right, just meant to be. Sora never put much stock into myths like that until he had fallen in love with Riku. It was something inexplicable.

Riku blew out an angry burst of air and looked away, however, the expression in his eyes haunted. He wasn't quite convinced by Sora's words, not to mention the reminder of his own part in the Ansem mess. He didn't want to think about how he had been a bastard or how he had actually raised his sword against Sora. He didn't want to think about all the bad decisions he had made.

Shaking his head, Sora sighed and closed the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around his best friend and lover both, laying his head against Riku's chest. He could feel the older boy trembling in his arms, the only betrayal of his true feelings.

"You trust me, right?" he asked.

Riku exhaled noisily. "You know that I do," he muttered.

"Good." Sora smiled, the low pulse of Riku's heart a welcome sound to his ears. "Because I trust you, too. With my life even. I know that this will succeed because you won't let it hurt me."

Silence descended for a moment as Riku stiffened in his grasp, mulling the words over in his mind. Beneath them on the balcony, someone shouted to someone else in the street. People moved by, heading home for the evening. The sky began to smell faintly of rain as the sun finally dipped beneath the horizon, casting Radiant Garden into a cerulean twilight.

Finally, arms slid around Sora, returning the affectionate embrace. "I don't deserve you," Riku murmured, his body relaxing slightly as he hugged Sora's warmth to his own.

"Funny, I was kind of thinking the same thing," the brunette countered cheekily, glad that the tense atmosphere was gradually beginning to disperse. He hated it when they argued with each other.

Riku rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot," he retorted, laying his chin on top of Sora's head. "And a sap," he added, almost on an afterthought.

"Mmm." Sora tilted up his head, dislodging the chin and brushing his lips across the bare skin of Riku's neck. "But you love me anyways," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone before running his tongue over Riku's adam's apple. The faint flavor of sweat mixed with that natural Riku taste washed over his tongue.

The silver-haired boy shivered, tilting his head slightly to allow his perpetually horny boyfriend more access. And everyone thought he was the perverted one. They had no idea how voracious Sora was behind doors. Not that Riku minded his little secret. He had the feeling that if they knew, they'd try to steal him away and he was not going to let that happen. His arms tightened around Sora, one hand sliding down to rub across Sora's back.

"You really want me to do it?" he asked.

Sora snickered even as he arched into the touch, his motions cat-like and lazy. "Of course I want you to do it," he teased, nibbling lightly on the sun-kissed skin, not darkened like Sora's but tasty just the same. "But if you're talking about what Axel wants, that's your choice."

"You're such a pervert." Riku sighed, trying not to be distracted by the warm tongue currently causing tingles to spread down his spine. Blood began to rush southwards, making it increasingly difficult to think. "Can you really feel him? Roxas, I mean."

Sora nodded, one hand slipping under Riku's white shirt ands gliding along the warm skin of Riku's back. "It's not like speaking with a voice in my head or anythign like that," he explained as his fingers traced scars that he knew hadn't been there before the whole keyblade business began. He struggled to find the right words. "I just _know_ he's there. It's a lot of more obvious now... ever since I saw Axel. And it's just not fair."

The other boy tilted his head to the side in slight confusion, half of him wanting Sora to explain while the other wanted Sora to continue his distracting movements and take it further. "Not fair?" he repeated, a growl of desire reverberating in his chest as Sora pressed closer to him.

Ocean blue eyes looked up at him in that moment, significantly closer than they had been before since Sora had managed one growth spurt. Sora hoped it wasn't the last. "Roxas had no choice in being born a Nobody. But he was given his own thoughts anyway. And he tried to live with what he had but was then forced to give up his life. I can tell... he really cares for Axel."

Riku looked skeptical. "I thought Nobodies didn't have hearts." Fingers danced along his spine, causing his skin to goose pimple and he unknowingly shivered once more, his eyes momentarily flickering past Sora to gauge the distance to the bed... or at least, somewhere indoors and more private.

Five steps... maybe less.

Sora rolled his eyes. "You can't really believe that," he retorted, no sign that he was currently trying to molest his boyfriend in his innocent expression. The boy was a devious mastermind, Riku was certain of it.

The silver-haired boy hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe. Maybe not." He paused, attempting to consider Sora's words before regarding him calculatingly. He wanted to clear everything up before stumbling towards that bed. "You really think it will work?"

"Just about certain," Sora replied with no hesitation. His eyes gleamed in the dim light of the hotel, that familiar grin on his face. He dipped his head then, curling his tongue against the shell of Riku's ear.

Riku closed his eyes, surrendering to his boyfriend's touch. "Fine," he acquiesced. "I'll do it. Not for Axel," he inserted hastily. "But for you." There was no way in hell he was going to help that arrogant bastard.

Sora beamed up at him. "I knew you'd come through, Riku," he teased before rising up to look lips with his lover.

Riku accepted the kiss greedily, his hands sliding down to cup Sora's shapely buttocks with one hand. His slid his tongue inside Sora's mouth, soaking up the flavor of some sweet candy that Sora had been sucking on earlier. A low moan of encouragement rattled in Sora's throat setting Riku's veins afire.

His worries for what he was going to do faded in the face of Sora's confidence. Some god out there had a favorite in Sora. If the brunet truly believed they were going to succeed, then Riku could only believe as well.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed! I just have a few announcements for those that are interested. Venturing on over to my website and you'll find a few neat things. I have all of my AMVs posted, including ones for Desperate Reflections. I also have a Fan Art page up now, displaying all of the art that I've been given. I'd love to receive more! I'm also announcing that, for those of you interested, there will be a sequel to Desperate Reflections! The name and description is up on the site. Check it out! Thanks to everyone who reviewed for me. I appreciate all of them very much! 


	18. Chapter 13: Empty Hands

**Chapter 13: Empty Hands**

The heavy knocking woke him up first thing in the morning. It was a loud, rapid, and annoying beat that reverberated all too painfully in Axel's head. He groaned as he rolled over in the bed and out of the direct glare of the sunlight as it shone on his face. He had forgotten to close the blinds last night it seemed. And he was certain that it was far too early to be awake anyways.

He had spent most of the night tossing and turning, worrying himself over what Sora would choose to do. As a result, the sheets were rumpled and twisted and he had accomplished barely any rest. He was certain there were bags under his eyes and his head pounded from the lack of rest.

What little sleep he did manage to catch was fraught with nightmares, or more accurately memories of his own failings. They replayed over and over in his mind, as if some sort of punishment. Everything was so clear, the smells and the sights and the sounds. A gasped breath and the sharp, acrid odor of freshly spilled blood. He could see the rising ashes of each defeated memory beast. He could see the splash of the last of Reno's life as it sprayed into the air.

He relived that moment countless times, like a record player stuck on a crack. It would stop, pause, rewind, and replay until he memorized every little detail, until it was ingrained on his heart. The guilt settled in, taking up residence and he couldn't fight down the urge to weep. He had been so stupid and yet, he hadn't paid the price. He couldn't help but wonder if it was even right of him to find his happiness when he had so blatantly robbed it from someone else.

Not when he had blood staining his hands. It didn't help that when he looked down, they weren't as clean as he would have liked. And no amount of scrubbing could wash them of their taint either. Axel wasn't normally one to dwell on his mistakes or his past or his failings, but there were times that it all built up inside of him, caught up with whatever was going on in the present. As he worried over whether or not he had done too much shit to be worthy of the good stuff, all the terrible things he had done reminded him of his undeserved existence.

He had no right, _no right_, to desperately seek happiness. One by one, he had manipulated, played with emotion and turned them on each other. They had been like playing cards, and he held the deck in his hand, smirking as he dealt them out the final blow. His companions, those he dared call allies... he'd had no emotions and no morals. Axel didn't even know if he truly felt _regret_ for his mistakes. There was too much emotion, too much feeling. He couldn't handle it.

Everything knocking around inside of him, his past mistakes stuck on automatic repeat. He felt like the blood stench would never leave his nostrils and he would be forever dreaming of leaving crimson stains wherever he walked. He had held no allegiance except to himself and what had it been for? In the end, nothing at all.

The knocks echoed again, louder this time and even more determined. Groaning, Axel lazily rolled off the bed, his head swooning from the rapid position change, before he staggered towards the door. Dreams lingered at the back of his conscious, making his entire self ache. One of his hands swiped at his eyes, trying to clear his blearily, sleep-fogged vision as he blindly reached for the handle. He fumbled a few times, making the knob jiggle, before he finally remembered how to turn it and opened the door.

He stared into not one, but two faces, only one of which he vaguely recognized. It really was too early for thinking. He was forced to lean against the door to remain in an upright position, only half-aware that he was wearing a pair of boxers and little else. Oh well, if they woke him up this damn early, they deserved the show.

"Wha' do you want?" he growled, or at least tried to. It came out more of a sleepy drawl as he yawned, belatedly attempting to cover his mouth with a free hand and failing miserably.

Crimson eyes regarded him intently. "Well, aren't you a burst of merry sunshine this morning," Vincent remarked dryly. "You look like shit."

Axel scowled, managing to somewhat focus on his winged friend. "Thanks for the compliment," he muttered, dropping his hand from the door frame as he turned away from his visitors, determined to drop back down onto his bed. Another vicious yawn attacked him.

"You're gettin' a bit like Vince there, Axel," another voice commented, one that the firestarter belatedly recognized as Cid. "Lookin' a bit broody."

The former Nobody snorted as he flopped down onto the bed face first. He sprawled across the comforter as he responded, his voice muffled by all the fabric. "Hardy, har, har," he replied sarcastically as he pulled his pillow over his head. "You're just a bundle of laughs, old man." He shifted on the bed, his entire body feeling weighted down and tired. He didn't have the urge to do much of anything at the moment, other than return to sleep.

Behind him and outside his line of sight, someone sighed. Axel assumed it to be Vincent. After all, it sounded like an exasperated Vincent sigh. He was getting pretty good at interpreting the man's nonverbal cues, it seemed.

"And I thought my pity parties were bad," Vincent replied, chuckling softly. Axel heard footsteps on the floor, heading his direction moments before the pillow was grabbed off his head and tossed away somewhere. "Now get up and quit moping around," Vincent ordered as Axel let out a sound of protest from the loss of his cover.

The firestarter curled further into his nest of blankets, quite aware that he was probably acting much like a child. It was his right. Vincent had lounged around for the better part of the month, languishing in despair. Now it was Axel's turn. Besides, what good was it to have emotions if he didn't get to experience every one of them?

"Give me one good reason," Axel muttered, flailing about blindly with one hand to get his pillow back before giving up and letting it flop down to the covers.

There was another chuckle behind him. This one he was certain was Cid. "You really are a brat," the blond commented with a snort. "How about this then? Sora and Riku are waiting downstairs for you to get your sorry ass out of bed."

His interest piqued, but only slightly since he didn't want to be set up for another disappointment, the firestarter barely stirred on the bed. He turned his head and cracked open one emerald eye, regarding Vincent suspiciously. If karma were real, by all accounts Axel should have been tortured and stabbed through the heart by Roxas himself. It would have been the least he deserved.

"Why?" he asked dully. "Someone want to storm out of the room again? Seems a lot of that's going on lately." He slid his eye closed again, turning his head away from the winged male and heaving an exasperated sigh.

There was silence for a moment. Cid muttered a curse, more to himself than any real comment as the sound of a toothpick being chewed in half echoed in the stillness. A flutter of webbed appendages and whispered conversation, then boots across the floor followed by the sound of his door opening and closing with a quiet click. If he didn't know Vincent better, he would assume he had been left alone. But alas, that was not the case.

"Axel," Vincent began, his tone commanding and curious both. How the other man managed that was beyond the firestarter's understanding. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" came the muffled reply. The tone was dangerously close to boredom. Unfortunately, Axel did not pull off nonchalant as well as he had hoped.

There was a screech as Vincent pulled up the chair, lowering himself into it with a quiet squeak of the wood. "Riku and Sora are downstairs," he repeated. "And yet you are moping up here. Have I been wrong then? Roxas meant that little to you?"

That deserved a straight glare. Axel raised his head and stared ocular, jade fire at the man who could probably be considered his closest friend outside of Roxas. He opened his mouth to respond bitingly, but Vincent quickly interjected.

"Then _why_, Axel? I'm having trouble understanding this."

Another moment of silence passed before Axel sighed and sat up on the bed, shoving back strands of crimson hair out of his face. "It's complicated," he mumbled, having the strange and uncomfortable realization that he might just be pouting... which was cute on Roxas but quite pathetic on himself.

"When is it not?" Vincent replied dryly. "Not once but twice dead, given more chances to live than seems fair..."

Axel nodded but only half-heartedly. "Yeah, something like that." He shifted position, pulling his knees up to his chest and draping his arms over them. "You never asked me about before." Vincent remained silent, waiting for the former Nobody to continue on his own. Axel sighed again. "They're right about me, you know. Riku and Sora."

Vincent's brow furrowed, having some difficulty following the conversation. "What?"

"I don't deserve this," Axel clarified, waving a loose hand around the room to signify everything, as though that made it all the more clearer. He realized he was babbling, but he didn't quite know how else to put it. "In the past, I wasn't anything close to a good guy." He paused and frowned, able to recall with perfect clarity what he had done.

Zexion and Vexen, one had died by his own hand, the other by his own manipulation. It had been nothing for him to turn his fire on the Chilly Academic. He had smirked at Zexion's demise, easily pulling the strings of the Repliku's unstable mind. It had been his meddling that turned Sora on Marluxia, shattering the Graceful Assassin's plans like glass. And if he hadn't been stopped, he would have killed Sora in an instant, just to have Roxas back.

Axel was no better than Xemnas and Saix... probably worse.

"What are you talking about?" Vincent demanded, breaking into Axel's guilty recollections.

Emerald eyes rose, regret shimmering in the verdant orbs. "You would hate me if I told you." A bitter laugh escaped the former Nobody's lips, sounding harsh in the morning calm. He shook his head as he added, "but probably no more than I hate myself."

Silence descended on the small room, though the noises of people moving around faintly came up through the floorboard. And outside, a bird chirped noisily, proving that the world did in fact move on, even if Axel himself felt as if it should stop at that very moment.

In the grand scheme of things, he wasn't really that important, was he? So why should his actions matter? Had he regretted them at the time? No. Why had he done it? Not even he was sure he understood the answers himself. He had always done what he wanted regardless of what was asked of him. He had his own plans, his own methods and manipulations. Perhaps it was because Vexen annoyed him, maybe he was just trying to protect Sora... it might even have been that he just didn't like the Organization and was trying to be a thorn in its side.

He had wanted his heart back, he had once believed in all that Xemnas had offered him on that day he was found in the drizzling, dark alley. But somewhere along the way, he stopped hoping with his fake hope, and stopped dreaming with his fake heart. They were Nobodies, they could imitate emotion but they never actually felt it. And he had long suspected there was more to Kingdom Hearts and Xemnas' plan than just the restoration of their hearts.

Maybe somewhere in all his scattered thoughts and memories was an answer but one thing remained startling clear, Axel wasn't the sort to care much for others. Except for Roxas. He had always been the exception.

"I know you may not believe it know," Vincent began quietly, disturbing Axel from his morose and wandering thoughts, "but everyone has secrets, Axel. Things that they regret doing, or things that we thought were right at the time, heavy nails in our heart that can never be removed." He paused, crimson eyes feeling as if they were boring into Axel's soul. "And maybe you don't deserve it... maybe you don't deserve anything, but doesn't that mean you should fight all the harder to keep it? To eventually prove your worth?"

Axel blinked, somewhat skeptical. Vincent's words rang true but... it wasn't as if he could merely push aside the truth of the matter on a whim. This wasn't something that could go away with a few sudden realizations and it certainly wouldn't make the nightmares cease.

Sighing softly to himself, Vincent continued, "Even if you don't believe yourself worthy, don't you think Roxas still deserves his chance to choose?" His voice lowered as he dropped his gaze to the ground, shifting slightly as if uncomfortable. "Don't make the same mistake as me and try to choose for him. I almost lost Cid because of that."

It made perfect sense and Axel belatedly realized what he had inadvertently done, nearly the same exact mistake as Vincent. His reluctance to accept the chance and reveal his identity because of past mistakes had very nearly resulted in losing Cid forever. If not for Axel being his usual self, their chance would have been wasted.

A smirk found its way to Axel's face. He couldn't help it; it was in his nature to poke and prod at sore spots. "I think your stupidity rubbed off on me," he commented, the mischievous glint returning to his eyes. "I nearly made your mistake.

Vincent glared. "Cid is right. You are a brat." He rose from the chair, wings rustling as they stretched before settling back into place. "Maybe next time I won't offer you any advice."

"You know you love me," Axel countered as he languidly unfolded himself and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Besides, it's in your nature to poke your nose in my business."

The winged male sighed and shook his head. "Only because you cannot handle it yourself." He turned towards the other bed, rifling through piles of clothes that Yuffie and Aeris had dumped there when Axel and Vincent first showed up. They were cast-offs from Leon and Cloud both, but at least the firestarter wouldn't be forced to wear the same outfit everyday.

Vincent pulled out a pair of jeans and a tank top, vaguely matching, and tossed them at his younger friend. "Now, come downstairs before Riku changes his mind."

Axel caught the tossed items effortlessly, already sliding the tank over his shoulder. "Yes sir," he replied, rolling his eyes, but Vincent was already heading out the door. He didn't fail to miss the slight smile on the other man's face though. He was happy that Axel was no longer sulking.

Truthfully, everything wasn't all right. His words didn't magically erase Axel's guilt or his confusion. His words didn't make the world sunshine and flowers. But they were excellent motivators, enough to encourage him to at least get out of bed and move on with the day.

A few minutes later found Axel heading downstairs, fully dressed and hiding a yawn behind his hand. He scrubbed at his eyes to force himself to wake up, realizing he looked a bit like shit warmed over... twice. He felt it, too, but wasn't willing to let Riku change his mind, if indeed he had decided to help Axel.

Everyone was waiting in the dining room as usual, it seemed to be the prime meeting place. And when he appeared in the doorway, the low murmur of conversation completely ceased, and eight pairs of eyes looked at him.

"You look like shit," Leon commented from where he stood, leaning against the wall with arms crossed over his chest. It was a typical, nonchalant position for him.

Axel waved a hand of dismissal. "Yeah, that's been established already, emo boy. Something else obvious you want to point out?"

"That's quite enough," Aeris inserted sharply, glaring at both men with enough force to cause them to clamp their mouths shut. "This isn't the time for fighting and besides, everyone knows you two are friends anyways so shut it."

Leon opened his mouth to argue, but another firm look from the redhead and he fell silent, slumping sulkily against the wall. Axel had the graces to look smug, though he didn't care much for being called that man's friend.

"I agree," Merlin quickly replied, well aware that an argument of some kind was likely brewing. He shifted where he sat, at the table with papers, charts, and graphs lay out in front of them. He appeared to be perusing the documents thoughtfully. "After all, time grows short."

Vincent frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked as Axel stepped inside the room and chose a spot against the wall, refusing to look at anyone. Instead, he twirled a chakram on one finger, occasionally sending spurts of fire to dance on the rim. It was childish, but a part of him feared looking at Riku and Sora; he didn't want to see the apology in their faces.

"It's in the damn research," Cid replied, chomping noisily on a toothpick. He gestured towards the papers in front of the magician. "It takes time for the two to bond fully but once it does, to separate them again creates an entirely new Nobody."

"In other words, Roxas will cease to exist... forever," Aeris finished quietly.

There was a quiet ping and a clatter as Axel's fingers missed the next twirl and his chakram tumbled to the floor. He didn't even notice when he subtly dismissed it. "What?" he asked, far louder than he had intended. Could that have been why he felt the urge to rush, as if time was slipping through his fingers?

Merlin's eyes were sympathetic. "It depends entirely on the Nobody, of course, how long precisely it takes... some more than others. But Sora has already expressed that he's felt Roxas less and less lately."

Emerald eyes slid to Sora in confirmation, the keyblader nodding his response. Axel slumped against the wall. "How long?" What if it was already too late? What if this method failed and he only had twenty-four hours to find a new answer? The questions whirled about in his brain, cycling over and over in a never-ending demand for answers. Yet, he could only voice the one, slipping strangled past his lips.

Sora shook his head, shrugging. "I don't know. A month, maybe? I can't even hear his voice anymore and the weird dreams have stopped."

Beside him, Riku stirred as if he finally found cause to pay attention to the conversation. Maybe he was sulking, Axel wasn't quite sure. "Dreams," he repeated, sounding a bit confused. "This is the first I've heard of dreams."

Sora turned towards him, but before he could respond, Yuffie's voice rose above all the others. "Which means we shouldn't waste time talking!" she interjected, rising to her feet and sending her chair careening backwards into a wall. Leon winced as a sharp crack filled the air, yet the ninja didn't seem to notice, blithely continuing, "Riku and Sora said they'd do it... so let's do it!" She finished, pumping a fist into the air and cheering loudly. The fact that no one joined her liveliness didn't seem to bother her in the slightest.

Aeris, however, smiled. "I agree, Yuffie, though here is probably not the best place. We don't know what kind of power we're dealing with."

She had a point, Axel conceded. The keyblade was one of the strongest weapons in existence and when used deliberately, could invoke a power none of them had even seen before. A lot of its properties still seemed to be unknown, if the research was to be believed at least. Not even the owners knew their full potential. Still, a surge of hope threatened to rise in Axel. The boy heroes had agreed... now all that was left was to try.

"... would be the canyon," Leon was saying as Axel returned his attentions to the conversation. He gestured with one hand in the vague direction of Hollow Bastion. "Nothing is out there but some remnant Heartless that have been hiding." Stormy eyes flickered over those gathered. "That is... if we are all still going through with this."

When no one objected, Leon nodded. "Good. Let's go."

* * *

For all the heat of the summer sun, it was strangely chilly in the canyon. Of course, the tension ratcheting up around them might have also had something to do with it. Axel shivered slightly as he shifted position, everything inside of him feeling as if it were coiled in knots with anticipation and worry. It didn't help that Riku had the look on his face that expressed he felt the same way.

The three of them, himself and the two keybladers, were inside a barrier set up by Aeris and Merlin, in hopes to contain whatever sort of power might explode. The others - Yuffie, Vincent and Leon - were observers on the outside, waiting to see what would happen.

"Are you ready?" Riku asked, a strange note to his voice. He stood facing Sora, a good eight feet of distance between them. Axel was just behind Riku, arms crossed over his chest.

Sora nodded, his face set with determination. "Yeah, Riku. I've made my decision."

The silver-haired boy took a deep breath. "Okay," he replied quietly, somewhat nervous. "Here goes nothing."

Riku thrust his hand out to the side, fingers tingling as he summoned his keyblade. Axel watched in fascination as the Way to the Dawn materialized in a sparkle of dark tendrils, quite the contrast. The boy's fingers wrapped around the hilt, gripping it a bit too tightly. He swung the blade towards Sora, only to gasp softly, Leon's sharp hearing catching the sound.

"What is it?" the stormy-eyed man questioned, sounding somewhat anxious. He shifted position where he stood outside the barrier, obviously wishing to be within it. Axel was sure he felt quite helpless on the exterior and it made him wonder why Leon was so desperate to protect the keybladers. Did it have something to do with Cloud? Or the reason that everyone couldn't decide whether to call him Leon or Squall?

Riku shook his head, raising aquamarine eyes to his lover. "I can feel it," he answered, voice barely above a whisper. "The pulse of two hearts, one fainter than the other, but both there."

"That is good," Merlin commented, nodding his head in affirmation. "That means not only is Roxas still present, but he can be extracted. Now's the perfect time, Riku."

Obviously reluctant, Riku lifted his shoulders before squaring his stance. The keyblade raised to the air, poised before Sora and Axel held his breath. Ocean blue eyes full of trust gazed continuously at Riku as Sora gave one final nod of agreement. Riku swallowed thickly, loud enough for Axel to hear before he jerked his blade forward, burying the tip of Way to the Dawn deeply in Sora's chest.

The brunette jerked, a gasp falling from his lips as his eyes widened, but he managed to remain standing. The keyblade took on a dim, purplish-onyx glow as Sora's name popped out of Riku's mouth, the tone both surprised and concerned. And then Axel felt it, the sudden surge of power rippling through the air that was strong enough to cause him to release the air he had been holding.

It expelled in a breathy whoosh at the same moment that the Way to the Dawn seemed to pulse in Riku's grip and Sora's entire body jolted again. He took one step backwards, before crumpling forward, forcing Riku's keyblade from his chest and wrapping his arms around his waist. His lips parted, emitting a silent scream before what appeared to be the same colored light as before began streaming out from behind his body.

Roxas began to take form, indistinct and hazy, with eyes closed as if merely contemplating. He wasn't even substantial; yet, Axel dared to hope. For all of a second, those eyes popped open, the ones that had been his lifeline while stuck on Gaia's Grotto and they locked onto Axel, causing a shiver to spread throughout his entire body.

He took an unconscious step forward, hand raised as if to touch the boy he was certain he loved, if he held true understanding of the word. Yet, before his fingers could even grasp a tendril, Roxas began to dissolve into nothing, dying and withering away like a pure Nobody would. It was as they had expected but that didn't make it any easier for Axel to bear. It was like saying goodbye all over again.

Sora collapsed to his knees and Roxas was gone, nothing but a faint imprint on Axel's eyelids. Still, the firestarter didn't move, not even with Riku ran forward, concern etched into his features. Emerald eyes continued to stare at the empty spot where Roxas had once stood, as if believing if he stood there long enough, somehow it would make the blond mysteriously return.

"Sora? Sora!"

"It's all right, Riku! He's only unconscious."

"You did fine. Don't worry. He'll be just fine."

Words washed over his consciousness, mechanically registered but little else occurring. A strange feeling of deja vu attacked Axel, as if he were experiencing Roxas walk away all over again. It wasn't really the same circumstances, but for some reason, it felt the same to him. Something hot prickled at the back of his eyeballs... even if he knew that Roxas was going to be reborn.

Suddenly, he felt a presence at his side and a hand on his arm. He blinked in surprise, looking up to find Vincent standing directly beside him. There was a curious expression in those crimson eyes, one that Axel had seen before but never could interpret.

The winged male nodded. "Let's go," Vincent suggested quietly. "Roxas is waiting."

Axel nodded almost mechanically, glad that someone had retained their senses. He glanced around the canyon, finding that Riku was preoccupied with Sora. The words for gratitude were on his lips and he vowed to say them later, but at the moment, there were more pressing matters. He hurried after Vincent, ignoring the others, as the other male headed for the gummi ship docks.

Cid was waiting for them there, with a ship that he had been tuning up since the night before. And from that morning on, he had been making last minute calibrations as well as programming the new coordinates into the navigational system. They hadn't wanted to take any of the others with them. Vincent was uncertain what effect Gaia's Grotto would have on someone who wasn't originally a resident of the world. He worried for their memories.

Even as they hurried through the outer rim of the town, wasting no time in their quick trip to the docks, Axel couldn't help the feeling as if he were walking in a dream. Everything felt so surreal, as if he were expecting to wake up at any moment. It seemed too easy, for everything to go so perfectly.

Then again, there was no guarantee that Roxas was at Gaia's Grotto. Even the research claimed that it could take months before he would arrive. It was different for each person. Axel had figured out that it had taken him a year to appear. Vincent had claimed his was five weeks.

"I can guess by the looks on yer faces, it worked," Cid's voice commented, disturbing Axel from his thoughts. The firestarter blinked away the almost nervous daze he was in to find himself standing in the gummi ship hangar next to Vincent. "I only wish I could go with ya."

Vincent shook his head. "I won't risk it. We'll be fine so don't worry."

"Can't help it," the blond replied with a shrug. "You're the type that causes a guy to worry. No sacrifices, okay?" he added, reaching up and removing his tags from around his neck. He moved to slide them around Vincent, the chains clanging softly in the nervous air as his fingers brushed across Vincent's neck and lingered soothingly. "And no forgetting, either."

The winged male nodded, swallowing thickly. "Promise," he said softly, dipping his head to accept the tags.

They would be a constant reminder, just as Axel kept the Oblivion chain in his pocket. He even brought Reno's sunglasses and they were currently propped in his hair, just as the redhead had always worn them. If Gaia's Grotto tried to pull them back in, it would have a hard time of doing it. Both men were making certain of that.

"Good." Cid jerked a thumb towards one of his gummi ships, a sleek and shining thing that looked as if it was brand-new. "I've got the Highwind all prepped for you. It's the fastest one I have so take care of her."

Vincent smiled. "Knew I could count on you, chief," he said before gesturing towards Axel. "We haven't any time to waste."

"Good luck!" Cid called to them as they climbed aboard. Even Axel could hear the worry in his tone so he couldn't resist a friendly jab,

"With this skill, we won't need it!" he boasted loudly, a short chuckle escaping his lips as Cid blustered and spluttered. The door to the gummi ship slid closed without him able to make even the smallest retort.

Inside, Vincent slid into the pilot's seat with his usual grace, wings resettling to resituate themselves in the somewhat cramped confines. Really, the ship was so small Axel was certain they could not have brought anyone else except maybe Yuffie. She could probably fit in all sorts of tiny spaces, that damned thief. She had tried to pilfer him on a few occasions.

Axel plopped himself down into the other seat opposite Vincent as the other male began flipping switches and gadgets that the firestarter couldn't even begin to contemplate. "I'm impressed," Axel remarked. "You can fly these things?"

He was met with a scowl. "It's not that hard," Vincent responded shortly, flicking another switch and causing the entire gummi ship to shudder as it powered up. "I'm sure you could do it if you tried."

The grin tried to split his face. "Oooh, let me fly it then," Axel pressed, already reaching for the wheel in front of him.

Until a clawed hand rapidly shot out and cut him off before he could even so much as touch the damned thing. "No," Vincent stated simply, shooting Axel a firm stare.

"Why not?" He wasn't pouting. Nope, that was not _him_ pouting.

The winged male sighed. "I'll show you some other day, Axel. Now we have more important matters." He removed his hand from in front of the younger male and placed his fingers on the console, clawed digits easily sliding into steering grooves. The ship literally hummed around them as if feeling the same flurry of excitement and anxiety of its passengers.

"When we get there, we have to first check the system to see if he has arrived yet. If not, then its patrolling the Forgotten Plains. I don't know--"

"--how long it will take, I know," Axel quickly cut in. "We've gone over this before." He waved a hand of dismissal, sitting back comfortably in his seat. He wasn't sure how to trust Vincent's driving. "I'll wait there however long it takes."

Vincent eyed him thoughtfully before his fingers twitched on the controls. "Are you ready?"

A cocky grin spread across the former Nobody's face. "Just go, vampy," Axel teased, the strange feeling that they had to hurry again attacking him. At this point, he had begun to trust his instincts. Somehow, he just knew that Roxas was already there and waiting. He couldn't explain it... he just _knew_.

Vincent breathed a heavy sigh in slight exasperation, rolling his eyes. "Some days I wonder why I put up with you," he replied with a scowl before quickly causing the ship to rise into the air, the Highwind shuddering slightly.

The firestarter felt a treble of excitement run through his body. "I'm coming, Roxas," he murmured more to himself than to Vincent. "I'm coming."

* * *

They arrived in Gaia's Grotto at what would have been twilight, if the daylight ever changed in the world. It was raining as usual, hard and heavy droplets that splattered noisily against the windshield of the Highwind. Axel and Vincent exited the gummi ship and landed in a noisy squelch on the grass of the Forgotten Plains, which looked, for the most part, deserted.

"Try not to kill anyone," Vincent suggested, clawed hand reaching for his gun and automatically checking to make sure it was loaded.

Axel twirled a chakram on his finger. "I'm not making any promises," he responded as they started forward, heading immediately for the huge, dark gates looming just beyond them. Vincent had landed as close to the gates as possible, to shorten the amount of walking time.

The gates were wide open, the two guards standing at the aperture asleep on their feet as Reno was prone to doing. Axel felt a twinge of regret the moment he saw them, but was glad for the opportunity to slip by without having to hurt anyone. He would resort to force if necessary but was loathe to actually killing any of the residents.

They managed to sneak by those guards without a problem, slipping into the gatehouse with nary a problem. Vincent seemed concerned by this, his forehead pinched with worry and a frown pulling at his lips. "I suspected more difficulty," he commented quietly as they passed down the silent corridors. "Considering your explosion of power and us disappearing in front of dozens, I would have thought security would tighten."

Axel shrugged. "Why would it? You think they'd expect us to come back?"

"No, I suppose not."

Vincent stopped at the first doorway and tested the handle. It slid open with nary a creak and the dark-haired man peered inside, finding the room to be completely deserted. He gestured for Axel to follow him and the two slid inside, closing the door behind them and throwing the lock so that they would have some warning should an attack commence.

Inside, Axel allowed himself a brief sigh of relief. Despite the fact that they were at Gaia's Grotto and he could already feeling the subtle tugging at his emotions and memories, he knew he was that much closer to Roxas. He watched as Vincent sat down at one of the many consoles in the room, sliding his wrist under the scanner.

The computer beeped and trilled before the monitor blinked into life, bringing up a scrolling screen of some sort of language the firestarter did not recognize. Curious, he moved to stand at Vincent's shoulder, ever mindful of his wings. He peered over the other man at the screen.

"What is it?" he asked, slightly fascinated. As a Guardian, he never had to take part in any of the computer work. Nor did he have any use for learning any of the different languages that were spoken on Gaia's Grotto. Other than the universal tongue, there were a few that he had not known... residents from worlds that didn't seem to know common.

Clawed fingers began clicking over the keyboard, opening and closing windows on the monitor faster than Axel could even contemplate them. "This is Gaia's network," Vincent explained succinctly. "The Council keeps records of all of the arrivals on this world and we gatherers use the network to track newcomers as well as check the status on them."

"Meaning?"

Vincent sighed in slight exasperation before his hand moved to the mouse and he clicked a symbol on the monitor that Axel thought he recognized. "I can find out whether or not Roxas has arrived and if he has, where he has been taken or which stage he is at."

The computer bleeped and brought up a new screen, this one with a series of charts on it in the common tongue. Axel's eyes immediately scanned it, realizing that it was a list of people, and next to their names was their current status. Vincent's hand rose and tapped the display, claw clicking against the thick glass.

"There," he stated, pushing back his chair and rising to his feet. "Roxas is already here." Vincent frowned slightly, his brow furrowing in deep thought.

Green eyes widened. "That quickly?"

The winged male nodded. "Yes, I am surprised as well. It took us less than six hours to get here by gummi ship. I can't help but wonder what the defining factor is." He paused before shaking his head. "But... it doesn't matter now. We have to hurry. He's at this moment being taken before the Council."

Axel shivered, remembering the eight monitors, the sneering voices and the shadowy figures. The power behind Gaia's Grotto... those unidentified people, they were who he had to both blame and thank. He was grateful for the second chance but he hated them for the time he spent suffering on their godforsaken paradise. And he couldn't deny that the eerie feeling they practically exuded made him believe they were far from the good guys.

"Is there any possibility he was like me?" Axel asked as Vincent headed to the door, pulling it open and peering into the hallway before gesturing for the firestarter to follow him.

Vincent's gun returned to his hand as he started to creep into the hallway. "He was not found by one of the enlightened Gatherers... he probably doesn't remember anything," he replied quietly. He regarded Axel over his shoulder with one crimson eye. "It is up to you to remind him."

The former Nobody nodded, one hand dipping into his pocket to double-check that he still carried the Oblivion key chain. It was his trump card. The one item he had of Roxas' past. If his voice was not strong enough, or his face forgotten by Roxas, then he would use the key chain. Outside of that, Axel had no other hope.

They stepped out into the courtyard of the gatehouse, able to plainly see the Council headquarters less than a block away. The rain was falling heavier now, in thick sheets that made it difficult to see. Still, they could clearly make out the forms of a multitude of guards patrolling the grounds.

"Nothing to it," Vincent muttered grimly. "We'll have to fight our way." His finger thumbed his gun, sliding a bullet into the chamber with an audible click that gathered attention.

One guard turned their way, whipping his body around before immediately raising his weapon, a dual-bladed polearm towards them. "Intruders!" he yelled, already moving to attack. "Stop them!"

A fireball surged past Vincent as the winged man darted forward, gun raised and firing off rounds faster than Axel could count. The blazing sphere took out the guard that had raised the alarm as more and more nameless faces called out battle cries and attacked. Emerald eyes looked desperately towards the building just steps away and he wondered if they would make it in time.

Then his senses flared and he was forced to duck the swing of an impressive hammer that looked as if it could squash his entire body within seconds. Axel whirled around, shooting out a chakram in the same moment and successfully striking the hand of his attacker. The overgrown hammer flew out of his grip, flipping through the air and taking out another rock.

Axel gave him no time to recover as he darted forward and jabbed a fist in the guy's gut, a whoosh of air escaping his opponent's mouth as he doubled over and collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath. The firestarter smirked and stepped over him, smoothly intercepting his chakram as it returned to his hand.

Another approached from the left and Axel twirled to the side, avoiding the long reach of a spear. Were all their weapons that massive? He couldn't help but wonder as he nimbly leapt to the right. His opponent's eyes flashed and he altered his attack, suddenly swinging the large spear horizontally rather than jabbing it.

Axel leapt into the air, high above the swinging spear and twisted his body. He landed nimbly behind his opponent and brought his chakram up, smacking it against his attacker's head. It was enough to knock him out, but not kill him. As that guy crumpled to the ground, Axel darted forward, plowing through a crowd of three more, two men and a woman, not even bothering to fight them properly. A quick burst of fire had them scurrying out of his way.

He paused, turning to find Vincent and was surprised that the winged man was actually just behind him, practically on his heels. A gunshot rang out as Vincent shot one of the guards in the leg, disabling him. Those eerie crimson eyes turned toward Axel as he hurriedly reloaded, their steps taking them closer and closer to the council building.

"Don't bother fighting," Vincent urged, snapping his clip in with an audible click. "Just run and stop what gets in your way."

Axel nodded, already twirling his chakram on his hands as he turned and burst forward, slipping into a slinking run. Vincent's bullets flew past him as he backed the firestarter up, clearing what few dared to step into their path. His chakram flew from his fingers, knocking more weapons to the ground. Some guards had given up as they saw them approach, fright a dull emotion on their face before they turned and run, unwilling to face what appeared to be two demons.

They broke through the meager guards in front of the doors and shoved their way into the main building, slamming inside. Axel immediately turned as Vincent slipped inside and sent a flash of searing heat at the doors, melting the metal and sealing them together. No more guards would be coming in through that method, which would buy them ten minutes at least and save them a short worry about being attacked from the back.

Axel smirked and turned back around, his eyes widening when he was met with ten guards, dead expressions and serious weapons in their grasp. Yet, he was not even the slightest bit concerned. His lips curled into a sneer as he exchanged glances with Vincent, who was equally unimpressed.

Something passed between them that needed no words before the two males sprang forward, Vincent to the right and Axel to the left. Three successive bangs echoed in Axel's ears and he smiled, knowing that three of the guards were already down for the count. Their opponents hadn't even had time to attack first.

Green eyes centered on his own enemies, sending each of his chakram out to intercept two attacks before he met one in the middle head on. He grinned into the woman's face as his hands wrapped around her wrist, stopping the attack of her chain before she could even whip it towards him. Belatedly he realized that he knew this person.

It was Quistis.

He startled in surprise, his hold weakening. "Quistis!" he exclaimed, heart beating a mad rhythm in his chest. _Don't hurt them_, Vincent had said. And now Axel could see why. Because they never knew if the person they were fighting was someone who had just wanted to be saved.

For a moment, there was the vaguest flicker of recognition, the tiniest fraction of some sort of hint that Quistis was buried beneath the mind warping but then those beautiful eyes narrowed and the woman used his hesitation against him. She jerked her weapon out of his hold and kicked out at him, putting some space between them.

Axel sprang backwards, hands shooting to the side as his chakram returned to them in a swirl of flame.

Quistis wasted no time in attacking, no sound emerging from her form as she swung the chained whip in his direction. Axel smoothly avoided it, raising one hand so that their weapons met with a clang of steel on steel. She squared her jaw and jerked the whip back, each link sliding with a grating noise over his chakram's points. He was loathe to hurt her but he felt the press of time on his back and shoulders. He had to get to Roxas.

Two more bullets fired in the background. He had no time to waste. Mentally apologizing to Quistis, Axel darted forward, easily catching the whip when it came whipping towards his head again. The chain's stung as he caught it in his bare hands, but he ignored the pain, jerking on the links and causing her to stumble towards him.

He took that opportunity to snap the whip in his hold, stepping forward in the same movement so that it wrapped around Quistis, pinning her arms at her side. She was restrained by her own weapon and collapsed over on her side, unable to even stay on her feet. He dropped the end he held to the floor with an audible clank.

She looked up at him with what might have been annoyance and anger. Had she been a creature without muted emotions. But here on Gaia's Grotto, it could only be described as impassive resignation. He wanted to save her but he didn't have the time.

"I'm sorry," Axel whispered, shaking his head as he moved past her. Guilt surged up thick and stifling, reminding him that he was truly no better than before. Just the same selfish, reckless kid that had ended the existence of Nobodies and manipulated others to satisfy his ends.

Another guard stepped in front of him, but Axel didn't even look at it before sending a fireball in its direction. He couldn't bear to see their identity. He didn't want to know who else he was leaving behind just to save one person. It didn't matter that Roxas wasn't just a person to him, he wasn't just a being that needed saving. Roxas was his everything.

But that didn't make the guilt fade. And Axel couldn't help but wonder when he started thinking beyond himself. When had he started caring about his actions in terms of others?

That ended the short battle, and Axel turned back towards Vincent, finding that the winged man had easily dispatched the rest of the guards. But shouted voices and the sound of boots stomping across the ground alerted them to the fact that more were coming. They couldn't afford to linger.

His eyes finding the elevator he had used on his first and only visit to the center, Axel started towards it. But Vincent grabbed his arm, tugging him off to the right, away from the elevator.

Confused, Axel furrowed his brow. "What are you doing?" he asked as he was pulled across the floor, ignoring the gaping stares of those that weren't some sort of soldier or guard. "The elevators--" He was cut off as a loud and piercing siren suddenly sounded throughout the center

"They've activated their defense systems," Vincent explained as they burst through one of the side doors, it swinging open with a loud screech. Axel looked around, finding that they were in a stairwell, which was mostly silent.

"Which means they've shut off the elevators."

Axel groaned when it became apparent that Vincent meant for them to take the stairs, running the entire time. "All eight floors?" he complained as they began their climb, boots echoing hollowly in the empty stairwell.

"Think of it as exercise," Vincent responded in his familiar monotone. Though the red-haired male thought he detected a hint of amusement. "You were getting rather flabby."

Emerald eyes narrowed as Axel resisted the urge to stop and glare at the other male. "Was that a joke?" he demanded tersely as they continued climbing, his gaze catching sight of a sign that declared they were passing the fifth floor. "Because you're the one that was lying around moping."

"I don't make jokes," Vincent denied, but there was a sparkle in crimson eyes that hadn't been there before. Not while they were in Gaia's Grotto and not before the reconciliation with his lover.

Axel grinned, unable to resist teasing the closest person he could consider a friend outside of Roxas. "Cid's good for you. The sex must be great."

Vincent immediately bristled, the sparkle in his eyes turning into a full glare. Yet, before he could even formulate the proper counter, they were at the eighth floor landing.

The winged man was the first to step forward, jerking open the door with little subtlety. Axel headed in first, hands ready to spray flame at anything that dared cross his path. Even as he did so, however, he could feel his energy beginning to lag. Perhaps there had been truth to Vincent's teasing.

But the hall in front of them was completely devoid of any persons, enemy or not. White-washed with grey tile, it was wide open and spacious, yet completely empty. It was strange since Axel couldn't even sense the presence of any enemies. There was no subtle trill of danger in the air. Perhaps the council was arrogant enough to believe that they didn't have any worry about enemies making it to the eighth floor.

Behind him, Vincent stepped out of the stairwell, pausing to close the door quietly. "Head to the right," he calmly directed, wings twitching restlessly. "The council room is close to here." A strange, solemn look crossed his features. "I only hope that the battles did not make us too late."

Axel nodded, a strange feeling coiling in his belly. It sang like anticipation, but carried with it a note of trepidative discord. He stepped down the fall, following Vincent's directions. His fingers curled tightly around his chakram, driven by the continuous, unsettling notion of _something_.

He could feel it, the subtle pull of Gaia's Grotto on his heart and wondered if Vincent did as well. It was no easy thing to ignore, curling with tendrils around his soul, trying to leech into his memories and steal everything that was important to him. Axel swallowed thickly and clung tightly to his memories, even going so far as to recall one that was really important to him.

It wasn't that something important had happened that day, or even that it was a special day. But he retained it nonetheless, one of those small memories that fought to keep him sane before he ever could begin to hope to ever see Roxas again.

_Clang! Clank! Screeech!_

_Axel jerked backwards and grinned as he and Roxas separated, the blond panting just as heavily as Axel. They had been at it for over two hours, exchanging blows and barbs until both of them were coated in sweat, in desperate need of a bath. Axel's hair hung limply on his head, no longer in its familiar spikes and Roxas' hair clung to his forehead and neck._

_"Giving up?" Roxas was breathless, his skin flushed from their exertions. He stood in his battle position nonetheless, always ready for Axel's next attack. They both knew how crafty the firestarter could be, sometimes attacking when the battle was believed to be done and over._

_The firestarter grinned, twirling a chakram on one finger. "Pfft. Against you? Never." _

_Roxas' eyes glinted with that hint of feeling that Axel always thought he detected even though they weren't supposed to have them. "You can barely hang onto your chakram," he argued sensibly, idly letting one keyblade disappear as he pretended to inspect Oblivion. Roxas was always able to pull off nonchalance so well, as opposed to Axel who always looked like he was up to something. _

_And usually he was, but that was besides the point. "And?" Axel countered, waiting for Roxas to give him a good reason. Except, his stomach chose that moment to give a very audible protest, rumbling and proving that he was indeed starved. _

_The blond gave him one of those stares; Axel was quickly learning to identify them. This particular stare was one of bemusement. "You wouldn't happen to be hungry would you?" he questioned dryly. He tilted his head to the side. "Though I think Vexen is supposed to be cooking today." _

_Axel made a face of disgust and dropped out of his fighting stance, letting his chakram disappear in a short flash of orange flame. "Everything he cooks is raw and cold." After all, what did he expect from someone called the 'Chilly Academic'. He stepped towards Roxas, joining the other Nobody who was letting Oblivion disappear as well. _

"_And everything you make is burnt." _

_The firestarter stuck his tongue out at him as he reached and poked Roxas in the shoulder teasingly. He towered over the blond by a good foot but somehow, Roxas held such a presence that they seemed the same height. It was strange but Axel rather liked it that way._

_Then the perfect suggestion came to mind. "Maybe we can sneak out to one of them other worlds and get some real food, hmm? Whaddya say?" Axel was always one ready to escape from the castle. It was stifling and more often than not, someone was looking for him just to ask who exactly had set their robes on fire, etc. _

_Roxas scowled. "You just want to cause trouble. You've already been scolded once for shirking your duties." _

_Emerald eyes rolled. "That was Marluxia and he was only pissed because he thinks I'm the one that set fire to his green house." _

"_But you were." _

"_That's not the point." _

_The two Nobodies shared a short glaring contest, which Roxas won before they started down the hallway, ignoring the shadows that always seemed to be reaching for them. Axel did, however, kept a firm eye out for Vexen, the Chilly Academic always one for spying. Sometimes Zexion was creeping around in the darkness as well. No one was quite sure what he did and frankly, no one really wanted to ask either. _

"_So you wanna go or not?" Axel asked, turning towards Roxas. "We can head to that one world... you know, the one that had those cakes at that fair. It was a desert town." He paused putting his hands on his chin in consideration. "Was it Aveh?" _

"_Yeah it was." Roxas looked at him with amusement. "You've got a memory full of sand, " he teased. "And you're going to get fat if you keep eating those things." _

_If Axel had a heart, it would've skipped a beat. That strange sensation in his chest, some sort of something surged when Roxas looked at him like that. There wasn't even anything unique about it but for some reason, it made Axel feel a minute measure of happiness, or his rendition of happiness. It made him feel alive; it made him feel for a moment that there was something beating in his chest. Like his existence was more than just... being there._

_Roxas had the most vivid eyes, a shimmering, ocean blue that always betrayed his true thoughts. The Key of Destiny had the amazing talent of keeping his face schooled into a lack of expression. But his eyes, he could never quite keep it from his eyes and Axel had already learned how to interpret them. _

"_Axel?" _

_It took a minute for the firestarter to realize he had completely stopped walking and had been staring at his best friend, almost in complete rapture. He blushed before he could stop himself, turning away from Roxas slightly and hoping that his friend couldn't see the faint red staining his pale skin._

_He blinked before grinning, feeling sheepish. He raked a hand through his hair. "Sorry about that. What were you saying?"_

_Roxas gave him a strange look but continued. "I said, let's go then. And hurry about it. Before Xemnas finds us missing."_

_Axel laughed again. "I knew you'd see things my way." _

"Axel."

Vincent's voice disturbed him from his memories and he blinked, suddenly returning to reality. Axel regarded the winged man with cool green eyes. Vincent stared back impassively, gesturing towards the door with his head. Axel hadn't even realized that they had stopped walking, and followed his directive with his eyes.

"We're here."

* * *

Thanks to everyone who's still with me and enjoying this story! Not much longer now!


	19. Chapter 14: Remember Me

**Caution: There's another one of those confusing dream sequences coming up. It's not supposed to make sense so don't worry. Also, there's one of those lime things down there. Don't be afraid, it's unusual but it won't bite too much. **

**Chapter 14: Remember Me**

Axel looked at the door somewhat apprehensively. He could still remember the probing stares of the council when he had been introduced to them, and the smallest of shivers spread down his spine. They scared him; he could admit that now. In ways he couldn't understand, those eight faceless shadows behind a television screen frightened him. Far more than Xemnas ever could and that Nobody was powerful.

Vincent must have sensed his hesitation but he remained silent. Perhaps he knew that if Axel couldn't go through with it, then there was no hope for Roxas. Because Vincent didn't have that connection with the other male. He wouldn't be able to remind Roxas of his past.

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, Axel summoned his chakram and blew out the door with a burst of fire, not even bothering to sneak in. He burst through the doorway, eyes quickly sweeping the room. He counted three guards and the television sets, all turned on.

Fury blanketed his emotions and without even stopping to think, Axel narrowed his eyes and threw his chakram at the eight screens. He ignored the other guards, able to hear Vincent quickly dispatching them. Instead, he watched as his weapons crashed into the monitors, destroying them all in fiery sparkles of electricity and flame.

He realized that he wasn't destroying the actual evil behind Gaia's Grotto with the attack, but it made him feel minutely better. That raw clenching of the planet's mysterious magic on his memories seemed all that lighter. Perhaps it was all in his head. He couldn't even guess.

"Roxas is not in here," Vincent murmured, suddenly appearing at Axel's left side. "He must already be heading to the Cleanser."

That jumpstarted the firestarter in a second. He whipped his head to the side, keen gaze easily catching sight of the door that he remembered from a little over a year past. The same one that he had crossed through. Roxas had to have been there. He only hoped he wasn't too late.

"But the gatherer?" Axel demanded, already starting towards it. "Shouldn't he still be here?"

Vincent shook his head, moving to the door they had entered and barricading it. The flimsy chairs wouldn't hold for long but perhaps it would buy them some time. He reloaded his gun while he was at it, wishing he had some sort of magic as well. Two were just not enough to storm the Center.

"You were an exception," Vincent explained. "Because I stayed to plead your case, I offered to be the one to show you your home."

But Axel was only half-listening. He reached for the handle to the door, growling in frustration when he realized it was locked. Not that it would stop him. Fire surged through his fingers, melting the knob and turning it into bronze mush. He jerked the cooling mass from the door and shoved a shoulder into it, causing the door to slam open and hit the wall.

The firestarter didn't waste any time in charging through, his heart beating a frantic rhythm in his chest. He was close, so close. Behind him, he could hear the sounds of soldiers approaching, probably summoned by the destruction of the monitors. He left those for Vincent to handle as he hurriedly scanned the overly large room that housed the Cleanser.

And then he saw Roxas. The whole world shrank to a pinpoint, nearly freezing him in place and he swore that his breath caught in his throat. It was him; it was really him. He couldn't mistake his eyes, or that messy blond hair. And that girl, the eerily grinning girl had Roxas by the hand and was hauling him towards the Cleanser, Roxas following her with a vaguely zombieish look on his face.

Axel's heart sank with realization. Roxas could not remember.

"Stop!" he yelled, his feet moving before his brain even registered the whole situation. But the girl ignored him. "Roxas!"

They didn't stop or even pause. Axel put on a desperate burst of speed, surging past them and skidding to a stop, cutting the two off from the Cleanser. He grabbed the girl with the eerily dead eyes and threw her to the side, ignoring her cries of protest as she struck the ground. Axel gripped Roxas' shoulders, forcing the blond to look at him.

"Roxas!" His fingers squeezed familiar shoulders as he leaned down to look directly into beautiful blue eyes... which held no recognition. His heart clawed into his throat, a worrisome ache beginning to settle inside of him.

What if... what if he wasn't enough? What if he had only imagined their bonds? What if he couldn't wake him up?

"Roxas, please?" he demanded, squeezing the blond's shoulder's so tightly that he was probably leaving bruises. But his desperation was more than he could take and he could feel it burning through him. There had to be something.

"Remember!"

There was a stirring as the other male blinked at him. "There is... nothing to remember," Roxas replied, lifting his eyes to Axel and speaking in a dead tone. "Here... is paradise. The past... is forgotten."

"No, it's not! It's not!" He searched his mind frantically but as always, the words failed him. Why couldn't he ever speak when it was important!?! "This is no future! Please!"

He was pleading now, and he could feel tears prickling at the backs of his eyes. Axel rarely cried except for those few moments recently but now, he could feel them coming. His entire body shook with anxiety and he felt helpless, as if everything was spiraling out of control. What could he do? What could he say?

"Remember me? Me. Axel. Your best friend in the Organization. Try, Roxas! Try to remember!" he urged, shaking the blond a bit in his desperation.

There was no reaction. Roxas said nothing more. He didn't even blink, as if Gaia's Grotto had sucked every last bit of life out of him, leaving nothing behind but an empty shell. Clamor in the doorway alerted him to the fact that the guards had broken through Vincent's barricade. The winged man was doing his best to stave off the hordes of soldiers surging forward but not even he could do so indefinitely.

Axel gritted his teeth, wanting to scream in frustration. It hurt, it clawed, it ripped at him from the inside. Would he come this far to fail? He felt the press of time, knowing that within seconds the guards would come bursting through in more numbers than he and Vincent could handle alone. And there was no guarantee Roxas would come willingly if Axel dragged him along. They just didn't _know_.

He released one of Roxas' shoulders with his hand, flicking his fingers through his hair and resisting the urge to tear it out. His eyes darted past Roxas, seeing Vincent rapid-firing but steadily falling back. And then his fingers encountered something in his hair. The glasses... Reno's sunglasses.

The idea hit him so fast he believed he was an idiot for not thinking of it sooner. "If you won't remember me, maybe you'll remember you!" he said, digging his hand into his pocket. His fingers wrapped around the Oblivion keychain, the sharp edges cutting into his skin in his haste as he gripped it and yanked it out of his pocket.

He grabbed Roxas' hand. "Remember this, please!" he pleaded as he slapped the memento into it, hard enough to draw blood.

"Remember me!"

He hoped with everything that he had inside of him, praying that this would be enough. He kept his hand clasped over the keychain as he pressed it into Roxas' hand, smashing the appendage in his grip. The fingers were slack, limp in his hold. The other male felt so cold, his gaze so lifeless. Even that enduring sparkle was fading. Desperation clawed at him, despair gripped him and his knees buckled. Tears banked at his eyelids and he knew, that if this failed he wouldn't be able to hold them back. He couldn't... if Roxas... he couldn't--

Fingers curled around the keychain, brushing briefly across Axel's own. His gaze, which had fallen, raised hopefully to Roxas', finding the blond blinking as if coming out a dark daze. Blue eyes dropped to the keychain before returning to Axel, something indistinguishable swimming in his eyes.

"Axel..." Roxas murmured. "I thought... you were dead."

Axel's hands left Roxas' grip, moving to cup the blond's face. A smile brightened his entire expression, chasing away the dark shadows that were beginning to encroach in his mind. He hadn't even realized the darkness was creeping in, hadn't recognized its dark desires until after they were gone.

"You remember!" he cried. "You know me this time!" He wanted to say more, to do more, but he seemed frozen. He wanted to dance a Demyx jig and shout his happiness to the heavens.

He wanted to kiss him.

Roxas didn't say anything else but Axel understood. He was still reeling from everything, not to mention Gaia's Grotto was tugging at his memories, trying to pull him back into the fold.

And then a hand gripped his elbow, drawing his attention. Axel stood up straight, glancing to his left to find Vincent had suddenly appeared there. "We're not going to make it to the gummi ship," he explained grimly, already pulling the two of them backwards, away from the onslaught of guards. "We've got to go now."

Crimson eyes bore into Axel's gaze, his meaning clear. "We have to use the portals," Axel finished for him. Dread filled his heart. He feared those portals, he feared the power used to call them and the pain involved in traveling them. But he also knew that Vincent was right.

Axel nodded. "We'll use the portals." They had no choice but to risk it again. His gaze slid to Roxas. "Do you remember how to summon them?"

Blue eyes rolled. "I was better at it than you, Axel," Roxas retorted stubbornly, his jaw set with that familiar obstinacy. In that moment, Axel wanted to kiss him out of pure joy. Yet, he refrained from doing so. It wasn't anywhere close to a good time for that.

Axel smirked, his grin widening in sheer joy. "That's what I wanted to hear," he replied before grabbing Roxas and pulling him close, muffling the other boy's protesting sputters. Vincent laid his hand on Axel's shoulder and the firestarter nodded.

He closed his eyes and searched for the darkness inside of him, the coiling, shifting blackness that he pushed aside all the time. Only now, he invited it closer, cajoling and coaxing the clinging shadows to do his bidding. He concentrated on his fear, his despair from earlier, his desperate desire to leave Gaia's Grotto.

It curled around his voice, responding eagerly to the long awaited call. And inside his mind, Axel grabbed hold and yanked viciously. He called for the necessary portal with every fabric of his being, wanting to be somewhere, anywhere that wasn't there. And he could feel it, a tingling in his extremities that crept up his legs, using leech-like holds to crawl up his body and completely surround him.

It was as if he were being eaten by cold shadows, leaving nothing but numbness in their wake. Axel squeezed his eyes shut, the disorientating creep leaving his mind spinning. The darkness tugged at his heart, demanding that he give in, demanding that he return to its lifeless hold. It wanted to make him part of it again, to rid him of his useless heart.

He thought he heard Roxas cry out in pain, somewhere through the dim encroaching of shadows. But Axel couldn't be sure. He just squeezed Roxas all the tighter and waited for it to be over. He prayed that the journey would be quick. Darkness curled, darkness craved, and darkness swallowed them whole, until there was nothing left but...

_...madness, sheer and utter madness. That was the only way to describe this venture. Was he a fool? Or was he a wise man for attempting the possible against impossible odds? Or was it impossible with possible odds?_

_It was love, everything was love and yet nothing, nothing at all. He was nothing, if he thought about it. Everything was nothing and nothing was everything and he was something but he wasn't because there was nobody to love him. And love made him him. Love made him be. Love was..._

_Something that he never expected to see again. Those cold amber eyes, narrowed in anger, narrowed in exasperation. It was a power he couldn't hope to combat._

_And she was beautiful, so beautiful. He fell in love with her all over again. Her face was sweaty, her skin flushed and in her arms, crying from her recent step into reality, was his future, his life, and Lae fell in love all over again._

_"No, stop! You can't leave me!"_

_"Daddy!"_

_"Remember! Remember who you are!"_

_Why? Why was he so useless? Why did he always fail and why, why was he nothing. What had he done? How much had he stolen? There were things he couldn't give back, things he couldn't make up for. Burdens on his heart, on his mind, on his soul. They were stains, taints, and no matter how hard he scrubbed he would never be clean._

_"Axel?"_

_Tears. Had he ever cried so much in life? Spilling down his face, snaking through his fingers. He sat huddled on the floor, knees pulled up to his chest, hiding behind his hands. No one could see his pain; no one could see how much he struggled. He was alone, so alone. And there it was again._

_The world tilted, it cracked and he fell through into the never-ending darkness. He cried out for someone to save him but his feet found no ground. He was falling, flailing out for a hold, anything really. But his voice was gone, cracked, numb and bleeding were his lips. He didn't even know if he could feel anymore._

_"I'm sure Sora will find the answer. Because he's me."_

_But he was already dead, already fading away into the shadows._

_It was as if light had disappeared from the world and love... love was a mere memory._

_"See you Axel."_

_"See ya... partner."_

_It was one, just one tear. And a tossed ice cream bar, thrown to the wind, thrown out of the memories. Why did it hurt so much if he didn't have a heart? Then what was the clawing pain inside of his chest? Why deny what he felt, what he knew?_

_They were memories. He was swimming through them. Except they were garbled, mixed together. Two lifetimes trying to join as one and then resort themselves out again._

_No, three now. Three times to live. Three times to die but only two deaths. Three times to love. He experienced them all, over and over, until he was bombarded with the truth, and the lies, and the betrayal, until he was begging and pleading for something to..._

... soften the inevitable landing. The three males were spat onto the ground, as if the portal had twisted itself on its side before depositing them in another world. The three men hit hard, Axel on the bottom with Roxas and Vincent landing on top of him. Fatigue clouded his senses and he groaned when an elbow jabbed into his belly, cutting off his air.

But they were free. They had escaped from Gaia's Grotto, and this time Axel had saved Roxas as well. He coughed, weariness assailing him as he blearily looked around. He felt so drained and a bit light-headed but he could have sworn that they weren't in Radiant Garden. In fact, this looked just a bit like...

"Twilight Town," Roxas exclaimed, slowly removing himself from the pile of limbs they had landed in.

"It is certainly not my home," Vincent added, extracting himself with ease.

His wings twitched irritably, angered by Roxas landing and nearly crushing them with his body. He stood over them, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared around them somewhat warily. It was understandable, considering he hadn't received that warm of a welcome at Radiant Garden.

Roxas clambered to his feet, stumbling slightly from weariness but Vincent quickly reached out to steady him before offering a hand down to Axel. The firestarter accepted it and was promptly hauled to his feet, though the ensuing dizziness made him sway precariously. His limbs had that noodley feeling again, as if he were barely holding himself together.

And there were whispers as well, tiny whispers trying to urge him back into the darkness. Anywhere, anything you want, they said. All the power in the world. All that you need to make things right. The damn voices, they knew exactly how to exploit him as well. Guilt exploded and faces flashed before his gaze – Vexen's terrified bluster, Zexion's shocked despair, and Quistis' vacant plea.

"Well, looks like the kid was right after all, eh, Squall?" came a voice from behind them.

There was an immediate response, surly and in a familiar monotone. "It's Leon."

The three males whirled around, none more so than Vincent who immediately recognized one of the voices. "Cid!" he exclaimed before slumping just a bit, the darkness having sapped just as much of his energy as it had Axel's. "How did you... why did you...?"

"Sora," Cid explained as he strode forward, offering up a shoulder to his weary lover. "He said to come here. That you guys would show up here and not back home." Vincent leaned on the blond gratefully, the trials of their attempt evident in the strain on his face. His cloak had gotten even more tattered.

A tremendous surge of relief filled Axel but his knees buckled and he felt the black of unconsciousness beginning to creep into his mind. But he couldn't resist one last barb at Cid. "Hey old man, how attached were you to that gummi ship?"

Cid managed an outraged splutter before Axel's legs finally gave out and he crumpled, barely hearing Leon call his name as very strong arms caught his body. He was thrust into another memory when he sank into blessed oblivion, one that he had nearly forgotten.

_"You want me to kill, Roxas?" Axel questioned incredulously, nearly leaping off of his raised seat in his surprise. He was met with several impassive stares, most hidden by the deep hoods of the Organization garb. Most in the Organization were like that, so enmeshed in their non-existence as entities of nothing that they didn't even like to reveal their identity._

_Saix set his jaw. "He's a traitor to the Organization," the berserker declared, a hint of lunacy glinting in his yellow eyes. He licked his lips, displaying fangs as if he wanted to eat Axel alive. "He will die."_

_Axel narrowed his eyes, determined to argue himself breathless if he had to. "He did not betray us. He only went to find some answers. That's all!"_

"_And if that damn meddler gets to him first we'll lose all advantage," Xigbar inputted smugly, for once managing to not sound like a brainless idiot. Axel absolutely hated Xigbar's faked accent; it irked on every one of his nerves. _

_However, this petty argument was more than the Superior could endure. "Silence!" Xemnas stood and slashed a hand through the air, cutting off any and all argument. He centered his ocher gaze on the firestarter. "You won't do it?" he questioned lowly, a hint of warning in his tone._

"_I didn't say that," Axel argued, straining for something to say. He wouldn't... couldn't kill Roxas. But they would strike him down in an instant if he said no and Axel rather liked living. "I'm just pointing out that it's in our best interest not to." _

_Xaldin laughed mockingly. "Your foolish pretend affection for the Key of Destiny is laughable at best, Number VIII. But it will not keep him from his death. He chose to leave the Organization." _

"_So make your choice, dude," Xigbar added, gesturing towards the firestarter. "Kill Roxas or die here, it's your choice." _

_Axel crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the whole of Organization XIII, now significantly reduced thanks to Sora's appearance at Castle Oblivion. He had nothing more to say to them without somehow implicating himself. He didn't plan to do either. _

"_Don't be so arrogant, boy!" Xaldin snarled, summoning his lances and spearing one of them at Axel. It struck the chair near his head yet Axel didn't even flinch. "Just do your duty... or will you betray us like you did Marluxia?"_

"_Relax, Xaldin," Xemnas murmured, cutting into the tension. "Axel has always been one to choose his own side. But he knows where to return his alliance in the end. He will do his duty. Isn't that right?" Ocher eyes piercingly returned to Axel. _

_The firestarter grinned in his usual condescending way. "Yeah, I'll do my duty. Got it memorized?" he responded. But he didn't mention what he thought his duty was. They didn't need to know that his duty was to Roxas. He was all that mattered to Axel. Roxas and no one else._

The memory continued to linger in the back of his mind, even as he slowly stirred into wakefulness. The extent of his feelings, the sheer strength of his determination, even he had been unaware of it until then. He had told Sora long ago that Roxas made him feel as if he had a heart and truly, back then, he had always sworn something was beating in his chest. The Organization couldn't force him to kill Roxas, because it would have been like destroying his heart, and above all things, a Nobody coveted a heart. It was something he would not give up.

Axel's eyelids lifted slowly, somewhat blearily as he shoved himself into a groggy, half-sitting position. He rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hand, trying to ignore the pulling weariness on his body and the aching of his muscles. It was a good kind of ache, however, the ache that comes in knowing he had accomplished something. He and Vincent had successfully returned to Gaia's Grotto and escaped again, this time with Roxas in tow.

Roxas.

At the reminder of his best friend, Axel peered around the room, finding that not only was he alone, he was not at Leon's house as he had suspected. In fact, judging by all the strange artifacts and more books than even Leon collected, it was Merlin's home. And honestly, the room was too over-crowded to house more than the thin, narrow bed he was currently occupying. No wonder he was alone.

Biting back a yawn, Axel swung his legs over the side of the bed and rose to his feet, stretching his arms up above his head. He heard several cracks as his bones popped but paid them little mind, already on a mission. He had to make sure Roxas was all right. With sleeping pants draping dangerously low on his hips, making him momentarily wonder who kept undressing him when he was unconscious, Axel reached for the door and pulled it open, stepping out into the hallway.

Silence met his ears. The house was eerily so. It didn't even creak and groan when it settled, as most houses were known to do. Leon's certainly made a racket. Axel peered down the hall, but found it empty. From visiting Merlin before, he recalled that there were several guest rooms on this wing and one was just to the left.

Closing the door quietly behind him, Axel padded down the hall and cracked open the other door, determined to peek inside before actually entering. He caught a flash of blond hair poking out from a nest of covers and it was all the proof he needed.

The firestarter edged his way into the room, suddenly feeling as if he were a thief or something similar with the way he was skulking about. But he just didn't want the questions at the moment. Or the congratulations, or the bounciness or the knowing eyes. He just wanted to see Roxas, to prove to himself that the other male was really there and that he wasn't dreaming.

Roxas was still asleep, chest rising and falling in equal intervals. Axel perched on the side of the bed, his slim body fitting in the meager space that Roxas left behind. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as an immense sense of relief overwhelmed him. The dream that he had just had, the memory, and the decision he had made even then, it was as if the fates that had been conspiring against him had finally decided to take a break.

He lifted a hand, brushing a few stray strands of blond hair from Roxas' face but his best friend didn't stir. Something surged inside of him, a subtle shuddering of his body and hotness burned at his lids, threatening but never spilling past. His fingers trembled and it was as if an epiphany had suddenly struck like a bolt of lightning straight through the heart. In that moment, he came to a startling realization.

He had loved Roxas all along.

"He is just tired," a voice announced softly from the doorway, startling Axel. He jerked away from the bed, stumbling over his feet and making a general fool of himself as if he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.

After clapping a hand over his mouth to cover a very undignified yelp, the firestarter turned towards the door to issue a thoroughly blistering glare at Vincent. The winged man, however, was not perturbed. "Merlin says he will awaken soon."

Green eyes flickered to Roxas for a moment. "How soon?"

Vincent chuckled lightly before tugging on Axel's arm and practically pulling the firestarter out into the hallway, causing him to stumble. He stepped in front of the door, blocking it from Axel. "Not so soon that you don't have time to shower, change and eat something before refusing to move from his bedside."

He could feel an uncharacteristic blush staining his cheeks. He fought it off by producing a very believable smirk, crossing his arms over his chest. "What? You don't like my manly odor?"

Crimson eyes regarded him for a moment before Vincent shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder why I decide to still associate with you." He raised one hand and pointed to the last door on the hall. "Go. Shower. I'll watch over him."

Axel sniffed haughtily before realizing that he did, indeed, have quite an unappealing aroma. Instead of making a snappy comeback, he turned on his heels and stalked towards the shower, grumbling under his breath. He wouldn't be surprised if Vincent was smirking behind his back either, but he didn't want to turn and check. Besides, the winged male had a point.

* * *

The shower turned off with an audible hiss, leaving only the steady drip-drop of the leaking faucet in the background. Axel was surprised that Merlin hadn't already fixed it, considering he was a magician of sorts. Yet, it also proved that the older man was fallible enough to not bother with a leaky faucet. Made him seem less mysterious and a lot more human, not that Merlin was hard to approach anyways.

As Axel rubbed a towel viciously through his hair, which returned to familiar spikes without any effort on his part, he heard the sound of many voices all speaking in excited tones. Curious, he slid on a new pair of pants that Vincent had so kindly left for him in the bathroom and peered out into the hallway.

People were crowded in the doorway of the bedroom Roxas was currently inhabiting, most notably Leon and Vincent were blocking the door while he could only assume the others were within. Which meant Roxas had woken up while he was in the shower. A bit perturbed with Vincent's misinformation, Axel slipped out of the bathroom and pushed his way through Leon and Vincent without even an apology.

Past them, he encountered an obstacle shaped like both Aeris and Merlin so he edged through them, feeling desperate to see Roxas awake. Yuffie was talking to Roxas in her excited tone, but he couldn't even make out her words, his eyes only for the former Nobody. Finally, ignoring Aeris' bemused stare, Axel forced his way through the cramped space until he was able to see Roxas sitting up on the bed, looking weary and vaguely annoyed, though he was hiding it well.

Bright blue eyes looked up in that moment and their eyes met, a moment of uneasy quiet passing between them. His heart thudded painfully in his chest and once again, that terrifying feeling of being unable to breathe clouded his lungs. It was like they had seen other for the first time all over again, as if that moment back in Gaia's Grotto had never happened.

Silence descended on the small room, increasing the tension until it was nearly palpable, a strange taste of intrigue and desperation and sorrow and _need. _There were so many unspoken thoughts, so many unvoiced questions that they practically sang in the air, begging to be expressed, yearning to serve their true purpose. Axel felt them pressing on his brain, knocking on his heart and stumbling on the tip of his tongue.

His eyes fell to the side, unable to keep the penetrating grip of Roxas' stare. In that moment, he had been reminded of all that he had done.

"Ah, yes, well, I've got to go start breakfast," Aeris announced, shoving both Yuffie and Cid towards the door and by proxy, all of the others crowding around behind them. "Come help me you guys," her voice held a note of urgency.

Yuffie protested immediately. "Aw, but it looked like things were finally going to get interesting," she grumbled, kicking at the floor. Yet, she allowed the kind woman to push her out and soon the room was empty. Aeris even went so far as to quietly shut the door behind them, leaving the two males alone to talk.

Yet, neither it seemed was quite ready to offer up any words. Silence descended, broken only by the faint sound of the fan whirring overhead and the constant tick-tock of what Merlin had called a cuckoo clock. Axel fidgeted, watching the swirls in the floorboard. Now that he was here, he didn't know what to say. He felt like a fumbling idiot.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?"

Axel blinked, jumping a little at the sudden end to the silence. He lifted his head. "Huh?" he responded stupidly, surprised at the range of emotions that he found flitting through bright blue eyes.

Roxas' mouth twisted and Axel found his gaze captivated by the movement. "That had to be the most idiotic way to try and get me back!" Roxas shouted, distracting Axel from his staring.

What was he... wait a minute... what? Indignation rose up strongly in the firestarter. "Hey!" he denied in annoyance. "You didn't have to leave in the first place. Of course, I had to do something."

His jaw set in that familiar stubborn manner as it always did when they had argued before. Suddenly, it felt just like old times, the tension gradually lifting away. "Yes, I did!" Roxas argued obstinately. "I needed to find the truth."

"Che." Axel sniffed haughtily, crossing his arms over his chest. He turned his head to the side, staring determinedly at the wall. "What the hell else was I supposed to do then? Sit around and wait for you to make up your damn mind? Like that would have gone well with the Organization. They wanted me to kill you."

It was Roxas' turn to blink in surprise. "You're such a stubborn bastard," he countered lowly. "And you probably always will be. Why didn't you just say something before I left?" The blond shifted on the bed, the sound piercingly loud in the questing silence. A spring squeaked.

Axel snorted. "What good would that have done?" he mumbled, hating that it sounded somewhat petulant. He was pouting, for all's sake, and no one pulled that off except for well, Sora and Roxas. He, however, just looked like a child. It wasn't cute at all.

There was a moment of quiet before Roxas finally responded, his voice soft. "I might have asked you to come, dumbass."

Green eyes widened in shock as he whipped up his head, feeling as if he were gaping. "What?"

Roxas threw back the covers and rose to his feet, standing right in front of Axel and staring directly into his face. He looked rather cute like that, blond hair in disarray and a sleepy flush to his face. Axel wanted to kiss him but he refrained.

"I've been stuck in Sora's head for the last dozen months or so, seeing and experiencing everything he does," Roxas began to explain, his eyes sliding to the side before returning to Axel. "And I understand now."

The firestarter was quickly losing grasp of the conversation. He wasn't stupid but Roxas had the annoying habit of speaking in riddles sometimes. "Understand what?" he asked, crinkling his brow.

Roxas shook his head, giving Axel that familiar 'you're so damn stupid look' that he had perfected when they were best friends back at the castle. He reached up and curled his fingers around Axel's head. "You've always been a bit slow for your own good," he murmured. "And you had the nerve to tease me about it." With that, he pulled Axel down and pushed their lips together, invoking a passionate kiss.

Emerald eyes widened in complete shock as a noise of surprise escaped Axel's mouth. Roxas took full and complete advantage of that, slipping his tongue through Axel's lips and tangling briefly with Axel's own. Their mouths moved together, languidly caressing as Roxas' tongue flitted over all the sensitive portions of Axel's mouth he hadn't even known existed.

A low purr rumbled in Axel's throat as his hands settled on Roxas' hips, pulling the blond towards him and bringing their bodies flush together. It was as if they were a perfect fit, Roxas' other arm snaking up and curling around Axel's back. Roxas' hand felt so warm against his bare flesh and he swore his skin tingled at the touch.

He never expected Roxas to make the first move. Truthfully, Axel hadn't ever been sure if Roxas returned the same sort of feelings that he was just beginning to understand himself. He had thought it one-sided, and he would have been content with that just having his best friend back. But this... this was so much better than he had anticipated.

And while kissing Vincent had been arousing, kissing Roxas was an entirely different experience. It was more than arousing. Just like before, his senses heightened. He could hear the rapid pulse of his heart, could feel the silky slide of Roxas' shirt over his bare chest. Roxas' lips were soft, softer than he had imagined they would ever be and he tasted sweet yet salty, like that damn ice cream he was so fond of.

Roxas' fingers were curling against his head, entangling in fiery red strands as they continued to kiss, lips and tongues enmeshing as if they were starved for it. And perhaps they were. It wasn't as if either of them were thoroughly skilled in warmth and fondness... affection. He found himself drowning in Roxas' taste, giving in to the blond's subtle directions.

Until a sound in the doorway brought him crashing back down to the ground, restoring his spiraling thoughts to reality. The two former Nobodies broke away from each other as if they were children with their hands in the cookie jar, Roxas dredging up one of his famous glares and aiming it at the doorway. Sora was peeking in, a huge grin on his face.

"They said you were talking," Sora started to say, his gaze flickering between the two mischievously. Axel turned away from him, raking one hand through his hair as if to rearrange his spikes. "But I told them you wouldn't mind if I... interrupted."

Emerald eyes rolled. "By all means," Axel responded, gesturing towards the brunet though he didn't turn back around. "Come on in."

"It's my room," Roxas shot back crossly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Temporary room," Axel corrected, wagging a finger at his best friend.

Roxas sniffed. "Whatever." He tilted his head towards the door. "You might as well come in."

Ocean blue eyes beamed in response as Sora pushed the door completely open and bounced inside, dragging along with him an obviously reluctant Riku. "I heard you were awake," the brunet chirped, finally releasing his boyfriend's hand once they were fully inside the room. He bounded up to Roxas, sticking out a hand. "It's cool to meet you for real this time."

Behind him, Riku rolled his eyes, well used to his lover's playfulness and boundless energy. Axel glanced over his shoulder, watching as Roxas took Sora's hand and let the brunet enthusiastically shake it. They really did resemble each other, but only in a distant sense.

"I can take this chance to get to know you now," Sora said excitedly. "Right Riku?"

The silver-haired boy shook his head, a small chuckle escaping his lips. "Right, Sora. Now stop shaking his hand before he loses it."

Sora pouted rather cutely but listened to his boyfriend, finally releasing Roxas' hand. "We were glad to help. Well, I was. Riku was being stubborn but I convinced him."

"Thank you," Roxas said, probably glad to get a word in edgewise. It was sometimes difficult to speak when Sora was in full energy mode. He might have saved the universe twice over, but he was still the same Sora. Which was probably the reason Riku loved him so much.

The brunet waved him off before tilting his head to the side, a sudden thought occurring to him. "Now that you're not a Nobody... can you still use a keyblade?" he asked, crinkling his brow in thought.

Axel shrugged. "I don't see why not. I use my chakram."

"Good point." Sora brightened considerably. "Why don't you give it a try?"

Roxas nodded and Sora stepped back, putting some space between them. Taking a deep breath, the blond lifted his hand and held it out, trying to summon up the keyblade. There was a brief surge of power, then a sparkle of energy before a weapon appeared, definitely a keyblade, but not of a design Axel recognized. Before he could question it, he was interrupted.

"Breakfast is ready!" The loud shout reverberated up from downstairs, obviously Aeris' voice. As if on cue, Sora's stomach grumbled loudly, echoing his hunger. He rubbed it with his palm as he looked at them all sheepishly.

"Guess I'm hungry."

Riku rolled his eyes. "I think we all are. Let's go, Sora." He turned towards the door and was gone before anything else could say a word. Not that Axel minded. Though the silver-haired brat had helped him, he still didn't like the kid. Something about Riku just rankled on his nerves and he had the overwhelming urge to strangle the kid sometimes.

"Riku," Sora whined playfully, chasing after his boyfriend. "Wait for me! Last time you got all the pancakes and I--" His voice cut off as the door shut behind them with an audible click, once again leaving the two former Nobodies alone.

Axel chuckled to himself before moving to the dresser, rummaging around for some type of shirt to wear. He could sense Roxas' eyes watching him as he did so and he couldn't help but feel as if he should fear for himself. It was almost... ravenous. He was somewhat nervous and excited both, wanting to turn around, grab Roxas, and finish whatever it was they had started before Sora interrupted.

He exchanged glance with the blond from the corner of his eye. "So... does that make you my boyfriend now?" he asked, sliding a hand through his spikes and pulling them back into a tie as he attempted to pass off the question as a joke. But it was far from one and he felt as if he were dangling on a thread, waiting for Roxas to answer.

He didn't have to wait long. Roxas rolled his eyes. "Yes, you idiot. It does." The smile that took over Axel's face was bright enough to light Radiant Garden for a year. "Now, come on. I'm hungry."

Axel couldn't help it; he laughed. Gesturing for the blond to precede him, he followed Roxas down the hall towards the massive den. Merlin didn't have a large dining room like Leon, which Axel still hadn't figured out _why_ Leon would need one. The magician preferred the comfort of his living room, the floor littered with couches, chairs, and small tables. It was this room that the others had gathered in, scattered among the many furnishings.

Laughter floated to Axel's first, and as he and Roxas stood in the doorway, he caught sight of Yuffie doing an impression of someone, he couldn't quite be sure whom. Judging from the large guffaws emerging from Cid, however, it was quite amusing. Roxas paused in the aperture, a bit uncertain about entering. Until he was spied by a certain thieving ninja.

"Roxas!" Yuffie exclaimed, twirling towards the door. She bounded for him, gleefully gripping onto his arm. "Come sit by me! I wanna know all about you!" she continued, ignoring the vaguely frightened look that Roxas was casting back at his new boyfriend. It was almost a plea for help.

Axel snickered and let Yuffie drag Roxas away before he too, entered, taking one of the last empty seats. Unfortunately, it was right next to Riku himself, the boy who could rival Leon for surliness. Without any reason, the two immediately glared at each other and subtly edged away from each other, putting as much space between them as they could.

The sound of a clucking tongue captured Axel's attention as Aeris swept into the room, plates full of food floating on the air after her courtesy of Merlin's magic. They glided to the hungry hands of all those scattered around the room.

"You two should quit this foolish and unnecessary rivalry," Aeris reprimanded as she moved to take a seat, Leon rising to his feet to let her take the chair he occupied.

Axel snorted while Riku crossed his arms over his chest. "It's his fault," they managed to mumble at exactly the same time, causing them to glare at each other once more.

Sora laughed, fork already scraping hungrily against his plate. "It's just 'cause they are so much alike," he explained, poking at Riku with his elbow. The silver-haired boy was not amused.

"True." Aeris nodded, completely oblivious to the annoyed looks both boys were sending her.

Conversation began then, rising and falling around Axel but he paid little attention to it as nothing was directed towards him in particular. Yuffie laughed about something, Cid was teasing Vincent, and even Riku seemed to be distracted, he and Sora in a semi-serious discussion about something. Axel's eyes kept getting inexplicably drawn to Roxas, watching the blond from beneath his lashes and trying to force down unexplained flushes that rose to his cheeks.

It was almost like a dream. Just a few days ago he had thought all was lost. He never expected to even see Roxas again, except in his memories. And now there he was, sitting there with the rest of the people that were becoming Axel's friends and subtly trying to guard his few possessions from Yuffie. She seemed fascinated by the Oblivion key chain, which was confusingly not the true chain for the blade since Oblivion hadn't been the one to appear earlier. Axel couldn't fathom that.

He felt a stirring inside of him when looked at Roxas, a renewal of the longing that had always simmered beneath the surface, confusing him with conflicting emotions. It was strange how quickly and deeply affection ran, transforming a fond friendship into something deeper, more concrete. It was almost frightening how quickly it had become love.

"So," Cid cut in, his loud voice cutting through the conversation and gathering everyone's attention. "Did ya have any difficulty at the Grotto?"

Vincent frowned. "Their security, usually nonexistent other than protection from the beasts, was in full force. It appeared our earlier escape had been noticed." He shook his head, shifting position from where he sat perched on the arm of a couch near to his lover, and his eyes flickered to Sora. "How did you know we would appear in Twilight Town?"

The keyblade master shrugged. "Instinct, I guess," he replied. "Sometimes, it's like the keyblade is speaking to me or something. And I just knew that you guys would run into trouble. Especially after the third day of you being gone."

Axel blinked. "Third day?" he repeated, a bit surprised by that even as he accepted a plate from invisible hands. The smell of pancakes filtered to his nostrils but he wasn't really that hungry. He still felt the weariness of using the darkness. "How long were we gone?"

"A week," Cid responded quietly, a strange expression crossing his face. "We were considering going after you."

"Except that Sora said to give you a bit more time," Leon added from where he now stood, propped up against a wall. "So we took the time to prepare for when you got back."

Axel raised a brow. "Prepare?" He felt somewhat like a parrot, only able to repeat what they were saying. His eyes fell back to his food and he began to eat slowly, half wondering why Aeris had cooked breakfast when it was nearly sundown.

"Yeah," Leon replied dryly. "I want my house back. We found you a small apartment in town not far from Cid's warehouse." A smirk crossed into his expression. "That way you won't be far from your job."

The firestarter scowled, well remembering the backbreaking, sweaty work that Cid had so graciously given him. "Why, thanks for the consideration," he replied sarcastically.

The brunet waved him off. "My pleasure." Leon was equally mordant. "Except that it won't be ready until tomorrow so you'll have to stay here for the night." Again, that shadow of a smile crossed his usually surly appearance.

"Right," Merlin agreed, nodding his head as he sagely sipped at a cup of tea. "Then again, it's not exactly for free. I'm interested in speaking to Roxas... if he doesn't mind, of course." Penetrating blue eyes turned to the former Nobody.

Roxas, who was trying and failing to sneak away from Yuffie, nodded distractedly. "I don't really have anything interesting to say," he responded.

Those mysteriously ageless eyes sparkled. "More than you know," Merlin hinted, winking at the blond.

"Pssh," Yuffie interrupted, blowing air out of her mouth noisily. "You guys only want to discuss boring things. This is supposed to be a celebration!" She pumped a fist into the air, having already finished her own meal.

"So it is." Aeris smiled at the exuberant ninja. Her keen eyes and senses, however, knew that not everyone was up to snuff. "Perhaps the celebration should be saved for another day, though. All of us are not entirely energetic as you, Yuffie."

The ninja pouted. "You should be," she grumbled good-naturedly. "We just got started." That inspired a spark of laughter from those gathered, though it was muted.

"And it appears Leon has already taken his leave," Merlin mused aloud as he twirled one finger in the air, his magic collecting what few dirty dishes there were and sending them floating back into the kitchen. "He must have slipped out when we weren't looking."

Cid scowled. "That bastard," he muttered in annoyance. "He knew I was trying to discuss the plans for the water system with him."

"Leave him alone, Cid," Aeris scolded. "He was just as worried about Axel and Vincent as you, even if he didn't show it. He hardly slept the whole week and neither did you."

The gummi ship builder automatically blustered but his protests were promptly cut off as Aeris rose to her feet. "I think we are all just a bit tired." She tipped her head to everyone. "Good night. Come on Yuffie, let's go home."

Yuffie stuck out her lip but couldn't hold the pout and ended up smiling cheerily. She bounded across the room to Aeris' side as she waved. "Good night! See you in the morning," she chirped as the two women headed out the door.

Gradually, the others said their farewells and went home. Riku and Sora for their hotel room, and Cid and Vincent back to Cid's house. Merlin disappeared into the study, mumbling something about physics as he puffed on his cigar, letting both Axel and Roxas know that they were free to use anything in his home. The two former Nobodies were left on their own, Axel somewhat suspecting that it had been planned that way. The others weren't stupid; they probably knew the two wanted time alone.

Still, Axel wasn't entirely certain how to progress from that point. He was silent as they headed towards their rooms, his mind rapidly churning all of the recent events. They had happened so quickly that he barely had time to absorb them, much less react to them. And now he and Roxas were left alone again and he still had nothing to say.

Where was all his flamboyance, his usual charm and confidence? In that moment it had gone out the window, leaving nothing but Axel behind, just plain Axel. No longer even a Nobody, he couldn't hide behind a pretense of false emotions. And he refused to admit that he didn't know _what_ to do. Were there lines he couldn't cross yet? Having just reunited, was it too early for intimacy? And why the hell was he even thinking so much about it? Shouldn't it have all been... instinct or something?

A hand grabbed his arm, dragging him to a halt. Axel blinked as he was yanked from his thoughts, surprised to find that it was Roxas that had grasped him. He turned, somewhat confused.

"Where do you think you're going?" Roxas asked, his brow furrowed slightly.

Axel glanced around. He had nearly passed Roxas' room, which meant... his face slid into a grin. "Well, I was heading back to my room but I guess not anymore." He shifted into Roxas' hold, pulling them together. "Is that your way of saying you want me to stay with you?"

Before giving Roxas a chance to answer however, he leaned down and pressed their lips together, a kiss that was more gentle than he thought he had in him. He understood, after all. Having escaped from Gaia's Grotto himself, he recognized the fear of loneliness. He was familiar with the raw feeling of something pressing down on you, as if it were suffocating your emotions. He wouldn't want to be alone either, and was only glad that Roxas had not been stuck long on Gaia's Grotto.

Roxas didn't even resist the embrace, hungrily returning the kiss with a voracity that surprised the firestarter. But then again, Roxas had been gradually losing himself with Sora, able to see an outside world that he could never reach again. It was understandable that he would attack life with tenacious desperation.

The blond slid one arm around Axel and dug his fingers into Axel's back. Roxas' back hit the wall as Axel pressed him up against it, lips pressing hungrily against his. Axel's tongue teased against Roxas', coaxing him to slide the wet appendages together as he settled a hand on the shorter boy's hip. It was as if he needed an anchor, something to remind him that it wasn't just a dream.

He couldn't think either, not when his fingers encountered a strip of warm skin between the hem of Roxas' shirt and jeans. His thumb stroked the pale flesh, gliding over skin that seemed far too soft. His hips pressed forward, pushing urgently against Roxas' abdomen as he felt the evidence of Roxas' own arousal slowly hardening against his thigh.

A purr reverberated in his throat, sounding startling loud in the hallway. Roxas pulled away, leaving Axel somewhat breathless. Emerald eyes were mesmerized by the reddened and slick sheen of his lips, Roxas' eyes bright with something akin to need and want and... love.

"Of course, I want you to stay," Roxas responded quietly, one hand groping blindly behind him for the doorknob. "Now come inside before I change my mind."

Axel grinned, his heart flip-flopping in his chest though the sensation was nothing compared to the arousal threading through his veins. "Yes, sir," he responded in his typical droll fashion, giving a fake salute.

Ocean blue eyes rolled as Roxas pulled open his door with one groping hand, yanking Axel in after him. The firestarter stumbled a bit, just managing to get inside before he was pushed against the door, the weight of his body slamming it shut. One of Roxas' hands pinned his shoulder as he was kissed senseless by the younger boy. His other hand was pressed to Axel's chest, fanning his fingers against the thin cotton material.

Axel was surprised by Roxas' aggressiveness but found he rather enjoyed it, all of his blood rushing southwards and leaving his thinking processes in the dust. He threaded his fingers through Roxas' hair and pinned the other boy's head in place, deepening the kiss with his tongue. Their mouths meshed as Roxas rolled his hips against Axel, their groins making delicious contact.

A moan reverberated in the firestarter throat before he could stop it and he practically felt Roxas smirk against his lips. Treacherous hands reached for his shirt and started to slide it upwards. Fingers brushed against revealed skin and they broke off the kiss long enough for Axel to throw his shirt to the side before it began anew.

He dipped his head, dragging his lips and tongue from Roxas' mouth and over to his jaw, nibbling gently on the flesh right below his ear. Roxas tilted his head to provide him more space as Axel's hands wrapped around the blond's waist. He rubbed along the younger boy's sides, pulling Roxas flush against him as blood burned in his veins. And then Roxas' fingers found his chest, splaying across the bare skin before brushing over one of his nipples, which hardened immediately.

Axel groaned. It was only getting harder to think logically. He forgot that they were at Merlin's home and that there were probably others still downstairs. He simply didn't care. He finally had Roxas with him, at his side, and kissing him. He didn't need anything else.

"A bed," the firestarter managed to gasp out, biting down on a very unmanly whimper. "To the bed."

Roxas smirked and took a slow step backwards, dragging his taller boyfriend with him. "Good idea," he responded.

It was only three steps to the rather small bed, but along the way, they shed garments as if they were serpents, clothing slithering down to the floor in abandoned piles. It was strange. There was no awkwardness, no faint blushing as skin was revealed. Axel was too lost in the kisses and the touches to even think about it and Roxas, it seemed, didn't mind either.

They fell onto the bed, a tangled mess of limbs and for a moment, there was a small fight for position. It was an entirely unconscious struggle that Axel didn't mind losing in the slightest. It hurt his pride but it seemed that whenever it came to Roxas, he didn't have any in the first place so it didn't matter when the blond emerged on the top, perched between long pale legs.

Roxas attacked his neck, lips and tongue hungrily sucking up marks that Axel knew would show up on his pale skin for days. The firestarter sighed beneath him, one of his hands clutching at Roxas' hip while the other snaked between their bodies and reached for the younger boy's arousal. He wrapped his fingers around Roxas and stroked him, pleased when the blond arched his back and moaned in his throat. Roxas grew more ravenous, one hand tangling in fiery red strands and pulling Axel's head back to reveal more of his throat.

Balancing on his elbow, Roxas reached down and removed Axel's teasing hand and began grinding his groin against the taller male. Sparks of desire flashed through both males, dissolving them into masses of want. Limbs rubbed and grabbed, fingers sliding along flesh and gasps filling the air. Reason, conscious thought, all such useless things were tossed out the window, leaving nothing but instinct and lust behind.

It occurred to Axel that they had just been reunited and that nothing had really been discussed between them. Nor did they really know each other since so much time had passed since the last time they had spoken. Axel hadn't told Roxas how he truly felt, hadn't told him anything and neither had the blond returned the favor.

But there seemed to be something entirely instinctual about the whole encounter, something needy and desperate between them that could not be denied. Each was like a starving man for affection, starved for the taste of bare skin and the warmth of another person's body. Axel couldn't stop himself from wanting to touch Roxas, from feeling the blond with his own fingertips, as if to assure him that his best friend was really there.

All of the words and such he would save for later as they were unimportant at the present moment. Right now, Axel only wanted one thing – Roxas' lips back on his. He reached up with his free hand and tilted Roxas' head towards his, claiming the blond's mouth with his own hungry lips, tongue stabbing inside and dueling with Roxas'.

It was a needful kiss, tongues sloppily slurping together, their lips turning red and bruised from the force of it. Teeth knocked together jarringly and a moan slipped free from someone's mouth but it was a toss up whom. One of Roxas' hands slid along Axel's slim hip before easing its way between his legs. Axel instinctually parted them, vaguely realizing what was to come even if a part of him wanted to war against it.

A warm hand flitted across his length before it delved lower, cupping his scrotum then venturing towards his hidden entrance. Fingers brushed the puckered muscle and though he was prepared for it, Axel jumped in surprise nonetheless, a whimper of need escaping his lips.

Roxas smirked, pulling back slightly to look at Axel's face while his finger continued to trace the fire starter's anus with teasing touches. "Not a sound I expected to ever hear from you," he commented huskily.

Emerald eyes rolled, struggling to find coherence but losing it amid a haze of desire. "Keep doing that and you'll hear more," Axel practically purred, wondering if it was too late to turn the tables and change places with Roxas. He would love to see the blond sprawled against the sheets, face flushed with desire.

A slight hint of red decorated Roxas' cheeks before he suddenly pulled away, a strange look on his face. Axel was a bit miffed, uncertain what to make of the desertion until he realized Roxas was digging about in his pants pockets, obviously looking for something. After a second, Roxas returned, holding something in his hands which Axel belatedly recognized as unscented lotion.

"Your friend Vincent is a weird guy," Roxas commented with a half frown, more of confusion than irritation. "He pressed this into my hand earlier."

Axel's brow climbed upwards. "I can't argue with you on that," he replied, as his fingers automatically rose, reaching for the bottle as Roxas clambered back onto the bed with little grace. However, the blond jerked his hand back, dangling the lotion just out of Axel's reach.

"You don't think you're getting this, do you?" Roxas asked with a hint of mischief, perched on his knees between Axel's legs with desire sparkling in ocean blue eyes.

Emerald orbs were serious. "I'm supposed to be on top," Axel commented, a smile curling at the corner of his lips. Mostly because he knew he was just teasing Roxas, and it was always fun to bait the blond. It was as if they were dueling again, blades locked and wondering who would break first.

"Why's that?"

Axel gestured with his hand vaguely. "Because I'm bigger and older and stronger… well, maybe not stronger but yeah, bigger and more experienced," he responded smugly, watching as a strange flash of emotions played across Roxas' face.

"Oh?" the blond demanded, just a hint of possessive jealousy creeping into his tone. "With who?"

"Does it matter?"

Roxas frowned slightly, his gaze shifting to the side as he appeared to contemplate the question, lotion dangling nearly forgotten from his fingers. "Not right now," he finally answered, dragging his eyes back towards the firestarter. "Especially since I'm on top."

The red-haired male squirmed slightly, his body flushing under that intent gaze. Arousal was stirring within him, making the petty argument seem like it was just that. Still, on principle alone, he felt he had to fight back. "But I'm taller and…"

"And what?" Roxas folded his arms across his chest, lifting a brow.

"And you're more Sora-like," Axel argued back sensibly, certain that it was the winning argument.

Unfortunately, he was the only one in the room that thought that. Roxas shot him a dead stare. "You think Sora bottoms more than Riku?" he asked, using that tone of voice that proved he knew exactly what he was talking about and Axel had no idea what he was getting himself into.

"Umm, yeah?" It didn't come out so certain however.

For a moment, there was silence in the room before Roxas suddenly laughed, making the fire starter grin happily, loving it just as much now as he did in the past. There was something about that throaty chuckle that made his blood stir, bringing up the memories and reminding him of why he had fallen in love with the blond in the first place.

"You'd be surprised," Roxas said in a slightly erotic whisper, one hand seductively sliding forward and wrapping itself around Axel's straining erection. "Besides, I guarantee that you won't be disappointed."

Emerald eyes glinted. "Is that a challenge?" Axel asked, desire burning behind his gaze.

Something passed between them, nameless and primal before Roxas suddenly dipped forward and slammed their lips together, mashing their mouths in a hungry, desperate kiss. Their bodies moved together, skin sliding slick with sweat and hands groping what could be reached. It wasn't until then that Axel realized nothing had changed between them nor would it.

Nothing at all.

* * *

One more chapter to go! I gotta question for ya though. Who wants a sequel? Now, before everyone jumps at once, lemme warn you. The idea I have is very dark and angsty. There will be character death - though I will spare Axel and Roxas because it would be pointless after all of this. BUT, anyone else I can't guarantee their survival. Still want that sequel? Let me know so I can decide whether to write it or not!

Thanks everyone!


	20. Chapter 15: All Along

** I would like to say that the response to my query was overwhelming! I never expected so many people to actually be reading this story, or have interest in the sequel. And I was very glad to see that people would like one. Therefore, I have chosen to go ahead and write the sequel!**

**Warning: Angst _and _Fluff, lol. mild LEMON! Sap, sap, sap. More of the angst. Drama. And lots and lots of fluff. Enjoy. **

**Chapter 15: All Along**

It was the funny thing about dreams, or honestly not amusing but more like cruel, that they reminded you of your worst fears and guilts when you finally thought life was turning around on you. When you finally held in your hand happiness, gripping it so tightly that you knew, just _knew_, you would never let go ever again. If you even had in the first place.

Dreams were vicious, phantasmal creations slyly slipping into your mind with all the stealth of a master thief. They teased you at first, with happy thoughts and reminders of all the good things that you had mercifully been granted. And then the pain came, the death of a loved one, the splash of blood against the scion blue of a cloudless sky, the end of a world, the loss of your heart. A thousand tiny memories that you thought you had forgotten, rising to the surface in your moment of weakness.

Axel, for the record, hated his dreams. He clung to them while in Gaia's Grotto since they were all the memory he had, but since his escape, he had learned to despise them. Nothing but his failures, his selfishness, things that he could never grasp again. Roxas was in his dreams, but they were visions of the past, a not-so-subtle reminder that he had done nothing to make the blond stay.

Even now, with Roxas in his arms and sharing his bed, Axel hated his dreams. His calm and peace, the easing of his fears, were shattered by those dreams. He saw Reno and Quistis and Vexen and Zexion. He saw everyone he had wronged and he smelled the blood in his nostrils. He felt the flames dancing on the tips of his fingers.

It brought the guilt, crashing down on him. Until it felt like he couldn't breathe from the depths of it. Like hands were wrapped around his neck and a heaviness had settled on his chest. It woke him from his restful sleep, jerking him into wakefulness and very nearly disturbing Roxas.

He blinked sleepily, eyes catching the gleam of an alarm clock that informed him he had been asleep for little more than two hours. His usually cold body was actually warm, a blanket by the name of Roxas pressed close to his side. The younger boy sprawled as he slept, arms and legs akimbo but head remaining doggedly against Axel's chest. Moonlight gleamed silver through the window, illuminating the room in a pale glow and outlining the stacks of books everywhere.

The fire starter shifted, heart pounding a rhythm he didn't understand in his chest and filling his legs with restlessness. He knew he wouldn't be able to remain in the bed. Axel eased gently away from the slumbering blond, who mumbled something grumpily but released his hold on Axel anyways.

Rolling over briefly, Axel pressed a kiss to Roxas' forehead before sliding out of the bed. His bare feet landed on the cold wood and he shivered briefly. Casting a tired emerald gaze over the floor, Axel snagged the pants he was wearing earlier and pulled them up over slim hips, not bothering with any sort of underwear. Dressed enough for public viewing, he crept from the room, his agitation keeping him from remaining within without unnecessarily awakening Roxas.

The door managed to shut without making a sound behind him and Axel paused in the hallway, taking a deep breath. It didn't ease the clenching in his chest. Craning his ears, Axel listened intently, but heard no other sounds in the house. It seemed absolutely still and considering that it was near to two in the morning, most everyone was probably asleep.

Rather than wandering around the dark streets of Radiant Garden and frightening the residents, Axel opted to borrow Vincent's favorite brooding spot. Creeping silently down the halls, he headed for the stairs that connected to the roof.

Minutes later, he emerged onto the slated roof, a wash of cool air brushing over his bare skin. He shivered briefly, more surprised by the chill than actually cold. Leaving the trapdoor open, Axel plopped down onto the roof and laid on his back, crossing his arms behind his head. His eyes lifted to the night sky, stars twinkling brightly above him.

He vaguely remembered a time when he had watched them blink out, one by one. Of course, it wasn't his memory but Lae's, the man he was before he became Axel. Axel tried not to think of that time, because he wasn't that man anymore. The heartless side of him when they separated, that was Lae. Axel was just plain Axel. It hurt his head to make it any more complicated.

Besides, he had enough pain just thinking about his own mistakes, much less Lae's.

He didn't want to keep running through the same ills in his mind however. He had thought enough about Reno and the Nobodies he had wronged. His head spun with all of the fragile, twisting emotions and frankly, it wasn't helping the pain in his chest to keep going over the same arguments and thoughts.

It was an awful truth that Axel had made a lot of mistakes. And it was a pure miracle that he had been granted the gift of Roxas' return. He wasn't sure what to do about that. It seemed incredibly unfair.

He thought of Gaia's Grotto then, and what he had suffered there. Though the pain wasn't as physical as torture, the mental anguish was enough to make him shudder. Yet, he had escaped, which only served to remind him of those he had left behind. Demyx, for one, his only true friend outside of Roxas when they had all been part of the Organization. Quistis, whom he had only known briefly but was considered a comrade for the memories she hadn't been able to save.

Axel knew now, that those who had inspired flashes of memory within him, were also members of the Organization. Marluxia, Zexion, Xemnas, they were still there as well. And even if he didn't know any of the other residents, the fact remained that none of them should have to stay under the council's rule. Axel wasn't a hero by any definition of the word, but the guilt wouldn't fade either.

In his mind, he could still Reno's grinning face, hopeful to the last second that he would return to the man he loved.

Axel sighed. Things were so much simpler when he was apathetic and selfish.

"That's certainly not the sound of someone who should be the happiest man in Radiant Garden."

He tilted his head to the side, surprised by the voice especially since he hadn't felt or heard anyone approaching. It was Vincent, his head barely cresting over the top of the ladder as he emerged onto the roof. There was a strange and piercing expression in his glowing, crimson eyes.

Emerald eyes returned to the night sky. "I thought everyone was gone or asleep," he commented lightly.

Vincent sat down beside him, wings rustling as he settled into place. "They are," he responded. "I just happened to be awake."

"Hmm."

Short claws tapped against the slates of the roof. "I take it things did not go well with Roxas?" Vincent asked once a moment of silence had passed.

Axel shook his head, a genuine smile taking over his face as his eyes sparkled. "No, things are fine… better than fine, actually."

He could see the smirk on Vincent's face even from the corner of his gaze. "So I see," the winged man responded, reaching out with one hand and pressing a finger to the bite marks ringing Axel's collarbone.

The fire starter lazily swatted him away. "You're just jealous because I am the happiest man in Radiant Garden," he countered, words slightly hollow. "Or at least, I should be. Guilt has a nasty habit of tainting everything."

Vincent was quiet for a moment, watching Axel as if trying to probe beneath the surface. "You mean… about Reno, correct?" he asked, after careful consideration.

He nodded. "He was there longer than me," Axel responded bitterly, shivering slightly as the cold slats of the roof bit into the bare flesh of his back. "He deserved to return to Rude far more than I deserve any of this but…" he paused, trailing off.

"You've been thinking about this for some time."

Axel jerked into an upright position, through with watching the gleam of the stars. Instead, his eyes fell on the bright yellow lights of Radiant Garden below. "I can't help it, I have nightmares every night," he commented quietly, finding it much easier to spill his guts to Vincent than try and explain to anyone else. If there was someone who would understand his guilt, he knew it would be Vincent. "Reno was such an idiot. He shouldn't have done that."

Wings shifted and creaked. "But he did."

"Yeah, and now I'm happy… but he's dead. Where's the fairness in that?" Axel sighed in aggravation, raking his hand angrily through his hair and nearly yanking out patches of it. "I keep seeing it, you know, seeing _him_. And it's not like he's blaming me or anything but…"

"No, I don't suppose he would. Not when you're doing a pretty good job of it yourself."

Emerald eyes rolled as Axel shot his friend a firm glare. "Thanks, Vincent," he sniped sarcastically, one foot idly kicking at the shingles of the roof and nearly knocking it loose. "You're such great support. I'm glad to know that I can come to you in my hour of need."

Vincent sniffed imperiously. "Don't be dramatic, Axel. If you wanted comfort, you should talk to Roxas. I'm only going to tell you the truth."

"Oh, yeah? And what's that?" he demanded, hating how it came out somewhat immature. For the briefest of seconds, he remarked that he sounded faintly like Riku, which was irksome. The last thing he wanted was to be compared to the silver-haired keyblader.

Crimson eyes shot him a look. "Reno did what he did because he's Reno. Not even I understand that man. But I will say this… he is free." When Axel gave him a blank look, Vincent continued. "He might not have made his way to Rude… but he is still free. He's no longer trapped on Gaia's Grotto."

Axel went quiet for a moment as he absorbed Vincent's words. A wind stirred, causing his red spikes to wave and his skin to goosepimple. "Freedom's all well and good but… that doesn't make Rude any less alone," he responded quietly, the guilt clenching his heart into a throbbing mass.

"Well, then you know what you need to do."

He blinked. "No, I don't," Axel replied, somewhat through clenched teeth. "Thus the reason I am up here staring moodily into the stars and mimicking you."

The annoyed sigh emerging from Vincent's mouth was worth it. "Keep your promise," Vincent replied simply, ignoring Axel's short temper. "Find Rude and give him back those glasses. Explain what happened if you must. It won't make everything all right, but at least it will assure you that a piece of Reno managed to return."

Axel huffed and drew his legs up to his chest, resting his arms on his knees as if he planned to go to sleep, right there on the roof. "You're right," he responded before adding with a somewhat bitter tone. "You're always right."

Vincent hummed thoughtfully. "It only appears that way." He rose to his feet, wings stretching out behind him as if they planned on taking flight. A clawed hand reached down, playfully ruffling crimson spikes in an uncharacteristic show of affection. "You'll be just fine, Axel. You should go back inside. Don't make Roxas sleep alone."

The fire starter shook his head free from Vincent's hand and reached up to resituate his hair, watching as the winged male headed to the ladder. He didn't even make a sound as he walked across the roof and it was only then that Axel belatedly noticed Vincent was actually dressed down and in his sleeping clothes which meant he was sans shirt. His pale skin reminded Axel of Roxas'.

"By the way," Vincent remarked with an amused curl of his lips, dragging Axel from his wayward, perverted thoughts. "Cid says you owe him a gummi ship. But since he's such a nice buy, he'll let you pay it off in hard labor."

Axel scowled. "Slave driver," he muttered to himself before raising his voice above the slight noise of the wind. "Tell his cheap ass 'over my dead body'."

"I've got it memorized," Vincent replied dryly, giving Axel a half-salute with his hand. "Good night, Axel."

Vincent disappeared down the trap door, leaving Axel alone on the roof. Scowling to himself for another moment more, the fire starter slowly uncoiled his long limbs and rose to his feet, brushing roof grit from his pants. His eyes gave one last rake over the buildings and their bright lights below before he turned and headed back inside, a slight shiver wracking his body. It was far too cold for him to be wandering around in just a pair of cotton sleep pants.

Within minutes, he was creeping silently down the hallway and slowly cracking open the door to Roxas' room. The blond hadn't shifted position in his absence, still sprawled against the covers. Though it did appear as if he had edged closer to where Axel had once lain, possibly seeking out the warmth of body heat.

Smiling, Axel closed the door behind him and strode purposefully towards the bed, gingerly climbing back into it so as not to wake Roxas. Sleep-mussed blond hair was positively adorable on him. Axel was unsuccessful however, and ocean blue eyes fluttered briefly open, recognizing him in a moment.

"Axel," Roxas murmured sleepily, reaching out with one hand and grasping onto the fire starter's arm. He quickly dragged Axel down and before emerald eyes could blink, Roxas was kissing him, dipping his tongue between Axel's lips and slowly exploring his mouth.

Axel hummed low in his throat, throwing one knee up so that he could have better leverage. His free hand lifted and rubbed along Roxas' bare abdomen, revealed by the shifting of covers. His skin was warm beneath Axel's touch, smooth and silky. Roxas shivered, breaking off the kiss.

"Cold," he mumbled, licking his lips as he lifted bleary eyes to the fire starter.

Axel chuckled, unable to keep from watching his pale hand slide over Roxas' tan skin. His body began to awaken then, warmth skirting along his flesh. "My turn?" he asked, the words falling from his lips before he realized he actually did mean them.

A moment of silence passed as blue eyes watched him before Roxas purred in his chest, stretching languidly beneath Axel's touch. "If you think you can," he countered challengingly, one of his hands rising to tug on the waistband of Axel's sleep pants.

In response, Axel promptly rolled over on top of Roxas and kissed him senseless, locking his lips over the other male's and jabbing his tongue inside. One knee edged upwards, though still clothed, finding the slowly thickening length of his younger lover. He nudged forward, smirking when Roxas moaned and arched beneath him, hands rising to cling to Axel's upper arms.

It was pure instinct for Axel, his experience limited when it came to something like this. But he had a natural feeling that it didn't really matter what he did. So he plunged his tongue within Roxas' mouth, tasting deeply of the sweet taste of his new boyfriend while he pushed their bodies together, loving the warmth of Roxas beneath him.

He set out to explore what he hadn't got the chance to before, letting his hands and his tongue map out the contours of Roxas' body. He kissed him senseless and poured his emotions into every touch. He whispered words that were teasingly thrown back at him, but that was okay, because it was Roxas and it was them, _together,_ and really, he wouldn't have it any other way.

And when he finally sank into the blond, his entire body let loose a shudder. The moment seemed to expand and collapse all around him, his eyes locked on Roxas', the ocean meeting emerald gleam. Everything became that much more magnified, that much more… _alive._

Roxas clenching around him, writhing beneath him. Their sweaty, warm skin pressed together. His fingers entwined firmly with Axel's. There was a silence that seemed to envelop them, broken only by their voices and their aroused, quick breathing. And with his real and true emotions, those brought about by that beating organ in his chest, it seemed to break over him at once.

That feeling of being lost, of constantly searching, of roaming endlessly through darkened halls, forever seeking that missing piece that he had _thought_ was his heart, it was right here, in front of him. That last puzzle corner, the one that finished the whole picture, had finally been snapped into place. It was there, in his arms, at that very moment. It sounded terribly cliché at best, like the awful romance stories that Axel had caught Yuffie reading, but he actually understood it now. That feeling that they waxed poetic on and on about. It was nearly tangible, palpable in the sex-scented air of the room.

And then Roxas shifted beneath him, body moving in a needy manner and the moment was broken. Axel's mind turned to other, more carnal things as he worked to bring Roxas nothing but gratification. His fingers danced across bronzed skin, his mouth absorbing every pleasured cry.

Roxas demanded that Axel kiss him and the fire starter was more than willing to oblige. Axel lost himself in Roxas' taste, the flames inside of him blazing brighter when the blond finally succumbed to the pleasure and climaxed. It wasn't long before Axel followed him over, surrounded by the sights and sounds and scents of his best friend and now, lover.

His body shuddered and he collapsed in a sweaty, tired mass on top of the other male, madly kissing Roxas' neck. His chest heaved as he struggled to draw in a breath, his heart beating a quick rhythm. He could feel it pulsing through his veins, the thrum of satisfaction on the edge of his conscious.

Axel didn't want to leave the comforting warmth of Roxas' embrace, nose pressed deep into the blond's throat and inhaling that familiar scent. The moment was simply too good for it too end.

Unfortunately, Roxas wasn't quite as patient.

"Heavy," he groaned a few minutes later, though it lacked any real attempt at aggravation.

Axel sighed and gently retracted his softening organ from Roxas' body, sliding off to the side. "Only you would let the first word from your mouth be 'heavy'," he teased softly.

Blue eyes rolled. "And what would you rather I say? Praises to the almighty god that is Axel?"

"I love you would be nice," the former Flurry of Dancing Flames responded before his mind could register what his mouth was so abruptly blurting out. His eyes widened in surprise at himself and he quickly shifted his gaze away.

"I mean…" he faltered and sighed, realizing that he might as well admit it since it was true. "I do . I love you." He fell silent, waiting in a growing awkward silence for some response, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment. "I think… that maybe--"

"Axel."

He finally lifted his eyes, meeting Roxas' carefully guarded expression. It always was too easy for the blond to hide things from him. "What?"

"Shut up." Roxas reached up and dragged him down for a ksis, pressing their bodies together and ignoring the stickiness between them. Their lips moved languidly together, something slow and gentle, different than the hungry need of before. "Love you, too, dumbass," Roxas muttered against his lips.

Axel's lips drew into a smile. "Such sweet words," he countered. "Seriously, I'm turning to mush here."

Blue eyes rolled once more. "Drama queen," Roxas teased, nudging Axel with his shoulder. The fire starter took the hint and shifted to the side, collapsing against the bed before turning and dragging Roxas into his arms.

Predictably, the blond squirmed. "I'm a mess, Axel," Roxas protested, but it was a mild objection at best.

"Shhh," Axel responded, pretty much ignoring him as he buried his face in blueberry-scented hair which was making him eerily hungry. "Merlin owns a shower you know."

"Obviously," Roxas muttered petulantly, but settled against the taller male anyways, thereby proving Axel's inner argument. That his lover had been protesting simply for the sake of protesting.

A moment of serene silence filtered into the room before Roxas stirred. "Where did you go?"

"To see the other secret boyfriend of mine I pulled out of the abyss," Axel murmured sarcastically. He was surprised that the blond had noticed his absence at all. As far as he could tell, Roxas had been firmly entrenched in sleep.

Roxas promptly pinched him. "I was being serious."

The firestarter chuckled. "I know you were." He paused and considered, remembering what had driven him from the bed in the first place. "To the roof. I had to think about something." He laughed lightly again. "Then Vincent basically told me to get my sorry ass back here."

"Vincent?" Roxas repeated, a trove of unasked questions in that one, simple name.

Axel nodded sleepily, staring over a mane of blond hair at the far wall. "Remind me to tell you about Gaia's Grotto."

Roxas made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. "What did you need to think about?" he asked, almost tentatively as his fingers traced over Axel's hand, perhaps astounded by the long, pale fingers.

He sighed. "Someone I knew died protecting me. It was stupid of him." He paused, inching closer to Roxas as if trying to mold their bodies together. "I owe him a huge debt."

"How are you going to repay it?"

The firestarter shrugged. "The only way I can, I guess. I want to tell his lover what happened. I don't know where he is but I'll find him."

"And I suppose you want me to come gallivanting around the worlds with you."

Axel squeezed the slim body in his hold, ignoring Roxas' squirming and protests. "Aw, Roxy. You know you would miss me if you didn't."

"Like I'd miss a toothache."

"Masochist."

Yet, Axel knew that the blond was smiling, if only slightly. "Fine. But I want to go to Twilight Town… even if they don't really know who I am."

Like Axel would say no. "As long as I get the gummi ship." He had been dying to pilot once ever since Vincent had said he couldn't. His fingers itched to dive into the steering ruts and dance over the many, shiny buttons.

"Not a chance."

The fire wielder pouted, his hopes deflating. "What is it with you guys?" he complained. "Want to blow a thing or two up and suddenly, you can't fly a ship? It's not fair."

"Axel. Go to sleep." The voice was tired and sleepy, already slipping into slumber. Axel knew it had to be part of a result of being 'reborn', so to speak. He had slept on and off for three days after he had appeared in Gaia's Grotto.

"Bossy brat," he grumbled to himself, though he knew Roxas would be able to hear it as well. He grinned and nipped the back of Roxas' neck with his teeth, deftly avoiding the lazy swat that came his direction.

It finally felt like home.

* * *

Axel was the first to awaken in the morning, mostly because it was his eyes the sun was relentlessly shining directly into. He groaned and flinched away from the oppressive brightness, but the shaft of sunlight refused to go away. Roxas' lucky ass had his face buried in Axel's chest, safely away from the brightness. He considered turning over and burying his own head under the covers, but his fatigue had long gone, leaving him with an energy to start the day.

With a muttered curse, the fire starter eased his way out of Roxas' strangle hold and slipped out of the bed. The blond made a murmured protest before curling his fingers into a pillow and proceeding to squeeze the life out of it. Which was kind of cute, Axel decided. Even Roxas' forehead got that usual pinch between his brows. The one that typically meant he was perturbed, or getting there at least.

Before he got too sentimental, Axel decided it was time to leave the room. The last thing he needed to do was get all sappy. Swiping a pair of pants from the ground, Axel slipped them on. He ran a hand through his hair which was probably sticking up in all directions and crept quietly out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He yawned and stretched just outside, hearing bones in his back crack and pop with a satisfying, audible noise.

Around him, the house was silent, a whole lot less noisy than Leon's would have been. Not that Axel minded the noise. It was quite different than the uneasy silence he had grown accustomed to in the World That Never Was. There, even his footsteps were far too loud, echoing long distances down the halls and automatically announcing his location. He despised it, which was why, more often than not, he was causing trouble of some kind.

The former Nobody cracked his neck then headed downstairs, the wood creaking slightly beneath his feet. A quick search informed him that Merlin was the sole occupant of the house. The magician was in his study, relaxed in a large chair with feet propped up on a stool. He was puffing on a pipe with one hand, while the other held a copy of the Radiant Reader, a small weekly publication.

"Sleep well?" Merlin asked as Axel paused in the entrance way to the study. He seemed to notice the other male's presence without even looking up from his newspaper. Then again, Axel wouldn't be surprised if the wizard _did_ have eyes in the back of his head…

The fire starter nodded, unable to suppress his broad grin. "Something like that," he remarked with amusement. "Where is everyone?"

Merlin's newspaper lowered just slightly as he raised his eyes to the grandfather clock, happily ticking away in the corner of the room. He removed the pipe before he spoke. "Being as it is nearly noon, hard at work, I'd say. Riku and Sora are out training, if you're looking for them." He popped the pipe back into his mouth, letting loose a puff of blue-grey smoke that immediately formed a trio of animals, happily chasing each other in circles.

Pfft. Magic.

The former Nobody saluted him one-handed. "Thanks, old man," he responded before turning back towards the stairway. Merlin's eyes twinkled at his departure, returning to the interesting bits of news in the Radiant Reader.

Axel's new plans generally consisted of bathing, waking up Roxas, eating, putting on some clothes… though not necessarily in that order. After talking to his boyfriend – what a great word that was – last night, he knew what their plans would be for the day. All that remained would be to talk to everyone… and beg the piss out of Cid to give them a gummi ship. Which probably meant Axel would have to persuade Vincent first. Ah, decisions, decisions.

He crested the top of the stairs, the sound of running water audible in the still quiet of the house. His brow arched as he grinned, nearly rubbing his hands together in glee. There was only one person that could have been. Chuckling under his breath, the fire starter slipped into the bathroom. Steam immediately greeted him, nearly obscuring his vision of the shower curtain and tub on the other side. He crept across the floor, only to wince when it suddenly creaked and announced his presence.

The curtain slid back with a faint snap, a wet blond head poking out of the small gap. "Oh," Roxas said, rolling his eyes. "It's you."

Axel snorted, and then nearly coughed on the thick steam. Damn, was he trying to boil himself in there? "Don't look so happy to see me," he pointed with an attempt at a pout. He began to methodically pull off his clothes, not that he had that much on to begin with.

His boyfriend disappeared behind the curtain. "You're not joining me," Roxas called out, water splashing and nearly drowning out his words. "Put your clothes back on."

"What if I promise to keep my hands to myself?"

"Yeah, right." Axel was pretty sure that Roxas was rolling his eyes again. Not that it made much of a difference.

He stepped towards the tub, still naked, and peered around the edge of the shower curtain. Soapy, wet and nude Roxas immediately filled his vision. Like Axel was going to simply turn around and walk out after seeing that. The blond had his eyes closed as he rinsed shampoo out of his hair and emerald eyes watched the suds as they slid down his body.

Ignoring Roxas' order, Axel stepped into the relatively small shower anyways. The moment the blond turned to rinse off the front of his body, Axel smirked and slid up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. An unmanly yelp of surprise escaped Roxas' mouth the moment Axel's teeth nipped at the back of his neck.

He whirled around in Axel's hold, trying his best to look indignant while naked and sopping wet. "Axel," he muttered in a scolding tone, narrowing blue eyes.

The fire starter shook his head. "Guess I don't follow orders too well," he commented with a smirk before reaching over the shorter male for the soap.

Roxas, predictably, scowled and stretched for the shampoo. "Here," he mumbled, "wash your hair, too." He rose up on his toes, squirting a large amount of the clear liquid in Axel's hair.

"Hey!" Emerald eyes widened and Axel slapped a hand on the top of his head, trying to prevent the goo from sliding uncomfortably into his eyes. As a result, he loosened his hold on the soap and it tumbled to the floor.

His boyfriend promptly bent over to reclaim it and Axel couldn't resist such an easy target. He reached out, pinching Roxas on the ass as he tilted his head back.

Roxas yelped again, flushing angrily. Axel chuckled. "Only we would fight in the shower," he mused, one hand scrubbing at his hair and spreading around the shampoo. The thick smell of blueberries filled the shower.

The blond shrugged, using his reclaimed soap to finish washing down his body. It was nice, how wonderfully relaxed it was between them. As if they had always been lovers. There was no awkwardness or uncertainty.

Taken over by the urge, Axel leaned over and captured Roxas' slack lips in a kiss. The blond scowled but parted his lips anyways, relenting to the affection. Axel slid his tongue into the smaller male's mouth, tasting the minty freshness of toothpaste. Roxas' own slid out to meet him, not shy in the slightest.

The fire starter reluctantly drew back when a stray splash of water caught him in the eye. He licked his lips, eyes gleaming down at his lover. "Now hurry up. We've got to go badger Aeris for breakfast."

"Lunch," Roxas mumbled just to be contrary.

"Whatever."

They finished their shower quickly, dressing in record time in clothes that had mysteriously shown up for them. They didn't even question why the bed had been made and their dirty clothing had vanished. In Merlin's house, it was probably better not to ask. The former Nobodies threw goodbye's and thanks to Merlin over their shoulders as they escaped the old wizard's home, his amused chuckles following them out the door.

In short, they were heading over to Leon's where they knew Aeris preferred to do her cooking. She claimed that Leon had a bigger kitchen, which was just going to waste anyways since the man had the cooking abilities of a rock. Axel, however, knew better. Aeris liked nothing more than mothering them and he also thought that she might have been just a bit in love with Leon at one time. Or maybe it was Cloud who held her affections and she was simply waiting for him to return.

Axel really wanted to meet this guy since he seemed to hold so much sway over the people that had slowly become his friends. He had seen a picture of Cloud once, albeit by accident. The guy didn't seem like anything special. Spiky-haired, blond, kinda like his Roxas in a way. And a frown, firmly furrowing his brow, with an overly large sword strapped to his back. The picture looked like it had been taken without his permission, likely so since Yuffie had shown it to him.

They showed up at Leon's a few minutes later, Axel striding into the house as if it were his own and not, in fact, Leon's. "Honey, I'm home!" he declared without so much as a knock, Roxas glaring at his back as he trailed behind him.

"In here!" Aeris' voice filtered in from the kitchen.

Axel grinned and slinked into the kitchen, surprised to find that Vincent was there as well, the both of them seemingly conferring over a recipe.

Crimson eyes briefly looked up from the cookbook before returning his eyes to the recipe. "Someone is in better spirits," he remarked with a hint of teasing to his voice. "Good morning, Roxas."

The blond blinked. "It's afternoon." He slid into an empty seat at the table.

Aeris laughed. "Not for you guys," she said with a waggle of her finger, a suggestive tone in her voice. "I guess you came here for some food?"

Axel shot her his best puppy eyes as he rubbed his belly. "You read my mind. How about…" he trailed off, putting a finger to his lips as he considered. "Blueberry muffins!" Seriously, he had a crazy addiction for those things.

She chuckled again. "That's Vincent's forte, Axel. You'll have to beg _him._"

"No." The negative was muttered before the fire starter could even begin to voice the words.

Axel was not put off in the slightest. "Aw, come on, Vince. Can't you lighten up now that you're getting some?"

An eyebrow twitched, eyes narrowing into a glare. "No, Axel."

The former Nobody was quickly on his way to a pout before he received a sudden burst of inspiration. He moved to Roxas, ignoring the blond's wary look, and placed his hands on other male's shoulders. He promptly rubbed cheeks with Roxas, ignoring his attempts to swat Axel away.

"But Roxas hasn't had any yet," he cajoled. "How can you say no to him?"

The winged male looked up at the vaguely irritated younger blond and sighed. "Fine," he acquiesced with a grunt, rising to his feet. "But don't tell Cid or he'll just say that I'm spoiling you."

"You are," Aeris commented with a grin. She reached over and tugged on Vincent's hair gently before turning her attention to Roxas. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged. "Fine."

"That's good. Don't be ashamed to rest if you need to."

Annoyance flickered briefly across Roxas' face. "I'm fine," he reiterated.

"Aeris, don't badger the kid." A voice filtered in from the hallway, gruff yet good-natured, as Cid came strolling into the room. "He has to deal with Axel from now on and that's enough trouble."

"Hey!" Axel protested as he slid to Vincent's side and dipped his fingers in the muffin batter the moment the winged man's back was turned. "I'm not that bad." He grunted then, as an elbow jabbed him in the side.

Crimson eyes glared. "Keep your nasty fingers out of that. Other people have to eat it, too."

Axel grinned, sticking the batter-covered finger in his mouth and sucking on it. "Roxy doesn't mind," he countered with a wink.

At the table, Roxas' response was quick and brief. "Don't call me that." A faint red flush stained the blond's features, hidden beneath an annoyed scowl.

"I think I'm going to move," Leon announced, striding into the room and rubbing a towel over his head. "Too many people think that they can just waltz into my house uninvited."

"Must be lunch time," Aeris remarked to herself, figuring that the others would begin to trickle in soon as well. "Morning, Leon."

"It's afternoon," he replied dryly, causing the others in the room to laugh in response, though for Vincent it was more of a light chuckle. Leon gave them looks that clearly displayed just how crazy he thought they were before continuing, "Besides, you saw me earlier, when I first left."

At the window, chewing on a toothpick, Cid grunted. "Another shower?"

Leon shrugged and plopped down in a chair, tipping a greeting to Roxas as he did so. "I was covered in oil and monster blood, neither of which are comfortable." He eyed Aeris. "What's for lunch?"

She shot him a look before shaking her head. "Sandwiches," she responded, pointing to the fridge. "Make your own."

Cid snorted. "So much for a home-cooked meal," he commented, nearly biting through his toothpick before he snuck up to Vincent's side, watching the winged male work. "Whatcha bakin'?"

Before Vincent could even open his mouth, Axel wriggled his way between them, using his hips to shove Cid out of the way. "My muffins," he informed the older blond, sticking out his tongue when Cid spluttered.

At the table, Roxas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Moron," he muttered under his breath. Leon seemed to share the same sentiment.

The sound of a door slamming open interrupted the little festitivities. Laughter echoed down the hall, followed by the noise of feet running across the floor. Axel quirked a brow, glancing towards the doorway. Seconds later, Riku and Sora appeared, wrestling each other playfully. Ocean blue eyes lit up when he smelled what was in the oven and Sora neatly elbowed Riku out of the way.

"Muffins!" the brunet exclaimed with glee, moving to investigate.

Behind him, Axel and Riku exchanged glares of hostility across the room, lightning flashing between them.

Aeris rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you two. Can't you at least try being friends?"

The fire starter grinned widely, displaying not-quite innocent fangs. Riku scowled, though it was promptly wiped from his face when Sora_bounced _in his direction, holding a much-coveted muffin. One hand held yet another which he graciously gave to Roxas.

"You should try this," Sora urged around a mouthful of muffin, bits of it already crumbling around his lips. "Vin's are the best!"

Axel's mouth dropped open as he whirled on his best friend in shock. "Oy! Why didn't I--" His words were cut off as Vincent promptly shoved one in his mouth, wings twitching in obvious annoyance.

"Here," Vincent muttered, ignoring the look Axel was tossing his direction.

Cid laughed. "More than one way ta shut him up it seems."

"Hey, wanna spar later?" Sora asked, plopping down in a seat next to his former other half and ignoring the chaos around them. Axel heard the query from across the room, instantly reminded of the decision they had made the night before.

Emerald eyes met Roxas' in a silent message and the blond nodded once in understanding. "I… can't," he replied, sounding a little disappointment.

Sora shrugged. "You're still tired, huh? That's okay. We can spar tomorrow. I don't' have to leave for a couple of days." He grinned, taking another bite of the muffin. "We're on vacation."

A silence descended on the room as Roxas took a breath. "Sora, I can't because I'm not going to be here," he said, clarifying his earlier statement.

Sora blinked and Leon's head swiveled in their direction. "Where are you going?" he asked in the same moment as Cid, their voices echoing in near stereo.

The two former Nobodies again exchanged glances and Axel popped the last of his pastry into his mouth. "Got a promise to keep," he answered, gathering everyone's attention away from Roxas. "I have to find someone."

"And how are you going to do that?" Leon demanded.

Axel grinned and turned to look hopefully at Cid. The gummi ship builder's eyes immediately widened. "Ah, no! Hell, no!" he swore, shaking his head and jabbing a finger in the redhead's general direction. "You already left one of my gummies behind. I ain't givin' ya another."

"But Cid," Axel started to say, attempting his best pleading expression. He was fully prepared to beg, Axel-style of course. Meaning, he would wheedle until Cid finally gave in… or punched him. "It's not like we can just teleport there or something."

The older blond remained unmoved, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms firmly over his chest. He was trying his best to stand his ground. The atmosphere within the room grew a little uncomfortable. Roxas fidgeted in his chair, not knowing that this type of behavior between the two men was quite typical.

"Man!" Yuffie's cheerful voice pierced the silence as she promptly crawled in through an open window and propelled herself into the room. "I'm hungry!"

"Yuffie!" Leon protested loudly. "That's my window!"

Brown eyes flickered briefly to him before she completely dismissed his statement and plopped down into an empty seat. "What's for lunch?" she asked, seemingly oblivious to the strange silence that had permeated the room.

Leon sighed, rubbing a finger over his brow. "Definitely moving," he muttered under his breath before answering her in a much louder voice. "Sandwiches."

The young ninja visibly pouted. "Ah, Aeris…. you can't do that!" she protested. "We have to throw a party for Roxas' return. We can't eat _sandwiches _at a party."

"Except, ya know, for the fact that they're _leaving_," Riku mumbled quietly, though he meant it to be more sarcastic than it sounded. Axel shot him a glare which was firmly ignored. Someday, he promised himself, he would beat the shit out of that little brat and feel greatly relieved to do so.

Yuffie's big eyes turned towards the former Nobodies. "What? You're leaving?" She pouted. "Where are you going?"

"Twilight Town," Roxas answered softly. "And then--"

Axel chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, disturbing still shower-dampened spikes. "We don't really know," he finished. "We're not exactly sure where we're supposed to look." He scowled then, shooting a pointed glance in a certain accessory shop owner's direction. "And _someone's_being stingy with his gummi ships."

Cid threw his hands up into the air in a gesture of defeat. "Ya fuckin' left one behind!"

"I said I'd pay for it!"

"When did ya say that, brat?"

"I thought it was implied!"

"Ya still ain't paid for that damned statue ya broke!"

"That was an accident!"

A sharp whistle broke through their argument, making Cid cut off mid-yell. All eyes turned towards a beaming Aeris, a strained look of peace in her eyes. "I think that's quite enough, don't you?" she said, smiling as sweetly as she could. The pink-clad woman set a tray full of muffins down in the middle of the table. "Surely we can talk about this in a civilized manner. Cid? Axel?"

The two men, immediately chastened, grumbled under their breaths, crossing their arms over their chests and churlishly disregarding one another.

Sora laughed at their response. "You're acting like kids," he giggled, a wide grin stretching his face as he reached for another one of the blueberry creations. They were addictive. "I thought that was our job."

Instantly, as if his words were a river of calm, tension dissolved. Even Leon managed a grin. Riku reached over and ruffled Sora's affectionately. His other hand finally deigned to try one of the muffins, ignoring Axel's glare of possession as he did so. In fact, he stuck his tongue out at the other before promptly taking a big, overly dramatic bite.

"If it's any consolation," Roxas offered. "I'll be the one to pilot it." Axel sniffed but didn't say anything since they had already had that conversation before. Honestly, did they think he would _purposely _steer into a meteor or something?

Sky blue eyes regarded him searchingly. "Do ya even know how?"

Roxas shrugged. "Can't be that hard. Sora does it."

The brunet was indignant. "Hey!"

Riku laughed. "He's got a point, Sora."

On the other side of the Dawn key blader, Yuffie sat back in her chair with a disappointed look on her face. "No party?" she grumbled. "This sucks." Her foot struck out, kicking at the legs of Riku's chair.

Axel grinned and clamped his hand down on her head, purposefully messing up her hair. "When we get back, okay?" he suggested. She scowled in return, however, and swiped at him, but he nimbly danced out of the way. He was well-skilled in the art of strike-dodging.

"Yeah!" Sora agreed enthusiastically. "I can bring Kairi then, too. It'll be like a keyblade reunion or something." Blue eyes sparkled earnestly.

"So you are returning then?" Leon asked.

Axel nodded and shot the man a leering grin, a chance for teasing the stormy-eyed brunet arising. "Don't worry, Squeon. If we find Cloud, we'll be sure to tlel him to come home since his wife is worried about him. Gotta think of the kiddies after all." He winked, remembering how he had called the man worse than a pregnant woman. Yuffie burst out into laughter at the reminder of that conversation.

Leon, predictably, glared, all the while looking as if he were trying to fight back a blush, which made the glare look more like an annoyed pout.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with you," he pointed out.

"That's cause you love me!" Axel declared, promptly throwing his arms around his lover and nearly squeezing him to death. Deft movements avoided the annoyed swatting of Roxas' hands.

"Gah," Roxas grunted, elbowing the fire starter in the side. "Get off me, fire freak." There was affection in his voice, however, belying his demand.

"Such love," Riku remarked dryly, smirking.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Leon's sigh permeated the chaos. "I need an aspirin," he muttered, in that moment wishing he weren't the only one with any sense in the whole bunch. He raised his eyes to Cid. "Please give them a gummi ship. Think of the peace and quiet, Cid."

The blond chewed on his lip, trying his best to ignore the look that Vincent was sending his direction. Axel heard Leon's request and stopped molesting Roxas long enough to look up pleadingly.

"Come on, Cid. I promise to pay you back sometime."

The blond ignored him and looked at Roxas. "Ya sure ya want to be stuck in a small space with that brat?" he asked, jerking a thumb towards the fire starter. Axel tried to look indignant as Roxas sighed.

"I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm stuck with him," he responded with a half-grin.

The offense wiped away as Axel grinned, looking down at the blond that he had fallen in love somewhere along the way, despite not having a heart.

"That's right," he said with a grin, ignoring the looks of everyone around them. "You're not getting rid of me anytime soon." He grasped Roxas' chin with his fingers, rubbing a thumb over the other male's cheek.

Cid opened his mouth to say something obnoxious but a firm elbow in his side stopped that.

Roxas sighed. "Can't you take a hint?" he asked softly, eyes gleaming. "Kiss me, damn it."

"So bossy," Axel murmured before leaning down and locking lips with the younger male. Their mouths moved slowly. It was nothing special, not even any tongue, but Axel wouldn't have had it any other way.

He broke away from it, sharing a small smile with his boyfriend. Roxas' cheeks were tinted pink but even he seemed pleased. Axel was overcome by the urge to kiss him all over again, something alluring about the simple, chaste affection.

Until Yuffie suddenly popped up next to them. "Geeze, you guys forget we were here?" she asked, grinning like a fool.

Roxas flushed deeper while Axel growled playfully. "Why you little!"

He raised his hands as if to strangle her, seriously tempted to do so. Imagine, ruining a moment like that! She laughed and darted out of his range. His face twisting into a mock-scowl, Axel chased after her.

"Come here and let me strangle you!"

"Nyah!" she responded, sticking out her tongue at him. He growled, tripping over a chair, before promptly vaulting over it and continuing the pursuit.

Leon watched them and picked up a muffin, tossing it in his hand before biting into it and tossing Roxas another. "Welcome to the family," he muttered, looking vaguely pained.

Roxas caught it and smirked. "I think I fit right in."

"You do!" Sora declared, throwing an arm over Roxas' shoulder, giving him a big thumbs up.

In the background there was a crash as Axel tripped over a foot that Vincent not so secretly stuck out and stumbled into Yuffie, the both of them crashing into a cabinet of dishes. Ceramic and porcelain fell to the floor, shattering on impact as the wood cracked and creaked. Roxas groaned and covered his face with one hand, a part of him wishing that his boyfriend were just a tad more graceful.

"Axel!"

"Don't worry, I'll pay for that!"

* * *

**A/N: I realize that it seems they admitted their love for each other far too early, but trust me when I say, it's not over yet. They've got a way to go. Coming up next, the epilogue!**

And yes, those were magic muffins. They were mixed and baked in approximately one minute. Don't ask me how that happened, lol. 


	21. A Note to Readers

Dear Dedicated Readers,

I come today to inform you, with much apology, that I have decided not to write the long-awaited sequel to _Desperate Reflections_. I cite a declining interest in fandom and fanfiction as a reason, and I don't think I'll ever get back into Kingdom Hearts as a fandom either.

This isn't to say there won't be fiction ever again set in the _Desperate Reflections _universe. Recently, I did post _In Spite of all the Damage_ which is a Sora/Riku oneshot that takes place after the end of the fic. Also, keep an eye on my livejournal and my personal website (links in my profile). I'll be adding the two chapters I'd written of _Absolute Nexus _to my Writer's Block/Never to be Completed if you are curious what they were going to be.

I apologize for this. I know that many of you were looking forward to reading _Absolute Nexus_. But the truth is, if I tried writing it, you'd most likely have to wait months and months for updates and I don't think that's fair to the readers.

I am, however, going to do my best to write some continuing oneshots, little snippets of what the future was like for Roxas and Axel and their friends. I know it's not quite the same as a full on fic, but it's something, yes?

Thanks to everyone who ever supported my full-length foray into the Kingdom Hearts fandom. I really appreciate it! _Desperate Reflections _would have never been completed without you.

Regards,

Dracoqueen22


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